SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PUSSYCATS
By Messybeast
* BLADDER DANCING
While normal Cat Logic dictates that sitting on a sleeping human
should actually get them up, it all-too-often gives them an added
excuse to lie in bed a little longer - on the pretext of "not
disturbing the cat". On the other hand, dancing, treading,
kneading and generally fidgeting on your human's early morning
full bladder, will invariably get him or her out of bed. All you
then have to do is to ensure they stay out of bed!
* ANKLE SURFING
Once your human is up and about, attach yourself to his or her
ankles as they go about their tasks. Your side or tail must
remain in contact with his or her ankle at all times. This has
the following effects:
a) Wherever they go, you go - thus ensuring nothing is hidden
from you.
b) You are demonstrating your devotion and attachment
c) If he or she treads on you, you can exploit their guilt
d) It says, loud and clear, "I need something!" - it's then up to
you to identify what exactly it is that you need.
Take care that you don't trip your human - it is a wise
precaution to temporarily detach yourself from ankles while he or
she negotiates stairs.
* PURRING
While this may sound like teaching your grandmother to catch
mice, it is a fact that contented throaty purring is irresistible
to most humans. Make it evident that your human is the source of
your contentment and the reason for your ecstatic purring.
Purring while snuggling is one of the most powerful combinations
known to cats. However, if you also knead while purring, keep
those claws sheathed - a few painful punctures can undo several
hours' worth of purring in all but the best-trained human.
* LOOKING CUTE
Never underestimate the power of looking cute! Wide eyes and
pricked ears and whiskers with your head cocked slightly to one
side is almost guaranteed to provoke the "oooh" reaction,
especially from younger members of the household. Learn from
kittens - they frequently get away with all manner of misdeeds on
the strength of being unspeakably cute. Mature cats should, of
course, avoid misdeeds (as far as is felinely possible), but
accidents can and do happen. Many a canny cat has avoided
chastisement by simply being "too cute to be cross with".
* MEWING
Another often overlooked tactic is mewing. It's not just for
youngsters! Properly employed, it can be a powerful weapon in
your arsenal. The key is proper intonation. Loud, raucous or
demanding mews will get you nowhere except in an emergency. Soft,
medium pitched and polite, combined with the wide eyes and cocked
head of "Looking Cute" is far more effective. Many cats develop a
complete vocabulary of mews which range from plaintive through to
cheerful greeting. Then of course there is the famous "silent
meow". Pitched too high for human hearing, it gives the
impression that you simply can't find words to express your
emotion or need. Humans find that practically irresistible.
* SITTING PRETTY
Most humans have an innate love of neatness and order which a cat
can quickly learn to exploit. Even when they themselves are
untidy in their household habits, they are quick to admire
neatness in others. Exploit this by sitting pretty. Sit to
attention, that is sit up straight with all four paws in a line
and close together (as far as is possible according to your body
shape) and curl your tail around to lie over your front paws.
Whether you are simply dozing or are concentrating, this posture
is greatly admired by neat-minded humans. Combined with "Looking
Cute" it is a powerful weapon.
* TAIL FLUTTERING
In this respect, tailless or bobtailed cats will be at a
disadvantage while those gifted with long fur will have an added
advantage. It is well known by cats that humans are not too good
at reading our more subtle tail signals. However, most of them
can recognise the upright, slightly a-quiver tail of greeting.
Take care that it cannot be mistaken for spraying - a trait they
dislike greatly, being cursed with a poor sense of smell unable
to appreciate scent messages. Practice tail fluttering when
greeting your human, when being fed and when ankle surfing. If
possible, practice walking, trotting and bounding (to greet your
human) with tail aloft.
By Messybeast
* BLADDER DANCING
While normal Cat Logic dictates that sitting on a sleeping human
should actually get them up, it all-too-often gives them an added
excuse to lie in bed a little longer - on the pretext of "not
disturbing the cat". On the other hand, dancing, treading,
kneading and generally fidgeting on your human's early morning
full bladder, will invariably get him or her out of bed. All you
then have to do is to ensure they stay out of bed!
* ANKLE SURFING
Once your human is up and about, attach yourself to his or her
ankles as they go about their tasks. Your side or tail must
remain in contact with his or her ankle at all times. This has
the following effects:
a) Wherever they go, you go - thus ensuring nothing is hidden
from you.
b) You are demonstrating your devotion and attachment
c) If he or she treads on you, you can exploit their guilt
d) It says, loud and clear, "I need something!" - it's then up to
you to identify what exactly it is that you need.
Take care that you don't trip your human - it is a wise
precaution to temporarily detach yourself from ankles while he or
she negotiates stairs.
* PURRING
While this may sound like teaching your grandmother to catch
mice, it is a fact that contented throaty purring is irresistible
to most humans. Make it evident that your human is the source of
your contentment and the reason for your ecstatic purring.
Purring while snuggling is one of the most powerful combinations
known to cats. However, if you also knead while purring, keep
those claws sheathed - a few painful punctures can undo several
hours' worth of purring in all but the best-trained human.
* LOOKING CUTE
Never underestimate the power of looking cute! Wide eyes and
pricked ears and whiskers with your head cocked slightly to one
side is almost guaranteed to provoke the "oooh" reaction,
especially from younger members of the household. Learn from
kittens - they frequently get away with all manner of misdeeds on
the strength of being unspeakably cute. Mature cats should, of
course, avoid misdeeds (as far as is felinely possible), but
accidents can and do happen. Many a canny cat has avoided
chastisement by simply being "too cute to be cross with".
* MEWING
Another often overlooked tactic is mewing. It's not just for
youngsters! Properly employed, it can be a powerful weapon in
your arsenal. The key is proper intonation. Loud, raucous or
demanding mews will get you nowhere except in an emergency. Soft,
medium pitched and polite, combined with the wide eyes and cocked
head of "Looking Cute" is far more effective. Many cats develop a
complete vocabulary of mews which range from plaintive through to
cheerful greeting. Then of course there is the famous "silent
meow". Pitched too high for human hearing, it gives the
impression that you simply can't find words to express your
emotion or need. Humans find that practically irresistible.
* SITTING PRETTY
Most humans have an innate love of neatness and order which a cat
can quickly learn to exploit. Even when they themselves are
untidy in their household habits, they are quick to admire
neatness in others. Exploit this by sitting pretty. Sit to
attention, that is sit up straight with all four paws in a line
and close together (as far as is possible according to your body
shape) and curl your tail around to lie over your front paws.
Whether you are simply dozing or are concentrating, this posture
is greatly admired by neat-minded humans. Combined with "Looking
Cute" it is a powerful weapon.
* TAIL FLUTTERING
In this respect, tailless or bobtailed cats will be at a
disadvantage while those gifted with long fur will have an added
advantage. It is well known by cats that humans are not too good
at reading our more subtle tail signals. However, most of them
can recognise the upright, slightly a-quiver tail of greeting.
Take care that it cannot be mistaken for spraying - a trait they
dislike greatly, being cursed with a poor sense of smell unable
to appreciate scent messages. Practice tail fluttering when
greeting your human, when being fed and when ankle surfing. If
possible, practice walking, trotting and bounding (to greet your
human) with tail aloft.
