New "semi-feral" momma

Hello-

I'm so grateful to have found this forum. You'll have to forgive my username and it may be subject to change lol.

I'm the previous owner of 2 beautiful, wonderful kitties whom I raised from 8 weeks (one from a friend, the other adopted). They both passed at 20 yrs old each, 2 & 4 yrs ago respectively.

I took time & care to grieve and wait for the "perfect" new fur baby, looking online & visiting shelters for several months. A little guy caught my eye that was alone & seemed very relaxed & happy in his cage. He reached for me through the bars, & purred up a storm. When I visited with him, he sat right next to me, stared at me contentedly, and rubbed his face all over my hand. So, I adopted him.

I asked questions about his history beforehand, his health etc. He is a 5 month old "semi-feral" male. I was told by the shelter that his mother abandoned him & his sister at a young age, however, a kind lady built them a shelter, fed them, & apparently brought them inside to pet and play with them (I don't know for how long).

Admittedly, I did not know exactly at the time the differences in socialization between a "semi-feral" & "regular" kitten. I figured due to his age he may have more conditioning, but because of his affectionate display and how he responded to me, his personality seemed to be what I was looking for; a mix of relaxed & playfulness, with potentiality for a lap cat sometimes.

I also told the counselor we are a family of 4 adults over 30 who treat our pets like family. Lots of love, affection, & attention.

Romeo came home about 2 weeks ago after neutering & de-clawing of the front paws (I realize many are against the latter & I did resist the idea, but because I am an adult living in my  parents' home and my mom is diabetic, we could not take the chance. Our two other cats were also de-clawed and were very well-behaved and loving). He eats & drinks well, I had full blood work/stool tests which were good, & he uses the litter box like a champ.

Romeo seemed happy to be home with me. Rubbing his face all over my hand as before, loving chin rubs, flipping over and letting me rub his belly, purring a lot (I think in part due to nerves), & stretching out to allow me to pet him as much as I wanted. I kept him in my room with me (with food, water, & a litter box) as a sanctuary, and for the most part he was out in the open. After a few days, I opened my door and allowed him to explore the house with doors closed. He has come out to explore, and will often sit with us in the living room.

I've made lots of time to play with him to which he responds well, he's now coming when called, comes to sit by me or under my chair, and will often venture out to go sit and watch my mom or dad doing their thing.

I apologize for all the detail, but felt it was important so you could understand where I'm now at;

I feel I made a few faux-pas in my impatience to want to love & cuddle him; such as picking him up to which he flailed, correcting him by saying a loud "Uh-uh" when he playfully nipped (generally he does not do that) and attempting to pet him too often. He doesn't shy away or bolt from me like he does my family members, but it's more than he did when he came home. Moving away from me after "too much" petting & not rubbing his face on my hand, and he's half-hiding under the bed & chairs more now than when he came home. I realize he's been through a lot, and needs time to heal and adjust. Plus my household is not always quiet, & we are all wanting to lavish him with love & attention he's probably not use to...

I've read countless articles on how to better socialize a "semi-feral", and stories from people on the possibility and impossibility of "taming" them, and it's left me rather confused & concerned. I know not all cats become "lap cats" (my other two were not) but at the very least I want Romeo to be well-adjusted, happy, and feel secure to give and receive love.

This brings me to my question, should we leave him alone more?  We are trying to encourage confidence & bonding by playing with him, not forcing him to do anything, approaching him cautiously, getting down on his level, and respecting his body language/signals when he wants/doesn't want attention. However, as a family of cat lovers, it's hard not to get discouraged he may be one of "those" cats that doesn't want affection; which is so different from the impression I got before & immediately after I got him.

Thanks so much for reading, not to mention any advice you may have.

Cheers-

Kris

(Btw, he's currently asleep upside down on the floor with a "smile". Slept with his eyes open the first couple days, but closes them now.)

I do not think this is a case of him being "semi-feral" at all.  He sounds well-socialized.   To me, it appears more like he's just getting used to the new situation.  Cats are creatures of habit - as far as he's concerned, his world has turned completely upside down.  I think he just needs time to get used to things.

The fact that he's sleeping belly up tells me he feels safe.  Take your cues from him - if he shies away, stop what you are doing.  (Remember some cats have very sensitive nerves along their backs and hips.  It can actually hurt when they are petted there).  Avoid his back - the top of his head, behind his ears, under his chin and jaws and possibly at the base of his tail are all good spots.

Also, telling him "no" when appropriate is always good.  Its the only way he'll learn what's acceptable behavior.

We are definitely an anti-declaw site, for many reasons.  Make sure if he shows signs of misbehaving, to take into account that the declawing might have made his paws very sensitive.  What is done is done now; no one should make judgments.  But please be aware that some cats come through fine but its very hard on others. 

It sounds like you are a very good pet parent.  Thank you for adopting him!

ps - I like your user name!

Ondine said:

 
I do not think this is a case of him being "semi-feral" at all.  He sounds well-socialized.   To me, it appears more like he's just getting used to the new situation.  Cats are creatures of habit - as far as he's concerned, his world has turned completely upside down.  I think he just needs time to get used to things.
  
The fact that he's sleeping belly up tells me he feels safe.  Take your cues from him - if he shies away, stop what you are doing.  (Remember some cats have very sensitive nerves along their backs and hips.  It can actually hurt when they are petted there).  Avoid his back - the top of his head, behind his ears, under his chin and jaws and possibly at the base of his tail are all good spots.
  
Also, telling him "no" when appropriate is always good.  Its the only way he'll learn what's acceptable behavior.
  
We are definitely an anti-declaw site, for many reasons.  Make sure if he shows signs of misbehaving, to take into account that the declawing might have made his paws very sensitive.  What is done is done now; no one should make judgments.  But please be aware that some cats come through fine but its very hard on others. 
  
It sounds like you are a very good pet parent.  Thank you for adopting him!
  
ps - I like your user name!

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Hi Ondine

Pleased to meet you, & thank you for your response.

My family told me I was fretting too much, and he was probably just getting used to his new environment. Rationally you know these things....
 

There was substantial progress today because he's been more "himself"; quite affectionate and staying close by. I had read/heard of the cat blinking gesture and thought 'What the heck?' So maybe that's what did the trick!

I'll surely take your suggestions and give him more time to adjust. Other than that, I hope he'll become comfortable with my family members as well.

I completely respect people's decisions not to de-claw, and appreciate your understanding. I wouldn't have even mentioned it except I wanted to make sure his behavior wasn't related to it and he was trying to tell me something he needs.

I feel much better, thanks Ondine. Romeo seems happy with his new indoor life, and I think in the long-run the instinct I had about him will prove true, and he'll be a very good pet & friend.



Kris

P.S. Thanks for the vote of confidence with my name haha. It's a reference to "Despicable Me"

HesSoFluffy said:

 
Thanks for the vote of confidence with my name haha. It's a reference to "Despicable Me"

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Oh, I'd forgotten that -  I love those movies!  I may watch them again, just to see "Fluffy!"

Glad to hear Romeo (and you) are doing better