Introducing father cat to kittens

Hi guys I'm in a little bit of a dilemma. My cat gave birth to 2 healthy kittens one week ago and I've been keeping all 3 of them in my room ever since. Now here's the thing.

I've also got a tomcat. He's never hissed, growled or puffed up (she has). He's scared of pretty much anything from the sound of high heels to a pillow being thrown in the air. He's also super playful and extremely cuddly. Because he lost his mom when he was about a month old, before he goes to sleep he always starts kneading and suckling a fluffy blanket.

Every day, I let him into my room for about 15 minutes. Not only does the cat accept him, but she just goes over, licks him (and so does he) and then completely steps away from the kitten box. I'm not as confident as she is, so I keep him at arm's length whenever he goes into the box. I don't let him in more than a step though because I'm scared he might hurt the kittens. Also, whenever he takes a step too close, I involuntarily tighten my hand around him, which just makes him scared, like there's some kind of threat in the box. And I realise that's only making it worse.

Do you have any advice? I wouldn't let him get too close yet, because the kittens are so small, but if I were to judge by her behaviour, it would be alright. I'm confuzzled.

Thank you!

Yes, you can let them meet.  Do supervise of course the first one - two times, but if there is no danger afoot, you can let him be with them as much as they wish.   The chance is quite good he will be a help mom there.

Sit there watching, talk sweetly and let him come forward as he pleases - as mom is letting him.

The real danger is with territorial toms who arent good friends with mom.  Such toms may kill the kittens.   Its unusual with other toms.

A friendly tom who IS good friend with mom and accepted by her to come near the kittens, is virtually no danger.   He may play too tough with them, that is all.   Or become scared of the kittens and hiss...

Next. The danger when a tom is going in for kill of kittens, is usually not biting them, but taking them by neck and shaking to death.  So its this gesture you shall look up with, if you are anxious.

The rest being vigilant is just because you are supposed to be vigilant, being their Grandma.  

Nay, the real problem is, the mom isnt protected by nursing from next pregnancies - unlike humans.   So if they do "ignite" on each other,  he can make her pregnant already now.

So such coexisting, however nice and sweet, is safe only with cat individuals who dont "ignite"  on each other...   Which does happens, its not unusal  cats living together arent interested sexually in each other, although good friends otherwise.

Good luck!     @Helenah

(Oh my god I'm a grandma)

Thank you so, so much! I needed the reassurance I'm going to look out for the shaking to death thing, as you said. I didn't know that was the only real danger. But other than that, I think I'll gather up my courage and let him meet his babies.

And yes, I am aware that they might "ignite", which is why I'll (sadly) have to get him neutered asap. He's actually tried it a few times already, but she growled at him so he started playing with her instead. She's kind of the one wearing the pants in this relationship

Thank you again so much for the great advice! I'm way more confident now. I hope everything turns out alright

This thread is from 2014.

This thread is quite old now the kittens mentioned are all seniors by now.