learning to give subQs at home: I failed, now probable cancer diagnosis

Cats and animals know when they are dying and their instinct is to hide away.     The day my cat precious died she hid behind a cabinet that I would never would expected to look.   The only reason I looked there was cause I heard her cry.   When she got sick she would ball up in the corner of a closet usually.     Whether they cry out depends if there is pain.    If they are just weak/nauseas/in shock then they are silent.   But if there is something causing them pain then they will wail.   I remember when my big guy Wolfy had urinary blockage for a day he was wailing.   The bladder pain had to be aweful.   Thank God he is healthy now.

Wasabipea said:

Thank you. i know that is most likely the case, and I'm just feeling sorry for myself and being selfish (such attractive qualities - lol). I just hope she remembers how much I love her. I guess I waited too long, hoping for one of her miracle bounce backs.

Apologies for the self pity, won't happen again. I just hate seeing her this way. My poor girl.

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I think it's natural to feel what you're feeling, Wasabipea, particularly after spending so many years with Roni. Most of all, as hard as it was and as hard as it is to write this, I think it's good that you recognized that she wasn't going to bounce back -- we went through the same thing with our Brooksie, who'd come back from so many things. I think it's natural, too, to worry that you waited too long. Even our vet was soothing on this point because of all the amazing ways cats hide their pain and illness.

Originally Posted by That Guy  

Keeping trying to support her by gently stroking her on the head very lightly and give her some time relax. As long as she is not getting stressed out try to stay with her even if you don't pet her. Just having you there will make a big difference to her ut it is hard to fight instinct.

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I like this advice from That Guy. I liked to just be in the same room with our cat while she slept in her final days. (I even read to her!)

My thoughts are with you.

I'm so sorry.  I agree with just being there, in the room with her. Talk to her, it really does help.

Wow, That guy - 19 yrs old and he has some serious issues - you must be taking very good care of him. It is upsetting when they snub us when they feel bad, but I know it's normal behavior. I do the same thing, I'll go over to her and pet her head, cheeks and under her throat (I'm not sure if bodily contact causes pain) and give her a greeting to let her know I still love her. I'll usually leave when she starts thrashing her tail, but try to keep the visits short.

She is very happy in the morning, and it's hit or miss these days whether I get an in-bed "good morning" greeting (they used to happen daily) - but I got one today. She looked so happy and was purring and rubbing and just being there while circling around while I was still laying in bed. She loves to sit there and look at me with that "I love you" look in her eyes in the AM, and rub her face on my bracelets and I scratch her cheeks. I was so happy I got a "good morning" today, I was an hour late for work because, well... you get it. It might be the last one. LisaHE, you probably understand that I had that glimmer of "bounceback?" hope, but when I went downstairs the food hadn't really been touched, she had thrown up and still had the runs. By the time I got some baby food into her and cleaned everything up and went to leave for work (half day today, have to take care of my kitty - and assess her condition), she looked like she was running out of energy. So I had a glimmer of bounceback hope of maybe another week, but I think this should be done now. But, that's why I'm taking a half day today, to watch her. It may be selfish, but if I can get another few days or a week without causing her to suffer, I'll take it. I live alone, single, just lost a kitty a couple of months ago - she's all I have left.

Even though my vet made that crappy statement, she did say something when I had to put Len down that helped and it was something like "I've never had a client regret putting a pet out of it's suffering too early, but I've had quite a few that regretted waiting too long". I just wish I knew for sure that it was intestinal cancer but all the diagnistics are too invasive, so I have to trust her. I taked with the tech that I really like last night and he was looking at the bloodwork comparisons from 3 weeks ago, and he agreed that's what it pointed to. And dammit - her creatinine went from late 3's to 2.2. This wasn't supposed to be cancer!

I know you are both right about just being with her. But she thrashes her tail when she is annoyed, and that happens a lot - maybe it's just a reaction to not feeling well.

I'm sorry, I'm just getting this off my chest. I've found that in real life, there aren't a lot of people (at least in my life) that think of their pets as more than "just animals". People on this forum get it. thanks for listening.

I'm so sorry you are going through this with Roni. You both have had such a hard time the last few months with Roni's illness and Len's passing. I just wanted to stop by and give you a virtual hug   You are so strong. 

Roni is so lucky to have YOU to take care of her. You are a wonderful cat mom 

Originally Posted by Wasabipea  

I was so happy I got a "good morning" today, I was an hour late for work because, well... you get it. It might be the last one. LisaHE, you probably understand that I had that glimmer of "bounceback?" hope, but when I went downstairs the food hadn't really been touched, she had thrown up and still had the runs. By the time I got some baby food into her and cleaned everything up and went to leave for work (half day today, have to take care of my kitty - and assess her condition), she looked like she was running out of energy. So I had a glimmer of bounceback hope of maybe another week, but I think this should be done now. But, that's why I'm taking a half day today, to watch her. It may be selfish, but if I can get another few days or a week without causing her to suffer, I'll take it. I live alone, single, just lost a kitty a couple of months ago - she's all I have left.

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Wasabipea, I know exactly what you are saying about the hope that comes with the morning greeting but is then ruined by the untouched food, throwing up, runs, and low energy. We went through the exact same things with Brooksie -- as well as not being absolutely scientifically sure of that same diagnosis, though I'm sure it was right -- and it was very difficult. It was difficult, though we knew in our hearts when we had to let her go; we also knew we did the right thing by not getting the invasive diagnostics, particularly given her bad heart. I think you're doing all the right things -- Roni is very lucky to have you take such great care of her for all these years! I send you a virtual hug, too.

Thinking of both of you, and sending my best.

My thoughts are with you during this difficult time. Sending warm wishes for strength and courage. 

Thanks everyone, I don't feel strong right now - I'm sitting at my desk crying. The one vet that will come to my house said he has a spot open between 1:30 and 2:30 tomorrow. I"m going to go home and assess what she looks like. That's so soon.

So I'm leaving now and have to go home and commit to tomorrow afternoon, or sometime in the unknown future. That's too soon.

This is like what happened to Len, realizing she is terminal and having to PTS within a couple of days.

Wish me strength. She's my baby.

LisaHE, these symptopms sound similar to your situation? How long did you know (or suspect) before you had to let go? I guess I won't know.

I should take advantage of someone that will come to my house while I can, I suppose. It's going to cost me a boatload of cash, but I guess a one-time astronomical fee is worth it.

Thanks for the wishes of strength, I really need them.

Wasabipea said:

 
LisaHE, these symptopms sound similar to your situation? How long did you know (or suspect) before you had to let go? I guess I won't know.

...

Thanks for the wishes of strength, I really need them.

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Yes, it's very similar. I'm not sure how to describe how long we knew... we could see her getting weaker and eating less during her last weeks so had talked quite a bit about "how will we know she won't get better." (I'd read stories about cats with horrible IBD that make amazing turnarounds so I'd hoped...) In the end, I think we really did "just know" because of all the signs she gave us: in the end she really didn't want to eat much and she was listless and very weak. She did still have flashes of energy and willfulness -- I think I mentioned before that she wanted to go down the stairs by herself and jump onto a table, even on her last morning. She was also fairly affectionate that morning. But we'd known on Monday that we'd probably need to have her put to sleep on Tuesday and we kept to it because, overall, she was weaker. And in the end we felt relieved, most of all because we were pretty sure she was suffering (even though she barely showed it at all) but also because we didn't want to wait too long.

One thing that makes me feel right about our decision is that we asked the vet -- the one we trusted and liked most -- to do an exam before having Brooksie put to sleep, so we could be sure there was nothing else that we could or should do. That's when she felt the mass. She also described Brooksie's condition to us. That was very important to us.

I wish you lots and lots of strength, Wasabipea.  

Sending lots of your way.

peaches08 said:

Sending lots of your way.

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I never got to say thank you. So thank you, much needed.

I deleted this post.