Feeling so guilty...

RIP Angel.

you are painless and free now

I read this minutes before the doctor came over to put her asleep. it helped me. 

thank you

with love, amy

It was so kind of you to have her put to sleep at home, a last gift to her, not to be taken to the vet's office again, since you know she had come to fear it.  For her, the pain is over,  For you, it will take a little time, but you can rest easy knowing you did everything you could do right down to the end, and you made the right decision.  It' easier to move through the grieving when you realize you have nothing to feel guilty about.  You can both be at peace now.  Feel free to write a tribute to her and post pictures here if you like.  We are all sorry for your loss. 

I'm very sorry for your loss. It was such a difficult decision for you to have to make, but Angel is at peace now. RIP, little one.

I'm so sorry for your loss.
You gave her the greatest gift. No more pain!
God bless you!
R.I.P. Sweet Angel

I'm sitting here beating myself up and am hurting so badly.  i should have listened to the person who suggested that i bring her in for an ultrasound to diagnose her. 

she was shaking soooo bad when the doctor gave her the first shot. i think she knew i was putting her to sleep. i loved her with all my heart. she was my baby. now, i have to live with the decision to put her down too early. i should have listened to the lady who suggested i bring her in for the ultrasound. does anyone have feedback on the weightloss in cats? she lost 25% of her body weight in about 5 months. gosh, i'm so sad. 

If you will look back, her blood work and history pointed strongly to dry FIP, and the extreme weight loss goes with FIP also.  Personally, I think her trembling before the shot was just because she has had SO much vet work that she is totally terrified of vets and shots.  Sparing her yet one more vet visit for an ultrasound was a kindness.  My cat lost more than 25% of her body weight in a month with her illness.  Even so, there was no "proving" it was dry FIP until she began to have neurological signs.  I know from others' experience that after that point things go downhill rapidly, so I chose to put her to sleep with love.  FIP sucks, it really does, but once they start being in pain, the kindest thing is to spare them any more pain.  I think you are just suffering from normal aching grief right now.  You would do anything to have her back and healthy again, but it wouldn't have happened that way.  I'm sorry you are beating yourself up.  Go read the article on FIP again, and perhaps you will come to the conclusion you originally did

Torn said:

 
Wow, just looked it up. It sounds like that is what she has. 

Thank you so much.  As it said in the article, as long as your cat doesn't display any pain, there is no need for putting her down.  My cat is in obvious pain, and putting her down is the only option. 

I feel better now, 

Thanks for taking the time to send the info. 

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Here is a link to a VERY long and thorough article about FIP written by a vet.  Reading it may help you have a little more certainty that you did the right thing.

http://www.2ndchance.info/fip.htm

thank you, did you look at her blood work and see the signs it was FIP? 

i asked my doctor and he said he didn't think she had FIP.  Looking back at my doctor, i don't think he was very good at all. 

what are the signs when it hits neurologically?  she was very jumpy...every sound startled her. 

 .  

Torn said:

 
thank you, I suppose we just have to know that they are at peace and in heaven.  

i'm going to tell you what others have said to me, we shouldn't feel guilty about our decisions.  its only prolonging the pain and anguish of putting our babies through more test and treatments. 

i'm sure i will feel regret. 

i have read more articles of people feeling guilty for waiting too long to put their pet down...for extending their life when they were in pain...than people feeling regret for doing it too early. 

it's eventually going to happen...i think sooner than later is better..for everyone involved. 

thanks again..and may God bring you peace 

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I am so sorry for the loss of your cat Angel...@Torn.  I want you to take the same excellent advice you gave me, and not beat yourself up over things that had to happen, anyway.

Like you said, your Angel was in pain, suffering, and lost a rapid amount of weight in a short period of time.

My former dog, also lost weight at the age of 11 and stopped eating over the Christmas Holidays, some years ago. We took him to an emergency vet clinic since he was also throwing up.  The vet at the clinic said it was probably liver cancer and to consider euthanasia.  But to be sure, there would have to be further tests and biopsies of liver and ultrasounds.  Even then the survival with meds was not long....so I asked them to keep him overnight and then decided to euthanize him the next day.  It was also an agonizing decision. 

What you are feeling right now is normal, anguish, grief, loss of being separated from your cat Angel.

You're also going to be angry, crying, sad, tired but then you will get better.  You will realize that what you had to do for Angel was out of love.  And you were there with her at the end.  She knows that.  She may have been shivering, like Red Top Rescue said, because she did not like vets, and also because she was in pain. 

The thing you have to do now is grieve.  If you can, call the phone number that @StephenQ   posted.

Grief counsellors are trained in dealing with the loss of a cat.

Also, you said your heath was not so good, So you have to try to do everything you can to take care of yourself, now.  Make sure to talk about how you feel.  Try to focus on the good parts of Angel's life.  Distract yourself,  too.  Someone on TCS mentioned making a scrapbook, posting photos or watching comedy shows.

You just have to believe in the advice that you gave me.  And take the energy you have to heal, and do positive things....an advisor and moderator on TCS told me this, and I know it to be true.

StephenQ said:

 
I'm so sorry for you and Angel.

The ASPCA Grief hotline (free) has trained counselors who are compassionate and experienced in talking with people who need end of life support and counseling and they are used to talking to people who need help in making this decision and when to make it.  They know what you're going through.

ASPCA Pet Loss Hotline at (877) GRIEF-10 also 877-474-3310

http://www.aspca.org/pet-care/pet-loss

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Torn said:

 
thank you, did you look at her blood work and see the signs it was FIP? 

i asked my doctor and he said he didn't think she had FIP.  Looking back at my doctor, i don't think he was very good at all. 

what are the signs when it hits neurologically?  she was very jumpy...every sound startled her. 

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there is really little doubt you did the right thing...you spared her the worst whether it was fip, cancer or something else

please try and move on

Torn said:

 
I'm sitting here beating myself up and am hurting so badly.  i should have listened to the person who suggested that i bring her in for an ultrasound to diagnose her. 

she was shaking soooo bad when the doctor gave her the first shot. i think she knew i was putting her to sleep. i loved her with all my heart. she was my baby. now, i have to live with the decision to put her down too early. i should have listened to the lady who suggested i bring her in for the ultrasound. does anyone have feedback on the weightloss in cats? she lost 25% of her body weight in about 5 months. gosh, i'm so sad. 

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Oh boy, so I ended up reading through your thread about Angel.

I reviewed her blood results and I must say, I have seen FIP and this looks dead on to me like that is exactly what she had.

Dry (non-effusive) form can take many months, slowly working into their organs and attacking, and as a matter of fact (I don't understand your vet AT ALL) but 1/3 of all FIP cats have it neurologically.

http://www.winnfelinehealth.org/Pages/Neurological_FIP.pdf

Your post above hit me hard, actually put a lump in my throat, I could only imagine where you were at that very moment, and how hard it was to do what you did.

I hope it helps for me to tell you that in my opinion, you literally spared her from so much more agonizing suffering my dear.

I truly mean that. You have not experienced the ending of FIP illness, and it is dramatic and very, very bad.

So try to come to terms with that thought okay? I know it is a very difficult time for you now, her shaking was enough to turn this all around for you, but I promise, you did the right thing after seeing the blood panel results and the fact that she was affected neurologically.

Hugs.

I can't tell you enough how much this means to me. 

i want to hug you. 

Thank you so much. 

Amy

I did see the blood work you posted, which showed what the article mentioned, "When you cat has significantly elevated blood globulin protein (hyperglobulinemia) in the presence of other FIP signs, FIP is often the cause. In those instances, the cat's Albumin to Globulin ratio is often low. "  The neurological signs my cat eventually showed started with her legs.  Her front legs stopped working properly and didn't seem to be under her control.  Another person posting here recently noticed a "wobble" in the cat's back legs, and then occasional twitching of the head.  His cat went on to full-blown seizures shortly thereafter and was put to sleep.  I didn't wait for the seizures with mine, when her legs stopped working properly, I had her put to sleep the next day.  I was sure at that point that she did have FIP, and there is no good ending, so there was no point in making her suffer any more.  It was very, very sad, of course.  Being in rescue doesnt stop your heart from breaking every time you lose one, especially one you have had since she was born. 

Wow, thanks for that. 

I took her in for ex-rays..because her legs were different.  She was stomping when she was walking...and when she went to stand up, she would plop right back down as though her back legs were just giving out...or it was too much trouble for her to get up.  I noticed her body would flinch..and every little sound, she moved perc up wonder where it came from.  

I wonder why my doctor said he didn't think it was Dry FIP.   I know its very hard to diagnose but come on. 

You have made such a difference in how i feel.  You are truely a God Sent. and can't thank you enough for really taking the time to help me.  If you have any more evidence that you want to share, i'm always open to read it. 

thanks again. : ) I can breath a little better. 

Amy

Torn said:

I can't tell you enough how much this means to me. 

i want to hug you. 

Thank you so much. 

Amy

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You took her pain away and made it yours. You did a very honorable thing. Your sweet baby is looking down at you, from over the Rainbow bridge, and saying Thank You mommy!!!!!

Hugs to you!!!!

Torn said:

 
I can't tell you enough how much this means to me. 

i want to hug you. 

Thank you so much. 

Amy

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  That made my day, thanks for saying, and glad I could help. Hugs back!

Take care of yourself.