How to deal with the emotional side of taking care of strays?

How do people deal with strays. Ok a little back story might help..

I live in apartment with 2 kittens (Both are approximately 9 months old). My male kitten was adopted and the female was a rescue. The female, Rene was to be adopted by my parents but somehow didn't get along with their cat so I brought her back with me and have been keeping her with me ever since.

2 days ago I prepared some cat food and went down my apartment area to feed the strays there. I have occasionally seen some cats running about.. so I thought whenever I have some extra I will feed them.

I found like 3 kittens hiding under a car.. They look no older than 2 months. Totally afraid of humans.. So i just left some food and went looking for other strays to feed.

There was this cat that basically ran towards me. It was hurt. Badly hurt. It has either gotten into a fight or an accident. A part of its elbow has a big hole. A hole as big as half of a human palm. The skin in that area is gone and you can see the flesh inside.. dried blood all over its leg.... then the face... The face has dried blood, crusty dried blood...nose had a lump of skin/ blood crust.. it seems like it has been crying and sneezing blood. When it approached me it sounded like it was growling but then i realized it was purring but it had a gurgling sound.. almost if there were liquid/ blood in the throat. It was starving.. Gave it a lot of food. Sat there till it ate cause i didn't want other cats bullying it and stealing its food. I was sitting at the road side crying like a baby. 

I honestly have no extra money to bring it to a vet. I have tried calling up vets to ask if they would help with the vet cost when I rescued Rene (she had mange) and none agreed not even the local SPCA. No one wants to do anything for free. I currently have 2 kittens and to be honest I cannot afford to take care of another. I am a responsible cat owner. I buy them good food. I have money for vet visits. They are vaccinated. They are also spayed and neutered but I just cannot stretch my budget for another cat. Once in a while when I have the extra money, I buy a can or two of cat food and feed the cats down my apartment. I work a full time job that doesn't pay much to be honest. I feel like such a horrible person for not being able to do anything. I feel so guilty. 

So my question is this:

How do I deal with this? The guilt? A part of me is telling me to go back to my apartment with my 2 cats and live in that bubble. No pain. No need to see the sufferings of the strays. Just basically shut them out. But I just cant. I cannot ignore them knowing they are hungry and scared.

This is something I am painfully familiar with. I'm disabled, on a very fixed budget, and cannot give up caring for my ferals. I only feed the three, sometimes the neighbor's cat too. (She gets bullied, and has a VERY high metabolism. Always thin as a rail, no matter how much she eats.)

I could never ignore cats. Thankfully, other neighbors help care for and TNR the others. Are there any neighbors who would help out? Could you put a poster up somewhere, or a message on facebook asking for someone to rescue a cat in extreme need?

Many cat lovers seek out cases like this, trying to save "lost causes". That seems to be the only real option.

And I speak from a lifetime of rescuing strays... Every act of kindness is precious to them. Even one free meal in tough weather could mean the difference between life and death.


Does your county do TNR? If not, consider talking to people about adopting TNR for the others.

As for the emotional side... I just do my best day by day. I desperately wish our love alone would make it possible to help every cat we see... but we have to do the best we can with what we have. I wish I could offer better comfort or answers, but all I have is reach out to others who feel the way you do to help those kitties.

Hi Sharon,

Thank you for trying to help these cats. There are a lot of us in the same position as yourself. It's draining, emotionally and financially, and we can't save them all but every little thing you do helps.

If I were you I would find out what TNR groups, no-kill shelters and rescue groups there are in your area and see if any of them can give you help or advice on what to do with this injured cat.

Animal Control will probably just catch the cat and put it to sleep so don't bother calling them.

Here is one group that might be able to help you, there are others out there.

http://www.alleycat.org/

Good luck.

Is there a Humane Society in your area? Some of them have TNR programs and may be willing to assist. They will trap the cat, and as long as the cat doesn't test positive for FIV or FeL will provide veterinary care. If the cat is sick they will euthanize it (which may be the most humane option if the cat is suffering). If the cat is too feral to be adopted, they will release it back outside. It sounds as though this cat is suffering, so I hope someone will be able to assist you in capturing it to see if it can be saved. It's also possible likely that others have contacted Animal Control, because most people are distressed when they see an injured, crying cat outside. Also, if the cat is sick, it can infect other cats. If your local shelter doesn't have a TNR program, perhaps you can borrow a humane trap from them, trap the cat, and then bring the cat to them if they're willing to take the cat and examine it.

I worry about my outdoor feral all of the time, especially in the winter. I don't think there's any getting around the worry, I guess we just all do the best that we can.

I have been feeding and taking care of feral cats for almost 2 years.  I have 2 indoor cats also.  sometimes just feeding them can be a great help and healer.  I have this one cat like yours, i think he was hit by a car.  his front leg was so dislocated it seemed sideways.  almost a compound fracture. he was so skinny, just skin and bones.  I told my friend that he wouldn't be around long.  i thought he would die within days.  he would limp around and everyday come back for more food.    well its been months now he healed up and almost back to normal. for a feral cat that is.  all i ever did for that cat was put food out there everyday.  i was really amazed.

Remember the starfish story? Where the child was putting starfish back into the ocean when the beach was literally covered with them? The adult came by and asked why he bothered - "you can't save them all." The kid looked at the adult and said "I can save this one."

I swear I have wasted too much of my life worrying that I didn't do enough. We all do that but it is a waste of time. If we are doing what we can, whatever that is, we are at least doing. Even the Bible speaks of this - in the story of the widow's mite. We need only be upset if we aren't not doing our best, however humble that best may be.

A can of cat food, a soft touch, any small thing makes a world of difference.

I do agree with other posters, though. There is power in numbers. If you can find a group or even a few friends, your work will be enhanced and you will have some emotional and practical support. If not, keep plugging on. You are making a difference.

Thank you so much for all the advice and words of encouragement. It has really made me feel loads better and not so hopeless.

Yes we have a local TNRM group. I must first snap a picture of the cat and then contact the TNRM people through Facebook and hopefully someone would be able to help. Hopefully I will be able to get back home before dark and get a picture of the poor kitty. 

It just makes me so angry when people are so irresponsible and even evil at times. People here dump their pets when its inconvenient for them. I have even had people tell me they were moving and couldn't take their dog so they just dumped it on the street somewhere. Its just so sad . My female cat Rene, I'm positive she was a dumping case because she wasn't like other street cats here. She stayed at one spot through out (in front of a 7/11) and was the friendliest loving cat ever. Purrs non stop. Sometimes I think that maybe she didn't move cause she knew I would find her there and take her in . Most people here do not bother to neuter and spay their cats and dogs cause its too 'expensive' and some even allows their unfixed cats out resulting in cats coming back pregnant. All this contributes to the population of strays. And then there are the so called humans who beat, poison, hurt strays just for the fun of it and the worse part is high chances are they go unpunished. 

I do see now that I myself cannot help every stray cat and dog in the world (Tho if I had all the money in the world I would take each and every one in..) but for the one i do help, it makes a difference. Thank you all. I really was feeling down and miserable but now, now i'm seeing things in a different light. I will do my best and maybe my best isn't that great but it will mean something to that one stray i do feed.

Thanks guys...

Yesterday i had to euthanize the feral cat I have been feeding outside my apartment building for about a year. Any other day i would be outside giving her food right now, instead I'm looking for solace on this web site. My heart is broken. i can't manage my emotions. Some of the comments cat lovers have written you help me, but I keep coming around to the thought that I paid a doctor to kill a little cat who trusted me.  How can i get over that? I called her Sweetie. The vet told me many of her teeth were broken, she was probably older than i thought, and she had feline leukemia. He tried to suggest ways to keep her alive and adopt her. he wanted me to take her home, isolate her from my other cats, bring each of them in for testing and two leukemia vaccines each. Two of my 4 cats are FiV positive with compromised immune systems. The vaccine might not protect them.  He said Sweetie might live a number of good years or she might decline quickly in a few weeks. No one can tell. And my other cats might get leukemia from her.  I guess he thought if I had a three story house with some extra bedrooms where I could shut her in maybe I could keep the cats apart. No. I live in a small apartment. Other people see the risk to my cats. All I can see is Sweetie's face looking up at me as she waits outside for me to feed her. I won't ever see that face again.  Can both you and i keep in mind that we try to help?  That just isn't  clear to me today. All I know is I ended her life.

SukeyForcats said:

 
Yesterday i had to euthanize the feral cat I have been feeding outside my apartment building for about a year. Any other day i would be outside giving her food right now, instead I'm looking for solace on this web site. My heart is broken. i can't manage my emotions. Some of the comments cat lovers have written you help me, but I keep coming around to the thought that I paid a doctor to kill a little cat who trusted me.  How can i get over that? I called her Sweetie. The vet told me many of her teeth were broken, she was probably older than i thought, and she had feline leukemia. He tried to suggest ways to keep her alive and adopt her. he wanted me to take her home, isolate her from my other cats, bring each of them in for testing and two leukemia vaccines each. Two of my 4 cats are FiV positive with compromised immune systems. The vaccine might not protect them.  He said Sweetie might live a number of good years or she might decline quickly in a few weeks. No one can tell. And my other cats might get leukemia from her.  I guess he thought if I had a three story house with some extra bedrooms where I could shut her in maybe I could keep the cats apart. No. I live in a small apartment. Other people see the risk to my cats. All I can see is Sweetie's face looking up at me as she waits outside for me to feed her. I won't ever see that face again.  Can both you and i keep in mind that we try to help?  That just isn't  clear to me today. All I know is I ended her life.

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But you fed her when she was hungry, you cared about her when no one else did. You gave her a name and you gave her something to look forward to every day; seeing you and hearing your voice. Ultimately you saved her from a slow painful death.

You did everything you could for her and when you could do no more you made sure she didn't suffer. If I was a stray cat I would want someone to show that much love to me

Thank you Norachan. I keep coming back to your note every hour or so to remind me that maybe I helped Sweetie a little. It's a beautiful fall day here. i wish i could feed her today. i wish the last two days of her life were not spent in a veterinarian hospital. My vet said she was scared and struggling with the technicians so he would have to sedate her before he euthanized her, and I would not be allowed into the room where he sedated her. So she was sleeping not conscious when he brought her into the room where he euthanized her. i spoke to her, but she doesn't know. No kind words reached her at the end. Sweetie, little girl ; I miss her so much.

Please Feralvr, please write me one more time. You helped so much during the trapping and preparations for Sweetie. please let me hear from you once more.

Norachan, from one feral caretaker to another.  I know. I am there now, have been there for 7 years, hoping begging scrounging for monies, cheap care and the like.

My colony is now in the process of being disbanded and I'm maybe being sued all for trying to care for and remediate the "problem".  Problem is, no one wants to 

deal with the forgot lost and abandoned cats, much less the ferals.

I will say 2 things helped,

1) that you can (in US) get antibiotics for wounds and infections without a prescrption - stuff for fish and birds, and look up dosages and

give to the cats that need.  This is not preferred, but when you can't get a vet to help, don't have alot of money and NEED to do something - this is the way to go.

Dosage info for cats is available readily online on the internet, and fish and bird abx are NOT regulated (yet) so you can get them an use them.  Many vet supplies

have cheap no prescription wormers and flea treatments available as well.

2) there were some low cost spay neuter services, I had to trap and travel with cat to, but for 65 dollars that beats 300 for a spay neuter and rabies shot!!

3) some pet stores had clinics for shots that were low cost

4) I work as a pet sitter to make monies for the cats to feed them (was costing 300 a month to feed 25 of these poor guys)

5) I made shelters out of old rubber maid bins on sale at HOme Depot and places like that.  Cut a hole, filled with craft staw and painted brown 

with spray paint and hid as best I could in bushes out of sight.

6) I TRIED to feed with dishes but that didn't work resorted to paper boxes I collected when I could when they were done eating I took away.  

7) I got the cheapest food at Walmart (best prices), through supermarkets that donated and our local food pantry

8) I had no one to support me, but online is a good place.  Many people are doing this, just don't know that others are also doing so in the hood, sometimes quite close by.

9) Love yourself.  Remember you can't even if you want to save them all.  Remember that even 1 or 2 saved or feed is better than nothing

10) avoid seeing it if you can help it... and if you cna't feed, but can help someone who IS feeding by giving them a break, by teaming up with them to clean up,

or to monitor sites, do that.  or help transport

ferals for spay neuter or medical, or help recover them from surgeries safely in your bathroom, lots of things you can do that will make a difference...

I've been this way for a long time with a soft heart, and I wish I could ignore things, but God didn't make me that way

SukeyForcats said:

 
Yesterday i had to euthanize the feral cat I have been feeding outside my apartment building for about a year. Any other day i would be outside giving her food right now, instead I'm looking for solace on this web site. My heart is broken. i can't manage my emotions. Some of the comments cat lovers have written you help me, but I keep coming around to the thought that I paid a doctor to kill a little cat who trusted me.  How can i get over that? I called her Sweetie. The vet told me many of her teeth were broken, she was probably older than i thought, and she had feline leukemia. He tried to suggest ways to keep her alive and adopt her. he wanted me to take her home, isolate her from my other cats, bring each of them in for testing and two leukemia vaccines each. Two of my 4 cats are FiV positive with compromised immune systems. The vaccine might not protect them.  He said Sweetie might live a number of good years or she might decline quickly in a few weeks. No one can tell. And my other cats might get leukemia from her.  I guess he thought if I had a three story house with some extra bedrooms where I could shut her in maybe I could keep the cats apart. No. I live in a small apartment. Other people see the risk to my cats. All I can see is Sweetie's face looking up at me as she waits outside for me to feed her. I won't ever see that face again.  Can both you and i keep in mind that we try to help?  That just isn't  clear to me today. All I know is I ended her life.

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You did not 'kill' the cat SukeyForcats, you helped. You feed her,loved her.. that is a lot more than most street cats get. What you did was an act of compassion and you shouldn't feel guilty about it. Be happy, be happy that you gave her hapiness, you gave her a sense of belonging, you were there with her till the end. I understand your pain. The helplessness.. The 'I wish I had a ton of money to help all the strays and take them in and shower them with love till the day I die' but sadly it doesnt work that way in the world. The 'starfish story' by Ondine helped me A LOT. Making a difference in one life is way better than none. That one life that was touched makes it worth it. You touched Sweeties life in a way that humans will never understand. She knows what you did for her. She knows you tried your best.  Dont be sad. 

Hello guys,

I managed to snap pictures of the cat and send it to a few groups. A vet just informed me (by looking at the pictures) that the cat has Sporotrichosis. He said its in a developed stage and advised me to put it to sleep. Very upset with the turn of events. I expected someone to take him in...not put him down!

Another group told me to NOT put him to sleep but to wait and they will get someone to get in touch with me. So far it has been 3 days and no news

yet.

His wound, its getting quite bad, he now doesn't walk using that leg anymore. I still feed him tho..

Anyone here has experience with Sporotrichosis? I know the cat has to be quarantined and confined. I also know its highly contagious to animals and humans as well and its an airborne disease.

I cant keep him. I have 2 cats at home...Cannot risk their lives.

Any advice?

It is so sad.  But in the three days since the rescue said to wait, that poor cat has been suffering.

It is not your fault, but it seems to me the least cruel approach is your vet's.  You can't take the cat in, of course, and no one else seems to be able to right now, either.

The disease, as you've learned, is contagious to humans and other animals, so the longer you wait, the more exposure it will have.  I would allow the cat to go in peace.

We sometimes are so worried about looking cruel, we forget we have the ability to stop the suffering.

Bless you for caring for him.  It appears he needs relief and you have the ability to provide that to him.

SukeyForcats said:

 
Yesterday i had to euthanize the feral cat I have been feeding outside my apartment building for about a year. Any other day i would be outside giving her food right now, instead I'm looking for solace on this web site. My heart is broken. i can't manage my emotions. Some of the comments cat lovers have written you help me, but I keep coming around to the thought that I paid a doctor to kill a little cat who trusted me.  How can i get over that? I called her Sweetie. The vet told me many of her teeth were broken, she was probably older than i thought, and she had feline leukemia. He tried to suggest ways to keep her alive and adopt her. he wanted me to take her home, isolate her from my other cats, bring each of them in for testing and two leukemia vaccines each. Two of my 4 cats are FiV positive with compromised immune systems. The vaccine might not protect them.  He said Sweetie might live a number of good years or she might decline quickly in a few weeks. No one can tell. And my other cats might get leukemia from her.  I guess he thought if I had a three story house with some extra bedrooms where I could shut her in maybe I could keep the cats apart. No. I live in a small apartment. Other people see the risk to my cats. All I can see is Sweetie's face looking up at me as she waits outside for me to feed her. I won't ever see that face again.  Can both you and i keep in mind that we try to help?  That just isn't  clear to me today. All I know is I ended her life.

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I know how hard it is to accept that we will never see that furry little face again, but you have to keep in mind that yes she DID trust you, she trusted you to do what was right and not condemn her to a horrible slow death full of pain and misery. You gave her a year of love and care and I'm sure she loved you dearly for it. She would not have been happy locked in a small room, you did what you could. Please celebrate the love the love you two shared by loving another precious soul, that would be a wonderful tribute to her and validate her love for you, do it in her name. RIP beautiful Sweetie, you were very loved!

I too did this.  A lovely grey feral boy in the hood.  He came to eat at my house for a year, then oneday I saw he was ill and managed to get him in.  He was SO SWEET.  He wasn't feral!  He was an abandoned cat.  I got him to a vet, and bawled when I discovered he had severe stomatits and would need a full mouth extraction of the teeth.  Plus he was FIV posisitve.

 I had given him some bupronex pain killer meds in the food, wet baby food, and a bit of cream .  He had a full meal, a warm place to sleep protect from harm.  He was soo happy that last night.  i knew I didn't have 1000 dollars for his teeth, nor could I keep an FIV cat inside only.  I had no choice but to give him his realse.  I know he got a good night before, he got food, warmth and loving care and it was the very best I could do for him.  Ideally I'd like to rescue them all.  Its why I have a house of 6 semi feral disabled cats!

But I can't care for so many easily.   Right now, I'm in the throes of shutting a colony down, and removing and rehoming the cats.  I have 21 that need homes, and that will be leg trapped if I can't get them - and of those, most will either be euthanized or damage their paws so much they will not ever have full use of them again.  

I feel for you, but like everyone said, you did the best thing.  Sometimes a merciful passing is best, and making the cat comfortable at the end.

I know if it were I, and my life were at stake, its how I would want to be treated.  Warmth, love and care at the end.  Ending suffering....and letting the cat find peace.

It's difficult.  I've had them euthanized and some have died as kittens or adults, two of my favorites were hit by cars.  I buried each one of them in my yard except one - Buddy - who I inherited when I bought my house.  He followed me around like a dog and was here for 3 years, I had him cremated and have his ashes.  I felt he deserved it.  I think I've grown used to the idea that they are furry little angels who are in my life for a short while and when they're with me I spoil them.  They have toys, catnip, scratching posts, pads to sleep on outside, high quality food and they sleep in my garage when it gets too cool for them outside - with heated beds, pads and fleece blankets.  I love them but I have 3 indoor cats who are aged 10-14 which helps!  I remember them and have records of their lineage - who's the grandma/mom/kitten etc. I also take lots of pictures of them enjoying life around my yard, porch etc. 

PilotCat said:

 
I too did this.  A lovely grey feral boy in the hood.  He came to eat at my house for a year, then oneday I saw he was ill and managed to get him in.  He was SO SWEET.  He wasn't feral!  He was an abandoned cat.  I got him to a vet, and bawled when I discovered he had severe stomatits and would need a full mouth extraction of the teeth.  Plus he was FIV posisitve.

 I had given him some bupronex pain killer meds in the food, wet baby food, and a bit of cream .  He had a full meal, a warm place to sleep protect from harm.  He was soo happy that last night.  i knew I didn't have 1000 dollars for his teeth, nor could I keep an FIV cat inside only.  I had no choice but to give him his realse.  I know he got a good night before, he got food, warmth and loving care and it was the very best I could do for him.  Ideally I'd like to rescue them all.  Its why I have a house of 6 semi feral disabled cats!

But I can't care for so many easily.   Right now, I'm in the throes of shutting a colony down, and removing and rehoming the cats.  I have 21 that need homes, and that will be leg trapped if I can't get them - and of those, most will either be euthanized or damage their paws so much they will not ever have full use of them again.  

I feel for you, but like everyone said, you did the best thing.  Sometimes a merciful passing is best, and making the cat comfortable at the end.

I know if it were I, and my life were at stake, its how I would want to be treated.  Warmth, love and care at the end.  Ending suffering....and letting the cat find peace.

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This is really heart breaking, but at least he had one night of comfort and was spared a painful death alone.

PilotCat, I've read your other posts. I think it's terrible that people are treating you and the colony you care for this way. I was shocked to hear that something as barbaric as a leg trap is still being used these days. It's the 21st century, what is wrong with us!?

I hope your able to rehome or remove all of those cats. I think getting a bit of media coverage from the local press would help your cause and maybe buy you a bit more time. There are a lot of people like us who find animal abuse inexcusable.

More power to you.

Ondine said:

 
It is so sad.  But in the three days since the rescue said to wait, that poor cat has been suffering.

It is not your fault, but it seems to me the least cruel approach is your vet's.  You can't take the cat in, of course, and no one else seems to be able to right now, either.

The disease, as you've learned, is contagious to humans and other animals, so the longer you wait, the more exposure it will have.  I would allow the cat to go in peace.

We sometimes are so worried about looking cruel, we forget we have the ability to stop the suffering.

Bless you for caring for him.  It appears he needs relief and you have the ability to provide that to him.

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I am very confused as what should I do. The response i got on Facebook... Every single one told me not to put him to sleep. There were some that actually said they are willing to chip in the money for medication but what everyone fails to see is buying meds and treating the poor thing is of no use as long as he is on the street. Everyone has so much to say about this issue and some being borderline rude and saying the vet that suggested this was stupid and should be put to sleep instead of the cat.

Im quite frankly quite irritated that it is so easy to say 'there are other ways, dont put the cat to sleep', 'you should take him to the vet'. 

Everyone expects me to take him in but no one understands I have 2 cats at home. I cannot afford the medication. Its like daily meds for like 6 to 8 months. The cost per month should be half my monthly income. No vet is gonna take him in because the disease is contagious.

There is someone who messaged me and said that she will take him in but she wants a cage and medication. I think she is a student. I'm not keen. She seems too young and I do not think she has the means. I know people will donate but rationally she is not gonna get full medication for the poor boy every single month. I asked her whether she knew what is Sporotrichosis and got no reply. I'm not willing to give him to her just for her to be careless and fall sick herself or even just chuck him when she cannot afford it anymore. I need someone adult, prepared. I'm feeling so torn. Am i rejecting someone that might save him? She was the only one that offered to keep him. She lives in a flat/apartment. Should I just give him to her? But i'm extremely worried as it is an airborne disease.

As for the waiting 3 days. I don't know what i should do. What if i put him to sleep and the very next day someone actually contacts me and tells me that they can save him. What if i kill him before he had a chance?

Another person close to me said I just just leave him be, just feed him as I used to and let nature take its course.

I'm so confused.