- Joined
- Jan 19, 2014
- Messages
- 41
- Purraise
- 2
I want to thank everyone who kindly replied to my last thread when I wrote about putting my baby down. The support on this site is amazing.
Well it has been a few weeks and I still have tears, but I am really struggling with guilt. I keep thinking her last few weeks alive were spent in pain. And I was trying different pain killers on her, so she was doped up. Then the final day. Her sleeping all day and me suddenly picking her up, saying goodbye and cuddling, then stuffing her into her crate against her will (she hated her crate). I literally forced her head into it and she bumped it. The only reason I put her in her crate is because she usually peed herself when I had to take her to the vets. I keep thinking I so could have wrapped her in a blanket and held her, she still would have been distressed but At least I would be holding her. And she didn't pee. Totally kicking myself. She yowled all the way to the vets (which is normal for her) but knowing it was her final moments I feel terrible about it. Then at the vet clinic she yowled so loud when they put the catheter in her. And I wasn't there. I should have asked to be in the room with her to comfort her while they did that. She calmed down afterwards, even purred when we held her (which was very weird for her) which makes me think she was trying to soothe herself. Another thing I keep thinking of is she was on the table during the euthanasia, I was petting her and kissing her while it happened, and talking to her. But I should have held her! I wasn't thinking. I have so many regrets regarding her final day. I am in years as I type this. She seemed to be in fear her final hour on this planet with me and I feel I did everything wrong. I feel terrible to be responsible for inflicting that on my baby, tiny innocent pure soul that she was. I just needed to vent. I imagine my thoughts are normal in this situation. It still hurts. Thanks for listening. All the would have, should have could haves may always be a part of me. I loved that cat more than anything in my 29 years on this planet. Without her I feel incomplete.
Well it has been a few weeks and I still have tears, but I am really struggling with guilt. I keep thinking her last few weeks alive were spent in pain. And I was trying different pain killers on her, so she was doped up. Then the final day. Her sleeping all day and me suddenly picking her up, saying goodbye and cuddling, then stuffing her into her crate against her will (she hated her crate). I literally forced her head into it and she bumped it. The only reason I put her in her crate is because she usually peed herself when I had to take her to the vets. I keep thinking I so could have wrapped her in a blanket and held her, she still would have been distressed but At least I would be holding her. And she didn't pee. Totally kicking myself. She yowled all the way to the vets (which is normal for her) but knowing it was her final moments I feel terrible about it. Then at the vet clinic she yowled so loud when they put the catheter in her. And I wasn't there. I should have asked to be in the room with her to comfort her while they did that. She calmed down afterwards, even purred when we held her (which was very weird for her) which makes me think she was trying to soothe herself. Another thing I keep thinking of is she was on the table during the euthanasia, I was petting her and kissing her while it happened, and talking to her. But I should have held her! I wasn't thinking. I have so many regrets regarding her final day. I am in years as I type this. She seemed to be in fear her final hour on this planet with me and I feel I did everything wrong. I feel terrible to be responsible for inflicting that on my baby, tiny innocent pure soul that she was. I just needed to vent. I imagine my thoughts are normal in this situation. It still hurts. Thanks for listening. All the would have, should have could haves may always be a part of me. I loved that cat more than anything in my 29 years on this planet. Without her I feel incomplete.
God bless you's
