What Backman taught me about living my life

cataan

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Weeks ago I posted about the sudden, unexpected death of my cat Backman due to cardiac arrest (not heart disease).  I am by no means over it but I've been reflective and thought I'd post about it.

On May 11, 2014 I came back from a bike ride at about 5 p.m. It never would have occurred to me that in an hour my cat Backman would be gone. He had been fine, why would I ever think May 11th was his last day? Surely he had 7 or 8 more years until he was old and would eventually die; it happens to everyone. But he's gone. And here is what his death has taught me: I ask myself why do I miss him sooooo much? And the answer is that I loved him with all my heart and thought very fondly of him. Most cats are sweet and affectionate; Backman was more than that -- he was NICE in a way that you don't see in animals and, as weird as it might sound, I appreciated him.  For example, when it was time for breakfast my other cat would run into the kitchen; Back would walk next to me with his tail wrapped around my leg, in essence holding my hand.  It sucks for me because I deal with the loss constantly, but I realized something about life from that. You can't always be caught up in what the future might hold; you have to also live in the present. You have to enjoy the time you have and that time could be far more limited than you imagine. But it isn't simply about you enjoying your time; it's about making others enjoy the time you share too. The true gauge of how well you have lived your life isn't the joy you have while you're alive; it's how much others wish you were still alive and with them after you are gone. Call it Backman's Rule.
 

feralvr

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I have tears in my eyes because that was truly inspirational. I love Backman's Rule and I also try to live my life in the moment as my dogs and my cats do. I have also loved and lost and my heart aches all the time when their memories peek which is often. I love what you say about how to gauge one's life after they have gone. Pleasing and spreading joy to other's is the way to try to live your life. I think I needed to hear this and today was a good day to hear it. I have to stop fretting over WHEN my Henry (dog) is going to pass. He is ill. I lost his brother last summer - and I still have great sadness in missing him painfully so. I need to enjoy this day, today, to the fullest. I have to stop bringing my husband down with me over Henry being sick. I REALLY appreciate this more than you know. Having a better outlook for the present IS the way to joy and happiness and that will be infectious to those around you too. Thinking this way almost makes me feel more powerful over things in my life. I love it. :hugs: :heart3:

p.s. I also lost a cat a few years ago (4 yr. old) to cardiac arrest. Life is short and fragile.

RIP dear :rbheart: Backman :rbheart: :angel: You have left behind quite the legacy. :touch:
 
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di and bob

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Thank you so much for such wonderful words that everyone should live by! I know I get caught up in the hustle of everyday life and do need to ponder things such as you brought up. We've had two tragic deaths in our family in the last three months, and I DID wonder at the time if I had made a big enough mark in this world to have many mourn for my passing. I truly need to write down your words and look and reflect on them every day, we all need to enjoy the present more and not dwell on the past OR the future, thank you for bringing this to our attention, we ALL need a reminder now and then. I hope you are doing better in your grief, it takes a long time to heal a broken heart, and time is all we have to help. Bless you for your loss and the pain it brought (and is STILL bringing), I know the pain can take your breathe away at  times. Take care..... RIP sweet Backman, you are an inspiration to us all! 
 
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