Daughter giving too much affection to kitten

Okay, this might sound like and odd question, but my concerns are borne from issues with my last cat, so a little background history will help. We got our last cat when my daughter was 4/5 years old. He became her "baby" as a kitten, she would push him around in her doll stroller, of him over her shoulder etc, basically was with him constantly when he was awake, holding him, patting him, carrying him. He was never much of a lap cat, even as a kitten, he was a bit of a loner, and was never really fussed on being cuddled for long, or petted for long. As he grew up, he wanted even less attention. He wanted affection on his terms. It ended up he somewhat "disliked" my daughter and she bore the brunt of his annoyance more often than not. But she would still persist, despite me saying he didn't like to be petted and smothered with affection. He came to think that every time my daughter came near him, he was going to be over stimulated with affection. This then seemed to spread to the rest of the household. I know it may just be how his personality was as he became an adult, but I'm wondering if too much affection when they don't want it shapes a kittens/cats personality? I ask because now we have our new kitten Delilah, who is a ragdoll and personality wise she is my ideal cat. She loves company, is super affectionate, loves to come and snuggle with us etc. Although my daughter is now almost nine, she still won't listen when I tell her not to smother the kitten with love. She knows to leave her alone when she's sleeping, but when Delilah is awake, she thinks she can do what she pleases. My sons will tell me that she's carrying Delilah around the house when she doesn't want to be held or carried, if she tries to walk away from her, she will grab her and make her go and sit with her again etc. Basically forcing Delilah to do what she doesn't want to do. She is gentle with her, but I'm worried that Delilah will get so sick of it or too overstimulated that she will soon stop seeking affection. I believe cats will seek affection if they want it, but if it's forced upon them, that it can change their personalities. I want her to stay the beautiful kitten she is now, and not become a cat that doesn't want to be near anyone in the house anymore. I have threatened my daughter with a kitten ban if she doesn't leave Delilah alone, and I hear my sons telling her all the time to "stop holding her, she wants to run around and play" and "stop picking her up and moving her, she wants to sit there", and telling her if she doesn't stop, then Delilah will end up hating everyone in the house.
So do you think if she persists with all this affection, that Delilah could end up "disliking" her? She LOVES cats as much as I do, and I understand she wants to cuddle her constantly, because I would love to do the same thing, but it's easier for an adult to have some self restraint. I do tell her all the time that it's not "cuddle time" and she wants to play instead. We also got Delilah at the start of school vacation time, so the kids are home every day, so she does it all day long.

I think a cat who is constantly annoyed by people might start avoiding them.

The only solution is that your daughter needs to be taught to respect the cat's boundaries. Maybe a place to start is to have a rule against picking the cat up at all. She can go to the cat and pet her, cuddle up, etc. Allow the cat to come to her and sit on her lap if she wants, but if the cat moves away, she can't go after her, pick her up or carry her around.

I think you can talk about it in terms of "How do YOU feel when someone is bothering you and you want to be left alone?" And "How do you think she feels when you pick her up when she doesn't want to be picked up?" Etc... Just things like that to instill the idea that Deliah isn't a toy, but a living creature with feelings who deserves respect.

fluffybeard said:

I think a cat who is constantly annoyed by people might start avoiding them.

The only solution is that your daughter needs to be taught to respect the cat's boundaries. Maybe a place to start is to have a rule against picking the cat up at all. She can go to the cat and pet her, cuddle up, etc. Allow the cat to come to her and sit on her lap if she wants, but if the cat moves away, she can't go after her, pick her up or carry her around.

I think you can talk about it in terms of "How do YOU feel when someone is bothering you and you want to be left alone?" And "How do you think she feels when you pick her up when she doesn't want to be picked up?" Etc... Just things like that to instill the idea that Deliah isn't a toy, but a living creature with feelings who deserves respect.

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  I think phrasing it as flufflybeard did is a great idea!  I think most kids learn this the hard way.  I certainly remember dressing my cats up and doing some thing that annoyed them when I was a child.  I also remember being scratched and bitten.   My kiddos are younger than yours at just 2 and 4; but what I do is give the girls safe places to go where the kids can't reach them.  The cat tree is a favorite.  As they are getting older I try to explain things more to them.  Like what it means when their tail is swishing or things along those lines.  I do enforce consequences when my 4 year old doesn't listen.  I just think of it as teaching her respect for living things which will translate to how she treats other people too. 

Yes, the cat tree is one of her safe spots, she knows to leave her alone if she's hanging out there, especially in the box bit. Delilah is especially affectionate with me, she climbs on me and kneads me for ages, follows me around, wants to be with me. I have told my daughter that Delilah does this because I don't annoy her.
Will definitely try your idea, fluffybeard. With her having two older brothers, she knows all about being annoyed! She does know the rules, but I guess kids like breaking rules lol. Delilah is quite tolerant and laid back, but I just don't want her to start avoiding my daughter or the rest of us. She also gets some form of punishment if she doesn't leave her alone, too, like being sent to her room. She was really good the first several days, as I said she needed time to settle into her new home. Now that she has well and truly settled in (read - owns the house lol), my daughter started getting very clingy with her.
Thanks for your replies.