Newly Adopted Adult Cat with Serious Play Aggression Issues (advice needed!)

Hi Everyone,

I am new to this site, and I never post on forums, but I've pretty much reached the end of my knowledge and the end of what the internet can tell me about my new cat's play aggression.

My boyfriend and I just adopted a 4-year old male tuxedo cat six weeks ago and he is in general a fearless and playful cat with very high energy levels. He doesn't like to be handled much, but enjoys the occasional ear scratch.

His bad behavior is what is generally called Play Aggression. A few examples would be 1) pounce and grab while if our feet move under the covers in bed, 2) if one of us move too quickly across the room, for example, if I run to get the phone, he will immediately try to get at my ankles or calves and 3) perhaps the most worryingly, he'll stalk us around the house and pounce on us, in full on attack mode with claws and teeth out. Even when he is sitting next to me on the couch, if he sees my arm move he'll try to latch on to my elbow and start rough housing playing.

I've been in touch with the shelter behaviorist about it, and she gave me the usual tips of "lots of play, lots of toys, rotate toys so he doesn't get bored with them, no free feeding, food and treats only after playtime" but nothing seems to be working. We also do NOTHING to encourage the rough play and disengage with him the moment it starts.

Honestly, I could possibly deal with all of the above, but the biggest problems is that even after a very vigorous play session, or sometimes during it, he'll turn is attention AWAY from the toy and start going aggressively for ME. It's really quite alarming and I have no idea what to do about it. Thankfully he is only an 8 lb cat so there is a limit to how much damage he can do!

My boyfriend -- who is definitely NOT a cat person and really only barely tolerates The Cat -- whenever he sees this behavior, wants to instantly get rid of The Cat, and it's all I can do to convince him to give him another chance, but I am worried that I am also reaching the end of what I can handle. (One of my hopes was that maybe we could get a second cat to be a playmate for The Cat, but with my boyfriends attitude towards cats that's pretty much a non starter that this point.)

Any help or advice you could give would be very greatly appreciated!

Hi there,

You're in a tough spot.  One thing you can do is time how long it takes for him to re-direct frmo the toy to you, and then start playing with him for less time than that so he doesn't have that experience of redirecting.  Hopefully over time you can increase the play episodes.  Some cats are like this however and even with a lot of work it may not get where you want, but consistent and measured playtime with him can win the day.

Feliway spray or plugin diffusers may help as well, see http://www.feliway.com/us/

Also this is a good article on cat aggression: http://www.thecatsite.com/a/cat-aggression-toward-people

The boyfriend is another issue, and while this is not a suggestion per se, it may be a consideration - and i say this oh so gently, the key to successful cat adoption is matching the right cat with the right people, and while you may be able to handle this cat, your boyfriend is not.  The shelter should have known (ideally) that this cat was very play aggressive and should have steered you away from him. Assuming the shelter is no-kill, at some point you may want to consider exchanging him for a cat that your boyfriend will be ok with.  I know that may not be what you want to hear, and again i'm not suggesting it, just putting it out there.

Thank you for you understanding words. It has been really tough, and the responses I've gotten when asking for advice have ranged from "You are stuck with him, so make to the best of it," to "I can't believe you haven't returned that monster to the shelter yet."

I have struggled with the idea of re-homing him, because it was clear within days that The Cat was a bad match for our family. I just never thought I'd be the sort of person who would give up on an animal. (My boyfriend has a grudge now against the shelter, because when I went in I asked for a "Friendly, Snuggly, Lap Cat" and the cat we left with is anything but.)

Unfortunately, the shelter we adopted him from is the open access public shelter in my area, which means they ARE a Kill Shelter, although their material indicates that they only euthanize in extreme cases. I've already contacted them about our options, and luckily they will let us foster The Cat until a suitable home is found, but the idea of rehoming him that way still bothers me.

I also wonder if I am being selfish keeping The Cat when he might have a better chance of finding the Right Home if he were back at the shelter?

Hmmmm......Maybe returning him to the shelter and getting a more laid back cat?  The shelter I volunteer at has a special room for cranky/less desirable cats.  I was there a couple weeks ago and a family came in and adopted two of those cats to have them as barn cats.(high prey drive) They aren't feral cats just cats that aren't cuddly lap cats. So they are still taken care of when adopted, not just put in a barn and forgot about.  I don't know if your shelter has that type of program, you could check. (they call them barn cats at my Humane Society)

The shelter does need to know your experience though so they don't adopt him out to a family with little kids etc. You know?

On another note, your cat may be feeling tension/bad vibes from your boyfriend.....

It's okay though, a perfect adoption match doesn't happen all the time 

Thank you! I haven't asked the shelter to see if they have a barn cat program (their website reveals nothing), but it never hurts to ask! I actually see The Cat doing really well as a barn cat -- I've never seen a cat hunt a toy intensely than he does.

He was found as a stray, so maybe he's just not a cat cut out to be an indoor house cat or a pet, and maybe that's okay.

I've worked in adoptions for about 12 years and my belief has always been there is a good home for every cat.  It's not selfish to keep him, but he would probably do best in a home where all the humans are ok with his "antics" and your boyfriend certainly deserves a cat that he can love as well, and in the long run there is a higher chance that the two of you are going to have conflicts over his life and his care and possible future vet cat and how much money "should we spend on him?", things like that.  The shelter is the one who made the initial errors in placing him by misstating his personality so its good they are working with you on this.

You haven't mentioned whether you have taken him to the vet since you adopted him. I feel for you since we had a problem with our tuxedo, Murray when I adopted him. I thought he would be a good playmate for our older cat, Maggie. We had just lost our 16 year old Leonard. Murray started chasing her and attacking her as soon as they were introduced. We've had to keep them separated ever since. He's now five. He's on Prozac for territorial spraying but it has helped calm him down. He was never aggressive with us though."3

We have taken him to a vet and his considered healthy.

You aren't the first person to suggest prozac -- I know mood altering medications to help some cats (and people!) but to me I guess it feels \a bit extreme? I mean, I guess re-homing him would also extreme, but I'm very torn about it.

We are trying feliway and other natural products right now -- no result so far.

What kind of natural products are you trying?  I did a review of these calming collars and I swear by them--I still use one on one my cats who went deaf and had some real anxiety problems.  

http://www.thecatsite.com/products/calm-me-down-calming-collars/reviews/4358

As someone else said, he may be feeling the stress and tension between you and your partner, which doesn't make it any easier figuring out calming techniques.  

I have been using a feliway diffuser and those drops you can put in their water.

I am not sure about what a calming collar would do -- his problem isn't anxiety -- in general he is pretty fearless -- outgoing and curious about people and any new thing. (This is why we liked him in the shelter -- he had this great friendly way of greeting people, it was only afterwards that his play aggression become apparent.)

Minnaloushe said:

I have been using a feliway diffuser and those drops you can put in their water.

I am not sure about what a calming collar would do -- his problem isn't anxiety -- in general he is pretty fearless -- outgoing and curious about people and any new thing. (This is why we liked him in the shelter -- he had this great friendly way of greeting people, it was only afterwards that his play aggression become apparent.)

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I was just sharing my experience/use of the collar.     They are used in different situations needing calming in general.  But of course, every cat is different, what works on some won't really help others--just putting the idea out there, since you're using natural products.

I agree with advice you have been given here, and that it is a really tough situation when the personality and needs of the cat do not seem to match what you had requested / were told to expect by the shelter.  Offering to continue to foster until a more suitable home can be found is a very caring approach in such circumstances and hopefully another home will be found. However there is always some chance that he will settle, and Stephen Q's thoughts on possible over stimulation leading to the aggression  may offer some hope of altering your relationship with this cat.  I live with a cat who had a very high play drive as a kitten and young cat, and can still get very boisterous.  He does not differentiate between people and cats and will attempt to play with humans just as he would a fur covered friend. He is a very loving, sociable and confident cat which makes this seem incongruous but I don't think it is, to me it makes sense and it could to for your cat too.

Short, rapid bursts of play on a regular basis, getting in before the cat got bored and looked for trouble by chasing, hunting and biting initiating aggressive play was needed.

Short sessions of fast play running about after feather wands and fishing rod / DaBird toys to point of breathlessness then rest then restart was needed - no hands near.

Closer contact play moving large soft toys with tails like kickeroos but making sure to raise the toy up and push down to assert dominance if cat started to look like he was getting over excited, and then withdrawing and moving to less hands on game.

Time out, if you can't lift and touch the cat because of the aggression in order to lift him out of the space and shut a door then you leave the space and shut him in where he is, wait 30 seconds to 3 minutes long enough for him to settle then open the door.  If he's still high and eyes and body language telling you he isn't calm them continue the time out until he is settled.

Pet him only if he initiates it and watch body language, eyes, ears, tail very carefully for any change in arousal levels so you stop before he starts to get playful or aggressive with you.

Avoid fast movements around him if you can, and if someone does not feel confident in touching him to stroke or pet it will be better to hold back as if they move towards him and then jump or pull away your cat will read this as an aggressive or play initiating move and attack - aggravating the situation.

I wish you well however this works out as I am sure none of you feel happy and relaxed in this situation.

I just wanted to follow up on this with a quick update and thank everyone again for all of the thoughtful advice.

It's been a difficult decision making process, but it looks like we are going to re-home the cat through the foster program at the shelter.

He's not a bad cat, but it's pretty clear that a cat with his high energy levels, playfulness, and social tendencies would be much happier in a home with at least one other cat, which is something we just can't commit to right now, as much as I wish we could.

It's been tough, but from the discussion here and the conversations I've had with the shelter, I feel pretty confident that this is the right decision and in the best interest for both us and the Cat.

The other bright side about this is now that I've been through the foster training at the shelter, the new plan is fostering sick cats and/or shy cats who really need to get out the shelter, and hopefully find a good kitty match for us in the process.

I am sorry this adoption hasn't worked out for you and this cat will need to look for a new home, though it sounds like you have had some very useful chats with the shelter while working through this difficult decision.  Planning to foster sick or shy cats and look for potential good matches for adoption in the process sounds as if it will help you to move forward and help more cats at the shelter as you do.  

I hope you find a purrfect match for your home soon, but until you do may more cats benefit from what you have to offer. 

It's always a hard decision but it sounds like you gave it a lot of thought and worked through your options and came to the right decision.  Keep foster cats separate from your resident cat, one introduction after another will just be very stressful, and if you think you have found a cat you want to keep please follow a careful introduction routine like the ones you've been linked to :-)