- Joined
- Apr 16, 2014
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I guess I will never get over this. My dearly little girl FenFen just passed away.
She came to me when her previous owner relocated and could not take her ( I am still so thankful that he saved her from street when she was a little kitten). She huddled with me in the northeaster blizzard, hiding in my quilt and squeezing her little body tightly to me. We moved, of cause with her. We drove across from North to South. Leave her was never even in my mind. When we got the house, I was so glad she will have larger place to explore, plus a yard she could check out. She indeed checked every inch of it, and watching a squirrel barking at her. She once cornered a little bird, just watching her curiously. After that, she got some birds chirping at her once she was surveying the yard. Close my eyes, all is her lovely face with her golden eyes (that are actually golden shinning at night) looking at me. She would talk to me alot, when I walked with her in the yard, she followed and talking. She slept in my arms at night, patting and stretching. She looked like a little lion, a very beautiful one. Her fluffy paws are meant to walking on snows (in my imagination). She rolls on the ground and invited me to rub her pinky belly....
I wanted so much to remember all the details with her happy face. I would not want to remember the time she suffered. She was sick once when a little kitten came to us and stayed. I felt so guilty that it must make her stressful. I tried to send the new kitten to someone who would take her, but could not find one and could not send her to a shelter. I hoped, wished that given time, Fenfen will get along with the kitten. They did finally. But then, Fenfen was sick again. This time, it was bad. Her chubby fluffy body loss quite alot of weight almost 3lb in two months. Then I met my vet, she found out that Fenfen had hyperthyroidism. We started medicate her. There was up and down and I was not too panic since if it is controlled, it may not be life threatening. Finally, we got her T4/T3 under control. And she even gained 1.5lb. Then one day, she stopped eating again. We rushed to our vet, and ran the X-ray, there is something I would never want to see is in her lung. next time, she got shaved a patch (quite big), aspiration. Tumor. I could not believe, and contacted an oncologist I worked with and trusted to get a second opinion. We ran CT, and shocked she had metastatic tumor, spreading to various part of her muscle. We struggled for that decision. With the great support from my old vet and oncology vet, we started to provide all meds necessary to make her feel better.
Each day, I watched her breath rate and hoping it never change. It never did. I was delusional to hope that it might not be something aggressive and can let her enjoy her life long and long time.......Even the day before her pass. she was playful and surveying the yard, watching birds, eating and drinking and urinating and defecating, and talking to me, patting and walking. Sunday sunset, she caught a baby opossum and brought home! I was scared that she might get in contact with something and struggling if more test should be done to make sure it was ok. Monday, she was eating, drinking, sleeping, watching birds and asking play, jumping into bed using her fluffy head nudging me.. Around 5am, she jumped onto my husband, then she fell suddenly, tightened her little body and panted, less than two minutes, once we turn the light back on, she passed. I knew she must reunite with her old buddy DanDan, a happy chubby boy.
And now I am still wondering here, with an empty arm for her to sleep, and an empty heart for her to fill... Want to do something, something to get hold her little fluffy b body again and never would be given such opportunity again. Be with me, my dear fluffy Fenfen, for as long as I am still here in this space. And I know she will like she always did, just like she had given me so much love and joy.
She came to me when her previous owner relocated and could not take her ( I am still so thankful that he saved her from street when she was a little kitten). She huddled with me in the northeaster blizzard, hiding in my quilt and squeezing her little body tightly to me. We moved, of cause with her. We drove across from North to South. Leave her was never even in my mind. When we got the house, I was so glad she will have larger place to explore, plus a yard she could check out. She indeed checked every inch of it, and watching a squirrel barking at her. She once cornered a little bird, just watching her curiously. After that, she got some birds chirping at her once she was surveying the yard. Close my eyes, all is her lovely face with her golden eyes (that are actually golden shinning at night) looking at me. She would talk to me alot, when I walked with her in the yard, she followed and talking. She slept in my arms at night, patting and stretching. She looked like a little lion, a very beautiful one. Her fluffy paws are meant to walking on snows (in my imagination). She rolls on the ground and invited me to rub her pinky belly....
I wanted so much to remember all the details with her happy face. I would not want to remember the time she suffered. She was sick once when a little kitten came to us and stayed. I felt so guilty that it must make her stressful. I tried to send the new kitten to someone who would take her, but could not find one and could not send her to a shelter. I hoped, wished that given time, Fenfen will get along with the kitten. They did finally. But then, Fenfen was sick again. This time, it was bad. Her chubby fluffy body loss quite alot of weight almost 3lb in two months. Then I met my vet, she found out that Fenfen had hyperthyroidism. We started medicate her. There was up and down and I was not too panic since if it is controlled, it may not be life threatening. Finally, we got her T4/T3 under control. And she even gained 1.5lb. Then one day, she stopped eating again. We rushed to our vet, and ran the X-ray, there is something I would never want to see is in her lung. next time, she got shaved a patch (quite big), aspiration. Tumor. I could not believe, and contacted an oncologist I worked with and trusted to get a second opinion. We ran CT, and shocked she had metastatic tumor, spreading to various part of her muscle. We struggled for that decision. With the great support from my old vet and oncology vet, we started to provide all meds necessary to make her feel better.
Each day, I watched her breath rate and hoping it never change. It never did. I was delusional to hope that it might not be something aggressive and can let her enjoy her life long and long time.......Even the day before her pass. she was playful and surveying the yard, watching birds, eating and drinking and urinating and defecating, and talking to me, patting and walking. Sunday sunset, she caught a baby opossum and brought home! I was scared that she might get in contact with something and struggling if more test should be done to make sure it was ok. Monday, she was eating, drinking, sleeping, watching birds and asking play, jumping into bed using her fluffy head nudging me.. Around 5am, she jumped onto my husband, then she fell suddenly, tightened her little body and panted, less than two minutes, once we turn the light back on, she passed. I knew she must reunite with her old buddy DanDan, a happy chubby boy.
And now I am still wondering here, with an empty arm for her to sleep, and an empty heart for her to fill... Want to do something, something to get hold her little fluffy b body again and never would be given such opportunity again. Be with me, my dear fluffy Fenfen, for as long as I am still here in this space. And I know she will like she always did, just like she had given me so much love and joy.
