An appeal to anyone and everyone can help: My house and family are falling apart

This is going to be long read, so be forewarned.   I just joined this site because i'm trying to exhaust all options.  I just don't know where else to turn or what else to do at this point.

I have three Snowshoe cats.   Bear, Katie, and Yogi.   Bear and Katie are littler mates.  Yogi is their full blooded brother, but he came from the next littler the parents had.   I got Yogi about 2 years after I got Bear and Katie.  He was the greatest addition ever to this house.  Katie's a princess and just doesn't do the whole playing thing.  Bear desperately needed someone to play with.  When we brought Yogi in, he was an instant hit.  He and Katie were like peas in a pod.  They slept everywhere together, and she always groomed him.  Bear and Yogi played constantly.  The three of them were just an absolute treat.   

This past Memorial Day, Yogi got out of the house.  I didn't realize his abscence until the end of the day when I went to feed them all.   I hired a pet detective by the name of Steve Hagey out of SE Pennsylvania where I live.  With Steve's guidance, I was able to finally capture Yogi after 16 agonizing days away from home.  After a trip to the vet to get checked out, Yogi game home.   Bear and Katie weren't initially receptive of his return, but after some basic hissing and whatnot, things went back to normal.

Everything went swimmingly  for several weeks.  Then it happened.  Yogi was in the foyer in the front of the house looking out the door when another cat, a calico who'd I'd caught on wildlife camera while tracking Yogi down, walked in front of the house.   Yogi lost it.  Clearly he'd encountered this cat when he was astranged, and it didn't go well.   The other two cats went to investigate what on earth was going on in the foyer.  Yogi turned on both of them.  I'd never seen anything like it whatsoever.  It was vicious.   I separated them immediately, but not until I'd received 30+ cuts and scratches from Yogi.  I let several hours pass before I let them see one another again, but he immediately went after them again.   

Starting that evening I put Yogi in my room and left the other two out.   I started just cracking my door using a door stop and letting them see and siff one another.  They'd even bat at one another.  Snowshoes make a sort of chortling noise when they're curious or playful, and Yogi did this plenty.   AFter several days, I eventually let him out, and things went swimmingly for about a week.  I'd shut all blinds in the house to eliminate any chance of seeing this cat again.  Then one evening in my room, Yogi flipped again out of the blue.  I had to start the process all over again.  I eventually got a nice sized cage to put Yogi in so the other two could come into my room to socialize with me without having to have issues with Yogi.  No hissing.  No fighting.  Everything seemed great.

However, subsequent introductions have just not gone well.  And worse, the other two cats are now starting to get into it with one another, and every area of the house where an altercation has taken place, has now become a place where everyone's on the defensive.   I'm of the interpretation that fear breeds these events.  The simple observation of one cat, that one of the others is frightened or on edge, seems to be enough to spur one agitating if not outright attacking the other.   I'm losing my mind at this point.

I thought about separating them when feeding in case there's food aggression.  I even considered declawing Yogi so he couldn't hurt the others if he did go after them, but he's not scratching them...he's biting them.  He always has a face full of fur after an altercation.

In such a short time, I've gone from having the most harmonious home ever, to an absolute warzone.  I can't sleep, I can't eat.  I'm an absolute wreck.  I'm at the verge of giving away Yogi, but Katie and Bear are even becoming more unviable by the day.   

Yogi's even been prescribed prozac...and I use plug-in Feliway diffusers.  Nothing seems to work.  

These animals are everything to me...and I'm losing them....and they're losing each other.  And it's breaking my heart.  

I'm willing to listen to anything and everything as a means to resolve this.   If putting them in new homes to remove them from these stresses is necessary I'm prepared to do it for their wellbeing.  But if there's any way to make this work...I want to try.

Thank you in advance for taking the time to read this...and for any help you can give.  I also apologize if this is posted in the wrong place as this is my first post here.

Hayden

Is he neutered?  If not, do so immediately.  He clearly has some anxiety and stress.  You can try feliway diffusers as many have luck with it but it's really a crap shoot.  Putting him on some anti anxiety med like Prozac for a short term is a good idea.  It can take a month or more to get into his system (plus it may need to be adjusted so don't give up on it) so try to keep him as separated as possible until you see improvement in his disposition.  He was clearly terrorized while outdoors and he is displaying misdirected aggression.  I urge you NOT to have him declawed.  That will not help at all and in fact only make it much worse.

Yes...he's neutered. And I decided against the declawing some time ago.  I just couldn't do that to him.  His disposition around me is awesome.  He's affectionate and loving.   I just wish I knew what it would take for this to go away on a permanent level.   It's starting to impact how the other two cats behave around one another too.

Im not sure what it's goin to take for Katie not to act scared around the house, as I'm certain her body language is serving as a trigger as well.  

This is just driving me mad.  I'm certain this is impacting my own health as much as it is theirs. lol   

Oh, I just reread it... If they are all displaying fear and anxiety with each other, they maybe should all be on some anti anxiety med.  Ask your vet and if it's been over 6 weeks with Yogi without any marked improvement, ask them about adjusting his dosage.  It's not an instant fix.  I would also suggest making them unable to see outside where they saw the calico.  Or trying to keep her out of your yard which will be easier said than done.  But, it's happened and it won't be an easy or quick fix.  Try to reassure them as much as possible and spend more time with each.  Play with them, hold them.  You need to rebuild all of their confidences back up and then try the reintroduction once they are feeling more secure.

I can only tell you what happened with my two boys. See here; Two Cats Suddenly Fighting Aggressively with lots of details.

It seems counter-intuitive but it was the cat who was attacked who was put on a tranquilizer and NOT the aggressive cat. Kept the scared-y cat from running so the aggressor cat didn't chase and attack him.

Our vet prefers diazepam, Valium. It begins to have an effect in 30 minutes or less. And since our pharmacist could make up the oral suspension in a chicken flavor it was very easy to just squirt he dose over his wet food, which he would then gobble up.

Perhaps, since the Prozac for the aggressor cat is not working you could talk to your vet about using diazepam for the scared-y cat.

Regardless of what you decide to do I surely hope that a resolution is soon found and you again have a happy family.

It sounds like Yogi has a case of 're-directed anger'.  He can't take it out on the actual object that he is angry at, so this anger is re-directed to you and your other cats.  if you can find it, I recommend, highly a book by Dr. Nicholas Dodman, 'The Cat Who Cried For Help: Attitudes, Emotions, and the Psychology of Cats'.   It has helped me greatly with my own cats.

Here is a link to my search on Amazon.com:

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_n...field-keywords=0553104535&tag=&tag=thecatsite

Part 1 deals with aggressive behavior, and Chapter 3 in that section--'A Case of Mistaken Identity', is the one you want to read.

You may have to go to a vet that specializes in animal psychology, but the discipline does exist.

Good wishes to you and your household both feline and human 

I appreciate everyone's responses thus far.  Truly.

I personally don't believe in anxiety meds for any cat unless it is proven that there is a chemical imbalance. If you want to introduce other changes that aren't related to medications it is best to start with an unmediated cat. That way the meds don't interfere with the other changes you're making. It's also important to note that anxiety meds can have different effects on every cat and could be making things worse.  

I think the first step should be to stop medicating all cats. This gives you a clean slate to start with in creating the behavior changes you need. This would be my first step personally though, if you feel it would be dangerous to take him off the meds and expose to the other cats that's fine. But that may not give you the chance to let him live his life med free. If you make the changes while he is medicated and it works and then take him off the meds it could totally alter the work that you did. 

Secondly, please do not declaw him ever. This is a fast track to making him even more vicious with the other cats because he will feel defenseless and his confidence will be low. There is a great product called nail caps that will protect you and your cats from his claws.

Reintroduction sounds like a great place to start. You did the right thing separating them after attacks, but a serious reintroduction is probably what you need. Yogi and your other 2 cats had a moment that completely redefined their relationship. The key to reintroduction or just plain old introducing new cats is positive affiliation. They should have as many positive experiences with each other as possible. This usually means food and treats as well as praise and play. There are a few ways people say to introduce cats. This is a process that I've seen work on friends cats who fought tooth and nail. It is also a process used by Jackson Galaxy, a cat behaviorist. There is an episode of My Cat From Hell where 2 cats that lived together for years just had one of those moments that broke down their relationship and then they were reintroduced this way and were fine with each other again.

Here are some good links on ways to do this:

http://jacksongalaxy.com/2010/10/01/cat-to-cat-introductions


http://www.aspca.org/pet-care/virtual-pet-behaviorist/cat-behavior/introducing-your-cat-new-cat

Always move at the pace of your slowest progressing cat. You never want to move on to another step until all cats are perfectly comfortable with the step you're on. If you accelerate the process it will almost always fall apart. You can challenge them a little bit to move them along, but you always want to end on a good note. End before there is any aggression or hissing or bad feelings. If it happens, it happens. Basically just don't push it. You want it to be 100 percent right at the end just be sure. 

I'm hoping that reintroduction will help with your problem, but this shouldn't be the only thing you do. Keeping the doors and blinds closed to block out any intruder cats is great. 

You might also consider adding cat furniture like trees and scratching posts to give the cats outlets for energy and high places to climb on. High places for them to hang out on will also make them feel confident and like they rule the house, which is their territory.

Playing with the cats also helps. A good 20 minutes of playing with a toy with you will get energy out so there is less likely to be a time where tensions are high and aggression happens.This could be very important for your situation because the tensions are starting to rise in general with all the cats. If they are tired out there is much less chance they'll fight.  Also the basic stuff like have enough litter boxes so there are no territorial issues with that. 

The other cats are probably feeling a little more aggressive towards each other because of the general stress that is happening in your home. Try to calm things down as much as you can and this should resolve their issue as well. I know it's hard to calm and bring an air of calm into your home when this stuff is happening, but do that as much as you can as well. It will really help to calm the cats, but it will help you too. 

Hope all goes well. 

Please seek professional advice before stopping any medication.  Just like with people, there can be some serious consequences.  The above is entitled to their opinion but stopping any medication, especially behavior medication is not good advice without first seeking professional help/advice.

P3 and The King said:

 
Please seek professional advice before stopping any medication.  Just like with people, there can be some serious consequences.  The above is entitled to their opinion but stopping any medication, especially behavior medication is not good advice without first seeking professional help/advice.

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Very true! Thanks for pointing that out. I should have said consider that option with your vet instead of stopping it.