Making the decision to euthanize

Status
Not open for further replies.

heatherg

TCS Member
Thread starter
Kitten
Joined
Sep 2, 2014
Messages
6
Purraise
4
I have an appointment to euthanize at home tomorrow. This is so hard! With my two dogs, it was obvious -- crisis on the one hand, and the end of golden years on the other. My 13-year-old kitty (who I have only had less than two years, boo!) has lymphoma, chemo has stopped working, and basically I think I am euthanizing to avert panic/crisis. I look at all of the little self-quizzes, and yes, my kitty is eating, drinking, purring, wants to go outside. He is not in pain. But at times the past 5 days he is very low energy, and the mass in his throat is clearly growing, as he sounds at times like a pigeon, a honking Canada goose, or a kid with whooping cough. Seriously, gasping at times the past day or so.

I'm pretty sure, and my vet agrees, that this could now grow very fast (he had chemo 5 days ago, and we are thinking it is not working), and overnight I could find myself with a panicked kitty doing open mouth breathing. I want to avoid that, avoid having t throw him in the car in the middle of the night. But this is so hard, because he's begging to go outside right now. He's head butting me. He stalked a squirrel two hours ago.

But, he sounds terrible. And I know how it feels to have an asthma attack and feel like you cannot breathe. And this is a tumor, growing, so it can only get worse.

It is so hard how it changes every 30 minutes. Sometimes he settles down to sleep and you cannot hear his breathing much at all. Then other times I can hear him across the house, and he sounds like he is strangled.

Ok, so am I doing right by him? 20 hours to go. We had a nice day: salmon, snuggles, strolling the neighborhood, napping together in the sun on my bed. Just about perfect, actually. Maybe a nice note to end on. I want him to die peacefully.

Thanks.
 

denice

TCS Member
Veteran
Joined
Feb 7, 2006
Messages
18,839
Purraise
13,146
Location
Columbus OH
I am so sorry, I know this is very hard.  A lot of people say that you will know when it's time but I have always struggled.  Personally given what you have said here I think you are doing the right thing.  Having episodes of not being able to breath and panicked because of it when it is caused by a growth that is no longer responding to treatment is a good time to decide to let your kitty go peacefully.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #3

heatherg

TCS Member
Thread starter
Kitten
Joined
Sep 2, 2014
Messages
6
Purraise
4
True! I "knew" so clearly with my dogs. This time it's really hard. It's apparently not always a case of "you'll just know."

I guess I keep thinking about how in the moment animals are. Shouldn't he die on a positive note? To avoid him having ANY distress at all, even if he could have had more time....I guess that weighs in favor of going ahead with the euthanasia tomorrow. I have to remember that it's not like the trade-off is months or even weeks more life. I'm thinking that sure, maybe he could live a few more days (2?, 3? 5?), but sooner or later he is going to start struggling. So why not do this tomorrow and never have him endure that?

Some people may claim I'm just avoiding seeing this for me -- I've seen that on other forums. But I've thought of that and this isn't to alleviate my stress. God knows I've been injecting him, medicating him, etc. I can hang with some resistance or stress. I just don't want it to be off the charts panic for him.

Ok I'm talking myself into this more. I guess this forum is what I needed tonight. Thank you for your reply. 
 

betsygee

Just what part of meow don't you understand.
Staff Member
Moderator
Joined
Mar 17, 2013
Messages
28,334
Purraise
17,477
Location
Central Coast CA, USA
Oh I'm so sorry you're going through this.  It sounds like you have thought this out so well, though.  You know your kitty, his health, and his personality.  I admire you very much for making this decision out of love.  Here's a post that one of our members made some time ago, and it's helped many of us, when the time has come:

http://www.thecatsite.com/t/237066/when-the-moment-comes
 

peaches08

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 11, 2013
Messages
4,884
Purraise
290
Location
GA
I am very sorry.  It's such a hard decision, but I agree with others that it sounds like you've thought this out very well, spoken with your vet(s), and are trying to make the best decision possible.  Many hugs to you and your dear kitty.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #6

heatherg

TCS Member
Thread starter
Kitten
Joined
Sep 2, 2014
Messages
6
Purraise
4
That is a great post -- thank you! It totally re-grounded me in some of my own forgotten spiritual practice, namely the practice of Tonglen in Buddhism -- where it is indeed a service to take on the suffering of another. 

For those who didn't see the post, the part that is the gist is really:

"...you commit to the knowledge that at some point in the future you will be given a terrible decision to make. That decision will be the last you make for your cat. That decision will result in a transference of pain and suffering. You will take away all the pain and suffering of your cat, and you will begin a process of pain and suffering yourself. That's the price for the look. When they look in your eyes with love, that terrible decision is the price. It's a moment that all cat owners dread, but a moment that comes to us all."

That actually makes me not dread tomorrow at all. It makes me happy and proud to be helping my kitty in this way. 

Blessings!
 

betsygee

Just what part of meow don't you understand.
Staff Member
Moderator
Joined
Mar 17, 2013
Messages
28,334
Purraise
17,477
Location
Central Coast CA, USA
I'm so glad it helped.  I will be keeping you both in my thoughts tomorrow.
 

jennyr

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 6, 2004
Messages
13,348
Purraise
593
Location
The Land of Cheese
What you are doing is very brave, and I am sure it is right for your cat. Too many of us wait in some suspended moment, almost hoping beyond hope that the decision can be put off indefinitely, and we put our beloved pets through much unnecessary suffering. I think you were spot on when you say animals live in the moment, and you don't want his last moments with you to be in pain and distress. Many vibes for you at this difficult time.
 

catsallaround

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 21, 2009
Messages
3,104
Purraise
66
After making the er trip with cats in serious distress/pain I can say for sure I would always lean on the side of to soon then to late.  The feel in ER is very rushed/pushed on we can do these tests vs it is kittys time. Both the ER places I used near me are like that.  The feel of the regular vet is very easy going.it is a sad fact of life.

I 100% think your doing the right thing/right time.  IMO he knows he is sick but has no idea of how much sicker he will become.  He just knows what he feels now.  
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #10

heatherg

TCS Member
Thread starter
Kitten
Joined
Sep 2, 2014
Messages
6
Purraise
4
Thanks to all who sent warm thoughts. Between your advice, my own reflection, and my kitty's message to me, it was clear this morning that today was a good day to say goodbye. All is well.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top