My Mia has passed.... heart is breaking

Morning friends

some thoughts today .... day 2 of life without mia....

I was with Mia until her very last breath doing and saying all the things I usually did, which took awhile, she has a strong heart, just not a great throat (hence, no food, water or breathing.... life cannot exist). But even after she passed, I nuzzled her face one last time, and told her, mommy loves you.. just like I did everyday, especially when leaving home for work, errands, etc.

Yesterday was tough, my first time walking into my house, with out Mia, broke me down into pieces... I was a mess... like panic attack, hard to breath, balling crying. But I just talked to her and started to calm.  And I had to go back out, and I dreaded coming home.... but as irony (or Mia) would have it... my lock jammed.... has never happened in the 2 1/2 years I have had this place..... literally my key was stuck not to move left or right... I had to go in through a window... which took away from the routine of walking in the door and being greeted by mia..... I don't know what it was last night.

I also dreamed of her last night, some while she was throwing up, and some while she was just hanging.. I don't know what means either. But until last night I have never dreamed of her. The odd thing is I am single gal and have lived on my own for..... well mia's entire life. I got her as a companion. And she was, through jobs, boyfriends, family drama life drama, whatever, she was here, always waiting for me to love her and distract my focus from sadness or stress to her. Its a gift I didn't fully realize until now. Now I am really alone... I come home to an empty house.... no mia... no companion.... no one to banter back and forth with, no one to distract this pain in my heart, because its for her. I have never ever felt alone in my place.... ever.... mia was always here to hang with, talk to, lay around with, love on.... so up until 2 days I never knew what alone really felt like. Its sad...... thank goodness everyone on this site will understand this, because most people don't they think it was just a pet.... Mia was never just a pet to me... she was my baby... and I could do  say or whatever to her or with her and her love was unconditional and never faltered.  obviously I am still very sad, and struggling.  waking up to another day with Mia is hard, sad, and lonely. I expect to see her beautiful face at the bathroom door, or waiting for me in the kitchen, or all snuggled on the perch... but no Mia.

My life is forever altered. I miss Mia so darn much.... I get so sad being home ALONE...... I would give another to nuzzle her face just one more time. I hope she still feels my never wavering love and knows I did what was right for her at that time, and not what I wanted to. I wish she was around for another 13 years and lived to an old age.....but that hasn't been an option since her cancer diagnosis and I knew it..... I really did try to prepare my self as best I could knowing that they time was approaching because she was having some foam throwing up episodes here and there.... but that last one with her choking and going to hide..... I knew at that moment this was the time... she was suffering and struggling and I vowed to never let her go through any of that.

I still second guess myself for the call.... I am hoping that will fade in time as my heart heals from the pain mia not being here has left. I know there is no right time, and we just try to do what it right, when we think its right for them. My brain knows this, just not my heart. my heart misses her too much, and wishes I could have even another minutes with her. hopefully someday those 2 parts will be in sync.

Until than, thank you all for the support and encouragement.

rest in peace my little mia..... mommy loves you.....

Morning friends

some thoughts today .... day 2 of life without mia....

I was with Mia until her very last breath doing and saying all the things I usually did, which took awhile, she has a strong heart, just not a great throat (hence, no food, water or breathing.... life cannot exist). But even after she passed, I nuzzled her face one last time, and told her, mommy loves you.. just like I did everyday, especially when leaving home for work, errands, etc.

Yesterday was tough, my first time walking into my house, with out Mia, broke me down into pieces... I was a mess... like panic attack, hard to breath, balling crying. But I just talked to her and started to calm.  And I had to go back out, and I dreaded coming home.... but as irony (or Mia) would have it... my lock jammed.... has never happened in the 2 1/2 years I have had this place..... literally my key was stuck not to move left or right... I had to go in through a window... which took away from the routine of walking in the door and being greeted by mia..... I don't know what it was last night.

I also dreamed of her last night, some while she was throwing up, and some while she was just hanging.. I don't know what means either. But until last night I have never dreamed of her. The odd thing is I am single gal and have lived on my own for..... well mia's entire life. I got her as a companion. And she was, through jobs, boyfriends, family drama life drama, whatever, she was here, always waiting for me to love her and distract my focus from sadness or stress to her. Its a gift I didn't fully realize until now. Now I am really alone... I come home to an empty house.... no mia... no companion.... no one to banter back and forth with, no one to distract this pain in my heart, because its for her. I have never ever felt alone in my place.... ever.... mia was always here to hang with, talk to, lay around with, love on.... so up until 2 days I never knew what alone really felt like. Its sad...... thank goodness everyone on this site will understand this, because most people don't they think it was just a pet.... Mia was never just a pet to me... she was my baby... and I could do  say or whatever to her or with her and her love was unconditional and never faltered.  obviously I am still very sad, and struggling.  waking up to another day with Mia is hard, sad, and lonely. I expect to see her beautiful face at the bathroom door, or waiting for me in the kitchen, or all snuggled on the perch... but no Mia.

My life is forever altered. I miss Mia so darn much.... I get so sad being home ALONE...... I would give another to nuzzle her face just one more time. I hope she still feels my never wavering love and knows I did what was right for her at that time, and not what I wanted to. I wish she was around for another 13 years and lived to an old age.....but that hasn't been an option since her cancer diagnosis and I knew it..... I really did try to prepare my self as best I could knowing that they time was approaching because she was having some foam throwing up episodes here and there.... but that last one with her choking and going to hide..... I knew at that moment this was the time... she was suffering and struggling and I vowed to never let her go through any of that.

I still second guess myself for the call.... I am hoping that will fade in time as my heart heals from the pain mia not being here has left. I know there is no right time, and we just try to do what it right, when we think its right for them. My brain knows this, just not my heart. my heart misses her too much, and wishes I could have even another minutes with her. hopefully someday those 2 parts will be in sync.

Until than, thank you all for the support and encouragement.

rest in peace my little mia..... mommy loves you.....

Morning friends

some thoughts today .... day 2 of life without mia....

I was with Mia until her very last breath doing and saying all the things I usually did, which took awhile, she has a strong heart, just not a great throat (hence, no food, water or breathing.... life cannot exist). But even after she passed, I nuzzled her face one last time, and told her, mommy loves you.. just like I did everyday, especially when leaving home for work, errands, etc.

Yesterday was tough, my first time walking into my house, with out Mia, broke me down into pieces... I was a mess... like panic attack, hard to breath, balling crying. But I just talked to her and started to calm.  And I had to go back out, and I dreaded coming home.... but as irony (or Mia) would have it... my lock jammed.... has never happened in the 2 1/2 years I have had this place..... literally my key was stuck not to move left or right... I had to go in through a window... which took away from the routine of walking in the door and being greeted by mia..... I don't know what it was last night.

I also dreamed of her last night, some while she was throwing up, and some while she was just hanging.. I don't know what means either. But until last night I have never dreamed of her. The odd thing is I am single gal and have lived on my own for..... well mia's entire life. I got her as a companion. And she was, through jobs, boyfriends, family drama life drama, whatever, she was here, always waiting for me to love her and distract my focus from sadness or stress to her. Its a gift I didn't fully realize until now. Now I am really alone... I come home to an empty house.... no mia... no companion.... no one to banter back and forth with, no one to distract this pain in my heart, because its for her. I have never ever felt alone in my place.... ever.... mia was always here to hang with, talk to, lay around with, love on.... so up until 2 days I never knew what alone really felt like. Its sad...... thank goodness everyone on this site will understand this, because most people don't they think it was just a pet.... Mia was never just a pet to me... she was my baby... and I could do  say or whatever to her or with her and her love was unconditional and never faltered.  obviously I am still very sad, and struggling.  waking up to another day with Mia is hard, sad, and lonely. I expect to see her beautiful face at the bathroom door, or waiting for me in the kitchen, or all snuggled on the perch... but no Mia.

My life is forever altered. I miss Mia so darn much.... I get so sad being home ALONE...... I would give another to nuzzle her face just one more time. I hope she still feels my never wavering love and knows I did what was right for her at that time, and not what I wanted to. I wish she was around for another 13 years and lived to an old age.....but that hasn't been an option since her cancer diagnosis and I knew it..... I really did try to prepare my self as best I could knowing that they time was approaching because she was having some foam throwing up episodes here and there.... but that last one with her choking and going to hide..... I knew at that moment this was the time... she was suffering and struggling and I vowed to never let her go through any of that.

I still second guess myself for the call.... I am hoping that will fade in time as my heart heals from the pain mia not being here has left. I know there is no right time, and we just try to do what it right, when we think its right for them. My brain knows this, just not my heart. my heart misses her too much, and wishes I could have even another minutes with her. hopefully someday those 2 parts will be in sync.

Until than, thank you all for the support and encouragement.

rest in peace my little mia..... mommy loves you.....

Morning friends

some thoughts today .... day 2 of life without mia....

I was with Mia until her very last breath doing and saying all the things I usually did, which took awhile, she has a strong heart, just not a great throat (hence, no food, water or breathing.... life cannot exist). But even after she passed, I nuzzled her face one last time, and told her, mommy loves you.. just like I did everyday, especially when leaving home for work, errands, etc.

Yesterday was tough, my first time walking into my house, with out Mia, broke me down into pieces... I was a mess... like panic attack, hard to breath, balling crying. But I just talked to her and started to calm.  And I had to go back out, and I dreaded coming home.... but as irony (or Mia) would have it... my lock jammed.... has never happened in the 2 1/2 years I have had this place..... literally my key was stuck not to move left or right... I had to go in through a window... which took away from the routine of walking in the door and being greeted by mia..... I don't know what it was last night.

I also dreamed of her last night, some while she was throwing up, and some while she was just hanging.. I don't know what means either. But until last night I have never dreamed of her. The odd thing is I am single gal and have lived on my own for..... well mia's entire life. I got her as a companion. And she was, through jobs, boyfriends, family drama life drama, whatever, she was here, always waiting for me to love her and distract my focus from sadness or stress to her. Its a gift I didn't fully realize until now. Now I am really alone... I come home to an empty house.... no mia... no companion.... no one to banter back and forth with, no one to distract this pain in my heart, because its for her. I have never ever felt alone in my place.... ever.... mia was always here to hang with, talk to, lay around with, love on.... so up until 2 days I never knew what alone really felt like. Its sad...... thank goodness everyone on this site will understand this, because most people don't they think it was just a pet.... Mia was never just a pet to me... she was my baby... and I could do  say or whatever to her or with her and her love was unconditional and never faltered.  obviously I am still very sad, and struggling.  waking up to another day with Mia is hard, sad, and lonely. I expect to see her beautiful face at the bathroom door, or waiting for me in the kitchen, or all snuggled on the perch... but no Mia.

My life is forever altered. I miss Mia so darn much.... I get so sad being home ALONE...... I would give another to nuzzle her face just one more time. I hope she still feels my never wavering love and knows I did what was right for her at that time, and not what I wanted to. I wish she was around for another 13 years and lived to an old age.....but that hasn't been an option since her cancer diagnosis and I knew it..... I really did try to prepare my self as best I could knowing that they time was approaching because she was having some foam throwing up episodes here and there.... but that last one with her choking and going to hide..... I knew at that moment this was the time... she was suffering and struggling and I vowed to never let her go through any of that.

I still second guess myself for the call.... I am hoping that will fade in time as my heart heals from the pain mia not being here has left. I know there is no right time, and we just try to do what it right, when we think its right for them. My brain knows this, just not my heart. my heart misses her too much, and wishes I could have even another minutes with her. hopefully someday those 2 parts will be in sync.

Until than, thank you all for the support and encouragement.

rest in peace my little mia..... mommy loves you.....

Damn I feel sorry for you. I know exactly how u feel. I'm going through the same thing. I think your girl is ok because as u said you dreaming about her which you never did and the jammed door which never happened to me are signs that she is ok. A message from her and god. I really do. I don't think it's just a coincidence and there were not one but two things that happened.

Yeah, we don't really realise until they are gone what they mean to us. We do know. We don't take them for granted. We love them , know how lucky we are. But when they are gone it's like we are not invincible . I think having my boy was like whoa, just having him with me in life was like 15.5 years of great fortune in so many ways. Like a massive high. Everything is so much better when they're around. When they are gone it's like our life as we knew it had ended. Life with cat and life post cat. A chunk of our life, and ourselves have ended. That's just some of it anyway.

I understand you feeling lonely without her . They sure do keep us and our homes company and lively. The place and ourselves are empty without them. They're great companions. Our partners. They're our guardian angels. I always used to call my boy that, when he was alive id tell him that and say to him he was a great gift from god and the best thing in my life. My boy knew that. So did your girl. They just know. They're smarter than us in my opinion. They can sense the future , our thoughts and feelings. I reckon my boy knew everything about me in my life past, present and future.

I wish you well. It's going to be a tough, long road ahead. In time I recommend you get another cat. You probably think what I thought when people say that " no way, id never do that. Id betray my baby " haha. But it's not about replacing your baby as they never will. It's about keeping yourself company, healthy which they will bring you and happy in time. Your baby would want you to be happy. Honour your cat by also honouring yourself and living each day to its full potential and doing things that will make you feel good on the inside. One of those things may be getting a new cat , it may not. But the only way you can go from here is In time heal, and it will take a long time but you can do the right thing by both of you by honouring each other's lives and the good times and bond you had together.

Your girl would want you to be happy and move on and not be sad. In time you will

Honour your girl. And yourself

Dear Medeamagic,

I am still here thinking of you, as are the other cat lovers who have written to you, and the others who read your post but couldn't write. We are all thinking of you. I know how lonely these days feel now that you don't have her in your home. It takes me a very long time to put away anything that my kitty touched. Sometimes awhile later, I mean weeks, i try to gather some photographs in an album. It means a day of crying again but I like to make a little tribute while all her faces and postures and antics and places are still fresh in my mind, but not right away. That hurts too much. I write down things she did that made her special to me, like games she played or when she mewed, anything to look back at over and over as years go on. Not one of my cats is gone from my heart. they all wait for me.

One thing i forgot to write you last time is this, maybe you know this already : a cat that is sick or hurt will not show you how bad they feel. It makes sense, if living outside to not show weakness, to not show vulnerability. That's when a predator gets you. So maybe the hurt cat does not cry a lot (don't draw attention) or maybe they just sit still or sleep again to avoid detection. For us, their human mommies it makes it more difficult to know how much your kitty is sick and hurting. they mask it. But I think I have learned to figure she is more in trouble than she wants to show. that's when you cat needs you the most, and you came through for Mia with the most loving action, you helped her stop hurting. Remember that when you feel sad. You helped her when she needed it the most. She trusted you to do that and you did. 

I wrote this a couple of days ago and i guess i never hit the "submit" button, so I send it now. I keep coming back to your posts Medeamagic, because your pain is so clear in your posts and we share that pain with you. i really don't know anyone in person who feels like this about their cats, or maybe they do not want to say out loud how bad they feel or how long it lasts. Lots of my friends don't have pets. the ones that do have lost pets but they don't seem to go on crying for weeks and longer. i do. Maybe it is because I also do not have children, I have an invalid husband, and most of my time is taking care of him. My cats do exactly what Mia did for you : they entertain me, sometimes they come for petting, they sit with me, they gather and jump around at feeding time. They trust me and need me for all sorts of reasons. they make me feel loved.  Since I have so many cats I have never been in my home without some. I am so sorry your home seems so lonely. Your little Mia knows all you are feeling. She knew how much you loved her when she was alive, she knew how much it hurt you to help her end her suffering, she knows right now that you are grieving. God did not give animals speech, He gave them something else. They know what we are all about. That is why even a terrified cat outside will come close to the food i put out for her while i stand nearby. She knows I mean her no harm. Mia knows the depth of your sorrow. She doesn't want you to feel so bad all the time. She wants you to put some cold water on your face and go do something that needs doing. I don't put the things my cat used away after he or she is gone. I leave them. For so long they make me cry every time I see them. One day i look at the dish or the bed and instead of crying for an hour, i sort of smile. I remember her little body there, warm and safe. I remember how good it was for me and FOR HER. I remember what a good life we had together. I hope a day like that comes for you some time.

All of us who have written you know how sad you are. We all know. We are here to write to or to write back to you and maybe help you get through and hour at a time. We share your sadness, and we each have a little one we love and lost. Keep writing to us, we care how you are doing because we know it is so difficult. With love.

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful girl.  You will be in prayers. 

I know how much it hurts, sometimes so bad it can take your breathe away. You most likely did feel her presence, when they sense we are hurting so bad it is impossible for them to leave us completely, look for the signs.

It takes so very long to mend a broken heart, the hole it leaves can sometimes only be filled by experiencing another love. You wrote a wonderful tribute for a wonderful little soul, try to remember her and the love you shared, don't dwell on the sadness and the parting, she would never want you to be so sad. I'll say a prayer for you both, for both of you to find peace. Take care of yourself, we'll all try to share your pain and comfort you in any way we can. RIP beautiful Mia!

catconcern said:

Damn I feel sorry for you. I know exactly how u feel. I'm going through the same thing. I think your girl is ok because as u said you dreaming about her which you never did and the jammed door which never happened to me are signs that she is ok. A message from her and god. I really do. I don't think it's just a coincidence and there were not one but two things that happened.

Yeah, we don't really realise until they are gone what they mean to us. We do know. We don't take them for granted. We love them , know how lucky we are. But when they are gone it's like we are not invincible . I think having my boy was like whoa, just having him with me in life was like 15.5 years of great fortune in so many ways. Like a massive high. Everything is so much better when they're around. When they are gone it's like our life as we knew it had ended. Life with cat and life post cat. A chunk of our life, and ourselves have ended. That's just some of it anyway.

I understand you feeling lonely without her . They sure do keep us and our homes company and lively. The place and ourselves are empty without them. They're great companions. Our partners. They're our guardian angels. I always used to call my boy that, when he was alive id tell him that and say to him he was a great gift from god and the best thing in my life. My boy knew that. So did your girl. They just know. They're smarter than us in my opinion. They can sense the future , our thoughts and feelings. I reckon my boy knew everything about me in my life past, present and future.

I wish you well. It's going to be a tough, long road ahead. In time I recommend you get another cat. You probably think what I thought when people say that " no way, id never do that. Id betray my baby " haha. But it's not about replacing your baby as they never will. It's about keeping yourself company, healthy which they will bring you and happy in time. Your baby would want you to be happy. Honour your cat by also honouring yourself and living each day to its full potential and doing things that will make you feel good on the inside. One of those things may be getting a new cat , it may not. But the only way you can go from here is In time heal, and it will take a long time but you can do the right thing by both of you by honouring each other's lives and the good times and bond you had together.

Your girl would want you to be happy and move on and not be sad. In time you will

Honour your girl. And yourself

Click to expand...

catconcern said:

Damn I feel sorry for you. I know exactly how u feel. I'm going through the same thing. I think your girl is ok because as u said you dreaming about her which you never did and the jammed door which never happened to me are signs that she is ok. A message from her and god. I really do. I don't think it's just a coincidence and there were not one but two things that happened.

Yeah, we don't really realise until they are gone what they mean to us. We do know. We don't take them for granted. We love them , know how lucky we are. But when they are gone it's like we are not invincible . I think having my boy was like whoa, just having him with me in life was like 15.5 years of great fortune in so many ways. Like a massive high. Everything is so much better when they're around. When they are gone it's like our life as we knew it had ended. Life with cat and life post cat. A chunk of our life, and ourselves have ended. That's just some of it anyway.

I understand you feeling lonely without her . They sure do keep us and our homes company and lively. The place and ourselves are empty without them. They're great companions. Our partners. They're our guardian angels. I always used to call my boy that, when he was alive id tell him that and say to him he was a great gift from god and the best thing in my life. My boy knew that. So did your girl. They just know. They're smarter than us in my opinion. They can sense the future , our thoughts and feelings. I reckon my boy knew everything about me in my life past, present and future.

I wish you well. It's going to be a tough, long road ahead. In time I recommend you get another cat. You probably think what I thought when people say that " no way, id never do that. Id betray my baby " haha. But it's not about replacing your baby as they never will. It's about keeping yourself company, healthy which they will bring you and happy in time. Your baby would want you to be happy. Honour your cat by also honouring yourself and living each day to its full potential and doing things that will make you feel good on the inside. One of those things may be getting a new cat , it may not. But the only way you can go from here is In time heal, and it will take a long time but you can do the right thing by both of you by honouring each other's lives and the good times and bond you had together.

Your girl would want you to be happy and move on and not be sad. In time you will

Honour your girl. And yourself

Click to expand...

catconcern,

Thank you so much for your kind post. You have expressed all my emotions, thoughts and feelings. I too believe Mia was sending me messages. It was been 5 days without Mia, and my life is different. Everything about it is different. Especially the last few months being her care taker, and constantly coming home to check on her, feed her, all things that I enjoyed doing, and never thought twice about. It was all for her and her life. Mia was a great gift from God for me. We helped each other through everything. I am trying to let her memories and pictures bring a smile and happiness to me. Right now they do make me sad, but I love seeing her.
I get Mia back (in her urn) tomorrow. I have alittle bit of anxiety about it. I know I will feel so much better when she is back home with mommy, but I know it is going to be sad, and open up the flood gates again. But I need her back with me. Hoping it brings a sense of peace to actually have her here with me. I still have all her toys, blankets and scratch pads out, I cannot bring myself to put them away yet. But with time I will be able to put them away.
And yes, even the vet told me that eventually, when I'm ready I should get another cat. She said that I gave Mia a great life, and that she hoped I rescue another cat and give them a life like I gave Mia. I think I will get another kitty some day.... when that day is, I don't know. But I feel like Mia will let me know when, or I will just feel it. I know Mia can never be replaced.... and like you said, its about giving myself a new life companion with new experiences and not feeling lonely.

Again thank you for your kind words and inspiration to be happy and move forward.

Di and Bob said:

I know how much it hurts, sometimes so bad it can take your breathe away. You most likely did feel her presence, when they sense we are hurting so bad it is impossible for them to leave us completely, look for the signs.
It takes so very long to mend a broken heart, the hole it leaves can sometimes only be filled by experiencing another love. You wrote a wonderful tribute for a wonderful little soul, try to remember her and the love you shared, don't dwell on the sadness and the parting, she would never want you to be so sad. I'll say a prayer for you both, for both of you to find peace. Take care of yourself, we'll all try to share your pain and comfort you in any way we can. RIP beautiful Mia!

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Thank you Di and Bob. I have and continue to cherish the support from this site. Everyone is so wonderful, understanding, and inspiring. It is a comfort to not feel alone in my parting with Mia.

I'm soooo sorry for your loss, and know it all too well...it's been 4 weeks for me... and I admit I never know what will trigger a lil memory and the tears come..but know most of us have felt your pain, and even though it's so recent for you...and for me too...you will get through it...you will be ok... and I truly believe wholeheartedly you receive the lil "signs" that give you the reassurance...you did the right thing. You already have had those "wait a minute" moments that got your attention, and I believe you will receive more I posted this elsewhere, but when I received Minnie's remains, I took a picture of the outside of the delivery box...as they had written her name Minnie, with a lil heart next to it...sure made me cry...but had to have a picture. Later when I looked at the picture, I saw some sort of image..reflection.. on the tape that was on the "all white box". Minnie was a black/white tuxedo cat. What was on my photo, was an image that I call my consoling angel I think you are so right, as when your receive your baby's remains you will cry, you will hold them to your heart, but will have a deep sense of relief that Mia is "home". Attached is the my "comfort angel"

Dear Medeamagic

Hi sweetie...how are you doing?  Please know that I am still thinking of you even if I don't write for a couple days!  We all have such busy lives, and I always end up with not enough time in my day to do all that I want!  This is something that I continually strive to be better at and I work on this non-stop.  It is very important to me that you know you have people who truly care about how you are!  Knowing that you have support makes such a huge difference in our lives!  So, remember that I still care...even if I don't write everyday--it only means that I have fallen short of my goal!! ,

Today I am taking Max to get another steroid shot since it does seem to help him to be more comfortable.  Just when I think it may be "time", he starts running around the house playing with my other babies Princess Sophie-Anne and Toby.  So, I figure that as long as he doesn't seem to be in pain and suffering, we will keep up with the shots.  His vet says that he seems to be doing well and that she has not seen any significant decline or that he is having pain.  What do you think?  I would really appreciate your opinion...you know how hard it is to know if you are doing the right thing or not!  If it's not too difficult for you, let me know your thoughts on this.  I trust your opinion since we all love our cats so much...kindred spirits and all! 

Thanks so much for your help! 

Much love, prayers, and big purrs from me and my fur-babies! 

My heart and prayers are with you. I am so sorry for your loss.

Hello Luvmykittys,

One of the wonderful writers on this site somehow "gave me purrrraise" for something I wrote.  I'm the woman who had to let my stray cat Sweetie be euthanized by my vet.  Probably the only thing that helps me through the low points that come every day is reading notes here from people who love their cats as deeply as I love mine. I only came to the cat site about 4 weeks ago so I'm not sure how to give you PURRRRRRAISE but I'd like to. I think you are helping Medeamagic very much with your care and concern. I wish i knew both of you in real life. It would make life so much better. Instead I'll look for your posts, and tell you you deserve quite a lot of purrrrrrraise. 

Luvmykittys said:

 
Dear Medeamagic

Hi sweetie...how are you doing?  Please know that I am still thinking of you even if I don't write for a couple days!  We all have such busy lives, and I always end up with not enough time in my day to do all that I want!  This is something that I continually strive to be better at and I work on this non-stop.  It is very important to me that you know you have people who truly care about how you are!  Knowing that you have support makes such a huge difference in our lives!  So, remember that I still care...even if I don't write everyday--it only means that I have fallen short of my goal!!

,

Today I am taking Max to get another steroid shot since it does seem to help him to be more comfortable.  Just when I think it may be "time", he starts running around the house playing with my other babies Princess Sophie-Anne and Toby.  So, I figure that as long as he doesn't seem to be in pain and suffering, we will keep up with the shots.  His vet says that he seems to be doing well and that she has not seen any significant decline or that he is having pain.  What do you think?  I would really appreciate your opinion...you know how hard it is to know if you are doing the right thing or not!  If it's not too difficult for you, let me know your thoughts on this.  I trust your opinion since we all love our cats so much...kindred spirits and all! 

Thanks so much for your help! 

Much love, prayers, and big purrs from me and my fur-babies! 

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I love my kittys, if your cats doing well. Dont over think it. That was my problem. I over thought things. We worry too much, it can be our down fall. Also how many steroid shots has your cat had? Be weary of how much you give it. Personally I should have let me cat just have the one shot. The 2nd one ruined him. They only need certain amounts in a certain time frame. If your cat is playing and seeming fine, let him be and don't put him down not that you would. As  long as it's not suffering, it's not time.

All the best

Medeamagic said:

catconcern,

Thank you so much for your kind post. You have expressed all my emotions, thoughts and feelings. I too believe Mia was sending me messages. It was been 5 days without Mia, and my life is different. Everything about it is different. Especially the last few months being her care taker, and constantly coming home to check on her, feed her, all things that I enjoyed doing, and never thought twice about. It was all for her and her life. Mia was a great gift from God for me. We helped each other through everything. I am trying to let her memories and pictures bring a smile and happiness to me. Right now they do make me sad, but I love seeing her.
I get Mia back (in her urn) tomorrow. I have alittle bit of anxiety about it. I know I will feel so much better when she is back home with mommy, but I know it is going to be sad, and open up the flood gates again. But I need her back with me. Hoping it brings a sense of peace to actually have her here with me. I still have all her toys, blankets and scratch pads out, I cannot bring myself to put them away yet. But with time I will be able to put them away.
And yes, even the vet told me that eventually, when I'm ready I should get another cat. She said that I gave Mia a great life, and that she hoped I rescue another cat and give them a life like I gave Mia. I think I will get another kitty some day.... when that day is, I don't know. But I feel like Mia will let me know when, or I will just feel it. I know Mia can never be replaced.... and like you said, its about giving myself a new life companion with new experiences and not feeling lonely.

Again thank you for your kind words and inspiration to be happy and move forward.

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No problems at all Mia. I'm here for you. We all are. We know your pain. It's the worst in the world. How are you now that you have the urn back?

Me personally I couldn't have my boys things around. I just got way too sad. It reminds me of him I had to have my mum put them away straight away. We have him buried in the back yard. I never thought I'd get another cat. No way I told people. But I had too. Because the pain was that bad I wasn't in a good way. I was the living dead. Piercing pain that, whoaaa freaky,right now as I was about to type the way I felt, I thought about it, looked to the side and the exact word was written in todays paper next to me. . A headline. It reads '' Suicide scourge should provoke outrage ''  Suicide. I felt suicidal. I needed to get the kittens to bring light and purpose into my life. A reason. Looking after the kittens has brought me that and they've brought love into my life. They're good company, keep me occupied and entertained and humored. 

It's a log and tough road but one in which you will conquer. As mentioned, what would Mia want for you? She would want you to be happy and live a good life. Yes you're going to be sad and crumble at times, that's normal. But she would want you to live your life in a happy manner. She would want you to have fun. Mia wouldn't want you to feel like crap. None of our babies would. They never wanted us to be upset. Only to be happy and healthy and live life to the full and party and enjoy ourselves. Honor the beautiful and great relationship which we each had with each other

Dear Sukeyforcats,

Oh my gosh!!  Thank you so very much for your beautiful note!  I'm so thankful to have found this site and for all the genuine people who write!  I know exactly what you mean...I am new here as well and just reading the notes here puts a smile on my face too!  

I am so sorry for your loss...losing my snowshoe Siamese, Boo Boo Bear, 2 months ago...it still hurts.  You begin to wonder if you will ever be able to look at photos of them again...or even say their name without crying your eyes out, huh?  Losing Boo felt like losing a family member, but worse in some ways, since most people don't understand our love for our cats, right?  I know first hand what a big difference it means to know others understand your pain....even just through notes like ours!  And anyone who may feel like you are not getting over the loss fast enough...don't be so hard on yourself!  It takes as much time as it takes-sounds corny I know, but it is true. And don't ever be afraid to ask for help...no matter how long it may have been.  I recently had to be honest with my physician about the cause of my depression and why I'm so sad all the time.  Just explaining my loss to her made me lose it and start crying all over again. 

All we can do is hang on...and it's just so hard to do some days, I know.  Don't be hard on yourself...it does take so much time to learn how to deal with our loss.  And please feel free to write to me whenever you need...and I promise to listen and cry right along with you if needed. 

Sending prayers and big purrs!!! 

Morning friends



some thoughts

MnM said:

I'm soooo sorry for your loss, and know it all too well...it's been 4 weeks for me... and I admit I never know what will trigger a lil memory and the tears come..but know most of us have felt your pain, and even though it's so recent for you...and for me too...you will get through it...you will be ok... and I truly believe wholeheartedly you receive the lil "signs" that give you the reassurance...you did the right thing. You already have had those "wait a minute" moments that got your attention, and I believe you will receive more I posted this elsewhere, but when I received Minnie's remains, I took a picture of the outside of the delivery box...as they had written her name Minnie, with a lil heart next to it...sure made me cry...but had to have a picture. Later when I looked at the picture, I saw some sort of image..reflection.. on the tape that was on the "all white box". Minnie was a black/white tuxedo cat. What was on my photo, was an image that I call my consoling angel I think you are so right, as when your receive your baby's remains you will cry, you will hold them to your heart, but will have a deep sense of relief that Mia is "home". Attached is the my "comfort angel"

image.jpg

• mnm
• Oct 6, 2014

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Thank you so much for your post and the picture. I am so sorry for your loss! It's. A reminder that there are signs for us all over, even when we aren't looking.
My vet brought Mia to me today. It was emotional for me. I cried, for sadness, and for missing my girl, but I was also so happy to have Mia home. Although I can't pet her or have her rubbing against my legs, or surprising me in the bathroom, she is home. I can greet her at my door, and take her to bed. Strangely had a sense of peace and comfort. I could feel her more today, than the past few days. I actually fell asleep for bit this evening and dreamt of Mia multiple times in different ways. I was so happy to dream of her, she was so real in my dream It felt like I was actually touching her.
Today 10/08 is exactly 1 week without my Mia. It's been one of the toughest weeks of my life, I hope that now that miais back home with Mia, the pain, sadness, grief and loneliness of losing her will start to lessen, and the little signs increase.

Thank you again for your post, and we are all here for each other through these hard times.

Luvmykittys said:

Dear Medeamagic

Hi sweetie...how are you doing?  Please know that I am still thinking of you even if I don't write for a couple days!  We all have such busy lives, and I always end up with not enough time in my day to do all that I want!  This is something that I continually strive to be better at and I work on this non-stop.  It is very important to me that you know you have people who truly care about how you are!  Knowing that you have support makes such a huge difference in our lives!  So, remember that I still care...even if I don't write everyday--it only means that I have fallen short of my goal!! ,

Today I am taking Max to get another steroid shot since it does seem to help him to be more comfortable.  Just when I think it may be "time", he starts running around the house playing with my other babies Princess Sophie-Anne and Toby.  So, I figure that as long as he doesn't seem to be in pain and suffering, we will keep up with the shots.  His vet says that he seems to be doing well and that she has not seen any significant decline or that he is having pain.  What do you think?  I would really appreciate your opinion...you know how hard it is to know if you are doing the right thing or not!  If it's not too difficult for you, let me know your thoughts on this.  I trust your opinion since we all love our cats so much...kindred spirits and all! 

Thanks so much for your help! 

Much love, prayers, and big purrs from me and my fur-babies! 

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Luvmykittys

Totally understand life and I appreciate your concern, and care for how I am doing, it means a lot to me.

As for Max, I say if he's responding to the shots, and seems to be happy, playing, interactive, and not in pain, I say it's not time yet. again, we never know when is the "right " time, but it's sounds like max is still comfortable, enjoying, and has a good quality of life. Mia was not only vomiting, choking and hiding in the bathroom, her 3rd eye (the internal lid) was visible which is a sign of pain. Another sign is disinterest in normal activities and food. Although. Mia had an appetite she was able to eat due to her throat and had been on liquid diet for months. But I would say keep on enjoying max and showing him love, attention and affection and just watch him for any signs of discomfort or struggle.

And I'm here for you, as are others from the site but you can message whenever. I work a crazy scheduled and sleep odd times, but I try to check here nightly.

You and max are in my prayers. Give him a pet for me.

SukeyForcats said:

Hello Luvmykittys,
One of the wonderful writers on this site somehow "gave me purrrraise" for something I wrote.  I'm the woman who had to let my stray cat Sweetie be euthanized by my vet.  Probably the only thing that helps me through the low points that come every day is reading notes here from people who love their cats as deeply as I love mine. I only came to the cat site about 4 weeks ago so I'm not sure how to give you PURRRRRRAISE but I'd like to. I think you are helping Medeamagic very much with your care and concern. I wish i knew both of you in real life. It would make life so much better. Instead I'll look for your posts, and tell you you deserve quite a lot of purrrrrrraise. 

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Sukeyforcats

We are all here for you too. We all know the feelings of caring for a sick kitty or losing one. You can turn to us whenever.
And yes I agree the luvmykitty (and everyone who posts here) has helped me deal with the loss of losing my life companion. It is very difficult and a daily struggle and many things can makeme upset. I am trying to turn memories into smiles and not tears, but to get there have to work through the tears.

Keep I touch and let us know what you are going through.

Also, to give purraise, click the thumbs up in the bottom right had corner of that persons post. :catguy: