Not knowing hurts more than I would have thought.

well..I know you miss the baby...

I think its great that they didnt blow you off..or try to minimilize what you went through..

its a start..surely someone here will learn from this experience.if not the spay/neuter clinics

Btw Ryan yes you are admirable. And why would we criticise you? You have been very understanding and sympathetic towards the vet. You have no reason to feel guilty because it's not your fault. We understand the hurt you are feeling. You've had your heart and soul torn out. What's so admirable about you is that in despite of this and the horrendous mistake by the vet you're still such a great person that you are thinking about the vet and want her to keep her job and are worried about getting her in trouble. The world needs more people like you in it.

 I just feel like it was my fault, though I know there was nothing I could do. I do like to think it was her I heard. Mouse is so much like her already. He likes to sleep under the blankets and sit on top of the fish tank. I can't wait to see how much he grows up to be like her. 

Ryan Glenn said:

 
 I just feel like it was my fault, though I know there was nothing I could do. I do like to think it was her I heard. Mouse is so much like her already. He likes to sleep under the blankets and sit on top of the fish tank. I can't wait to see how much he grows up to be like her. 

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I'll tell you every time I'm here that it is not your fault my friend. Because it's not. You had absolutely zero control of what happened and the outcome Ryan. Good to have your other cat keep you company and entertained. It's a tough and painful road my friend. I think your mind will go up and down and change many times from happy to sad but after 2-3 months you will start to feel better and from there move forward, but still of course think of your baby and have sad times. Well that's my experience. Do the things that keep you stimulated and make you happy Ryan. For me it was exercise and playing sport. That made me relax and gave me something to focus on. I'd finish up after a soccer game crying my eyes out on the way home though. But that has stopped. But sport and exercise have been my outlet. I've broke and mended many times since my boy departed this earth. Then again do our baby'sreally depart? I'm sure they stay with us and our family while were on this earth in spirit. I was going to say my boy died, but he didn't really die. I know my boys spirit lives on, he's one tough cookie and I'm sure your baby is the same. 

Anyway I just wanted to offer you some insight into my journey so you know that we all have them. We all have our long, tough, bumpy road to ride but it does get better. I've heard various people say animals like humans go to heaven after they die. So our babies are ok my friend. They're ok in the after life keeping an eye out on us. Or they could be right by our side this very moment  

I find myself thinking a lot about Morticia thought most days. I see a lot of her in her babies. When Doctor is sleeping if I pick him up he just purrs and continues to sleep, Mouse is a funny one. He likes to climb up my leg and sit there. He starts purring immediately and just sits in my lap. Astrid wakes me up as early as three in the morning so that I will pet him. Morticia did that to me before she gave birth. I still miss her so much. Sometimes I swear she is here watching me. I will be outside in my yard, and I swear I can hear her running through the grass. Sometimes I swear that I can hear her meowing at me. I know I will never get over the fact that she is gone, but I feel like by now it should be easier.

Ryan Glenn said:

I find myself thinking a lot about Morticia thought most days. I see a lot of her in her babies. When Doctor is sleeping if I pick him up he just purrs and continues to sleep, Mouse is a funny one. He likes to climb up my leg. and sit there. He starts purring immediately and just sits in my lap. Astrid wakes me up as early as three in the morning so that I will pet him. Morticia did that to me before she gave birth. I still miss her so much. Sometimes I swear she is here watching me. I will be outside in my yard, and I swear I can hear her running through the grass. Sometimes I swear that I can hear her meowing at me. I know I will never get over the fact that she is gone, but I feel like by now it should be easier.

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Ryan Glenn, you have been through a tragic and completely unexpected loss with the death of Morticia. Do not expect yourself to get past it so easily. It was a bizzare and unexpected thing and that is what will make it much more difficult for you. You will always miss her, but it will get easier over time this I can promise you. Those memories of her running through the grass and meowing at you, keep those close. Try your best not to dwell on what happened and focus on her precious babies she left behind.

The grieving process is not the same for everybody... it can be longer or shorter for different people.   It`s been 4 months for me and I still hear her making noises around the room.   The intense pain and loss I felt has subsided but I still have moments where I think about her and miss her dearly.

It has been 6 weeks today since losing Min. I don't have the "painful sadness" anymore... but I get the all of a sudden "shock" that she REALLY is gone. I think of her still all the time..but now... tears are fewer.. plus the fact I'm dealing with her grieving sister... that kinda distracts me. I find myself saying outloud to her lil pictures on my nightstand... I'm so sorry...and I love you... It's a devastating thing to lose anything that is so special to you. It takes time.

I am so very sorry for your loss. I know that even saying so makes no difference. Please know you did what you thought was best. You do have her little babies and they will always have a home. You loved her as long as you could and you always will. I am sure she is at peace now. Try to think of the happy times you had with her.  They say time eases the pain,I never found it to be true, your thoughts surrounding it do but it never really goes away. I wish you all the best of luck with all the kittens and with everything.

Thanks everyone. Sometimes I feel like it will never get easier, though I know that it will eventually. I still find myself thinking about her everyday. Every time I look at her babies I think of her. Right now mouse is to small to wear her collar but when he gets bigger, he will be the one to wear it. 

Hi Ryan my good man. It's still early for u. I cried this morning for my boy and he was put to sleep on 9th July. To me it doesn't feel like he died. More like we killed him. I hate the fact. It plagues me. Like you it hurts because your baby died an in natural death and in your case it was those idiots that made your baby pass away.

It's a long journey my friend. It will get tougher before it gets easier. It's ******* hard. You've suffered a massively traumatic ordeal and I pray to god to help you.

You did not kill him, you eased his suffering and let him go You chose for him to go peacefully then suffer to the last minute. I do hope you find peace, I hope that you don't feel guilty about it. I am very sorry that you had to make that decision, it is never easy.

catconcern... I hope you can soon realize you indeed "helped" your boy along to a better place... I truly believe all life has a continued resting place...and your boy is there... in a much more beautiful "state" of being than our earthly place can give us. I also believe you need to tell yourself over and over you "blessed your kitty with the ultimate act of love", that's harder than ANYTHING in life to do.... but to reflect on it as a positive...not an evil. EVEN IF...your kitty had more time on this earth... I truly believe someday when we ourselves die and move on...we are going to say...this is SO MUCH BETTER than earth!! xo

Ryan... our grief is all a process...sometimes it takes us longer to get to the next step...but..that next step is there... no need to rush to get there... it will come to you... take care..

*hug*  What a terrible story.  Thinking of you and Morticia, and the little ones she left behind.  I'm glad you have them to help you heal.  Take care of yourself. 

Grieving will always take its own time, but for you her kittens can be both a reminder of her life and of her death so a constant reminder.  This is an extra thing for your mind and your emotions to work through and find meaning for.  I hope that positive thoughts and memories become more frequent for you and that the pain of loosing Morticia becomes lessened as days and weeks pass.  I think many people experience hearing and even seeing those they have lost, and for me I have these experiences now, some years later but they are rare and not sad at all.  In some ways they are a comfort, that for me my 'girls' are still with me in some way - their tails occasionally  swishing past my bed as I wake up from sleep, or walking out of a part open door that I can see from the corner of my eye.  You are caring for Morticia's kittens and that is the most precious bond to share.

MServant said:

 
Grieving will always take its own time, but for you her kittens can be both a reminder of her life and of her death so a constant reminder.  This is an extra thing for your mind and your emotions to work through and find meaning for.  I hope that positive thoughts and memories become more frequent for you and that the pain of loosing Morticia becomes lessened as days and weeks pass.  I think many people experience hearing and even seeing those they have lost, and for me I have these experiences now, some years later but they are rare and not sad at all.  In some ways they are a comfort, that for me my 'girls' are still with me in some way - their tails occasionally  swishing past my bed as I wake up from sleep, or walking out of a part open door that I can see from the corner of my eye.  You are caring for Morticia's kittens and that is the most precious bond to share.

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I find myself staring off in the distance and that is when I just know she is with me. I will be thinking about her and I can hear her. At least that is what tit feels like. It is hard to believe that she wasn't in any pain because it sure looked like it hurt. That is the thing that gets me the most, the last memory I have of her is her seizing as the blood pooled in her stomach. And 24 hours before that she was yowling. Though I admit three days before she died we were having a good time. She was outside with her kittens in the sun watching them play. She was teaching them to hunt.. One of the things I struggle with is the fact that she wont be here to teach them to do certain things. I mean I know they will learn it them selves, But I was so happy that they were going to have someone to teach them. 

@Ryan Glenn  your kittens will have learned a huge amount from Morticia in the time they had with her, and because you are there for them now and want them to continue in their learning they will learn from you too.  And because they are still in their familiar home with familiar people their loosing their mom will be far less traumatic than it could have been and their anxieties lessened; that is so important for them in their future lives.

No one wants to loose their cat, and especially not when she is raising her kittens, or to see them in pain but you have to know you did everything you could and I doubt she could have felt more loved so try hard to focus on those happy and fun moments that bring warmth.  It will get easier, maybe not yet, but in time it will.

I know that this thread has been up a month, but I wanted to express my sincerest condolences to you. Losing a pet is hard enough, but losing them unexpectedly, especially so young, can in some ways be even harder- you just don't see it. It comes out of no-where. I can't believe something like this could happen. I almost lost my little girl at 2 years due to a mysterious illness (it was found to be a blood clot in her stomach), and knowing she was in pain and feeling helpless to stop it was one of the worst emotions I've ever experienced. I wish her little ones all the best as they grow up.

pinksugar said:

 
I know that this thread has been up a month, but I wanted to express my sincerest condolences to you. Losing a pet is hard enough, but losing them unexpectedly, especially so young, can in some ways be even harder- you just don't see it. It comes out of no-where. I can't believe something like this could happen. I almost lost my little girl at 2 years due to a mysterious illness (it was found to be a blood clot in her stomach), and knowing she was in pain and feeling helpless to stop it was one of the worst emotions I've ever experienced. I wish her little ones all the best as they grow up.

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Thank you. It really is the hardest thing. I never would have thought that I would have to say good by to her so soon. They are growing up to be just like her, I am happy to say. 

The boys have recently started "calling" to the flys when they are hunting them, and even though I know lots of cats do it, it reminds me of Baby Kitty so much. Even though I still miss her I am so very happy that I have her three boys to remind me of her.

This is still my favorite picture of my Baby Kitty. I took this about three or so days before she gave birth.