My girlfriend has a cat

I'm sorry ladies, but here's my dilemma, I have been dating this girl for approx 6 months, from the get go we hit it off great. Our thought process, finishing eachothers sentences, taste in music, love for arts, you couldn't write a better sappy love novel... Then the cats come in... I would it a doubt move her in, however, I like breathing, I cannot deal with the hair and mostly the smell of ammonia. Call me shallow if you will.. (If a man had a dog, who shed everywhere, urinated all over your home, and on your man so he smelled like urine, how would you cope?)
When we are intimate I can smell the ammonia in her hair, pores and clothes. Unless she comes to my place and swims and then showers, (with a certain soap & shampoo/conditioner I have) I use so when I get house fires at work it strips the carcinogens off.... Otherwise that's all I can smell. I would never make her choose between the cats and I, but if your partner smoked, you were allergic and the smell turned your stomach would this not be similar? Maybe I'm just shallow, thx

Okay, I would thoroughly choose my animals before any man in a heart beat. My Mr. H. was warned when we got together that I had a dog. He was afraid of all breeds, all types, and sizes. He met Bailey and he fell in love. Bailey now lives with my mum as he's blind or going blind and a change of home would be hard on him, plus I live in an apartment and it wouldn't be fair to him. A year ago, I expressed I wanted a kitten for our nearly 2 year old daughter. He was reluctant, but eventually we got Lilly and while he hates the smell of the litter, he loves Lilly and curls up with her when he plays xbox. She wakes him at 6am Monday to Friday for her breakfast and wakes me the same time on Sat and Sun for breakfast. She's cost us a bomb as she broke her leg before we could get her insured, but we wouldn't have her any other way. She's in our hearts as firmly as Bailey. The point is, my man overcame his aversion to animals for me and now loves them just as much. I just need to work on getting that second kitten

@StephanieDoodle
Sounds great! But what to do when you literally can't breath at night, the hair and the smell which has somehow imbedded itself in not just her clothes and hair, but literally into her pours... My schedule with work is paramilitary like. I'm fine 2-3 full days at a time, while away, the cats have free reign of her home. Like I said, I feel horrible and selfish, but this is at the cost of my health and our intimacy...

Fact is, I have a cat and the smell is no where near as bad as you are making it seem. I've never had anyone say me and my family or our home smell of ammonia and the hair is simple.Groom everyday. Don't let the cats in where you sleep, if the dander effects you so. Lilly is long-haired and she sheds like crazy. Some days I can get 2 or three zoom grooms full of fur and still find clumps on the floor when it comes to the time to vacuum. Have you tried explaining in a none-shallow way how the smell bothers you? Maybe explain it's quite cloying and see if you both can reach a solution.

No pet owner's home should smell like ammonia, first off. Ever.

I would never consider leaving my animals for a relationship. They're a package deal. But with that said, I don't expect an SO to embrace any subpar care habits I may have, and nor would I be willing to accept it of someone else. If my house smells like pee, there's something wrong and I'm not doing all I can to keep the environment clean, which is dangerous for me, it's dangerous for the animals, and it's dangerous for my guests and loved ones. If she really smells that badly, the cats could be peeing in inappropriate places or she may not be cleaning the litter enough. If you're here, I assume you want help for her. There is nothing shallow about wanting to have a clean home with someone you see yourself with in the future.

Have you flat out told her about these problems? Be honest, but tactful. You know she loves the cats, but the excess fur and litter problems/smell are causing breathing problems for you, which means you can't spend as much time with her at her place - and with that offer to help; don't just place blame. People don't always realize when they're negatively affecting people they love, and just telling her that she's giving you problems won't be conducive at all.

edited to add; if she's lived with it, she probably doesn't even realize it smells, so be considerate of that too

Maybe she's in over her head. How many cats does she have? How many litter boxes does she have? The rule of thumb is you need as many litter boxes as you have cats, plus one extra. They should be scooped at least once a day, and dumped and thoroughly cleaned at least once a month. Cats need to be brushed regularly - short haired cats maybe once a week, long haired, even more. If she can't keep up with the maintenance to keep her home clean, offer to help her. Offer to come by and scoop the litter or if you guys are lounging around her place, ask to brush the cats while they're relaxing with you. Help with sweeping and vacuuming, or general cleaning and laundry when you can. The little things here and there can translate into a lot, and as she gets used to having a cleaner home, it will be something she can work to maintain.

Are you 100% sure there aren't other problems in the relationship?  I find it hard to believe that someone could be absolutely perfect yet unaware that they reek of cat urine.  Most of the time, there are other issues going on for a person to be blissfully unaware of such a thing.  Depression, alcoholism, PTSD...something must be going on.  No one is perfect, and we all realize that.  But this is a health issue.  Authorities step in on cases like this.

Are the cats neutered? Are they drinking enough water? I am asking because I have three cats in a one bedroom apartment and you would not know there are cats living there unless you actually saw them (ok, maybe the cat trees would be a hint). NO SMELL whatsoever. And I am not saying this because they are mine - my friend came over reluctantly with her three months old son and she complimented the fact that it does not smell. My boyfriend's parents come over and they say it does not smell (if it did, my bf's mother would be like a hurricane over me). The only annoying thing is the cat hair, but with proper grooming, vacuuming and sticky rolls it's taken care of. Oh, and I have a male and two females, so it is not a gender related thing, as long as they are neutered.

I am super sensitive to smells so when I tried to use a cheaper litter the smell drove me insane. Maybe you could suggest to your girlfriend to try a different litter? Also, I support what @pinkdagger said. it would be good to know details about no of cats/litterboxes/cleaning habbits so we can at least provide information from our experience.

If her place smells that bad and the cat is urinating all over I would NOT consider moving in with her based on how much of a slob she is and why she has not gotten to bottom of issue-be it medical or are they just not fixed or trained?  MOST cats will not pee outside of the box unless it is seriously dirty or there is a medical issue.  All bets are off with unneutered cats!

I have a lot of cats and summer takes a toll on the smell rising and without AC but if she comes over smelling that bad that is a HUGE concern.  I have had a mobile vet in my home and she said nothing/did not report me as I am well over the city limit of 2 pets.  Please do NOT rush this relation ship as sounds like there is some serious mental issues on her part or something going on that is not right.

Have you been to her home to see how it looks and smells? how many cats does she have? You can determine how she lives and cares for the cats.

I agree with the above posters. If she cleans the litter boxes and takes care of her home, there should be no cat-related smell. But if she does not clean the litter boxes, the cats can, and will, urinate everywhere. She may not notice urine spots, or know how to clean it properly. Cat urine is difficult to clean.

Maybe she has lived with the smell for so long, she no longer smells it. She may not realize her home, and her person smells- I'd find a way to delicately bring it up without sounding harsh.

I agree with what everyone has already said.

If you really like this woman, maybe you can help her get her cats to the vet to get them neutered & spayed, in addition to health checkups. Cats urinating all over the place and having your hair and clothes smell like cat pee are not usual things for responsible pet owners. Healthy cats who are spayed or neutered will use the litter box if it's scooped regularly. You are not being horrible or selfish, in fact it sounds like your gf really needs to get her act together and start caring properly for her pets. Sounds like she could use some help getting her apartment cleaned, too.

Maybe her pets are too much for her at the moment, and things have gotten out of control. If so, maybe you can help her get back on track. It's also possible that she doesn't think there is a problem and she's always lived the way she is now. If so, she might have some other issues going on...

I know cat owners like to say you can't smell cats in their homes, but that's not true. Some people, like my GF, can smell cat food a mile away, know the instant the cat goes into the litterbox to do his biz, etc. The compromise for us has been that I am fastidious with cleaning the litterbox, I use that nifty Arm & Hammer stuff to reduce the smell, and she just deals with the smell of cat food even though she doesn't like it. And that's with just one cat, and he's still a kitten.

There was a column on Catster a few weeks back about a woman who had 5 cats IIRC, plus a mom cat and her entire litter, so at least 10 cats. And she was insisting that her husband had no right to complain because the house didn't smell like cats. Sorry, but if you've got that many cats -- and that many litter boxes -- then for sure it's going to smell, even if you're great about cleaning. Maybe not to you, because you're used to it, but guests will smell it. Sure, you can cut down and do everything possible to keep the house clean and mask the smell, but it's still there to some degree.

Also keep in mind that some people are just hyper sensitive to smells. It's really all up to the individual. Along the same lines, this problem is something that's gotta be worked out between OP and his GF.

There is a disorder called 3-methylcrotonylglycinuria where the person actually smells like cat pee. It is a genetic disorder.

I completely understand what you mean about the smells. I have two cats and I love them dearly but I can tell you when one of them poops even when I'm no where near the room. I tred exercising in the basement tonight and the urine smell was so bad to me that my asthma went crazy. My daughter was with me and she couldn't smell a thing. Neither can my husband or son.

I seem to be more sensitive to the smells. Even other smells. When my husband gets gas for his car, I can smell the gas until he showers.

I love my kitties though and couldn't bear the thought of giving them up. When my son was born we thought he was allergic and might have to give them up. Thankfully we didn't have to but of course if it was between my cats and my son, I'd have to find them a loving new home.

Lots of people are so attached to their pets that we consider them family. Other people don't feel that strong. The only way you'll know how your girlfriend feels is to talk to her. If she chooses the cats them you need to decide if you can live with the cats or if you need to move on. It doesn't matter how we feel about our pets. All that matters is how you and your girlfriend feel. You have every right to want to live cat free but she has every right to refuse to live without furbabies in her life.

Just talk to her. I hope it all works out for you.

Working in the banking business as many years as I did, I saw all types. I can remember specifically 3 different people who absolutely reeked of cat urine. One lady had 15 cats. I don't know about the others numbers. However, it is very possible to live in disgusting conditions, and be oblivious to it.

These were sweet people, but the smell would knock you down.

To the OP, your girlfriend most likely had cats going outside of the box, and it's not getting cleaned up. There's no easy fix to this, based on the shear number of threads here regarding inappropriate elimination.

Just be honest, non-combative, and helpful with her. The latter meaning help her clean up, find new furnishings, and treat the offending felines, etc.

So... Did you talk with your girlfriend?

niCaPlz said:

@StephanieDoodle
Sounds great! But what to do when you literally can't breath at night, the hair and the smell which has somehow imbedded itself in not just her clothes and hair, but literally into her pours... My schedule with work is paramilitary like. I'm fine 2-3 full days at a time, while away, the cats have free reign of her home. Like I said, I feel horrible and selfish, but this is at the cost of my health and our intimacy...

Click to expand...

Are you perhaps allergic to cats?  I had a problem for year with trouble breathing when I was around cats.  Even now if a cat is on my lap and I'm petting, eventually it will start to get to me.