broken hearted

Its been a rough year for me. I had to put down my 14 year old jinjo in may, on my birthday. She was having seizures and was suspected to have a brain tumor. I struggled a long time with the guilt. I felt like I should of spent the money for the mri, and a possible brain surgery. But, I had just felt like it would of just made her more miserable, for the low survival rate. I finally felt I was ready for another cat. The kitten needed someone with time on their hands as it was around 3 weeks old and its mommy had been hit by a car. We had almost a week and a half together before she died on sunday. I cried and cried and cried. It brought back the pain of my loss of Jinjo. Gizmo, the kitten, was doing well, then suddenly, wasnt. She died in my arms. I still hear that last sad tiny meow she made on her last breathe. I feel so guilty, I dont know what I did wrong. I read almost everything on the internet about kitten care and did it. These two losses in one year have broken me. I have a 3 year old kitty, Cosmo, who I tell everyday that he cant ever die. Ive truly gotton some comfort reading everyone elses story, and I hope all of us find the comfort we need to recover. Its amazing how the loss of a kitty can hurt so much. Im sorry about bad punctuation. Im a grammar nazi that detests the keyboard on my phone.

I tend to think in any situation of death, even in humans, guilt of some kind just comes with it...maybe how you treated someone, or what you did or didn't say to them... but the great thing about our furbabies, is our decision is the ultimate love decision... we really cannot know the outcome of putting them through what could possibly be a grueling treatment in some circumstances. I have no doubt I would have done the same in your situation. Sometimes I think...if they were in the wild they wouldn't have made it this far..and would have suffered terribly going through it to the end... whereas we, in love, can be an angel in disguise to spare them from so much suffering, in which you did. As far as your lil kitten... I am guessing at 3 weeks old, her chance of survival would be really slim without her mama. You gave them both the love they needed and deserved. I'm so thankful they had you for that!!

I'm so sorry for your loss 

You gave both of them the greatest gift of all, your love.  I know it hurts so bad to lose them, it can feel like a blow to the gut, you can't even catch your breathe. Time is the only thing that helps, it softens the hurt and lets us heal that hole in our hearts. They will both live on through you, the legacy they leave you is that they taught you to love and care for someone with a love that knew no bounds. Try to celebrate that love, don't dwell on the ending, it brings nothing but pain and I know for certain that neither would want you to be so sad. It's hard, but know we share your pain and will support you when needed. Take care........ RIP beautiful Jinjo, welcome that special kitten,Gizmo, to the Rainbow Bridge and take her into your heart while you wait for your loved one!

I'm so terribly sorry for your losses.  I have found comfort from others on this site since my kitty, Tabby, was first diagnosed with heart disease until he passed away a week and half ago from complications.  I understand the pain and the guilt, I am also going through it.  I feel for you, it leaves such a void in our hearts and in our lives.  I have been on this site every day for the past 10 days, it's the only place I can go where I feel that others truly understand the way I feel.  It is very comforting.  Friends and family try to provide support, but coming here is the one place where I know that everyone loves or loved their pets the way that I do.  Please try to understand that there are simply some things that are out of our control.  Sometimes we are left with impossibly difficult decisions, and act in the moment with love for our dear companions.  It is normal to second guess our decisions and our actions after the fact.  Just remember, the decisions you made and the actions you took were the very best you could do at the time for your pets.  You acted out of love, and you cannot beat yourself up for that.  Your kitties were so lucky to find someone who loved them so unconditionally and provided them with such wonderful care.  Nothing but time can help ease the pain, but you will find comfort here to help you through the process.  My heart goes out to you.

Very sorry to hear about your losses.  You did the best you can and your kitty knows it. 

I'm so sorry for your loss with Jinjo and Gizmo.  I can't imagine how the loss of Jinjo must have been compounded by the loss of the kitten, too. *hug* Just know that you gave that Gizmo a lot of love in the short time that you had her.  And you had 14 wonderful years with your beloved Jinjo. She stayed with you as long as she could. 

I just lost my beloved cat Ra in September and it does break your heart. I just sobbed and sobbed after having him put down.  He was 14, too. The vet tech told me what i just told you, that your kitties stayed with you as long as they could.  It was a small comfort, but it did help.  I felt guilty that I didn't keep trying with Ra, and yet he and I had been fighting his disease for so long.  I had to ask myself if it was fair to him to put him through more pain when he had suffered so much with no chance of him recovering any quality of life. The vet visits were taking their toll on Ra, along with the constant bouts of vomiting and pain.  I realized it was selfish to put him through more, and that it was time to let him go.  Even though the vet agreed, I still felt that I'd let him down.    But I do know now that it was the best thing for him. 

I think you knew this with Jinjo, too.  And with the kitten, at such a young age, there are so many things that can go wrong. I'm sure they both know how hard you tried to keep them here.

I don't know if it will help you or not, but I found this picture very comforting.  (I'm using it as my avatar.)  Take care.

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YoohooRa said:

I just lost my beloved cat Ra in September and it does break your heart. I just sobbed and sobbed after having him put down.  He was 14, too. The vet tech told me what i just told you, that your kitties stayed with you as long as they could.   It was a small comfort, but it did help.
 

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This. You gave your kitties a wonderful life and they were so much better off having lived with you. They lived as long as they could. They are undoubtedly grateful to you for providing them with a good home. I'm so sorry for your losses. We all here understand how devastating it is to lose a kitty. But the comforting thing is, there are always many more kitties that need a good home, and when the time is right, you will be able to provide a good home. Our thoughts are with you.

Thank you all so much for your wonderful kind words. And im so sorry that those of you that have lost kitties feel the same pain I do. Im so happy I discovered this site of fellow kitty lovers. Im called a crazy cat lady on occasion, and I always joke that I cant be because im married.I was showing friends pictures of my late gizmo tonight, like she was my own flesh and blood. My eyes just welled up. Im so glad that there is such a great support community here.

I actually feel I am "healing" from my grief much quicker than ever expected...only due to this site. I think there's a lot to be said about a place like this with "community support" for the same cause. (hugs)

I'm very sorry for your losses. You spared Jinjo a protracted decline after 14 years of love. Kittens' health can be very unpredictable, but Gizmo's short time with you showed her what love and caring were. RIP, sweeties.

I'm so sorry for your losses. I know the feeling all too well.

I am so sorry to hear of all of the losses you have suffered with your pets.  This is so very sad and must be extremely hard to endure.  Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope that in time you can find some peace in your life again.