Husband and cat problems

My husband hates my cats.  He has for the last 6 years.  I've had the cats for 12 years. 

One of them has started pooping on the floor.  We've brought her to the vet.  Nothing came of it.  She won't stop.  We try all the internet things.  Clean, quiet, multiple litter boxes, blah blah blah, she still poops on the floor.

He has mentioned wanting them dead before.  He refers to them as "my cats" (as in mine, not his).  I've corrected him every time.  They are OUR cats.  He said if they were his, then we wouldn't have them, so clearly they are mine because I won't let him get rid of them.

I've had them since they were born.  I helped one of them survive by bottle feeding it as a baby and 24 hour vigilance while it fought an infection for days (shifts with my roommate). 

Last year, my cats, both of them, survived an F5 tornado...in the house. 

My babies lived and he wants them dead.  He would have been happy if they died in the tornado.  He's said this to me.

He and I have a child and a life.

I just dont' know what to do any more.  Please help me.

He threw both of them and everything associated with them in the garage last night.

I hate him right now.

This is something that is between you and your husband and you both need to weigh the values of your relationship and existing life, and of course the life of your child, against your individual values. Has he always had such disdain for them or only when it became an inconvenience with one eliminating on the floor? Have you sat him down and talked to him about how important they are to you, and has he ever given you a reason for why he hates them? Especially if there are other aspects of your relationship that are suffering, have you considered marriage counseling?

I personally could and would never be with a partner who would ask me to give up any of my pets, and most certainly they would not be around if they ever once uttered that any of them should be dead/would be dead in their preferences, etc.

He was always a little eye-roly, but still loving toward them before.  It has been since the tornado.  We lost everything and all of our stuff is new and cats are....cats.  Our new carpet has fur on it, our new furniture.  The husband has been more and more disgruntled all year and now with the pooping thing, he's losing his head.  We've talked about it....shouted about it.....things are bad.

Stress does weird things to people (and cats). If this just started after the tornado, I'd say it's stress related, possibly some form of PTSD. If you can get him to seek some sort of professional help, that would be best. If he won't go, YOU go to learn how to deal with him. There may be some kind of free/low-cost counseling available for tornado victims.

If it were me, I would take the two cats AND the child and leave him with his new house, new furniture and new carpets.  He would then have to enter into a dialogue if he wanted us back, which might well involve counseling and compromise.  I'm sorry, but the throwing of the cats and their stuff into the garage would have been that last straw for me, and I'm usually a fairly patient person.  Just don't mess with my cats/babies/innocents.  But then, it isn't about me, it's about you. I would not be at all surprised if the pooping thing is related to the CAT'S PTSD, because they tend to do this sort of thing when they feel threatened and afraid.  Our job as cat guardians is to figure out what the threat is and remove it, and when we do, they go back to using the litter box.  Whether your husband's reaction is a result of tornado PTSD I don't know.  I think he never did like the cats and now that he has all new STUFF, which he DOES like, the cats are bothering him and he isn't showing any consideration for you and your love for them.  I can't analyze your relationship, but I don't think your cats will ever be comfortable living with someone who wants them dead.  It may come down to rehoming if you can't create a peaceful house.  Either rehome yourself, rehome your husband, or rehome your cats.

That's what I was thinking (I even looked at the cost of apartments around here), but we've gotten to a better place.  I took all of the cats things and put them back where they go and told him that his non-solution was totally insane and that if he really wanted them to live in the garage, he needed to get that okayed with a vet first and to let me know when the vet okays it and I'll be fine.  Until then, he's not going to be doing something I believe is abusive to my cats and good luck to him on getting a professional to not scoff at him.

So he settled back down since then.  I am going to go back to the vet though or try a new one to see if they have more ideas. 

@Willowy's post makes the most sense. Your family has been through a lot - perhaps the stress has gotten to your cat as much as it has gotten to your husband. I wouldn't defend someone who wishes death on animals (well, no one should wish death on anything or anyone!) but it sounds like your husband is stressed about the losses of the tornado, and now that he's trying to reestablish what you still have and were able to get afterwards, the cat is being problematic to him. And let's face it, it is problematic to have any animal eliminating inappropriately.

If he's your family's primary provider, the feeling of trying to get the family set up in a good home again adds a lot of pressure to his day to day life, as it would anyone's and yours as well (especially as the person stuck in the middle). The pooping on the floor seems like the stick in the mud and because it's come about, it means dirty floors and more vet bills. If there was one thing he could pinpoint as a present problem, it would be that, and he probably has it in his mind that this is preventing his idea of happiness. It may be a scapegoat, but from the perspective of someone who may be supremely stressed out, it's a logical reason to stay bitter.

I think a time of crisis is one of the worst to pull up stakes and leave because no one is thinking straight. If between the two of you, you aren't able to have a calm and civilized conversation, free of finger-pointing and choosing sides or guilt tripping, find a third party: a low cost or free professional, a counselor, and someone who can mediate both of your emotions. You didn't get married and start a family together by chance. You both made that work and you both chose to make it work. I'm very, very hesitant to suggest leaving a relationship over an argument where neither of your actual emotions are being heard or acknowledged by the other person.  

For your cat, have you seen Cat Attract litter around? It's a product that attracts cats to use that litter, and I have heard people had success with it.