Had to let my Kip go yesterday

runekeeper

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Losing a cat every year for the last three years is not fun, and as of yesterday morning, I am cat-less for the first time in 25 years. My Kippy was... maybe 13-15 years old? I found him as an adult in the backyard 12 years ago and just brought him in the house. This past year has been rough for him, between fatty liver disease and chronic diarrhea that I suspect was IBD. But he chugged along, ate a little too well (10 or so ounces of canned food a day plus kibbles at night), drank, used his litterbox at least half of the time and while lethargic and skinny, found the strength to be a noisy pain in the butt whenever he heard the fridge open.





I just don't know what happened to him. It was so sudden. He showed no signs at all of deterioration and ate and drank just fine on Monday. I stuck him in the bathroom around 11pm on Monday and he was okay. For those wondering, he stayed in the bathroom because he liked to poop on the carpet at night, and all chemicals were kept out of his reach. At around 1 or 2 Tuesday morning, I heard him scratching around in his litter box, so he was alright then too. About 3:30, I get up and check on him again and he's limp in his bed, can't stand up or hold up his head.





I held him all night because I knew no one at the animal hospital would be available at 4am and the phone lines were down at my house anyway. He seized on and off for a few hours, and he seemed slightly better between seizures, holding his head up and was alert. He managed to give my hand a few head-butts when he was able to stay still, and after his second seizure, he just kept looking back and forth across the room. At that point, I wasn't sure if he was confused, scared or possibly couldn't see any longer. But then he just kind of went totally limp and kicked around every so often while trying to meow. I just held him for five hours until a vet was available.I'm shocked he made it that long, but am sorry he had to suffer for so many hours before I could finally let him rest. I couldn't bear to look at him when he had very violent seizures, but I still held him.





Like I said, no idea what happened to him. When I found him, his gums were bright yellow, leading me to suspect possible liver failure. Thing is, he wasn't yellow Monday. And I always check him every day. He would get a "bath" with a wet rag because he quit grooming himself, I'd check in his ears and his chin because he had kitty acne, and I'd check his eyes to see if the white membranes were yellow or orange (due to his history of hepatic lipidosis). He was a little pale, but he's been that way for months. Is it possible for his liver to fail that quickly? I'm positive he didn't eat or drink anything toxic. Could he have had cancer or some kind of other illness I didn't know about? With my other cats, I could kind of tell when they were on their way out, but Kip showed no warning signs. He just went from okay to dying in a matter of a couple hours.





There was no question about what to do or saving him at the vet's, and I assume if there was some shred of a chance he'd pull through, the vet would have told me as much.





I miss my kitty so much and tried so hard to help him when he got sick. I know he may not have had the best life, but I'd like to hope his life was better with me than it would have been had I left him outside. He was a sweet kitty and even when he started feeling sick and tired, he still always purred for me, showed me affection and very rarely played (which, for him, was nipping my finger when I put it on his nose). I just hope he knew how much I loved him.
 

asherdash

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My condolences on your loss. Sorry, I have no idea what could have happened to your kitty. I learn a lot on this site, I started off as an accidental pet owner by bringing a kitty in from the cold about 9 years ago. One year ago today my Daisy passed away, that was and still is very difficult. I'm sure your kitty knew you love him.
 

mnm

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whew that's heartbreaking. We put our kitty down Saturday.... she was only 10 and 4 weeks ago acted normal as can be... developed chylothorax. Anyway, I feel your sadness and void. We do have her litter sister still, but she is a daddy's girl... while our one that passed was a mommy's girl.

My heart goes out to you and I pray for deep peace for you, knowing you did everything that proved your love to your baby.
 

jcat

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I'm so sorry for your loss. We lost an elderly dog to liver cancer years ago, and he didn't show severe symptoms until two days before his liver failed completely. It's quite possible that Kip developed (multiple?) organ failure simply due to old age. They're never with us long enough. :( I'm sure he knew and felt your love for him and was grateful for the time with you.

RIP, Kip. :rbheart:
 

di and bob

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I'm sure he knew how much you loved him, as I'm sure he was comforted as you held him in the end even though it broke your heart. I'm so sorry you have to go through this, a broken heart takes a long time to heal. Try not to dwell on the end, but celebrate the love you two shared instead. He sounds like a sweet boy, I'll keep you both in my thoughts and prayers. Bless you for loving him so much. RIP beautiful Kippy!
 

red top rescue

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If it helps, I do know from people who have seizures that they are not at all aware when they are having a seizure, and they are often confused when they recover, so your guy was probably not suffering as much as you were.  There are many processes that could have caused that kind of ending scenario, but in the long run, it doesn't matter what it was.  He had a rough last year, as you said, and it was just his time.  I'm really sorry for your losses.  The fact is, we live longer than they do, and that's a good thing, because otherwise we'd be leaving them behind.  I'm sorry for your loss and hope you will open your heart and home to another cat, in his honor, when you are ready to adopt or foster. 
 
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runekeeper

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Thank you all for the kind words. I'm still just trying to take in how fast this all happened. I do try to take comfort in knowing we live longer than our fuzzies because I wouldn't want to ever leave my cats behind if I were the one to go first. It's also somewhat comforting to know that while he was seizing, he was likely not there mentally. It definitely looked and sounded painful when he was having seizures, but the lack of awareness might explain why he kept looking back and forth like he had no idea what was going on between seizures. I just hope I was able to make life a little more bearable for him this past year since he didn't seem very happy...unless he was being fed.

And while it's way too early to think about this, I don't think I'm going to want another cat. Not only because it hurts so much to lose them, but because there's no apartments in my area that allow pets and if I ever manage to hopefully get on my own two feet, I'd have to re-home the cat when I moved in. I think I'd rather just admire other people's cats from now on. It'll suck not having a cat of my own, but there are a lot of things I want that I can't or shouldn't have.
 

caralian

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I am really bad at this. Everytime I read someone's story I always end up crying. It breaks my heart because I can remember my own pain when my previous cat died, as I'm sure most people here experience the same thing.

Your story is heartbreaking. I am so sorry for your loss. It is really hard not to beat yourself up about it, not to feel guilty. I know the feeling. Just know that it gets easier, even if you can't imagine that now. You'll always miss him, but eventually it will be possible to think about him without that pain on the surface and actually smile while remembering the good moments or seeing pictures of him. 

Please don't give up on cats. You obviously love cats (even though their passing hurts) and would do anything for them, and any cat would be lucky to have you (and vice versa of course!).
 

goholistic

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I'm so sorry for your loss, @RuneKeeper
  I was just about to respond in that canned food thread you posted in recently, but I saw this and am heartbroken. I can only imagine how long and painful a night that was for you holding Kip in your arms, but I'm glad you were able to be with him and comfort him during that time. There's no doubt in my mind he knew how much you loved him. 


Rest in peace, sweet boy. 
 
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