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You ever want more??

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
I had a friend in from malaysia the other day - he flew in - did three hours of business and then he drove 300 miles to meet me. We ate and talked and drank copious amounts of coffee till the early hours and throughly enjoyed each others company.
I look at him, hes the same age - within reason who has made something of his life, he has a great job, responsibility and gets to travel and meet people. I sit all day on a pc, taking abuse from customers and am heavily monitored from what I say and do. It gets the stage that you almost have to put up ones hand for the toilet... and I wonder what there is out there and how to get hold of it.
I want more, I would like what he has, he also has a familly, he is a lot more intelligent than me and I wonder if this is what is holding me back?
I keep trying to get my french language up to speed - being bilingual was always something I wanted to be - i just get bored of it and then lose interest.
I want to be able to give my wife and son everything and as I cannot - then its dragging me down big style.
Even my relationship with my wife and son is suffering a lot - like my wife wanted to know the other day - when was the last time I told her I loved her and I cannot reply - I just cant. I do love her but there seems to be little love there at the moment. Have taken a day off as holiday - we cant afford to go out and all we seem to be doing is her sat x stitching and playing with Chris and me on this or reading / modelling.

You ever just want more and want to improve yourself. I wake with the same face that i feel i goto bed with and feel very miserable.
Need a kick up the preverbial I think - any offers? If you wanted to improve yourself - where would you start?

having a real Loowwwww day and thanks for listening
post #2 of 11
Kev, I am sorry that you feel this way. I too feel this way sometimes.
What I do is, take it one day at a time, because if there is nothing I can do about something, then I have to face it. But if there is something I CAN do, then I will try and figure out a way to do something about it.
You are obviously an intelligent man with a great sense of humour and I can see the love you have for your wife and son.
You don't have to spend money to enjoy times together - pack up a picnic basket, go for a drive and sit in a lovely park and enjoy your time together, take your son to a playground together and play with him. Teach your son something new, start a hobby together. A child doesn't remember what you give him, but how much love you give him and how much time you spend with him. They are moments you treasure. Material things don't last.
I think we all want more than we have, and it can get fairly depressing if we think about it more often, I know, I have been there.

Hang in there Kev, things always have a funny way of working out.
post #3 of 11
Well, for starters you ARE intelligent Kev. Not to sound preachy but give yourself a little credit.
I've looked at my life several times and said to myself "Damn I need something more!" Here's the depressing part...I live in the same small town I grew up in. I'll bump into classmates around town and after relaying the usual "what are you up to" stuff I hear "Gee, I thought you were one of the smart kids in school!" We won't go into it further than that other than to note I have never assaulted anyone for saying that. I can't complain at the moment honestly as I'm a stay at home Mom due to astronomical child care, but I am dreading going back out into the "grown-up" world. Why? Because of my lack of education will severely limit jobs I'll be considered for. I would love to go back to college but that's just not possible at this point in time, and most likely won't be in the future.

Your family doesn't NEED "everything". You said in a previous post how proud you were of your son, sounds like he's doing great without all the stuff you want to get him. Honestly I think it's bad for children to get everything they want. We've gone out of our way to keep the kids "wow factor" low. At our house a trip to McDonalds is a treat, not something to be taken for granted. Know what? I like it that way. They appreciate every single thing they get, a coloring book gets the same reaction as more expensive toys. As for your wife. Is there anyway you two can get an afternoon or a night out without your son? Doesn't have to be anything expensive, pack a picnic and go to the park. Just something that lets you 2 reconnect.

OK, now for the kick in the butt! If you don't like the way your life is going change it! I have no idea what you do, but it sure sounds like you aren't happy doing it. Is a job change possible? Maybe some night classes or a correspondence course? IMO intelligent people who don't get to use their brains at work get fed up, disgusted, and just generally blah.

Whew. I think I'm done. Sorry for the length, but I can REALLY relate.
post #4 of 11
Kev! You are a great guy with a fabulous family. Sometimes you have to look at the things that you do have instead of wishing for the things you don't. Just because you don't tell someone you love them, you show them in numerous ways. My hubby makes my lunch for me every morning, that to me shows his love even when he doesn't say. It is very easy to say I love and much more difficult to show it.

You work where you do because you love your family and you want to take care of them. Your job is secure and that brings security to your family. If you want to make changes, look for growth within your company. Take a night school class - often employers will pay for it.

I know that sometimes it feels that no matter what you do you are stuck in a rut. Make little changes in your life. It could be as small as change the chair that you eat dinner in at the table. Re-arrange your livingroom.

I hope you get through this rough patch. You are a strong person and with your family your aare an even stronger unit!
post #5 of 11
kev, you sound a bit depressed, have you thought about talking to a councilor?

i can't really add much to what others have said, but i want to share something with you that sometimes helps me out. sometimes i also feel like i'm in a rut and that others have things that i don't...but the most beautiful thing about being human is that everyday you wake up is another opportunity to completely change your life. every day is a new chance and a new beginning if you aren't afraid to take it.

so go live life today.
post #6 of 11
Kev, I get so frustrated at times I could (and sometimes do) scream. It generally happens when I start comparing the material stuff I have to people who have more than me.

Please don't laugh at me, because I'm goint to spout out an Oprah-ism here. She had a year when she focused her show on gratitude, and would always say something to the effect of: "If you focus on what you don't have, you will never have enough. If you focus on what you have, you will always have more." That is now my mantra when I start getting frustrated with where I am in my life.

For the last several years, I have made a conscious effort to live my life with an attitude of gratitude. It doesn't always work, but I sometimes find when I get back to the basics, I can get myself seeing the things that are truly important in my life again. I have a wonderful family, I have good health, I am sober today (sober for almost 10 years now!), I have a job, and a home, and friends. And really, the rest is just stuff.

That doesn't mean that I don't sometimes crawl into bed and have a major self-pity fest. Sometimes you need it. But I try to get the h*ll outside of myself as soon as I can, and figure out what I can do about whatever it is that I'm feeling bad about.

Being a person in recovery from addiction - I also lean heavily on the serenity prayer. In case you don't know it, it is this: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
post #7 of 11
Susan, that was a beautiful post! I think it helped me as well as Kev! Thanks!!!

Kev, I know how you feel...I'm in a rough spot in life right now...but I am trying to look at what I do have...a beautiful healthy daughter, my own health, a home, and many wonderful friends, online and off. I too want to better myself...as a person and with my career, but sometimes I don't feel like I am as smart as others either and worry I might not be able to make it going back to school after all these years, but then I tell myself I have nothing to lose by trying.

It is so important to a wife to hear she is loved, even if you feel she should just know it. You said she asked when the last time was you told her that...I know it means alot to hear it, maybe surprise her by just going up behind her, putting your arms around her, kissing her neck and whispering in her ear..."You look beautiful today, and I love you very much" I know I would love to hear that from my hubby!
post #8 of 11
You've all given Kev such elequoent advice

You know, everyone always wants more I think. I think back just a few years ago, when hubby and I had been newlyweds, not a lot of money, living in a small place. I used to yearn for a big house, the white picket fence, money in the bank, etc etc.

Then as the years have passed and I've been able to achieve all of those things, now I yearn for more still. Now I want a second home, more money in the bank, vacations each year, etc.

I think everyone always has goals and dreams. Its not unhealthy to want something other than what you have. But you also have to focus on all that you have accomplished, your beautiful son, your wife, and your friends and family. Because material things are just that. Material. They won't fulfill the longing desire to be loved, taken cared of, or respected.

I hope you find peace Kev, but try not to focus too much on the outside things. Take care of your wife, tell her you love her when you feel like you can, and show her you love her every day. A cup of coffee in bed, a bouquet of flowers, a pat on the bum , those things all say " i love you" without having to actually say it.

Good luck!
post #9 of 11
You are so right Daniela!!! Even just getting her a cup of coffee in the morning and taking it to her or offering to help with supper are ways to show her you love her....and Daniela is right...other things are just material. There are millionaires in this world who would trade every cent they had for love and a family.
post #10 of 11
Kev, I don't know what I can add to the already great advice and comments, but something Suzy said is what I really believe in. Focus on what you have. I read a book a few years ago when I was in a situtation similar to yours now. It was all about creating possibility by focusing on what you have. Instead of thinking "if only. . .", you think "I have such and such, and I can add to that by doing..."

You seem like such a great person, with a wonderful family, try to think positive thoughts. It really does help, even if it's hard at first. Remember this: your wife and son want you, not what you can get them. How many kids are unhappy because they never see their parents? How many marriages break up because one spouse works too much?

If you want another job, maybe you could find a career counselor or job center to help you assess your abilities and find a new position.
post #11 of 11
Another thing that I started doing (yep, one of Oprah's suggestions that year) is saying gratitudes at night. I tend to slack off on it during the good times, but I fall back on it when I'm feeling down. My husband and I take turns, and each say something for which we are grateful. Even in the worst of times, we have always been able to come up with 5 items each. And it always brings me up, even if only a little bit, to realize that there are that many things to be grateful for in my life.

I actually don't watch talk shows, Oprah included, very much - but I like to give credit where credit is due. Focusing on being grateful for what I have honestly changed my life, the saying I quoted earlier and the gratitudes at night have become invaluable tools in that regard.
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