I am starting to hate all men

willowsmom

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What a way to start of my nite at work......Do to computer theft I am left with only my computer at work. so I get the joys of checking not only my email (3 addresses) but my Fiance's (3 also) well tonight I sign on to check his email and I find a weekly report for Emode Matchmaking in his email.
See about 3 months after he moved in with me he started placing ad's on discreet encouter sites. I found them and we had a hugh fight over them I ended up restricking his web access...THANKS AOL!!!
after a few months he cancelled all his "ads" and thing were great up until july of 2002 when I found out he was meeting up with girls while I was at work and he was home. I even talked to one of them. She proceeded to tell me that he was looking for more then just a friendly chat.
so that time I kicked him out of my house and told him to kiss my butt.....well that's just what he did he kissed my butt till I took him back.
things were just fine and dandy up until tonight. I am so angry
and upset
that I just don't know what to do. I printed out the dang email and then I called him concerning it. See I know he has been on Emode before but who hasn't? I call him and first thing out of my mouth is so find any good dates yet? his reation is huh what?
so I then tell him what I found. He atomaticly comes back with that he hasn't had computer access except for here at my work (like me) so I tell him about the computers he DID have access to Mine before it was stolen, and his sisters when he was living with her back in June and July and part of Aug.
He then starts telling me that I keep finding these things from his past.......UMMM EXCUSE ME BUT 6-8 MONTHS AGO IS NOT YOUR PAST!!!!! atleast not pre Relationship past!!!! then he yelled at me that yes he did sign up for it and started yelling other stuff but before I could understand it I hung up on him. He called me back and I answer the phone saying......."you just admitted to me that you place a matchmaking ad I am done." and then hung up. He called me back again and this time I answered it and just sat there silent. He then asked me if I was done hanging up on him and I told him depends. Then he started throwing the fact he doesn't have computer access now and he's not doing it and la la la then when i started to say something back to him he hung up on me. And I haven't heard from him since.
I am so tempted that when I get off and he picks me up to take me home to tell him he has 15 mins to pack his sh%t and get out of my house. To give me all the keys the keys to my truck that he drives the keys to my house and the keys to my storage unit. And to kiss my A$$!!!!
I have been with nothing but jerks my whole dating life well except for one but he smelled like rotten milk so I could date him much longer then the 2 months I did. See He and I have a great relationship except for these incedents. Other then the fact that he TRYS to cheat on me He treats me like gold......I know that's B.S. Funny thing is that every time he's TRIED to cheat on me I have caught him. By his own mistakes.
I just don't know what to do any more. I am tired of all this I love you but I am actually trying to find someone to F^*% behind you back. I want to call it quits but I don't. I love him so much and I know that if he doesn't live with me he gets to live on the streets. has no where else to stay. I just wish I could give my life to someone else and let them make all the decisions but only let me have my life when it's going good. Anyone out there want to do that?? just kidding. I know that the good lord only gives us what we can handle, and I can handle this I just might not ever date again....HMMMM might become a Nun!! the lord would like that. sad thing is that I am not Catholic. Anyway I am done crying on everyones shoulder and I am sorry for the rambling but I need to get this out some how and what better place then here.
 

valanhb

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That's a tough situation to be in, I'm really sorry you are in it! I don't know what to tell you except that no one deserves to be lied to and run around on.

(((HUGS)))
 

hissy

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My mother told me once, that if a man cheats once, he will cheat again. I didn't listen to her back long ago and paid dearly for it in the long run. At least the two of you weren't married and then you found this out. I would put some distance between you and him if it were me. It may be painful now, but it will save you great grief in the future.
 
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willowsmom

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Well hissy, My dad cheated on my mom ONCE shortly after they were married. I didn't find this out until I was 21 years old actually it was 2 days before my brithday. When my father told me that he also told me that all men cheat. I know that's not 100% true but it's something has always played in my mind over and over again. I told Mike the last time that if anything like that happened again It was over.....kinda like 3rd time's a charm. I agree about putting the distance between us. its just going to take alot of will power and guts. I love him so much. I still just want to bury my head in the sand and let someone else do it for me. I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I could bare to hurt myself like hes hurting me. that's just double the pain.
 
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willowsmom

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That's just it....He doesn't treat me badly.......Except for the whole cheating thing....other then that He treats me like gold. Gives me what I want, buys me thing when we both know we can't afford it. Does little romantic things for me. then behind my back places personal ad's on the computer.
 

nighteyes

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Treating you like gold, and cheating is not treating you well.
You deserve someone that cares for you.

I hope you find that person.
 
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willowsmom

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I agree But what can I say I just an emotional mess right now. Heck I could just sit here in my chair and stare off into space and get no work done what so ever tonight. but I know I can't other wise I will lose my job
Can't have that. Specailly when here soon I will be support myself and 3 kitties when I only make 9:50 an hour. good thing I have cheap rent!!!
 
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willowsmom

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Thanks for the hugs everyone I really need them
 

suzy

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I love him so much and I know that if he doesn't live with me he gets to live on the streets. has no where else to stay.
That's not really your problem, is it? If he ends up on the streets it is due to his own behavior, not to you setting reasonable boundaries (like a live-in boyfriend not sleeping with other people behind your back...)

I'm so sorry this happened - I can't imagine how terrible you must feel. Sending you good vibes for strength, peace, and happiness!

 

pat

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Originally posted by WillowsMom
Well hissy, My dad cheated on my mom ONCE shortly after they were married. I didn't find this out until I was 21 years old actually it was 2 days before my brithday. When my father told me that he also told me that all men cheat. I know that's not 100% true but it's something has always played in my mind over and over again.
I'm so sorry, but I'm glad you recognize that this wasn't true...not all men cheat. Only you can decide what you are willing to put up with, once you make that decision, some of the confusion with this will lift and you can move on - whatever you decide - to dealing with all the emotional turmoil from this.

wishing you the peace of mind that will come once you make your decision as to what you want, what you deserve and what you will accept,
 

deb25

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"Your application for the Man Haters Club has been processed, and we will be in touch with you shortly....."

Seriously, WM, I agree with what the others have been saying. Your finace can't be treating you like gold when he is cheating on you behind your back. More like he is snowing you to be able to have his cake and eat it too. If you caught him at this once and he continues to do it, then you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of this behavior if you take him back. He is wrong: not all men cheat. Although I have had a variety of relationships that tanked, it wasn't because the guy was unfaithful.
 

matty & suma

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do not punish all men for the actions of one. I run into this when I date once in a while, and a date starts telling me about what her ex boyfriend did etc etc, I dont care, I am am not him, do not punsih me for it. There are good men out there, men who do not cheat and are devoted. He may be good in some ways, but cheating erases any good IMHO, good luck
 

ttmom

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You know it could very well be a leftover email. I still get emails from stuff I thought I'd cancelled years ago. The only thing that stops them is cancelling the account.

On the other hand you may also have a cad. If you do, it's up to you to get rid of him. If you stay with him you're sending him the message that it's okay to treat women like this and he'll just get worse and you'll get more upset.

If it's a leftover email you probably should apologize. If you have a cad, I'd recommend you dump him and refuse to speak to him so he can't kiss your a$$ to get back in with you.

My $.02.
 

russian blue

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First of all, you should not hate all men. You should only hate the one's that treat you this way.

Second, a person in a relationship cheats because the other person allows them to! Don't let this person walk all over you and then allow them to come back time and time again because they buy you something or whisper sweet nothings in your ear. Pick your pride up, dust it off, and tell that person you have too much respect for yourself to continue to be treated this way. If you think this relationship will work, go to counselling and start working out the problems.

I've heard your story so many times, and the one common factor is that the person being cheated on doesn't want to be alone. Therefore, they would rather have someone in their lives, even a cheater.

There are very caring and devoted boyfriends/girlfriends/spouses out there. You say: "I have been with nothing but jerks my whole dating life". Why? You have to find out why this pattern continues and change this aspect in your life. You are the common element and you should find out why you are allowing this pattern to continue.

WillowsMom, I don't mean for this post to be harsh, but I couldn't just post a sympathetic response and tell you everything is going to be alright. This won't change until you stand up for yourself and what you want in your life.
 

annabelle33

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My ex, the first guy I ever lived with a couple years ago, did sort of the same thing. I kept him around a bit but it festered inside of me until it destroyed our relationship. I was always untrusting and snooping around after that, and very accusing. So even if he changed he didn't have a chance. But now I realize that he didn't even deserve a chance in the first place, I should have left him right away. I loved him and he was my world--I even stopped talking to my best friend (male) for 2 years because it made the bf uncomfortable, and I didn't even sneak once. To see him throw that in my face with some net chicks injured me beyond belief. I now realize that there is one goal in life, to be happy and not make others miserable in the process. It would not make me happy to be with someone that thinks it's fun and harmless to cheat with net chicks, and he would not be happy with a woman who is jealous of net chicks. There are lots of women who like open relationships and he needs one of those, where I need a closed relationship with one man I can trust. People don't change. So I realized I was wasting both my and his time and moved on. Oh and I hate men too
 

ttmom

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I read some more of the replies and have a couple more things to say. First of all, the others are right, not all men cheat. My grandfather and my Dad never cheated (never wanted to) and my 1st serious boyfriend and my husband have never cheated. The ex that attacked me cheated, my uncle cheated, and both of them has some serious problems.

If your boyfriend treats you wonderfully except for the cheating doesn't that make you wonder if he's only doing it because he's cheating? You deserve better girl, dump him. Don't ever take 2nd best. And you don't have to worry about what he's going to do for a home or income or nourishment. You were not put on this earth to take care of him. The best thing I ever did was go to Chicago for 2 years to get away from him. I not only had everything to myself and my cats, but I also found that hubby (were weren't even engaged then) and I truly loved each other. I think you'll like being on your own. Then you can also spend time finding someone real, someone who likes you for you, someone who won't cheat.
 

debby

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All I can add is that if he has cheated on you before you are even married, he may well do it after you are married. I think you deserve better than that. I have put up with alot of crap from my hubby in the past but he has never cheated on me...if he did it would be over and he knows that.
 
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