I am starting to hate all men

I agree with many comments here that the showering with stuff can be a snow job. Many woman fall for that, or men will say "I love you" to get a gullible woman with low esteem to string along, knowing it's what they want to hear. I had a friend who would get treated horribly by her boyfriend and then say "but he says he loves me", talk is cheap.

I am starting to think men are just wired different and until they are like 60 do they fully get it! There are exceptions but in general...

My husband never cheated on me,and if he did he would be out on his a@@ so fast he would not knew what hit him!dump the bum and go find a good honest man!You do not need this one!

Might I recommend the book "Women Who Love too Much". Cant recall the author offhand, but it is excellent and very benefical. Good luck to you. Be strong and do what you know you should do. Its times like this that you should be logical and listen to your head, not your heart. Your head is thinking rationally and knows what is BEST for you. Its your gut feelings. Your instinct. Your protection. Your heart is not going to help you right now.
Good luck!

Well, IMHO, I say, dump the jerk!!

I have never cheated on anyone during my marriage or any of my relationships over the years. My marriage ended in divorce due to a mutual agremment that we were not compatible with each other. I had gotten married too early and was not mature enough to know myself or what I wanted in life.

I subsequently went out with someone for 18 years and helped her raise her 3 girls. There were times I wanted to get married and she didn't and there were times she wanted to get married and I wasn't ready. Thru all those years, cheating never crossed my mind. We eventurally broke up, but remain good friends.

I will have to admit that many guys are jerks when it comes to relationships. Dump the jerk and look for one of the few good ones. It may take awhile, but you'll be a lot happier in the long run.

Originally posted by Matty & Suma
do not punish all men for the actions of one. I run into this when I date once in a while, and a date starts telling me about what her ex boyfriend did etc etc, I dont care, I am am not him, do not punsih me for it. There are good men out there, men who do not cheat and are devoted. He may be good in some ways, but cheating erases any good IMHO, good luck

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that's one thing I never have done. I never talk about my Ex's with new dates. Ex's never come into play in relationships until things like my current situation happen. Then I throw the fact that they are hurting me just like such and such ex did(I have gotten better at not doing that tho).

Originally posted by TTMom
You know it could very well be a leftover email. I still get emails from stuff I thought I'd cancelled years ago

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His email account was started about 6 months after we started dating on my AOL account. so I know it's not an left over email.

Originally posted by Russian Blue
WillowsMom, I don't mean for this post to be harsh, but I couldn't just post a sympathetic response and tell you everything is going to be alright. This won't change until you stand up for yourself and what you want in your life.

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It's not harsh. it's honest and to the point. I like posts like that LOL

Originally posted by annabelle33
My ex, the first guy I ever lived with a couple years ago, did sort of the same thing. I kept him around a bit but it festered inside of me until it destroyed our relationship. I was always untrusting and snooping around after that, and very accusing. So even if he changed he didn't have a chance.

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that's one of the things I am afraid of. What if I am just over reacting to a Spam mail?? What if after the first started about 8 months after we got together and I talked to him about it that he did stop? and I am just still holding on to that damn hurt and jealousy? and maybe losing the one thing I don't want to lose.

man problems. I have hated all men (except my ex-fiancee) for YEARS. Every single guy I have dated has either been self-centered, cheap, selfish, reverse gold-diggers (after my family's "money")(not that we have alot of money, it just looks that way), alcoholics, compulsive liars, and the most common: the "arrested growth syndrome" You know the whiny, babyish guy who never gets past 10 years-old emotionally?, etc. I simply cannot seem to find or attract "decent" men so I have stopped trying. I really do despise men alot. I have had male bosses bully and yell at me at jobs, had them interrupt MY tasks and expect me to jump, but GOD FORBID you should do the same and interrupt them, they act like it is the end of the world.

The only guy I completely trust to be 100% honest is my ex-fiancee. He is legally blind, but is VERY independent. Except for him telling me I wouldn't have been his choice of a girlfriend back in high-school if he had been fully sighted (a looker I am not), he has been the perfect friend/boyfriend/fiancee. I admit If I were a knock-out I wouldn't have looked his way either, so touche. He is really a great guy and has worshipped me since our early college years. I broke up with him ALL the time, ending with the break-up of our engagement. WE ARE STILL BEST FRIENDS through it all!!! He still loves and desires me and that finally hit home with me. Even though I hate men, I decided I really love my ex. We will probably get married when I get my degree and a career going, as we cannot live on his Target salary.


What i am saying is that I understand EXACTLY what you are going through, and have some words of advice. As soon as you see something as serious as cheating being a problem, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP!! You are worth way more than to be treated like that. You need to find a guy (or he needs to find you) that will kiss the ground you walk on. That is the ONLY way it really works, I'm afraid. All of my married girlfriends have successful relationships because THEY are the ones that call the shots, NOT their husbands. Women are better being the dominant ones because WE don't tend to "abuse" our dominance like the guys do. They will cheat, lie, domineer, etc. A bossy wife is simply just that, bossy. A really loving supportive guy will want to please US. My ex cannot get anyone else. He and I both know this, so he is bending over backwards to please me, and it is a very nice change from all of the jerks I have dated. I know I sound like a bi***, but this has been my experience and it is JMHO!!

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. *hugs*

I've been there, done that, have the t-shirt too. The best advice I can give echoes that of others - dump this jerk before he damages your outlook on all men, not to mention risking your health! I actually had to move to get away from my jerk, because he was so good at manipulating me. It hurt like someone had put a knife through my stomach & I lost 30 pounds, but it's the best thing I ever did for myself. If you stay with him, you'll just end up resenting him & distrusting him more & more, and it will sour your outlook on love. Also, I would strongly suggest setting aside time for yourself afterwards to heal & just not date anyone at all for awhile. Find out what you enjoy doing, and do it! It's too easy to fall from one bad relationship to another when you've been hurt - a manipulative man can see it in you somehow, butter you up, and bam! there you go again. Take time to regain your strength, and follow your own goals in life. Then a good man will be attracted to you because of who you are, a strong independent woman with a life of her own, instead of losers spotting you as someone hurting, someone easy to manipulate.

And there ARE good men out there.

Please don't waste any more time on someone who will risk your heart & health this way.

Like MamaKat, I also suggest reading the book "Women Who Love too Much" by Robin Norwood. I've read that book myself. You are choosing the wrong type of man. You need that introspective look as to why good women give their lives away to dispicable men. Once you really understand why, you'll be able to make better choices. You even say that you love him too much. I'm sure you deserve better.

There are men is this world who don't cheat on their girlfriends. Some of them like cats, some of them can carry on intimate relationship, and some of them may even be considered as good looking. You are repeating your own mistakes if you try to control this scumbag's behaviour. Do you really think you caught him "every time" he cheated? Like someone else said, you're getting the snowjob, the honeymoon. He's doing that to get away with murder. Don't ask him to kiss your butt!!! He already knows how to fake that. If you are beginning to think that all men are jerks, don't date any until you can tell the difference. Perhaps you can't afford counselling, but you can read cheap books that these professionals make.

IMHO,First of all, I grow tired of the "I hate men" or "I hate woman" statements I hear people make, in every day life, every time a relationship goes wrong. The fact is, yes, some guys can be jerks and yes, some woman can be jerks. But the truth to the matter is this, we let ourselves get into these situations. No, we don't let someone cheat on us, but heck, the first time he was cought cheating, he should have been out the door. I would have said, get out and don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya!! Don't lower yourself to someone who wants to cheat. There are many nice men out there (this is from a mans point of view). I have a lady friend that I have known for 20 years. We dated for a few months, when I first met her, then broke up, but are still friends after all these years. Some people seem better of as friends. Well, she has been dating this guy for some time now, who has a BIG problem. He is a drug user!! Now, I have heard it all, he is such a nice guy.......I understand that if he is nice, maybe to give him time to try and do something about his drug problem. But, she has tried and he hasn't and he did cheat on her. I asked her why are you with this guy Well, again, he is nice and he does all these things for me, buys me things on and on. Now one day, she is going to get burned really bad, but who is at fault? Not "all men", but him and she let him do it to her!! I will be one of the first to admit, that it is not always fun being alone and single or in the dating scene. When I was single, there were times when I was just down right miserable! I almost started hating seeing couples in love! But, I made the best of it and did things for me. I did things on my own and never cared what people thought. I wasn't about to let life go by, just because I was single and had no woman in my life. Once you are happy with yourself, you will not let anyone walk on you, trust me. I am happy every day that I met my wonderful wife Terri I am a man and am proud to admit it, that I am very happy being married. See, there are good guys out there I pray that I never find myself in a situation where I found out my wife was cheating or even thinking about it. Try not "hating all men", but try to get to know yourself and be happy with yourself. And one more thing, get rid of that jerk, he is no good for you. Anyone who lies and cheats like that will never change.

All of my married girlfriends have successful relationships because THEY are the ones that call the shots, NOT their husbands. Women are better being the dominant ones because WE don't tend to "abuse" our dominance like the guys do. They will cheat, lie, domineer, etc. A bossy wife is simply just that, bossy. A really loving supportive guy will want to please US.

I wanted to make a statement about this too. IMHO, this is also VERY wrong!!! No one in a relationship should be or is "the dominant one or the boss" In a relationship, you are a couple and compliment each other, not boss each other around. A very loving couple will want to please EACH OTHER!! A woman that wants a guy just to please her and her only and doesn't want to give the same to him, is just as bad as the "self-centered, cheap, selfish" men out there. You are called a couple for one reason, you are a team and need to work with each other. Catlover, you said "I admit If I were a knock-out I wouldn't have looked his way either" and I ask, why not Isn't that being selfish? People try to date just the good looking men or woman out there and wonder why they may have problems. You have to look beyong looks, there is more to a relationship than that. I have a friend who will not go out with a girl unless she is like, 5 feet tall and weighs no more than 100 pounds. Well, good luck to him, he is still single and will more than likely be that way forever. I don't consider myself good looking, but I know how to treat people with respect and want the same. Yes, I am also happily married and my wife is not the dominant one or the boss and either am I. We work TOGETHER!

Remember, not all boys are bad...



...Zero would never break your heart!

you're are saying and no, I don't REALLY "hate all men" although it does seem that a large percentage are self-centered. However, I know several very nice men who had their hearts ripped out by manipulative women.

I also realize that a couple should love and respect each other, but often times the woman gives way to the guy too much and that isn't good either. IF a woman is desperate to get married, and she is always getting the short end of the stick, then she should look for a guy that is willing to give in to her for a change. I didn't really mean it in the sense of a woman RULING or dominating over a husband in a mean way, just that if the relationship is GOING to be unequal anyway, might has well have the woman be "the head" and not "the tail"

I am not totally against men although my post sure made me sound like it. Actually I am happily involved with my ever loyal ex-fiancee whom I have known for 20+ years.

that if I were a knockout, I would have been dating a fully-sighted person with a great job and who could drive me around. My ex-fiancee isn't bad looking at all! (Sometimes I get tired of being the leader by default. He can't help it, but sometimes I wish I could be driven around and pampered, that's all) I used to get tired of getting passed over for the beautiful bi***** in my earlier dating years. It is a scientific FACT that men are much more into looks than women. It was documented on T.V programs several times over the years. It has to do with the guy sensing a suitable partner to pass along his genes.

Women on the other hand are into security more than looks because of wanting protection for their "offspring". (This according to the T.V documentary).

catlover, yes men are more attracted to attractive women because it's supposed indicate the ability to have children (hip to waist ratio), but most of them are able to overcome that and get interested in a woman who will want to be a partner to them and not just be taken care of by them.

We all want to be taken care of at some point in our lives, the key is to figure out why you want that and fix it. In my case I was tired of being the strong one in my relationship with a man who was a serious mental case, when I finally got my head on straight and left him I found a man who wanted a partner. We're not 100% happy, but I would say we were very happy.

A decent relationship consists of two people are are giving 100% because there will times where one or the other will have to take a little more and give a little less, but if both are willing to give 100% as much as possible then there will be what they need when they need to take a little. Keep the loving cups full!

Well said TTMom Catlover, I know what you mean by being passed up by men just because there may be some other beautiful b**** out there. Like I said, I have a friend who is that way and yes, he is still single. He only wants that small petite girl, nothing wrong with that I guess, but he has to realize that he may find a girl who is the perfect 10 for him looks wise, but may not be a 10 in the personality department. It's strange, my friend is legally blind too and can not drive. You don't live in Ohio do you My wife is beautiful, but I didn't start going out with her because of her looks. We met at a party. We sat and talked, shared a few drinks and that was it. She was fun to be with, so I asked her out again. Well, the rest was history and we are now married and have been for 3 years. It just happened more or less by accident. She wasn't looking to get involved and either was I. I felt, someday if I meet someone, that will be nice. I guess when you do look for someone, we tend to look at the beautiful people and miss all the good ones that are right under our noses. I hope people don't get me wrong here either, I am not saying that all good looking men and woman are bad. I just remember a poem my sister use to have on a poster on her bedroom wall. It said something like: Love is like a butterfly, if you chase it, it will fly away. But if we watch, it will come and gently land on our shoulder. Author unknown and the words may not have been exactly like this, but close.

may be waiting and looking for a LOOOOOOONG time!! My ex, who is legally blind, went after the "cuties" in high-school and college. He didn't even want to have much to do with me at first. I was the one who was intrigued by his sarcasm and cynacism (sp?). He started talking to me and we ended up just talking, talking, talking, for HOURS in his bedroom (he grew up under extremely strict Christian parents who made us keep the door open and didn't want us to publicly display affection in their home, so he and I learned to communicate QUITE WELL). He and I became best friends first, and then started dating. Your friend really should just get to know a girl (whether she is a size 10 or 16) and maybe through actually getting to know the heart of a woman, he won't be so concerned with looks. (And who's to say the girl won't fluctuate in size anyway?) Heck, since I have known my ex, I have gone from a size 10 up to a 16, and back down again, etc. My ex has seen me in ALL shapes and sizes. He doesn't care anymore. He knows and loves ME, not my SIZE.


I live in Wisconsin.


P.S, How did you come to own an actual Bobcat? He is VERY adorable btw!!

Well comming from a guys perspective I would say get rid of him also. However, just because he cheats and then treats her like gold does not mean he is just showering her, he could care for her very much and have the need for somthing else. Maybe he is not happy with one aspect of the relationship and instead of talking it over, he tries to find it elsewhere.

What he is doing is not the right thing by any stretch but lets not burn him, just say ok you had your chances, too bad, good bye. Or, if you like his company so much, tell him you want to go back to just dating once and a while, you can see him and you won't feel responsible. I unno..relationships are tough.