Am I being selfish?

My baby boy, Sme passed away probably 2 years ago...but it honestly feels like it was just yesterday considering how much pain I'm still in. I've been having a particularly hard time lately and I'm not completely sure why its happening now. Maybe what I thought would be the difficult times aren't over and I haven't even begun to feel the real aching in heart for him. All I can say is that I'm just as much a wreck lately as the day he left me. I miss him so much it makes my chest hurt when I think about him. I try to hide my crying from my boyfriend cuz I don't want to feel ridiculous, like I'm still in mourning after 2 years...but I am still mourning. And despite the fact that he would FULLY understand my pain and console me...I'd rather just cry into my hands while he's sleeping or leave the room. Sme was the kind of cat that always knows when I'm upset and would come up to me and look me in the eyes as if he's asking, "are u ok mum?" Which makes it even more difficult when I'm suffering so severely and he's not here to make me feel better. The reason I'm posting is cuz I'll be moving out of my home where he's buried and it makes me sick to my stomach to think of leaving him here. But I know I cant dig him up myself and rebury him at the new place. I could never ever handle seeing his lil body like that after 2 years. My boyfriend said he'd do all the work of digging him up, taking him to the new place and burying him again, but I'm afraid I'm being selfish dragging his body with me when I leave. I know that his body was just a capsule and that he's gone, and I know it sounds irrational but what if his spirit is still here with me...and if I leave he'll be alone and scared and not know to follow me cuz he thinks I'm coming right back as usual. I just love and miss him so much...I'd literally give my right arm if I could just see him and kiss him on the head one last time...he was, and still is my baby...my child...my best friend. I just don't know if taking him with me when I move will either help or hinder my already difficult mourning over him still after 2 years. I know i'll feel so guilty and terrible if I leave him here...I'll never forgive myself...but I don't know if digging him up and reburying him there will just open old wounds that I thought just started to heal. Has anyone else been conflicted with this...and what did u do? I'd like to hear what anyone thinks about my topic though.

just had a kitten pass away today morning but we couldn't take her and bury her because what she had is contagious which somehow makes losing her worse, and about a year ago, another kitten passed away too, we buried him but his body somehow disappeared and it only made the fact that he was gone a lot worse as well.  

definitely the worst days of my life, and thinking about it also causes heartache. 

i don't think it is ridiculous to cry about it 2 years later, or even 10 years later. 

for some reason, having the dead body makes you feel better, because it feels like he is still there, the way i see it, he will not be afraid or scared if you leave him there, he will not be lost and unable to follow you because he is in heaven where there is no fear and pain. 

if you want my opinion, i think you should keep him where he is at now, at his resting place, because this is his house and where he lived, i wouldn't say it is selfish of you to want to take him, but i would say i think it is better for him to stay where he is at and it is also kind of respect for the dead not digging them up. 

fact is, even if you took the body, he won't come back and nothing will return him and all you are left with are the memories whether you did take the body or not.. 

Your loving memories of Sme are something that will always be with you, as bright and fresh as when he shared your life.

There is probably not much left of his body to remove / relocate.

If wrapped in cloth, that will also decompose. In two years there are cycles of warmer weather which speeds decomposition. If soil has average moisture the rate of decay is quicker than in arid climates.

When you're ready to move go and stand by his grave. In your mind, tell him again and as always, how much you love him. That now you are moving to a different home but in your mind he is coming with you. And he will be.

This is his home.   This is where he ran around.   This is where he recognizes.   If you move him he will be somplace he doesnt even know where.    And letting him RIP where he is might finally allow you the chance to move on.   2 years is a long time to mourn.   If it continues after you move maybe a therapist can help move you past it.    

Sme

Aw hun. I know what you mean when you say your cat always knew when you needed comfort. Mine did too. She would observe me, then jump up and snuggle with me when I was a wreck. We don`t have that now which makes it hurt even more to be in pain. I am so sorry for your loss. It has only been a month to me, but I can understand how this can affect a person for years. Hugs.

I'm so sorry for your loss.  There is certainly no time limit on grief.  And I want to suggest this in the most gentle way possible, because I mean no harm, but maybe the thoughts of moving and leaving him has brought even greater pain.  He will always be in your heart no matter how far you go. Whatever you decide to do, you have my prayers and support.  And your boyfriend is a blessing...he is probably more aware of your feelings than you realize.

Days away or even tomorrow from losing the little girl that has slept next to me for 12 years.  When the time comes I will know that I did everything I could to try and make her comfortable.  Our little pets are actually lucky that we try so hard because they can not talk to us.  Have no regrets, you gave a beautiful life to a little friend that may not have been so lucky if you had not found her.  Try to be happy for all the good times.  

Very well said robinathome !

Also I am sorry for what you are going through. Big hugs hun!

thanks, goodnight!

I still cry too, after 19 months, sometimes when I walk by her little grave stone my chest tightens so bad I can't breathe. I know we will move eventually from our home, and when that time comes we plan on putting an extension on the cement slab that is nearby to cover  and protect her. We have to remember that our sweet babies would never want us to live our lives with such sorrow and in such pain, and they will always be with us in our hearts and souls. He will follow you where ever you go, the love you shared is a part of you. Please try not to dwell on his death but to remember him with smiles, because to do so honors him and lets him know you two had something very special that will never die. My heart breaks for what you are going through, I know it hurts so very much. You are a very caring and loving person who loved another fully and now mourn the loss, bless you. Take care and remember you are not alone.