Do any of you "fake insult" your cats?

gverdugo

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I admit I come from a family who has always done this. We love our kitties, are very doting to them and give them proper care, special food, and so forth. 

But we insult them, in a very jokey way, all the time. Of course with the next breath we are praising them and cuddling them. (You know how it goes.) The cats seem unperturbed by the "insults," and seem to know we love them.

Like our vets know what soft touches we are for the cats, so if we are paying an especially high vet bill, we'll mock grumble and say, "I don't know why we're paying this, this isn't a very good cat." The vets laugh because of course we're totally full of it.

Anyone else do this?
 

betsygee

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Sure--we always told our cats we were going to take them back to the SPCA if they didn't behave.  But after five years, I don't think they take the threat very seriously any more.  
 

denice

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I do it too.  I'll sometimes call my little girl Miss Hissy because of her hissing at my other kitty when he comes back from the vet and generally just not being as laid back as my little boy.  My little boy is the one with a chronic health issue and several large vet bills, I will sometimes call him my Money Pit.
 

cocheezie

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Yep. One cat is deaf and I can say anything I want as long as I'm careful with my facial expressions (hope she doesn't lip read). The other cat, well, I can't repeat here what I sometimes say.
 

di and bob

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I always tell my Siamese mix, 'why the long face?', or "you have a face only a mother could love!" My husband is always telling me I'm hurting his feelings, but I know he knows I love him deeply. I don't say anything to my sweet Burt, he just doesn't do anything that isn't sweet! Oh. oh, is he 'mommies favorite?!'
 

slykat12

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Yes . Whitney has a tiny head as compared to her big body. Her whiskers also extent 3 inches past her face and her ears are large. I call her tiny head. My family defends her. lol 
 

fhicat

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My cat has the agility of a potted plant, and I make sure to always tell him that when he slips while walking on a smooth surface, or when he mistimes his jump and ends up crashing to the floor and bringing a couple of items down with him. "Jed, you suck. Get a manual on how to be a cat."
 
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gverdugo

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 These are all hilarious! Thank you for sharing them!
 

peaches08

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My cat has the agility of a potted plant, and I make sure to always tell him that when he slips while walking on a smooth surface, or when he mistimes his jump and ends up crashing to the floor and bringing a couple of items down with him. "Jed, you suck. Get a manual on how to be a cat."
I literally LOL'd at this, and this is just like my poor Gadget!  He's such a sweet kitty but gosh he's dumb.  And yep, he's fallen off the cat tree more than once.  He'll be laying on the couch and try to roll over to show his tummy to you and falls off the couch.  I laugh that he's big, strong, and dumb like Sloth from The Goonies movie.

Julie...what a witch.  Not a diva, but a witch.  She's usually sweet with me, but she walks up and then rubs up on one of the boys, then stab bites them and swats.  Every now and then the boys get enough and one will hold her down for a while so she screams bloody murder.  Then they let her mean butt go, so she gets up all in a huff, walks over and swats another cat.
 

betsygee

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My cat has the agility of a potted plant, and I make sure to always tell him that when he slips while walking on a smooth surface, or when he mistimes his jump and ends up crashing to the floor and bringing a couple of items down with him. "Jed, you suck. Get a manual on how to be a cat."
That's hilarious. My Zoe is like that, too, I'm always telling her what a klutz she is!
 

carbella

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And I thought my husband and I were bad with the loving "insults". OMG these are so funny I LOL'd!
We have 4 cats, and as each one of you know, every cat has a different personality or "quirk", if you will.
Our oldest furbaby, Bella, is a little...overweight (lol) and is scared of her own shadow. Well, if either of us makes any sudden movements OR if one of the other cats make a sound that startles her, she freaks out and if she happens to be up on something (cat house, our bed or the couchetc.), when she "jumps" (more like falls) down, she makes the whole room's floor shake - we'll look at her, and by using the deepest voice we can use, we look at her and call her "thunder-cat" or we'll say something like, "holy crap on a cracker, you're so fat, you're gonna break our floor!" Or "Hey Thunder-Hips! Be careful, would ya?! Our insurance company isn't gonna believe us that our cat broke our floor!" :lol3:

Then we have our Mia, who is our youngest baby. This is more of an ongoing, daily funny story, rather than issuing "fake insults", lol however...She's a purebred Himalayan. She, for the most part, is the calmest furbaby we've ever seen...until she (and her mother, that we also have) decide to get their bursts of energy, and they will trample each other, running through our (hardwood) hallway...(if any you are familiar with Himi's, you'll know that they have a LOT of fur on the bottom of their paws, and in between their toes)...WELL, lemme tell ya - they are absolutely HILARIOUS when they try to stop in the hallway to make the turn into the kitchen...(in a nutshell, they don't....) they literally slide right past the kitchen doorway, right into the wall, then into each other. Lmao. We just look at them, laugh our butts off at them, and ask them if they need new brakes on their feet.

We are always telling friends that we don't need to go out for any sort of entertainment as we have all the laughs we can handle at home, just watching our kitties!

Sorry for veering off topic!
 

kookycats

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Of course we lovingly insult our babies (same as we do with each other). Angel is known as "Rosemary's Baby" or "Devil's angel" because of her bad temper at times. That little one has a mind of her own and NOBODY tells her what to do. Tippy is called "Miss Throwup" (by my husband - not me). Tony is just our Tony-Baloney" - and Paul sometimes tells him he's ugly (I don't like that -- I call him handsome). But it's all done with love and affection and of course the kitties just love us talking to them. As you all know, it's not what you say, but your tone of voice. and our tone of voice is always filled with our love.
 

pinkdagger

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All the time. Along similar lines as a lot of other people's, we tell our cats they suck at catting, that they're stupid or broken or clumsy and even fat (neither one is fat but the rest apply). One or both usually gets called a little s*** at some point throughout the week.
 
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nurseangel

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My RB cat Garfield and I used to argue over the coveted angled seat on our sectional sofa.  We didn't mind sharing, but both of us wanted to sit on the outside - nobody wanted the corner.  So one evening, he got off the sofa to get something to eat and I took his seat.  He came back in and there I sat.  "You snooze you lose," I said in a very gloating manner.  "That's the law of the jungle."  He narrowed his eyes and gave me a look that could only be interpreted as "you smart-mouth so and so".  That look worried me a little, like maybe I'd gone too far.  But what could my sweet baby possibly do to get back at me? Nothing! Then he jumped up, landing hard on my stomach.  Deliberately hard, I think.  OOF!  This was a heavy cat.

I also say to my cats:  If you don't like it, sue me!  I guess that could be considered sort of an insult.  Fortunately, they haven't ganged up and filed a class action against me yet.  
 
 
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gverdugo

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These are great stories! Hilarious! Keep 'em coming! 
 

donutlove

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I tell River if she dose not stop *doing whatever new bad thing* I will let the dog turn her into a dog. I don't think she believes me but it gets her to look up. 
 
 

isyreri

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I told my lovely Mister Piggy that I was robbed when I got him, I asked for a cat but I was given a pig and if he keeps that way I will eat him during new year then I pick him up and bite him very gently. Well he tastes like a cat so I don't think he wilk be cooked any soon. Love him a lot.
 

heathernichelle

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I totally do this! My kitty has hip dysplasia and now has a tendency to walk sideways. When he gets to running, he sometimes loses all control and crashes into things. He now also has very bad balance and tends to have many 'cliffhanger' moments when I have to catch him before he falls off of something. I say all sorts of things in the moment like "Hey there Grace", "You ok my klutzy baby?", or "Come here, Mr. Pathetic", but it's all just a joke and his medical condition is always taken very seriously. However, some days it is very interesting to live in a house with an old,ornery kitty with hip dysplasia.

Also, in case you are questioning his quality of life- it's ok...I understand. I ask my vet this question all of the time. He is on a pain control regimen, and it helps immensely. He is still able to jump (although I would prefer it if he would stop that and just use his steps that I have everywhere), he plays constantly, and otherwise acts just like he always has.
 

thecatprincess

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I call my girl miss bonnie feat she's a dainty kitty and when she walks on you its like someone digging there bonnie elbow into you.
 
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