ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
_Smart man + smart woman = romance
_Smart man + dumb woman = affair
_Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
_Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
_OFFICE ARITHMETIC
_Smart boss + smart employee = profit
_Smart boss + dumb employee = production
_Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
_Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
_SHOPPING MATH
_A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
_A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
_GENERAL EQUATIONS &STATISTICS
_A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
_A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
_A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
_A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
_HAPPINESS
_To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a _little.
_To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to _understand _her at all.
_
_LONGEVITY
_Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more _willing to die.
_PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
_A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
_A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
_DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
_A woman has the last word in any argument.
_Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
_HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
_Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the _same thing to them at funerals.
_Smart man + smart woman = romance
_Smart man + dumb woman = affair
_Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
_Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
_OFFICE ARITHMETIC
_Smart boss + smart employee = profit
_Smart boss + dumb employee = production
_Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
_Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
_SHOPPING MATH
_A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
_A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
_GENERAL EQUATIONS &STATISTICS
_A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
_A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
_A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
_A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
_HAPPINESS
_To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a _little.
_To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to _understand _her at all.
_
_LONGEVITY
_Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more _willing to die.
_PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
_A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
_A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
_DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
_A woman has the last word in any argument.
_Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
_HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
_Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the _same thing to them at funerals.
