I lost my cat 4 days ago

I'm very sorry for your loss and grief. The truth is that we're pretty helpless in such a situation, and no matter how we handle it, we'll question whether we did everything "right". What's important is the love he felt from you during his lifetime - that might very well have been in his thoughts during those final minutes and comforted him.

My sister works in hospice care, and she's often talked about how many of her patients choose to die when they're alone for a few minutes, and how the families blame themselves for not being there. Some people and pets prefer to be alone when they depart, so there's no way of saying what's "right" or "wrong". Be kind to yourself, and try to concentrate on all the joy you shared.

I am very sorry for your loss. Nothing can compare to the bond between a guardian and their pet. I hope these words reach you well and that you feel better soon!   

I've been angry at myself ever since yesterday. I don't know why I didn't know of my third option with my cat, I thought I only had 2. I thought one was to go through with the operation which would remove as much of the cancer as possible but cause him a lot of pain or two,  put him to sleep. The third I could have just have him stitched up and come home to rest and he'd still be alive. I basically killed my cat. There was no need to go through with the op or put him down, simply close up his wound and have him come home. The severity of the wound made me panic and think if we didn't do something about this, he would die. I can't believe this. He's gone now because of me. Why didn't the vet inform me we could do this? It's not their fault, but they weren't clear that this was an option. At the time they said while he was asleep, would they like me to remove his cancer and do tests on him. I panicked and misjudged the situation and didn't understand everything. My boy is not resting in his room and window now because of me. I know my cat, I know what's best for my cat, and once again I've gone against my instinct and thoughts and the total opposite has happened. I told myself on the way to the vet I know for a fact people would tell me to put him down, do not, so what do I do? I have him put down. What a joke. I am the joke. I have had experiences in the past where I've heeded peoples advice against my own and the consequences have been a disaster, so I should have learnt by now. This was the most important thing in my life, and is a breathing, living thing. I didn't realise the magnitude at the time that once my boy is gone he is gone. He's never coming back. I expect to still see him moving around and doing his thing. It pains me he is no longer here. I did exercise last night for the first time that it happened, and then I became angry as I've been the most grounded I've been since it happened. Meaning I'm thinking more clearer and reality more than ever is apparent. I'm not looking for sympathy or people to tell me I wasn't in the wrong,  I just need to vent and get this out. I know I am the reason he is gone. I know he would have passed away at some point, but that is not the point. The best thing in my life is gone.

My boy should still be here. The best thing I had in my life is gone because of me.

You are traumatized, I have been there. I am there right now. You are not alone. In time you will be ok. For now, let it all out. My best friend Calvin was 14 when he got cancer and I had to put him down to end his suffering. I didn't talk to anyone for 2 weeks, cried myself to sleep, awake. Do what you need to do to get through the grief and someday it will be easier. I promise.

When I took my cat to the vet and when I was there, I thought I had to get the cancer out or he would die, as in asap. I didnt realise that yes he was on his way out, but it didn't have to be taken out there and then. The vet wasn't specific at all. They should have used the exact words. All they said to me was do you want to remove the cancer and do you want X-rays. I was so overawed by the situation I thought he had just two options, not the third. At the end of the day it was my fault I'm not denying that. I just believe my boy wasn't ready to go yet, and I made him go. He groomed himself, he was able to jump up on the windowsill, just a bit before he was resting peacefully in the window. That morning he was purring, he rubbed his face on mine, he wanted to go outside { granted he didnt want to after I asked, he always would } he wasn't on his death bed. He had more time and I COST HIM that.

I'm an idiotic failure. I hate myself for what I did. I am so sorry to my boy and I love him dearly. God bless his beautiful soul. I miss him so much the house is boring and empty without him. He made my life so much better.

God help me.

FoodSanta said:

You are traumatized, I have been there. I am there right now. You are not alone. In time you will be ok. For now, let it all out. My best friend Calvin was 14 when he got cancer and I had to put him down to end his suffering. I didn't talk to anyone for 2 weeks, cried myself to sleep, awake. Do what you need to do to get through the grief and someday it will be easier. I promise.

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thanks food santa. I cant be bothered at times talking to people or at least certain people. Last night I was hungry after exercise but I couldn't be bothered eating nor was I in the mood. I just went to bed. Havn't been eating like I usually do. TV was just annoying me, I changed the channels and this song come on, I think it was a fairly new one from empire of the sun, it just reminded me of him because it is just a great, feel good uplifting song yet it made me sad because it did remind me of him. I had to change the channel. I'm surprised I did my exercise today I felt like just quitting altogether and was hoping I'd just go away somehow. At times Ive felt like I don't want to be alive. Don't get me wrong I'm not talking about doing anything silly because that will cause way more grief and misery for everyone, but I just want the pain to go away. Sometimes It's like I'm living, but I'm really dead if you can understand what that means.  Despite all what I've mentioned I'm definitely better from the weekend. I'm back to doing normal things in my life. 

I just brushed my teeth and I noticed something which occurred to me lately. When I brush my teeth, I have the water from the tap running on my left hand much the same way my cat has his left hand in his water bowl as he drinks. I think a lot of cats do this. I'm a human cat! Or my cat is like me

Sounds very familiar. Although, I never would have been able to exercise so you are doing better than I was. I did think I would die of grief or dehydration from all the sobbing. My boyfriend went for really long walks in feet of slush and snow and freezing temperatures to deal with his grief. Everyone is different. I felt like I lost my heart and soul.

The one thing that helped me stop being paralyzed by my pain was that in my beloved cat Calvin's honor, I began to volunteer at a small local no-kill shelter, cleaning the cages, then fostered some kittens. My cat made me a better person in every way and since I did it in honor of him it helped me get out of bed.

Just make sure you are eating something and keep yourself healthy.

FoodSanta said:

Sounds very familiar. Although, I never would have been able to exercise so you are doing better than I was. I did think I would die of grief or dehydration from all the sobbing. My boyfriend went for really long walks in feet of slush and snow and freezing temperatures to deal with his grief. Everyone is different. I felt like I lost my heart and soul.

The one thing that helped me stop being paralyzed by my pain was that in my beloved cat Calvin's honor, I began to volunteer at a small local no-kill shelter, cleaning the cages, then fostered some kittens. My cat made me a better person in every way and since I did it in honor of him it helped me get out of bed.

Just make sure you are eating something and keep yourself healthy.

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i been eating, healthy no. FoodSanta he went down hill fast ever since he had cortisone shots. Now so many people, on this site included have said what damage that had done to their cats. My cat lost all energy, eventually appetite, meow { bar a handful of times in weeks as well as pur } personality, energy, everything, since he had it. I knew this was his downfall and even if he had cancer which even the vet said '' almost certain '' the cortisone killed him super quick. I just read and I always suspected it ruined his immune system hence the opening of the skin. I think also what he had was fibrosarcoma. Fibrosarcoma is developed from vaccine injections, or believed to be. He had lumps on the outside of his body for years which the vet said were just that, lumps on the outside, not cancerous. He was fine all these years and then as soon as he had the 2nd shot of cortisone a week after the first 5 days later that was the beginning of the end and 5 days after that he's dead. I just think the cortisone did shut down his immune system and ripped through his entire body like a cancer itself and started his death.  I am going mad atm. He did have a lump on his throat, and thats where the vet suggested have the cortisone shot. I held off at first, almost cancelled the second time as something inside was telling me don't get it and I cant believe I didnt. I was just going to have the vet drain his lumps on the outside. 

http://www.earthclinic.com/Pets/cortisone_shot_side_effects4.html

so many people here have reported their cats dying or getting really sick after cortisone.

The sad thing is without an autopsy you may never know the absolute truth. Your cat may have been dying anyway and there may not have been anything any Dr could do. Cats hide their illnesses as long as they can and by the time they show you symptoms they are usually very ill. I thought my prayers and the vet could save my cat but he just got weaker. I still don't know if I did the right thing. All I do know for sure is that I loved my cat more than anyone or anything in the world and he loved me. I know he must be in a better place and all that exists in that place is love. As much as I wanted him to live forever with me, I am comforted to know he isn't in pain. I hope you know the same is true for your cat. Whatever went wrong in the end, the love survives.

I am so sorry for the grief you are experiencing.   Because our pets can not talk this makes life very difficult when our little buddies get sick.  You can not beat yourself up for this.  Many people have been in the same situation and at a loss for what should be done.  I believe if you vet really felt this their was a bigger chance they would have encouraged you in that direction.  No matter what I hope you will remember you gave your cat a great life with all the love you showed for all the years you were together. Don't try to 2nd guess what would be it will tear you apart and I don't think you little kitty looking down on you now would be happy about that.  

I want you to know that I felt hope a few days ago.  Just maybe my 2nd opinion would be helpful and unfortunately I am watching my Franny die slowly before my eyes.  She is not in pain from what the vet told me this morning.  But her eye is failing because the socket can not support the weight loss.  Her left eye is glazing over.  Right now she looks so sad.  I know how hard it was to send your cat to Heaven, but tonight I am really struggling with her looking so bad and she just wants to go to sleep forever...No matter how it happens...Life and Death are not perfect.  If you have had a family member die you know it was really difficult to deal with.  Take comfort that you made a decision when your cat was in a good place and I did not and now I am looking at a really sad kitty.  There is no good answer in death.  

Robinathome sad for you.

robinathome said:

 
I want you to know that I felt hope a few days ago.  Just maybe my 2nd opinion would be helpful and unfortunately I am watching my Franny die slowly before my eyes.  She is not in pain from what the vet told me this morning.  But her eye is failing because the socket can not support the weight loss.  Her left eye is glazing over.  Right now she looks so sad.  I know how hard it was to send your cat to Heaven, but tonight I am really struggling with her looking so bad and she just wants to go to sleep forever...No matter how it happens...Life and Death are not perfect.  If you have had a family member die you know it was really difficult to deal with.  Take comfort that you made a decision when your cat was in a good place and I did not and now I am looking at a really sad kitty.  There is no good answer in death.  

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Thanks for the kind words Robin, I thank you for your support. Ive had family members die and this was worse, my baby boy was the closest thing to me in my life. As you said, life and death are not perfect. My friend told me, this sin't the movies, we don't always get the perfect fairy tale goodbye we would like. 

I am so sorry for your situation atm, but I know for  fact youre a great owner who had YOUR CATS BEST INTERESTS AT HEART.  At least  you're giving your baby every chance of survival and you HAVE to be sure. It's a living thing. Don't you beat yourself up over it. I think you're very smart at judging this with a lot of love and caution. In life or death you have to very sure because once it's done it's done and you thought your cat had a chance to get better. You love your cat so much no way were you going to deny it that opportunity. I wish I did my cat the same.

Thank you too, we all help each other here to get through a very hard time.  All the best for you.  

3am Sunday morning in Australia I've been awake for the last hour and a bit thinking I betrayed my cat. I deserted him. I took him to the vet to prevent death then I have him out down when I promised I wouldn't. I was supposed to give him every chance at surviving. He groomed himself and jumped up on the window sill that day. Purred in the morning . I didn't even say goodbye properly and left him scared. I didn't go back and see him. He would have felt deserted and a abandoned. I hate this. I don't want to be here. No I won't do anything stupid, but part of me wished I was dead.

Hang in there! You are still traumatized. Nothing I have to say will make you feel any better but in time you will be able to focus on the love and happy times you had together.

catconcern said:

3am Sunday morning in Australia I've been awake for the last hour and a bit thinking I betrayed my cat. I deserted him. I took him to the vet to prevent death then I have him out down when I promised I wouldn't. I was supposed to give him every chance at surviving. He groomed himself and jumped up on the window sill that day. Purred in the morning . I didn't even say goodbye properly and left him scared. I didn't go back and see him. He would have felt deserted and a abandoned. I hate this. I don't want to be here. No I won't do anything stupid, but part of me wished I was dead.

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My sleep is all fouled up as well.   In the dark laying in bed I hear slight noises in the room - and my mind keeps playing tricks on me that it`s my cat walking about.    I know it would help me to get another one but I can`t because the landlord wont allow it.

What your friend said was wise... life isn`t scripted like a movie.   It just happens...  and often not the way we would like.    But I do believe that everything happens for a reason.   You might not understand the reason right now.   But many years from now it may become all clear.    For instance, when my grandfather was dying in the hospital I never visited him.   I was too scared of death - no experience with it.   So I avoided it.   I regretted it years later.   So later when my mother was dying from cancer, I made sure to go visit her in the hospital.   The nurses didn`t even want to let me in the room because of some potential exposure to disease - but I snuck in anyway.   It was because of the earlier experience with my grandfather that I am at peace with my mother`s passing.

So I think likewise your experience - however painful it is - is a going to prove to be a setup for the good - and not a setback.    

zoneout said:

 
My sleep is all fouled up as well.   In the dark laying in bed I hear slight noises in the room - and my mind keeps playing tricks on me that it`s my cat walking about.    I know it would help me to get another one but I can`t because the landlord wont allow it.

What your friend said was wise... life isn`t scripted like a movie.   It just happens...  and often not the way we would like.    But I do believe that everything happens for a reason.   You might not understand the reason right now.   But many years from now it may become all clear.    For instance, when my grandfather was dying in the hospital I never visited him.   I was too scared of death - no experience with it.   So I avoided it.   I regretted it years later.   So later when my mother was dying from cancer, I made sure to go visit her in the hospital.   The nurses didn`t even want to let me in the room because of some potential exposure to disease - but I snuck in anyway.   It was because of the earlier experience with my grandfather that I am at peace with my mother`s passing.

So I think likewise your experience - however painful it is - is a going to prove to be a setup for the good - and not a setback.    

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I know what you're saying zoneout but this cat was the most important thing to me and my bond with him was stronger than anyone. And I have a huge, close family and a lot of close friends. I couldn't have messed this up and I did. Ahh I don't know. I guess I didn't want to put anymore of my fear into him by not going back to see him the second time. I still should have calmed him down the last time I saw him though. As I said, the vet were pathetic in handling him. He was scared after I went back in the room to see him way more than before I left the room. The idiots surely should have had the necessary protective gear. How can they not be able to handle a cat for crying out loud. I did let them know that. Regardless this is something I'm going to have to live with. I've also dealt with deaths before. 

I thought I heard my cat a couple of time too haha. Can't you sneak another cat in again? I'm glad you were at peace with your mothers passing too that's huge and fantastic for you.

catconcern said:

 
I know what you're saying zoneout but this cat was the most important thing to me and my bond with him was stronger than anyone. And I have a huge, close family and a lot of close friends. I couldn't have messed this up and I did. Ahh I don't know. I guess I didn't want to put anymore of my fear into him by not going back to see him the second time. I still should have calmed him down the last time I saw him though. As I said, the vet were pathetic in handling him. He was scared after I went back in the room to see him way more than before I left the room. The idiots surely should have had the necessary protective gear. How can they not be able to handle a cat for crying out loud. I did let them know that.

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Good.  I`m glad you pointed out the mishandling of a patient with those numbskulls.   Maybe next time they will follow proper procedure.   That`s the problem - just too many dummies in this world.  And there is no way to avoid getting impacted by their stupidity.   Other than just avoid everybody - which is kind of how I choose to run my life - sad as it may be.

Surely you don`t have a crystal ball.  Had you known it would be your last time with him certainly you would have done things differently.   But you did the same any person would do which was to stay away so as not to possibly stress him more.   You read all over how bad stress is for cats.   I was never sure about that but my cat got heavily stressed just before she had her final flareup.   So now I think there is something to it.   

Anyway I think you handled it the best way under the circumstances.  I am not just saying that to make you feel better.  I truly believe that.   The situation was drastic and not something anyone could prepare for.