I am feeling an overwhelming amount of guilt .....

I don't even know if this is the right forum for this, but I'm really struggling with guilt right now.  

My sister and her cat have lived with me for the past 3-4 years.  About two weeks ago he suddenly wasn't acting right and dropping weight.  We found out on Monday that he's in the late stages of kidney disease.  

I love that cat to death and have formed quite the bond with him, but this situation has ripped open a serious well of worry.  It pains me to have been so complicit by with not insisting on my sister getting him check ups, especially since he's an older cat.  It doesn't stop there though.  I have been terrible about checkups with my two and I'm so completely paranoid right now that I can't even sleep.  

I've been living paycheck to paycheck for years, under complete financial duress and the times I've had a little extra cash I've wasted it.  I've always used my situation as a crutch for why I couldn't spend a $200-$300 every year (or whatever it took) to just make sure their health is in good standing.  I love my cats to death and treat them like they're my children, but I failed miserably in this department.

I'm just so completely overcome with guilt and I'm panicking about what I'm going to do from here on out.  I don't start a new job until Monday and won't be paid until the 15th.  I have to get them in there, but again I'm so paranoid of the worst scenarios.

Just wanted to get this off my chest right now.  I don't know who else to talk to about it.  

aww I'm so sorry, but all I can say is my brother had a cat that lived for 20 years with no vet checkups, cheapest kibble ever, and I have raised 2 very spoiled kitties that have had the best care ever, and we just lost Min to chylothorax disease.... at age 10. I would much rather have been able to shower my sweet Min with awesome love for 10 years... than imagine what had happened if she wasn't turned into a shelter after she was first born.

I have not had a kitty with a kidney disease and don't know how that progresses or if there could have been meds to help, but the point is... we don't know how long any of us get the privilege to give our kitties the best life that we can provide them, but we do know we can fill that time with love they may have never had the opportunity to experience! Please don't look back, and only focus on the love you have blessed him with.

I took my cat to the vet (who is wonderful) regularly, and loved him as you seem to love your cats. Our vet suddenly found that he had a very enlarged liver. We spent a considerable amount on surgery. I barely slept for four nights after his surgery, and just sat there watching over him whenever I could. He died five days after the surgery, very suddenly. The moral of the story: that you never know what will happen. You have been doing your best. I am sure that your cats are very happy and loved.  I hope that that a vet visit will set your mind at ease about their health.

 we don't know how long any of us get the privilege to give our kitties the best life that we can provide them, but we do know we can fill that time with love they may have never had the opportunity to experience! Please don't look back, and only focus on the love you have blessed him with.

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Regarding your own cats, perhaps you will find a sympathetic vet who is not just interested in taking your money. All the money in the world cannot prevent animals becoming sick. I spent a small fortune on an operation which was doomed to fail. Perhaps I was hoping for a miracle and forgot to ask about the price beforehand.

Good luck with the vet you choose!

silverpersian said:

 
I took my cat to the vet (who is wonderful) regularly, and loved him as you seem to love your cats. Our vet suddenly found that he had a very enlarged liver. We spent a considerable amount on surgery. I barely slept for four nights after his surgery, and just sat there watching over him whenever I could. He died five days after the surgery, very suddenly. The moral of the story: that you never know what will happen. You have been doing your best. I am sure that your cats are very happy and loved.  I hope that that a vet visit will set your mind at ease about their health.

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I have a similar story, and know others with a similar story.  I spent an obscene amount of money trying to save the life of my dog when she developed an aggressive bone cancer.  The following year was torture for her, undergoing surgery, frequent poking, prodding and numerous radiation treatments.  She developed a secondary illness, precipitated by the surgery, that made her miserable.  Then the cancer returned and approximately one year after her diagnosis, one grueling year for everyone involved, she was gone.  Which isn't to say people shouldn't aggressively pursue treatment if they have the means and the prognosis is good, but you have to be realistic, too.  Her prognosis was excellent pre-surgery and, still, things did not work out well.  Throwing money at a medical problem doesn't magically cure it and, frankly, the technology is still well behind the times unless you have access to a premier university vet hospital.

Cats never suffer existential dread, they never worry about the end being near, they don't concern themselves with thoughts of living long enough to make their mark on the world: they're the perfect example of living fully in the moment.  All they want is to be loved, fed, played with, and be able to enjoy sunny spots and an outdoor view.  That's their definition of a well-lived, high quality life.  They don't sit around thinking, "Gee, I'd really like to make it to 17."  Only humans turn life into a contest, striving to be the last one out.  Cats don't care; they're intellectually incapable of caring.  Quality over quantity is what matters to them.  

That being said, there are programs for subsidizing, or partially subsidizing, veterinary care for low-income clients.  I don't know them off-hand, but surely someone has a list of resources.  You can always contact your local humane society to inquire about low-income clinics or vets who offer payment plans or have their own charitable program.  And Petflow has a "pet food stamps" program that could maybe help make things a little easier: https://petflow.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/200261014-Pet-Food-Stamps-Program-Information

Best wishes   

You need to forgive yourself. Even if you had taken all three cats to the vet regularly, there may have been very little they could have done for the kidney failure. If it helps, just promise yourself that you will take the cats to the vet once a year and stick to it. There's no need to rush and put yourself through a ton of stress and debt to do it right now unless they're acting sick, you're just scared because the one cat had such an unexpected illness. The others are right; some cats live forever with no vet care, others have all the vet care in the world and still pass away. Give yourself permission to forgive yourself; you can't go back in time to change things, and you're only human!

Well is saddens me to report that my sister's cat was put to sleep at 3am last night. 

I'm just kind of in shock right now after what has been a really emotional 10 days or so.  When we originally brought him into the vet about a week and a half ago he was diagnosed stage 4 kidney disease along with anemia.  They kept him at the vet for 48 hours and gave him all the fluids he needed and everything else.  We brought him home and administered the fluids ourselves along with his other meds.  

The first week was a little slow with his response, but by 9/29 he was beginning to really perk up and get back to his old regimen.  Honestly I think he liked the subcutaneous fluid injections based on the happy meow he would give when he was done.  My sister brought him in to get new panels done on 10/1 and it turns out his kidney functioning was up from 15% to 19%.  It felt like everything was on the right track and we really might be able to manage this thing.  

Then it changed.  Friday night I awoke at 2am as he was in my room throwing up.  There was food in there along with bile.  He also seemed to want to poop but couldn't and I know it was making him feel really awful.  He spent the next 24 hours just hiding out under my sister's bed, occasionally getting up to try the bathroom again, but could only pee.  By the time we got him into the vet on Sunday he was looking so poor again.

I knew this situation was going to be a process and required a lot of discipline.  After that panel was run on Wednesday when his numbers were up, the vet changed his phosphorus binder from Epakitan to Aluminum Hydroxide.  I've been reading that even though it's the best binder, it can make them extremely constipated if not given the proper fluids as well as other supplementation (i.e. Miralax).  My sister also had not given him his pepcid AC for a couple of days and also switched his food after the Royal Canin kitten kibble ran out.  Initially I didn't know about the Pepcid though.  Didn't find out about that until Friday.

Obviously based on this thread I'm feeling a little guilty about a lot of things, but I feel like we screwed up.  The routine changed when the vet adjusted his binder and the possibility of constipation issues weren't made aware.  Then my sister got a little lax with the routine.  He went from making a huge stride to gone in the next 72 hours. 

Anyone care to chime in on this?  I have a hard time moving on with things when I have so many lingering questions in my head.  

Really bad diseases happen to very nice cats for absolutely no reason at all. Us human beings cannot control everything in the universe. We cannot keep animals from dying. I sure wish we could. We can try to prolong the inevitable but ultimately they do die in the end and when they do die we cannot stop it from happening. You can question what would have happened if this and that and think if only I had this or that. But the reality of it is that the cat is no longer suffering and ill and also no longer living. There is nothing that will change that. No matter what people always feel responsible but they are not. You do what you can and you hope for the best and when it all falls away you remember to appreciate what you have with you now hoping that you will never feel the way you do now again. Sadly you will. it is human nature to feel responsible for everything. Sit with your grief. Write about it and try to learn from it. Learn to live for today the way cats do. I am very sorry your sister's cat died and that you feel you could have done more. Mother nature is cruel.

@RockSexton, all the team at TCS would like you to know that we are so sorry for your loss.  Guilt is such a common reaction at such a time and yet it is usually unwarranted, as I'm sure it is with you.  Please know that we hear this so often and we just want to reassure you and offer our support and sympathy.

Threads are locked after someone has suffered such a loss, as a sign of respect. However it can be very healing to start a thread at our Crossing the Bridge forum.  It serves as an enduring testimony to your friend and a place of support for you.