Goodbye Princess

lillieneko

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Hi everyone, 

Today I euthanised my beloved kitty, Princess.  I had her for 21 years, ever since I was a kid.  Early this morning, she was having trouble breathing (her mouth was open and her tongue was out, she was panting like she couldn't get enough air).  I rushed her to the emergency vet and they put her into an oxygen container and gave her some meds to relax her.  She didn't improve, although the meds did help her breath easier.  Her heart rate was dropped to 120, she was anaemic and she was very weak, the vet had said.  The prognosis was poor and I decided rather than wait and see if she would improve to ease her suffering and euthanise her.  The vet had said that she probably wouldn't come out on the other side of this, and that she didn't know what caused it.  

A week ago, I had taken her to the vet for blood work and urinalysis.  Her urine was dark, she wasn't eating much and she was having trouble standing.  The vet said that her liver was failing, her bilirubin levels were 12-fold higher than normal (her liver and kidney have been gradually getting worse with age, but not enough for meds).  She suggested euthanisia within a week to minimise suffering (she told me this on Thursday, so a week would be this Thursday).  I decided then to watch her, spend time with her, and see how it went.

What hurts is that she seemed to be getting over her little bout; her urine went back to the normal colour, she was eating again and she was getting stronger in her hind legs.  Yesterday was her first day that she was really back to her old self.  She didn't seem in pain or anything.  I thought she would be with us for a little while longer.  She was very affectionate toward me, like she used to be.

In the middle of the night, she was having troubling breathing.  I didn't want her to suffer, but part of me wonders if she would have pulled through this and gotten back to her old self.  I worry that I was too hasty with the decision, but the vet said that she probably wouldn't pull through.  I don't understand how she can so quickly be gone, when she was so good yesterday.  I wouldn't have kept her around for me, I think I'm just second-guessing myself and worrying if I truly made the right decision.

It's like yesterday, she had one last good day with us before it was her time.
 

catspaw66

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I am sorry you had to let Princess go. We will always second-guess ourselves on when to do it. I believe we know the right time, just by looking in their eyes. Just remember that she will always be with you in your memories. I am not very good at stating my sympathy for others who have had to make the ultimate decision.

Princess
 
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lillieneko

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Thanks for your kind words, catspaw66.  It did seem like the right time, I didn't want her to suffer.  Does the second-guessing ever go away?
 

catconcern

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Hi Lille neko. I'm going through the same thing myself. The second guessing. My boy died July 10 and im still second guessing and regretting it. I can't speak for everyone, but for me, It still bothers me. I hope in time you will get better.

Things u must remember, 21 years is a very long time with your cat. That's very good and fortunate.

She as struggling for air, that would be torture. Id say her time was up and you did the right thing. You prevented her from definite future suffering which she was at the time and was inevitabley going to do again soon?

God bless you.
 

catspaw66

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Thanks for your kind words, catspaw66.  It did seem like the right time, I didn't want her to suffer.  Does the second-guessing ever go away?
Not completely. That is why we make such good companions to our fur-babies. I will wonder for years if I was too late or early for Silly
 
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bonepicker

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At that age she lived two lifetimes. How wonderful! Celebrate her life, you did the right thing, if only sick people could leave with such dignity. You did a wonderful job keeping her going all those years! No regrets![emoji]10084[/emoji]️[emoji]128062[/emoji][emoji]10084[/emoji]️
 

mnm

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bless your heart... at age 21... your sweet kitty had one amazing life packed full of love. I would never doubt yourself knowing that.
 

jcat

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I'm very sorry for your loss of your precious Princess. :rbheart:

Second-guessing ourselves is just human nature and never really stops completely, but your girl had a good long life filled with love. That final rally before the end is common. It's as if our cherished companions want to give us one last reminder of what they were like in their prime, so we're not left with the memory of illness.
 

di and bob

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  It's a normal part of grieving to second guess ourselves, when you love and care for someone as long as you did it is almost impossible for our hearts to let go. I don't think we ever forget our pain, or our second guessing, we just finally come to terms with it in time and learn to live with it. Time is the great healer of all things and is the only thing sometimes that helps. You should be so very proud to have Princess live to the age she did, it shows what wonderful care and love she received. I would wish that for all of our babies, but it doesn't happen nearly enough.

  Working in a nursing home for years, I can tell you that it sounds exactly like the end of life process that we will all go through, the organs just wear out and begin to shut down, breathing becomes labored and difficult, they become weak and incoherent. But unlike these poor souls, we have it in our power to spare our fur babies any pain or lingering in a world full of bewilderment and confusion. It is simply an extension of our love to end our babies pain and take it on as our own. Please know that even though she left your life, she will never leave your heart. Take care of yourself, I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. RIP beautiful Princess, Rainbow Bridge has gained a beautiful angel!
 
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lillieneko

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Thank you all for your kind words and regards.  Princess was a beautiful kitty, and I need to remember, she had 21 wonderful years with me.  I worry that she wasn't ready to go, but I think that she was saying goodbye the previous day, and when the time came that she couldn't breath, she was ready.  I don't know what caused her respiratory issues, it could have been numerous things.  I think it might have been lymphoma or cardiac-related, and I've read that they have fluids in their lungs and cannot breath.  I'm grateful that I could spare her from an agonising death, and eased her way then.  I keep wondering if it was lymphoma in her lungs, could they have stabilised her and she would have been all right?  Or was this end-stage and a terminal symptom?

I find myself wandering around the house not knowing what to do.  She was always there with me, cuddling next to me no matter what I was doing.  Her favourite thing was being held and getting pets.  I miss her terribly.  I've started thinking back over the times we spent, and didn't spend together, and wish I would have spent it with her.  Just small things where she was sleeping in the other room, I could have brought her out to sleep next to me in the living room.  

Thank you all again.
 
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lillieneko

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I just talked to the vet again, she said that Princess was very unresponsive in the ICU but she got more responsive when she was with me, when they were getting ready to euthanise her.  I find that sweet, I hope I was of comfort to her.  She also confirmed that I made the right decision, which I think helps me.  She was a beautiful little girl, and she had 21 wonderful years.
 
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