My feral black cat I took home - Salem

ShadowesRescue, thanks for the advise. I will put the piece of cardboard in the doorway. I was also wondering, was Marvin a 100% feral when you took him in? 

I also made a small progress. I watched some awesome videos of taming the feral kittens - http://urbancatleague.org/TamingFerals (there is a link there Tough Love, Socializing Feral Kittens). So I contacted the site owner, Mike and he responded very quickly. He gave me great tips. 

Here is a part of the email I wanted to share with all of you, because I found these tips very valuable:

"Salem  will get used to the new situation in time and eventually probably even become somewhat of a lap cat.  It happens organically very slowly with adult cats but you can speed up the process if you control every bite of food and make him make tiny efforts gradually.   If he won't come down to eat, take the food away when you leave.  He will quickly realize there is only food there when you are there.  You can start with the food across the room near his cat tree and gradually move it across the room closer and closer to you.  

(...)  The key is controlling every bite of food and that creates the incentive for him to suck up to you to get what he wants. Don't square off to him when you offer the food but turn sideways and ignore him for the most part to disarm his fight or flight instinct.  Being in the one room, if you stare at him even encouragingly, he is forced to worry what you want and won't feel free to come down to eat.  Just read a book, your mail or whatever and ignore him and he'll probably start approaching again in short order.  If he's stubborn cut to feeding once a day and that will really get the message across.  When you give him the run of the place you can set the dish at your feet (or as near as he dares) while you watch TV or are sitting on the couch.  The usual favorite place where big strides are made is when you are in bed covered up to the shoulders.  I don't know if it's that we appear smaller or less threatening but feral cats seem to feel particularly confident to approach when you are in bed.  Interactive play with a wand toy and hiding it under a newspaper seems particularly captivating for them or a laser light.  Careful not to make your feet part of the games. Not knowing it's a part of you, cats often attach and can bite as if you are a toy or part of the game."

So I just tried Mike's method of controlling the food. Wow, what a difference. I brought food and sit on the floor. As usual, Salem was waiting for me to leave. So I stayed there maybe 20 min. and nothing happened. He knew that eventually I would leave and he could come down to eat. So he was the one controlling me, not the other way around. But this time I left, taking the food away. I came back 10 minutes later with my laptop and brought back the food. I put it 3 feet away from me. I started working without paying any attention to him. Within 3 min. he jumped down from the cat tree and came to eat. I'm impressed! 

I will continue doing it today and tomorrow and then, when I come back from vacation. I'm really excited. I think that this may be the key to our progress. I realized how different dogs are from cats. I have two dogs I adopted from high-kill shelters. At first, they were scared and not trusting, but dogs are different than cats. They want your attention and want to work with you. They always play along. With cats it's a power struggle. And I realized that in order to succeed, we need to stay in control. And hopefuly through food we eventually win the cat's heart. 

The video from Urban Cat League is the best.  I have posted it numerous times and used it myself 4 years ago with my first feral.  So glad you got additional info and help too. 

Marvin was possibly an owned cat at one time.  He had been living outside on his own for about 2 years.  I used to see him sporadically.  He showed up at my deck for good in December 2012.  If he even caught the faintest glimpse of me, he would run and hide and possibly not come back to eat.  He was petrified of me.  I fed him all winter with hardly catching a glimpse of him.  When spring arrived, I knew I had to trap him and have him neutered.  I had been able to watch him one time without him knowing and saw his backside.  I trapped him, neutered him and released him back to my property and continued caring for him.  During the spring, he began to watch me from across the yard.  He would watch me interacting with my other ferals.  He became a bit less afraid.  I began working on him by tossing him chicken and inching him closer.  One day he decided to venture onto the deck while I was sitting there.  His progress continued during April and May.  By the end of May after working with him 2 or more times daily, he allowed a brief pet.  Unfortunately during his socialization period, he became quite possessive of me and my property.  He did not like my other ferals and he began fighting and chasing them away.  I was so distraught.  I looked for a rescue organization to take him, but because he was so skittish and unsocialable he was not adoptable and would be euthanized.  I made the decision to try and bring him inside my home.  It took me 4 hours to get him into a cat carrier.  I tried a trap, but it had been less than 3 months since he had been trapped and he would not go near it.  I threw tuna, chicken and anchovies into the carrier and ended up shoving him in it.  Once inside the house, he threw himself against the windows, climbed the walls, you name it.  It was a very very long process. 

So is Marvin 100% feral, probably not, but he was still quite feral.  To this day, he is very skittish.  No one accept my family sees him.  Anyone that comes to visit would never know he lives here.  He hides with all loud noises and may hide for hours.  Yet, he is very sweet.  He loves to be pet and will occasionally sit on my lap.  He likes to be brushed too.  Over the summer, he started sleeping in our bed.  He is very comfortable there and more comfortable at night in the dark than during the light of the day. The comment above about ferals liking it best as night when you are under the covers really applied to Marvin.  He is a very different cat at night when on our bed.

Keep working with Salem.  I hope he does well while you are gone.  Just be sure your cat sitter gives him food and doesn't try to do what you are doing.  It might backfire and scare him. 

Wow, Marvin was actually wilder than Salem at the beginning. It's amazing that he is such an affectionate cat towards you now. Salem was never really afraid of me, since I fed him since he was just few months old (I regret not knowing more about cats at that time and not trying to socialize him and his brother and sister then).  He would run to me, when I called his name and stood just few feet away. He let me pet him too few times.

Today my neighbor, who will be taking care of him while I'm on vacation, came. She told me she is a cat person and claimed that cats usually like her a lot. And I was happy to see that Salem did not feel threatened at all. He was just relaxing on his cat tree while we were sitting on the floor talking. So I'm more OK now with leaving him, since I know he is in good hands. And my neighbor understands that she needs to keep within his bounders. 

I came back from my vacation about two weeks ago. My neighbor took care of my kitty and my dogs while I was gone. I was a little concern about leaving Salem, but he was fine. The only problem was that we took a step back. He hisses more at me, although usually after that first hiss, he settles down. And he mews sometimes too. It's like a love and hate relationship, lol. He also lets me come very close to him - about three feet. 

I have to admit, I'm a little impatient. I thought that in two months we are going to make some kind of progress. Well, the progress is very small. And in some ways, it went in the wrong direction. Before, when he was outside, he let me pet him sometimes. That happened when he was with his brother and mom. When he lost his cat-family, he became less friendly. Now he won't let me pet him at all.

But I'm playing with the food, as I was advised by the cat-expert I use it to get closer and closer to Salem. I'm tempted to pet him, although I don't want to get hurt. He never hurt me before, but I don't want him to feel cornered by me. 

I also let my doggies sniff Salem's blanket. Roxy, my Dalmatian girl, was awesome. She sniffed it and looked at me like: "I know you have a cat. So what?". Boo, my "hunter" dog, who tirelessly is trying to catch the squirrels in my backyard (never successfully), got unhealthy excited over the cat. But I scolded him and he got the idea that I won't let anything happen to Salem. Well, today, I took Roxy and then Boo, open the door to Salem's room and introduced them. Nobody was frighten and nobody was mean. I think they knew all along about each other. Of course, I kept the dogs by their collars and the introduction was at the distance, but still, I wanted them to know who's in the house. 

Salem has been in the guest bedroom for the last two months and I feel really bad for him. He is my prisoner and I really want to end it. So, I decided to get the baby-gate and put it at the door to give him the opportunity to be more a part of the household. I realize that he can jump through it and hide somewhere in the house, but I want him to explore the house. I'm hoping he comes back to his room, since he feels safe there. That bedroom is upstairs and there is another baby-gate on the stairs to prevent my doggies from coming upstairs. Well, my street-smart Boo is not that smart and stays downstairs, but my Dalmatian girl figured out how to open the gate, so she sneaks upstairs and sleeps in my daughter's bedroom. She is a very friendly dog (as long as nobody bothers me or my daughter. Few times, when she thought we could be in danger, I was shocked to see how quickly she jumped to our rescue). So Roxy is not a threat to Salem. And actually, it may be good if they bump into each other. Boo, on the other hand, worries me a bit. Both dogs were rescued, but Boo was in a high-kill shelter. He was a day away from being basically executed. The shelter was really rough and Boo was attacked by bigger dogs while there. He is a sweet dogs, but hates other animals (except Roxy, who he loves). It's really weird to see how Roxy became his sister, but other dogs, cats, and everything else, are enemies. When I showed him Salem and told him to behave, he was very obedient. Boo has been with us for about 5 years and we never really even yelled at him. If I smack him on his butt, it's more psychological than physical, but he is petrified of being told "no" or being scolded.  So when I showed him Salem and told him in a firm voice that he needs to behave, he played along and did not growl or show any aggression. I'm hoping that as long as any animal is in my house and I want that animal to be in the house, Boo is going to accept that. That's what happened, when I brought him home the first time. Roxy was at our house already for about 4 years. Boo knew that he either accepts it or we would have to find him a new home. So he became really sweet to her. Now, I'm hoping that he will accept Salem. I realize that the situation is a little different. This is Boo's house now and I'm bringing another animal to it. But today's "meeting" between the two of them gives me hope that Boo won't be aggressive towards Salem. 

So what do you think about my idea of putting the baby-gate in the bedroom door and letting Salem explore the house? I know it may be a little early, especially that I cannot simply pick him up yet and move him, so if he gets on top of my fridge with Boo waiting for him in the kitchen, I will have to deal with it. 

OK, the door is open. I did not get the gate yet, but made sure the dogs stay downstairs. Salem is very surprised, but so far, did not leave his room. He has not that many places to hang out, since the dogs are downstairs and I closed the door to two bedrooms upstairs. But my bedroom door is open and the bathrooms doors are open too. He can look around on the hallway as well, but I can tell he is really surprised and scared. I think he felt safer with the door closed. Well, he needs to get over it. I cannot keep him locked for so long. I know I would go crazy. Wish me luck!

The feral/stray I brought in last year remained in his safe room for months.  When I first allowed him out, my other cat and dog were put away.  It was a challenge to get him back to his room as I could not pick him up at the time.  I did the baby gate to start with, but was too worried he would jump the gate.  I used the screen door that I attached with tension rods.  This allowed him to hear and see some of the sights and sounds of the house.  His room was upstairs too, but at least he could hear .  I did this for month and months.  Marvin used his safe room for exactly one year.  Whenever I had to leave the house and also at night, the door was closed to his safe room.  He loved his room and was ready for bed each night at 8pm.  He also would go there whenever he was frightened by the door bell, company or other loud noises. 

Marvin has now been in the house 19 months and he stopped using his safe room completely around 14 months.  In fact, the room is now back to a guest room!   I was beginning to think it might never be a guest room again.  He still goes in there, but only to see a few of his toys. 

Patience is your friend.  You just returned from being gone for 2 weeks.  He may have lost some of his trust in you and it will take a bit to get it back.  Keep working with him. 

You are probably right. I just had to close the door back. The open door scared him. He looked very frighten, did not try to get out, and when I picked in the room, he hissed at me and backed off. I decided to get that screen door and installed it, instead of baby-gate. 

I probably am trying to push things too fast. I just never expected that it is going to be such a stand-off between him and me. The more I try, the more he withdraws. 

How did you first pet Marvin and how long it took you to get to that point?

I too could pet Marvin when he was outside.  When he came in, he was petrified.  He hid for a good week.  He did warm up to pets again in about 2 weeks, but I could not pick him up and to this day, he is very difficult to pick up.  The biggest thing I did was to spend lots of time with him.  My DH and Ds also helped.  He soon learned to enjoy our visits.  Yet it was months before he would play with a toy.  When he was outside he liked cat nip and small mice.  Once inside the only thing he enjoyed with his small cat tree so he could look outside. 

The screen door really helped things.  It got him used to the noises of the house.  I kept a baby gate in the door way for extra protection and only left the screen door up when I was home.  I also put a baby gate to block my other animals from getting to that room.  They could see into the room, but not get close unless I removed the gate.  It took awhile.

Each cat is different.  You have done a wonderful thing for Salem.  He may never be a warm and fuzzy lap kitty, but he has a warm and safe place to live.  He will just take awhile to adjust.  I have a large dog ( a samoyed).  She was used to one cat and the other ferals outside, but Marvin was so scared of her.  She wouldn't hurt him, but she wanted to sniff him so badly.  When Marvin was finally out and about in the house, I had to keep her on a leash.  At times I used a carabiner and attached her to my pants if needed.  The short leash made it easy to grab her if she decided to chase him. 

Keep working with him.  You might want to try a calming treat or calming liquid like Composure.  It might make him feel a little safer.  I gave it to my dog too.

I was planning a screen door...but this morning the guest bedroom door was open when I woke up. I guess I did not close it properly. Salem was in the bedroom, but was OK with the open door, so I left it open. The dogs are downstairs now during the day, although my Dalmatian is upset about it, since she loves to go upstairs to take a nap. But for now, she needs to stay downstairs. 

So I decided to just leave the door open during the day and close it at night. For now, he feels safe in his bedroom, but has a chance to hear all the noises in the house, which gives him some interaction I guess.

He meows more than hisses   and is happy when I come to visit. He still won't let me pet him and gets upset when I come too close, but slowly but surely I keep inching more and more towards him.  

ShadowsRescue, thanks so much for the encouragement. Your story gives me a lot of hope that Salem, like Marvin, will eventually warm up to me. I need to buy the Composure. I keep forgetting about it. 

I bet he will venture out one day.  Is there anything particular food or treat that he goes crazy for?  If so you could place some just outside of the door to his safe room to see if he would venture out.  If he eats it, each day move the dish just a bit further.  It might help him to explore more. 

I haven't been checking this site since Christmas, because it is always a busy time for me and with some guests in the house, I did not have too much time. And I have to admit, I did not spend enough time with Salem as well. Not that he was feeling lonely...my daughter and her boyfriend stayed in his room quite few times and I started leaving the door open during the day as well as at night. I even left it open when all of us (including the dogs) went for a long walk. I'm not sure if Salem ventured out, because every time I check, he is in his room, but who knows what happens when I'm not there

When my daughter's boyfriend visited Salem, I was surprised that he tolerates strangers just fine. Well, maybe except when the boyfriend (without my knowledge) tried to pet him. Well, needles to say, I had to bandage his hand. Nothing really  big happened, Salem scratched him a bit. I'm surprised that he wasn't more aggressive. He just basically "told" the boyfriend to back off.  But other than that, they spent some time with Salem and he was just sitting, relaxing in his cat tree, not really being afraid of them.

Today I started making some progress too. I sat on the small stool, next to the dresser where Salem was sitting and put my hand really close to him. He hissed, but then just relaxed and put his head down. I kept moving my hand closer and closer, but had to stop at one point. I was afraid that he may get mad. So I decided to keep doing it for the next several days and see what happens. 

I also try to sit closer and closer to his cat tree (sometimes he is on top of the dresser and sometimes on his cat tree). He hisses at me at first, but then relaxes and falls back to sleep. I don't know at what point I will feel comfortable enough to touch him, but I guess I will. 

ShadowRescue, he does not really have the favorite food. I tried the Gerber No 2 (just the chicken) and oh boy, he had the stomach problems for the next two days. I also tried to just bake the fish and some chicken in the over with really nothing added. He did not like it. He only enjoys some can and dry food and nothing else. So I decided I probably would not win his affection by trying to bribe him. At this level, he knows me and he had to realize I'm not a threat and would not cook him for dinner, so he will have to tolerate me inching slowly towards him. At some point, I'm just going to pet him and hope he likes it.  

Hey, I don't really have any experience of advice to share but I just wanted to let you know that I really enjoyed reading through your thread and am looking forward to updates.  I hope you start seeing more results with Salem soon!  

As for favorite foods, I know that every cat is different but I will share my cat's in case it gives you ideas.  She LOVES Tiki Cat Chicken flavors, tuna, any fish flavored canned food.  Good luck with everything. :]

Hello Ruaryx, I love the adorable picture of your black kitty. I will try the Tiki cat food. Thanks for the suggestion. And thanks for reading my story Thanks to the comments and responses on this site, I feel that I have some support and encouragement. Thanks everyone!

I read before that I need to speak to Salem in a really soft voice, like to a baby. Well, after few months, I feel like we are becoming more like the old couple who is a little bored of each other's old habits and a bit irritated sometimes. I still sweet-talk to him, but sometimes what I've been saying in that sweet voice...well, maybe it's better he does not understand English, haha. It's nothing really bad, it's just every time he hisses at me when I bring him food, I'm getting little sarcastic.

We still go back and forth with me trying to burst his personal bubble and him getting little upset at me. I keep sitting closer and closer. Few times, he just moved further away, but yesterday I got very close and finally touched him!!! He froze and then backed off. He hissed, but did not scratched me (whew!)  And today I put the food on the dresser, but left my hand on the food bowl. He started eating and without realizing, he licked my hand few times. I could feel his rough tong. It was kind of sweet that we were getting so close. 

I leave the door wide open now all the time. So far, he prefers his bedroom. I'm worrying a bit that he became very sluggish and hm...a little fat. I read the directions how much food I should give to the 13 lb cat (yes, he was a big, although a slim cat). But I still feel that he gained a little. My husband thinks that it's because he mostly sleeps now and moves only between the dresser and the cat tree. I think he is right, Salem is not getting enough exercise. But I have no other option but to cut the amount of food a bit down. 

Congratulations on your new black kitty. He may not be a true ferral from a ferral mom like my female. She is totally afraid of humans. She has lived in my house for 6 years and I've yet to pet her. He probably was raised around humans but never bonded with them as a kitten. There is hope he will come around. As far as black cats, I have had 4. One when I was 10, but the three i encountered after being single have been pure joy. Velvet got me through medical school and my internship. He has passed over, and then a sweet little black tom adopted me. He was getting beat up by other cats so I took him and got him neutered. He has been the sweetest, loving,good natured little being. He got mad at me when I had to be gone for some time and moved next door with my friend. We have joint custody. I'll tell you about Munchkin,my holy terror ,later.

Juliesbabies, thanks for sharing your story. My Salem is 100% feral, although I took care of him since he was a kitten. He always stayed outside with his feral family. Now they are gone. That's why I took him home.

I have to tell you guys what happened few days ago...Salem just disappeared.  We looked for him everywhere, even considered looking inside the chimney, haha. We turned the house up-side-down. My house is fairly big, but I always try to keep it free of any clutter, so there are really no places to hide (or at least that's what I thought). Well my Houdini black cat managed to disappear for 2 days! And I truly thought that somehow he managed to bolt through the back door, when I opened it for the dogs. I felt really bad, since it got cold outside. I left the food for him and hoped for the best. 

Well...on Monday my husband opened a shoe closet to get his shoes. He was in a hurry, saw a big, black blob behind the shelf and without thinking, he reached for it....and got spooked when the "black blob" jump on him, haha. So my husband came out with some scratches. 

So I managed to vacuum Salem's room before opening the closet door again, removing some shoes, and letting him get back upstairs. I knew he was snicking out of his room at night, since he knocked down few things, but he was always back in the morning. I guess, we locked him in that closet by accident. He stayed there really quiet, since we called his name when we looked for him. Poor thing, he had no food or water. Afterwards, I dug through that closet, looking for some "surprises", but found none (whew). 

I really thought that I may not see Salem again. And I thought it was my fault. I got little tired of his hissing and being distant and tried to burst his personal bubble. I got closer and closer to him. And that only irritated him. The more I ignored his hissing, the more he hissed. He also started backing away from me. Now, after the shoe closet "incident", he got back to normal. He even got more vocal and paid more attention to me. So now, we are back to "normal".

Your baby looks like my Psycho also a feral . So much of your story sounds like ours. He was only 1 yr when I TNR. He has a docked left ear. We slowly transitioned him.to indoors. We first brought him into the sunroom and he let out this awful yowl!!! He went in and out for awhile but we made the transition to indoor only after about 6 months. It has been 5 years now and he is very happy being indoors. I too felt badly that he would miss the outdoors so I trained him to walk on a leash. That took about 4 months. He goes out everyday for a 15 -20 minute walk around the yard. He even stalks squirrels and climbs trees on the leash. Sounds like you are doing a wonderful job. Psycho is not a lap cat either but he will head butt you to death and sits next to us on the couch and nuzzles you. Just have patience and you will be rewarded with amazing love and devotion. Best of luck!!!

Thanks psychomama. 

I haven't written for a while, because not much has changed. Salem is stalling the progress. He still hisses at me, when I walk to the room. I started sitting closer and closer, but that only prompts him to move from the cat tree to the top of the dresser, further away from me. And he has his good days and bad days. Sometimes he gets very interested in me. He keeps looking at me like he wanted to tell me that he wants me to interact with him. Other times, he seems bored and bothered with me. He sits on top of the dresser and turns his back towards me. 

We did a little remodeling project in our house - my husband put the hardwood floor in the hallway upstairs. That scared Salem a bit, because although we glued the floor, instead of nailing it, and cut the pieces in the garage, there was still some noise and commotion. Salem's door is wide open now - day and night, so he's not confined to one bedroom, hm...at least that's what I thought. I gave him the freedom to explore the house, but he refuses to do so. After the unfortunate incident, when we accidentally locked him in the shoe closet for two days, he is too scared to leave the room.  

On top of it, my mother-in-law is coming in about 6 months to torture me (ugh!). I asked my husband if she does not mind sharing the guest bedroom with the wild cat (haha!). I was hoping that I would be able to get the guest bedroom back after a while when Salem gets more tamed, but I'm afraid, that may never happen. So I'm a little lost. I'm not sure if Salem is ever going to even let me pet him or gets used to living with people in the house. I wish he could tell me if he's happy or not. I don't want to make him depressed. If he prefers living outside, then maybe I'm not doing him a favor. 

Another thing is, he gained some weight. I tried to follow the instructions on the bag and the cans, but these may be misleading. I'm not sure if the companies just want us to overfeed the cats and keep buying more food, but my cat definitely is way heavier than he was before. I know, he does not get too much exercise, but still, I don't want to get him fat. So how much food I should feed him? I mix can food with dry, although there are days when I give him only the dry food (he threw up several times I think because of hairballs, so when that happens, I stick with the dry food for couple of days). So he is a large, 12 lb cat. I usually give him 1 can mixed with maybe about 3/4 of the cup of dry food per day. I feed him twice a day, so 1/2 can mixed with 3/8ths of the cup per meal. Is this OK? 

Thanks for the update.  Salem may just be a cat that will prefer to hang by himself and not interact too often with others.  Yet he is best off living inside safe with you.  Just keep working with him.  Try to get him active with a laser pointer or da Bird toy.  My ferals really like the round spin toy with a ball in the middle.  It took them awhile to get used to the noise it makes, but they love it.  Have you tried any catnip with him?  Scatter some on a towel or scratching mat.  Start with just a little bit and see how he reacts.  Also catnip toys are fun.

Keep going in and spending time with him.  Sit on the bed and just be present with him.  I would step way back from attempting to pet him.  It took me 7 months to pet my first feral.  Just got into the room, try to interact with a toy and if he's not interested, just sit and talk with him.  Also always bring him something yummy to eat when you arrive and when you leave.  Even if it's just a small treat.  He may not eat it in your presence, but if he likes it, he will associate you with good things. 

Have you tried feliway diffusers?  What about Composure or flower essences?  I used a flower essence by Jackson Galaxy called Spirit Essences Feral Cat Rehab.  I have also used Composure liquid too.

As far as feeding.  I think it's way too much.  I feed my indoor cats 2.5 oz of wet food each day split into 2 feedings.  They cat get 1/4 of a wet food (5oz) can morning and evening.  They also get a total of 3 T. of dry food during the day.  I split that up too.  I would begin to cut his food down.  Not all at once, but gradually.

Keep us updated.

Hey everyone,

My feral cat, Salem, did not make any progress. It could be my fault, since I'm working full-time in my own business, which requires lots of hours and I don't really have that much time to spend with him.  I realized I underestimated big time the amount of time, patience, and everything else which takes to turn Salem into a house pet.  I do know he leaves the room at night, although I don't think he goes far. He is in the upstairs bedroom and he probably knows that there are two dogs downstairs. Last night, he started crying again and became really anxious. He hisses at me more lately too. So...yesterday I decided that he just does not want to be inside and that he's probably miserable. 

Today was a nice weather and my husband and I decided to let him go Well, it did not go as we've planned and I'm really curious what you think about it. So my husband went to his room and went around to leave him the escape route. I left the dogs in my backyard and opened the front door. When you go downstairs, the front door is just straight there, so I thought Salem could just run down the stairs and run right outside. I stayed upstairs just watching from the hallway. So Salem run out of his room and straight downstairs. But instead of running outside, he made a sharp turn to the kitchen. He then hid in my husband's den. My husband got him out of there and he again run right by the front door and back to the stairs. Since I was upstairs and started slowly walking downstairs, he got scared again and run back to the kitchen, passing the front door. Oh boy, since my husband was still downstairs, Salem then run back to the foyer, pass right by the front, wide-opened door and back upstairs. At that point my heart was bleeding and I did not want to scare him anymore. I let him pass right by me and back to his guest bedroom. He then jumped back to his cat-tree and buried himself in it. I could only see his ears and scared eyes. I felt really sorry for him. So we decided to just leave him alone. 

I feel like I'm failing him terribly. I did not mean to scare him. I thought that he just did not want to be in the house. He is 8 years old and may never really get used to us. But now he does not want to be outside either. My husband thought that maybe he did not see the way out. But that's impossible! He knows this front door, since I used to feed him right by it. He had to smell it and feel it. From the bottom of the stairs, the freedom was just few steps away - straight there. And yet he did not want to go. Did I break him? Now he is afraid of us and not happy in the house, but he does not want to be outside either? I'm really confused.

I've never had the cat before, except the outside ferals I fed and the kittens I domesticated. So what should I do?    

If he's happier inside, just let him be. We have 15 feral cats in a large enclosure at the shelter, They have constant access to a heated feeding/sleeping room, which most, but not all, will use. There are two cats who've been there for 3 -5 years, can't be touched, but spend 99% of their time inside, only leaving for short periods if a stranger enters the room. Others spend hours a day in there.

Salem could surprise you yet. A couple of the shelter ferals decided after a number of years to allow themselves to be touched by (some of) the people who feed them regularly and who hang out with them

My husband and I took in an 8-year-old feral who lived with us for 6 years. He'd sleep and eat in our laundry room after a very gradual process of moving him from the yard to the garage to the laundry room. It took a couple of years, but he eventually allowed his head to be petted.