Lost my best friend this morning.

Haven't posted to this site much at all but I am a wreck right now and feel like reaching out to people who really understand over friends who just don't get it completely. 

My best friend, of 16 years, Ali, died this morning. A few days ago everything seemed fine. Friday night, he seemed less active but still himself. By Saturday night he was different. Sunday morning he was gone. 

My heart is absolutely broken. I know it hasn't even been a day so it's understandable to everyone here. But those around me some are saying "Im sorry, we'll get you another one", or "I'm sorry, don't get another one it will happen again". Those words aren't helping. He wasn't a cat to me, he was a significant part of my life and someone that taught me so much. He taught me unconditional love. True meaning of friendship. 

I have a lot of hurt, anger, and guilt building up inside of me. I knew he was getting up there in age and wouldn't last for forever but never thought it would be this soon or this way. Honestly to me he was still just a young one. Some friends that understand say to me that he lived a good life & that I was a good parent to him. I don't feel that I was, so it causes more pain. He got fed everyday, taken care of when sick, and toys and treats here and there but I couldn't always afford the extras, or was too tired to take him outside for a few. Ali loved going outside and just walking in the yard. I would take him out once in a while but not often, I wish I would have. I wish I would have given him one last time out there. 

Ali was amazing.. Anytime I was upset or crying he would quickly come over to me and curl up right next to me, or at times, on top of me. Him being around always made things better. He had a great personality & character, everyone who met him agreed. He would go to just about anyone. An incident a few years ago caused him to be scared around new males but if they showed him kindness he would crawl out of his hiding space and venture on. 

He was an indoor cat that loved the outside any chance he could get. And he would try. I used to take him on a leash and walk him around, he would do good on it. The place I am at now there is a backyard and a cement path going down it. Noticing he wasn't too fond of the leash I decided to try to take it off of him & hope I could run fast enough after him should he run. He never ran, he rolled around on the cement, investigated various plants, and walked on the path. He would walk with me up and down the path, no leash. He would stop once in awhile to check out things or sounds but calling his name he would continue walking with me. When the path would end, he would stop walking & sit. 

He caught a few mice in his times as well. But unlike most cats ( i am guessing) he didn't want to hurt or kill the mouse. Just play with it. Which at times left me frustrated as I didn't want to have to deal with the mouse. But he was a gentle soul. When I owned some hamsters he would never cause harm to them, seemed more interested in them than anything. Any time I owned fish & he was around he would bat at them but never try to hurt or eat them. 

He had some health issues in the past and at the time I thought I was going to lose him. To really lose him this time is just a nightmare to me. Still trying to accept he is gone & not here. I feel like I still see him in the corner of my eye but when I look he's not there. This place is not the same, it's empty and I am alone. 

I'm sorry I don't think I did a correct post for this place but my heart is just so broken right now. I miss my best friend. 

I'm so sorry about Ali.

I find people who say things off hand like "we'll get you another one" genuinely don't understand the bond we have with our animals on an individual level - not as "just a cat". It sounds like you gave him a great life. Cats don't know or care about "extras" and they enjoy the time they have. Foremost, they enjoy the time they spend with us. Even if you didn't always have time to take him outside, he always had you. Please trust that he had as great a companion in you as you had in him and regardless of how or when he left you, he knew he was well loved.

Your post is just fine.  I'm so, so sorry about Ali.  My first cat Skittles was like your Ali--my best friend and only child. I understand that awful pain.  

I think your friends are right about one thing, you were a good parent to him.  We always second guess ourselves after the fact, and think about all things we could have or think we should have done.  But it sounds like Ali was very, very well loved and I know he loved you in return.

My deepest condolences. 

I'm so sorry for your loss.  Is that Ali's picture in your avatar, with the sweet black marking on his nose?  What a beautiful baby.  Please take comfort in knowing that he knew you loved him and took good care of him.     

I know how u feel. I lost my cat 4 days ago. I still can't believe it. I feel my cat should still be here and if I stuck to my guns he would. My circumstances felt cruel and I'm at a loss how they occurred. So understand I know the pain.

Thanks everyone for their words at this time. 

Finally passed out from crying at some point last night. Was storming something fierce and that didn't help things for me. Ali wasn't really afraid of storms just any time one would occur he would jump up right beside me and fall asleep. Recalling moments like that help me realize that I must have been doing something right that he would take comfort with me but they are also the moments that cause the most pain right now. At the moment I feel like I failed him, could have done more, should have done more. 

The last moments were the worst to see him like that and be so helpless for him. I got home from work around 7 30am, he was just laying down on his side. I picked him up and moved him to my room. When I put him down he wouldn't support himself with his legs, just folded back on to his side. I moved him to my bed where he continued to just lay so lifeless. His eyes open just staring at nothing. I wish I could get the last moments out of my head but I just hope and pray he was gone before all of that and didn't suffer. Kept praying that God would just take him, kept telling Ali to just let go, that it was okay. Kept petting him and held him. 

I keep thinking back to when I took a break from work and went home to check on him. As soon as I found him, I looked at him and said "Hi Buddy" & he gave me a normal meow that I hadn't heard from him all weekend. I left and went back to work thinking that it was a good sign and he would be okay. We would get through this. I just want him back. 

And yes that is Ali in my avatar pic. 



It was always funny to me that when he was a kitten he was so little and scrawny but as he got older he got so much bigger. He stood taller than most cats, and weighed a good 22lbs. Granted the weight was more my fault, as I am sure I over fed him at times, and would have a hard time saying no to him when he would put on his cute act while I was eating dinner. His last birthday I bought him fresh salmon, grilled it for him even. He loved every bit of it & was trying for my portion! When I would take him for walks people seeing him for the first time would think he was a dog due to his size till they got closer. 

That was something I absolutely loved about him, he wasn't like other cats, He was incredibly unique. He was Ali. 

I'm so sorry you've lost your beautiful boy and companion of 16 years. Your tribute to him shows how special he was, and I'm sure he knew how much you loved him and returned every bit of that love. At times like this it's natural to ask yourself what you could have done differently, but all that really matters is that bond you had with him. He's physically gone, but lives on in all the memories you have of him.

RIP, Ali.

I am so sorry for your loss. Reading your posts, you can see how much you both loved each other. Be glad that you had the time you did and cherish the memories. He deserves no less and nor do you.
X

AliZero said:

It was always funny to me that when he was a kitten he was so little and scrawny but as he got older he got so much bigger. He stood taller than most cats, and weighed a good 22lbs. Granted the weight was more my fault, as I am sure I over fed him at times, and would have a hard time saying no to him when he would put on his cute act while I was eating dinner. His last birthday I bought him fresh salmon, grilled it for him even. He loved every bit of it & was trying for my portion! When I would take him for walks people seeing him for the first time would think he was a dog due to his size till they got closer. 

That was something I absolutely loved about him, he wasn't like other cats, He was incredibly unique. He was Ali. 

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what a gorgeous cat! so beautiful. I don't think it was your fault. Everyone feels guilty.

Its not your fault. Cats get sick. You thought he was fine as you said he meowed like he normally did to you. How were you to know he would go so suddenly. Take comfort you were there at the very end I'd cut off my fingers to have those moments back with my boy.

Your boy reminds me of my boy when he was a kitten. Little scrawny baby faced boy hahaha. He grew up to be a big strong tough cat hahahahaha. A big tiger I'd call him.

You wrote a beautiful tribute for a best friend and a significant part of your family for 16 years. It hurts so bad at times it will take your breathe away, but always remember Ali, being such a gentle and loving soul, would never want you to be so sad when remembering him, but to celebrate the wonderful love you two shared. It sounds to me he had a beautiful life, we always have the would haves, should haves when we are grieving, it is a normal part of having a broken heart. He died at home, not scared and alone, but knowing he was loved and  that he will always be held in a special part of your heart. My heart aches for you and what you are going through, please know you are not alone and that we are here to give what comfort we can. Things will never be the same but time will turn your tears into smiles when you remember that very special friend and what he meant to you.  Take care of yourself, I'll keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.......... rest in peace beautiful Ali, you were greatly loved and will be forever missed! 

Made a tribute video for my little buddy wanted to share it with those here:

 

Hi Alizero, I dont know if you are religious or not, but what ive did is put a sign of the cross in my boys room. Ive worn one on my neck too, i took it off years ago. Its helped me, maybe do the same. That tribute looked nice, i couldnt watch it all as it brings back memories of my cat and its too painful. Talk, talk and talk abut it heaps. Go and see a doctor or someone who deals in pain grief etc. Ride out 3 weeks, its been 3 weeks since my boy has died and although i have just been crying right this very moment it does get better. But it takes various steps and your emotions, various typed will be up and down like a yo-yo. 

Talk to zoneout and Mowgli, they helped me a lot. If they were therapists I think I'd owe them a few million bucks

Peace be with you. May god bless you. We all wish you good health and happiness, bless your beautiful Ali.

What a handsome little boy Ali is, and your tribute to him is perfect.

Heaven is a lucky place right now to have him, so hopefully knowing he's safe and well again over the bridge will help you in your grief 

Hi alizero, just checking in on u to see how u been? I take it things have been hell for u this last week. We all care for u here, there are son wonderful ppl on here so vent away if u need to.

May god bless your heart and soul and your beautiful ALi's also.

Thanks for the care & concern, it means a lot for me right now. 

You are right the first week was hell. I felt like I was literally living a nightmare. Nothing seemed right to me and nothing really mattered. Going to a home where Ali was no longer around made it even harder. I live alone, so he would be who I always came home to and would always be there. Him not being there really wrecked me. I tried not being home as much to avoid that hurt and pain but it stayed with me. 

It still does. I still open my door slowly expecting Ali to run up and try to run out. I still feel like I see him in the corner of my eye but then reality hits my brain and I realize he's not here anymore. I won't lie, I still talk to him. 

Still a lot of anger & guilt. I just really miss him. 

Missing the companionship, a few days ago I looked at the website for SPCA (Same place I got Ali from) and stumbled upon a cat that looks almost identical to Ali. It's kind of ironic because when Ali died my Step-Dad was one who said to not get another one, and I said I wouldn't. But was spoken out of pure pain. Till I saw this cat. Unfortunately, my current place of employment is cutting hours significantly so I cannot afford to adopt this cat right now. But I am praying an interview thursday goes well enough that I will be able to. I will never forget Ali, and I am not sure I will ever really let go of the guilt but the love he gave me and the lesson I even learned from him are not something I want to close myself off from. They get old, they get sick, but the love in between is more than enough. 

Some people who saw photos of the cat I want to adopt think I am trying to replace Ali, or to think it will be him. There's no replacing Ali. There's no replacing Ali, he was his own. There will never be another. And I am aware that this new cat will not be like him. But will be a new relationship that I hope we both take from. I feel bad for this little one. He is a year old and has been at the shelter since October of last year. I can't figure out why he has been at the shelter that long and won't pray he is still there by the time I can afford to adopt him. That's not fair to him but I do hope so. 


At the end of the day, I still greatly miss my best friend. Life is just not the same anymore. 

AliZero said:

Thanks for the care & concern, it means a lot for me right now. 

You are right the first week was hell. I felt like I was literally living a nightmare. Nothing seemed right to me and nothing really mattered. Going to a home where Ali was no longer around made it even harder. I live alone, so he would be who I always came home to and would always be there. Him not being there really wrecked me. I tried not being home as much to avoid that hurt and pain but it stayed with me. 

It still does. I still open my door slowly expecting Ali to run up and try to run out. I still feel like I see him in the corner of my eye but then reality hits my brain and I realize he's not here anymore. I won't lie, I still talk to him. 
Still a lot of anger & guilt. I just really miss him. 


Missing the companionship, a few days ago I looked at the website for SPCA (Same place I got Ali from) and stumbled upon a cat that looks almost identical to Ali. It's kind of ironic because when Ali died my Step-Dad was one who said to not get another one, and I said I wouldn't. But was spoken out of pure pain. Till I saw this cat. Unfortunately, my current place of employment is cutting hours significantly so I cannot afford to adopt this cat right now. But I am praying an interview thursday goes well enough that I will be able to. I will never forget Ali, and I am not sure I will ever really let go of the guilt but the love he gave me and the lesson I even learned from him are not something I want to close myself off from. They get old, they get sick, but the love in between is more than enough. 

Some people who saw photos of the cat I want to adopt think I am trying to replace Ali, or to think it will be him. There's no replacing Ali. There's no replacing Ali, he was his own. There will never be another. And I am aware that this new cat will not be like him. But will be a new relationship that I hope we both take from. I feel bad for this little one. He is a year old and has been at the shelter since October of last year. I can't figure out why he has been at the shelter that long and won't pray he is still there by the time I can afford to adopt him. That's not fair to him but I do hope so. 

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• alizero
• Aug 12, 2014

At the end of the day, I still greatly miss my best friend. Life is just not the same anymore. 

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'' You are right the first week was hell. I felt like I was literally living a nightmare. Nothing seemed right to me and nothing really mattered. Going to a home where Ali was no longer around made it even harder. I live alone, so he would be who I always came home to and would always be there. Him not being there really wrecked me. I tried not being home as much to avoid that hurt and pain but it stayed with me. ''

I can relate to so much of that. It does feel like a nightmare, nothing matters at times. It sucks coming home and them not being there. I hate that too. I avoid certain things too.

I expect to see my boy in his room when I come home, I know that feeling also. I also talk to my boy, and have a lot of anger and guilt.

Like you I iss the companionship, I say Ill never get another cat, but I want to. Even when my boy was alive, I wanted to get 2 or 3 kittens. I might actually get two brothers If I can find some. But I don't want them sleeping in my boys rooms or resting in his places. So Im torn. As much as I want to cuddle them, I dont want it. Because my boy rested on my chest, my legs, and laid in between the gap where my legs were when I was laying down in bed.

I know how u feel. I know you are not trying to replace him or think that cats your baby. There is no replacing our lost ones. You just love cats and need some comfort in this time of need and are a loving person.

If I were you, I'd get that cat. I'd call them right now { you probably can't where you're from } but I'd get it.

Your tribute to Ali was very touching.  It's far  too soon right know but eventually when you think about Ali you will remember all the good times you had with him instead of thinking about the sad last moments.  I really think it helped Ali and gave him comfort to know that you were with him at the very end.

R.I.P sweet kitty.