My baby is scheduled to "cross the bridge" tomorrow and I am freaking out!

Let me just state, this is the first time I have ever had to put a pet down, let alone lost anyone in my life I was close with (and I'm 29).

For over a year now vets have been suggesting to put my baby down due to severe dental disease. Whenever it would flare up I would put her on antibiotics and she would be fine for a while. Then I took her in for blood work a while ago and she was in the beginning stages of kidney failure. But when she was checked a few weeks ago again, it hadn't progressed and she was ok in regards to that.

But I shaved her a few months ago and noticed a mass on the side of her belly. Before that, she had an episode of falling over and laying on her side, kicking her legs and yowling. She might have had another episode while I wasn't home one day because I found my bed sheets strewn about and her under the bed. But she had another episode a few weeks ago and we ended up taking her to the ER vet. He couldn't tell me what the mass was exactly (after an ultrasound) but told me that her spleen which was located directly near this mass was swollen. This would explain her episodes of extreme pain.

Since then, the past few weeks, I have had her on buprenorphine. But she won't let me administer it properly. I can get it in her mouth but not on her gums, so either it isn't working or it is and is having no effect. If it does have an effect, she has been very restless and not sleeping much on it. Or that is from pain, I don't know. All I know is that mass is getting larger, and it is hot to the touch, and she is starting to get the same thing on the left side of her belly. She is very vocal, and often just looks at me with dull eyes and yowls. She has also started hiding in the closet (she has NEVER done that) and won't lay out in her cat bed in the living room anymore but under my coffee table. 

We made the decision to put her down tomorrow but I am struggling still with this decision. Because she is still eating and drinking  (off and on, it goes in cycles), still using her litter box (although the habits have changed), and still playing and most importantly cuddling and purring with me at night in bed like usual. But it has pained me to see how she has been the past few weeks. I am doubting my decision. I know she will only get worse, but I can't help but feel I am ending her life too soon and I feel so guilty. I am not looking forward to tomorrow. 

Poor girl - it sounds like you've done so much for her in the time that others have suggested giving up. Please don't feel guilty. She's hung on with you and it sounds cliche, but you just "know" when there's no fight left, and when it's getting to be too much for them. If the symptoms can't be controlled anymore, or she seems uncomfortable, and isn't acting herself anymore, giving her peace and comfort, especially with you there for her may be one of the biggest favours you do for her. Spoil her as best you can until then, and hold and talk to her when the time comes.

So sorry you have to do this.

I'm so sorry your going through this right now.

Your making sure your little girl doesn't suffer anymore, but lt doesn't make it any easier.

Let us know how things go, but we'll be here for you

Thinking of you today, @littlefluffytab. The hurt is so great when we lose someone we love. And, yes, I do mean our kitties when I say "someone." Your baby girl has been a big part of your life and a member of the family. We all understand and are here for you.

The heart does not know the difference between animal and human, it does know there has been a tragic loss and it is broke in two and hurting. The grieving process almost always has us second guessing ourselves, and wondering if we did the right thing, this only brings us more anguish and tears. Your baby was hurting, the only thing you wanted to do was to stop the pain. There is NEVER a 'right' time to say goodbye, you just do what you know in your heart will bring peace to your suffering loved one. My heart cries for what you are going through, I've been there and know what losing such a wonderful soulmate can bring. Only time will help, allow yourself to grieve and surround yourself with supportive people. You have to tell your mind not to dwell on the horrible thoughts, but have your heart rejoice in remembering the love you two shared in her memory. Bless you for loving so much to hurt so bad, take care....RIP dear little soul!

I've been standing in your shoes before, facing what I knew must be done, and you will be in my prayers.  I'm so sorry.  

I'm so sorry that you're going through this painful experience. Even when we know we're facing the inevitable, there are little rays of hope that make us second-guess ourselves. RIP, little one.

I am so sorry. You did everything you could. She must have been proud to have such a loving momma RIP, pretty kitty; she waits for you at the Bridge.