I lost my beautiful 17 1/2 year old baby today.

My heart is broken and my soul is crushed.  My boy, Munchkin, developed acute kidney failure.  He was not improving on antibiotics and fluids and had quite urinating.  I made the decision to let him pass this morning.

This was the worst euthanasia I have ever experienced.  When the vet gave him the first shot, he screamed and tried to get out of my arms and bit me. He quickly fell asleep and the rest was peaceful, but I was hysterical by then.

I truly feel like I want to die, there are pets that have a special connection with us and he was my special baby.  I picked him out of the litter when he was 3 weeks old and took him home at 8 weeks. 

To make things even more awful, I just had my 13 year old euthanized Sept. 11, and my 15 year old last November.  I have lost 3 of my senior cats in less than a year. 

The Himalayan is Munchkin the one I lost today, the tabby is Faun the one I lost in Sept, and the grey one is Chewy and I lost him Nov 2013.

I am lost and don't know how to go on.

 

I am very sorry for your loss. Euthanasia's that are painful and scary for the cats are always the hardest on their owners. The loss of so many of your furry friends in a short period of time can not be easy on you at all. Try your best to think of the good. Remember the times they did something silly and made you laugh. I'm sure these cats all had wonderful, full lives living in your home. Any future feline would be so lucky as to have the same life as them. 

My condolences. 

My condolences. After sharing your life with Munchkin for 17 1/2 years, you must be devastated to have lost him. That's a good long life for a cat, but right now that thought doesn't lessen the pain of his absence.

It does get easier with time, and he and his "siblings" will live on in your happy memories.

RIP, Munchkin.

I'm so sorry about Munchkin. You gave him a good life in your loving home and you certainly took great care of him. I remember your posts about your kitties. I can't even imagine the pain you feel right now with losing three of your babies in less than year. They are together now, free of pain.

Rest in peace, sweet Munchkin. 

I am so sorry for all your losses.  I am also very sorry that this last euthanasia wasn't a peaceful one.  

whew...you have had a rough road ... but we set out to accept the journey of loving our furbabies without knowing how long that will be..but we find our peace in knowing the timing is not in our hands and we met our goal of blessing them with the bestest lives ever! Hang in there...the pain is always great when we lose something so passionate in our lives...soon you will be able to move forward, and honor them by more frequent smiles...less tears.

My heart goes out to you.  I am so sorry for your losses.  You will be in my prayers tonight.

I'm so sorry for your terrible losses, I know it feels like it will never end and the hole in your heart will never heal. Time is the only thing that helps, never to help us forget the pain and loss, nothing can do that, but to soften the acute pain of the beginning and to finally let us remember our loved ones in the happy times and to smile when we do so. It takes so very long and at times the pain comes crashing back and the tears flow again, the pain so bad we can't even catch our breath. Let us share your burden, we can help you by listening to your sorrow and understanding what you are going through. The pain can ease a little with each tribute you tell about your babies, it helps the soul to release the pain. My heart breaks for what you are going through, I'll keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers. Rest in peace beautiful Munchkin, I pray you have found Faun and Chewy at the Rainbow Bridge, please bring peace to those you left behind and comfort them with the legacy of the love you shared, you were all loved so much and will be greatly missed!

I am very sorry that you have had to experience the loss of your three fur babies in such a short amount of time. Munchkin, Faun and chewy are all together now. With time their loss will become easier for you but until then I hope you will find comfort in knowing that you gave them  wonderful lives. When you feel better may be you can  think about giving another kitty in need a home. 

@ILUVCATS4EVER  - I hear and feel the pain in your words.   Please write as much as you feel you need to - it helps to share your feelings with others who understand what it feels like.    I would highly suggest seeking out a group session on grieving or one-on-one.   It will help you get through this rough patch.

I will be thinking of and praying for you.

Z

I miss him so badly, I see him around the corner, but the worst is that he always drank out of the sink so for 15 years I left the water trickling, I couldn't turn it off  and had to ask my boyfriend to do it.  I keep forgetting and it is habit to leave the water on.  It breaks my heart that he will never be up there being a "wet head" again,

He always slept with me in between my legs, I can't stand this.  I want to stick my face in his beautiful fur, cuddle him and have him yell at me for food and treats.

Every time I have to drive somewhere I just cry and scream.  I have Valium for home, but I can't take that and drive.

Thank you all for understanding, he wasn't just a cat and I know you all get it. 

ILUVCATS4EVER said:

 
I miss him so badly, I see him around the corner, but the worst is that he always drank out of the sink so for 15 years I left the water trickling, I couldn't turn it off  and had to ask my boyfriend to do it.  I keep forgetting and it is habit to leave the water on.  It breaks my heart that he will never be up there being a "wet head" again,

He always slept with me in between my legs, I can't stand this.  I want to stick my face in his beautiful fur, cuddle him and have him yell at me for food and treats.

Every time I have to drive somewhere I just cry and scream.  I have Valium for home, but I can't take that and drive.

Thank you all for understanding, he wasn't just a cat and I know you all get it. 

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Oh yes, these kitties become part of the family. 

The pain does subside and I always say, after a while the missing of them becomes bittersweet. 

You will always carry this special kitty in your heart. Nothing can change that. You will never forget this beloved kitty.

When the time is right, there will be another cat that needs a special home, and you may be the person to provide that home. I am not saying this works the way for everyone, but when I have been devastated with the loss of a cat, sometimes another cat comes along, and I take in that kitty in memory or in honor of the cat that was lost. To save another cat's life is a noble thing, to do it in the memory of a very special, irreplaceable cat (they are ALL irreplaceable) can be a good thing. 

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Take it easy on yourself. Give yourself time. We all here understand. 

My condolences and love going out to you.

ILUVCATS4EVER said:

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Hi there. You sound like me. I like you, wanted to die. Really, I wanted to die. Even today I felt that bad I thought about it.  We sound very much alike, even in your other post you mentioned valium. That's what I have when I'm at home too. You had 17.5 amazing years, I had 15.5. I think we are both haunted by the endings we had. Well, I don't think, I know. I regret putting my boy down which I did 3 months ago. It's a long story, I think it's similar to yours because the ending didn't go the way we wanted it to go for our babies. Personally I think I put my boy down prematurely, there were broken promises, not seeing him one more time while he was still awake and me thinking he had more life in him, him doing things on the day that still lead me to believe it wasn't his time yet and things that weren't that of a cat ready to go. Maybe you feel the same. Maybe not. What I do know is you are suffering tremendously, and have been through one MASSIVELY BAD rough patch losing not one but 3 babies. They are us and we are them. We become each other as a whole because there is so much love and loyalty, time and commitment with each other. Jesus I know what you are going through. It's little consolation at this point in time that you and I both had so much time together with them but now I can see that what is exactly what we had together. So much time. Now I can see when people say, remember the years I had with my boy. Not just the ending. You are on this site because you love not just your recent departed baby but all of them. You are on this site because you are paying tribute to them, loved them so much and are going through such a terrible time not just now but recently. You are also on this site because so have we, but we are all united here together and perhaps because destiny has brought us all here to comfort one another and show there are many like us who are going through the same or similar things or other hard times. We are all here because we love our babies so much. 

You are not alone ILUVCATSFOREVER. I have encountered many great people on here. zoneout who posted in this thread is now someone I consider a friend and ha helped me tremendously as have others on here. I have also encountered much own personal demons and regret. Bad memories. You and I are lucky we got so much time with our babies, many aren't as fortunate. Yes the ending is difficult, maybe it was meant to be that way. I don't know. But if we could spend what ever extra amount of time with them if t meant the ending wouldn't be so great I think we'd both accept that. So too would they I believe. Maybe it was apart of God's plan, he'd give us an extra hour, week, day, year, 5 years, ten years etc with them and them to be with us but the ending was to be an unpleasant one. I honestly don't know. But it could well be.

Anyway, we are here for you. I am here for you. What you are going through is hell on earth. We'd go through hell on earth and beyond for our babies. I know it sucks and it's painful, what you are going through is normal I'm afraid. Yes normal sucks and hurts bad. You've lost a family member and a huge part of yourself. This morning I thought to myself, hmmmm, what would my boy really want. Even If I put him down prematurely, what would he want for me. He may be aggrieved and angry at me. But he'd ove past that and want me to be happy. Would want me to have fun, live my life and be successful. But  BE HAPPY AND HEALTHY!!!!! 

I know your babies would want the same for you





LOVE

I am so sorry and am praying for you.  I had to put my 13 year old Humble to sleep in March.  You have been through a lot.  I am praying for comfort.  Bobbie

First thing is I would like to say how sorry I am that you all, anyone, has felt this grief that I am feeling.  You feel like nobody could love their pets as much as you do, but they do, you all do, and that is a wonderful thing to know that there is so much love out there.  Secondly, thank you all for the wonderful messages.

Right now, when I wake up I get that 20 seconds where I don't remember he is gone and there is peace, then it's like being punched in the stomach and reality hits. I say reality, but I am finding it impossible to believe he is gone.  I have grieved the lossof all my cats but when it was time to go they were horrible sick and somehow it was easier.  . He was thin but still so beautiful and the end was so ugly.   I know Munchin would have died a painful death, the weekend before he was crying and in pain, I had pain meds so I he was pain free until Monday.  I brought him in first thing Monday and his kidney values were really bad.  He gave him fluids and antibiotics to see if it was a kidney infection.  The fluids made him a lot more comfortable,but then his kidneys all but shut down and he wasn't urinating.  I knew it was time.   I just can't forget the terrible ending. 

I don't understand grief, I don't feel any better, the pain in my chest is every bit as strong but the tears are not streaming down my face.  It made it easier to release this feeling being able to cry.  I lost it in the store today when I saw his favorite treats. 

Thank you all again for the love and support.

You provided Munchkin with a loving long life. I'm so sorry for the uncomfortable nature of his final minute, but even in this situation he was better off than living in pain.

Perhaps writing down each cat's personality traits and capturing your relationship with them will help you. Each kitty deserves to be honored, as does your love for them.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your senior cats--I have been experiencing this too since 4 of my cats came to me very closely together. Hence they are passing very closely together.

My beloved tortie went through something similar and became ill so fast that I didn't have time to process it.  I still grieve her passing and it's been 2 and a half years--I will always miss herl--but I couldn't watch her in pain.

You are not alone in your grief---.

And CatConcern, I'm so sorry for your loss. You did what you thought was best at the time--remember how your kitty was suffering or you wouldn't have even considered putting him down. Time will ease some of the pain but please replace those final moments with the wonderful time you shared..

Thanks Stazie. I appreciate it. That's kind of you.

I am so sorry...