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how does one cope??

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
.. just when it was all going so right, I arrived in the office this morning to be taken to one side. I was told that someone I had been mates with in the office for the last 7 years had been killed (we believe) on his motor bike on Monday evening.
I used to spend time with him chatting, helping him support his mother as she battled cancer, working on a pc with him and chatting. We used to follow each other to work on a morning and he was planning a new life in oz or in spain.
I have spent the day half numb, half confused and the rest completely lost.
Everything was going so right, had a great day yesterday, then to get into that news knocked me sideways. After the year I have had, how the hell does one cope?
Seems like someone up there likes to build me up and then knock me down every so often. Not fair!
post #2 of 11
I'm sorry the hear of your loss. My heart goes out to you. Everybody copes in their own way of a loss of someone that they had been close with. I know the feeling that you are going through. I have lost my father about 1&1/2 years now and still trying to cope. It is really hard for me still but it is all great memories of him. With this I cry of happy thoughts of him. He was a great man that died of age 59. I just thought that I was to young to be fatherless at age 24. Remember the great times that you had with him this is what gets me through my day. Also, remember that it may take some time. I also send you hugs!
post #3 of 11
Kev, I don't have advice for you, but I wanted to say I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your friend.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your friend's family.
post #4 of 11
Kev, I hate to say it but you just do (or you can pray if you do that). Last year I had a coworker die. We found out by him not arriving at a University in England, they called us looking for him, we called the airline and found he'd never boarded his plane so the CEO and two other top level execs went to his house and found him. He had died over the weekend. Alone. It's still hard when I think about it because he was a most wonderful person who loved work and loved people and he died alone. *sigh*
post #5 of 11
Hey Kev,

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Somehow, in some way or another, we will learn how to cope and live on with life. Life gets tough with all the things that's happening in our lives, but look at it the brighter way, it makes you treasure more the people around you.makes you thank the people around you for being there and being so helpful, makes you really feel good to be alive. Life throws us hard knocks and all, but we have to strike back even harder to become a better person.
post #6 of 11
I'm so sorry to hear this Kev. What everyone has said here already is so true....we don't plan to have to cope when the world keeps crashing on us, we just do it. We take it one day at a time, one hour or minute at a time sometimes. We go to bed and somehow the sun rises again the next morning, so we rise as well.
post #7 of 11
Originally posted by TTMom
Kev, I hate to say it but you just do (or you can pray if you do that).
I agree with the part about praying, and I wanted to share something about one of my co-workers.

My co-worker's husband died of cancer and she became extremely depressed, and really wanted her husband back. She wasn't a church going person, but she started attending after her husband's death. She attended services, talked to the minister about her grief, found God and became much more postive and hopeful.

Unfortunately, my co-worker was also diagnosed with cancer only a year later, and was reunited with her husband in eternity after a few short months.

My co-worker and her husband were both in their early fifties...
post #8 of 11
kev that is just awful, i do feel for you, i lost a dear friend of mine about 4 yrs ago to cancer and it really took me some time to get beyond it but you do, time heals all wounds, it doesnt make the scar go away but it closes it up, so please dont lose faith, it will get better for you, just always rem. the good times and that you were lucky enough to have known this person and shared those good times.. i hope this helps
post #9 of 11
Kev, so sorry to hear about your friend's passing. It is always hard when a person close to you dies, specially when it is as sudden as this. I have experienced this too and I couldn't understand it either at the beginning.To cope, I stopped asking why and let time do the healing...
post #10 of 11
Thread Starter 
First and foremost, accept my apologies here as I learnt today he was not killed as was originally thought. Mike was a lover of motorbikes - big style and we all thought it was one of the huge machines that he loved and rode so expertly that had finally caught up with him.
The fact was that him and his girlfriend, I understand had a row and she decided to call the relationship in. (This relationship has taken them all over the world and talked about a new life in Oz together and were planning i)t.. Mike was stunned and it hit him extremely hard - by the sound of it - it took him to such a level that he went into the garage monday evening, placed a hosepipe in to the car from the exhaust, started it and closed the windows and comitted suicide.
I could handle the fact that had it been a death by accident or by illness - in some way I could find it a lot easier to cope with. The fact that a 31 year old mate, who I have known for years comitted suicide - now that is very hard for me to cope with and unsure where to turn or feel, except inwards.
Funeral is next week - needless to say I will be there. Raise a glass if you will sometime to an abscent friend for me who will be very sorely missed.
Apologies for getting the info wrong as well originally.
Just feel terribly numb.
post #11 of 11
Kev, I'm so sorry about the loss of your friend. And yes, somehow it is harder to deal with a suicide than death from accident or disease. I think it's because with an accident or illness, it was "their time to go" but with suicide we feel that they shortened their lives themselves, thereby cheating the rest of us out of their remaining time here.
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