New to caring for a stray/feral and second-guessing myself and need some encouragement and support

Chaucer said:

 
Orville doesn't run when I open the door and the alarm beeper goes off now.

Chaucer has been grooming Henryetta is a nicer manner and while they are both next to me. She lies there and he licks her ears, face and head but sometimes he goes for the throat, or lower stomach with biting.  That's when the "fight" begins but I think they are good friends.

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Aw, that's awesome to hear! Love these updates. 

Today, Orville let me stand on the top step (of two) while he ate just below and to the side. We were about three feet apart.  I can't keep him; I already know that.  I am hopeful that I will eventually be able to catch him.

Late yesterday afternoon, he and the other two cats who belong to my back neighbor - at least I think they still do as she was elderly and I have not seen her outside in some time but her family is still there- were sitting on my driveway in a well-spaced triangle so they all know each other.  Henryetta knows them because she doesn't seem upset when they come around, even with a sliding screen door between them.  She did not like Delphine -growling when she would come by, and never did, running her off when both were still outside. No sign of Delphine but I am still hoping and praying she is being taken care of somewhere.  Chaucer isn't a fan of any of the cats outside. He doesn't growl at them but the flat ears and switching tail is a good indication. Sometimes, he will turn on Henryetta after that but they just play-fight and chase each other now.

Super progress with Orville! I am sure I mentioned this (and :lol3: - it was just the post before this one) ... but you could start to feed him inside of a cat carrier very soon since he is starting to trust you. It may take him a day or so to go in and eat BUT I assure you, he will. Then once he is routinely eating inside the crate and comfortable then you can make the vet appt. to get him neutered. On vet day, you just close the door of the carrier and off you go. Keep up the great work, you sure are becoming quite the experienced caretaker!!

Concerned about Orville. He showed up this morning and was limping. He doesn't appear to have been it by a car and it was his front paw he was holding up. Although I have made some progress with him, he still isn't trusting enough to come closer than about 5 or 6 feet.  Today, I put the carrier out with some wet food in it but he wouldn't come near it.  He did however eat a good breakfast and I finally took the wet food out and let him have it where he was eating because I thought he might need the extra.  I hope that he will trust me enough to come to me if he needs help. I couldn't save Delphine, but I'd like to save Orville, if I can. If only he would trust me more. He's not as easy as Henryetta was to trust me, but then again, she was in heat and then pregnant and I think she had been around people before.  Sad about Orville. 

I know you how you are feeling. You still feel so sad about Delphine and now more than ever, you want to help Orville. It is the way things go when our hearts are on the line trying to help these homeless kitties.

Keep that carrier out there with the door propped open during the day with nice tempting soft food inside. Eventually, Orville will come to know the carrier and venture inside. They ALWAYS do but it takes some longer than others. I always fed on a schedule and in the morning. I have trapped and caught many feral cats this way - the crate/carrier method. It does take time for them to trust you sitting there too. Some days I moved just a few inches at a time!! The cat is always hungry by the morning and I found more willing to go inside the carrier to eat. Once they do it a couple of times and you don't move, they begin to trust and understand this is the way to eat for now. I never rush this process. Only until I am able to get very close to the carrier, sitting there and they are comfortable going in to eat and then come out calmly do I move on to the next step. Usually, they will come out and sit fairly near you and groom! Good sign.

His foot, I hope, will be alright. It is always surprising to me when these stray/feral cat's get injured or hurt and seem to recover and heal all on their own without medical intervention. I bet he will be alright.

Each time, each day you spend feeding and caring about him, the more progress you are making with him. You may not see it right away but one day he will advance even closer and will trust you even more. It is a long, slow arduous process but we must allow it on their terms only. OH how I wish it could go faster but it never does most times. We are at their mercy. and time schedule.

p.s. sorry late to checking up here - but I always do try to check on you and your progress when I log on. I so appreciate your efforts to help the kitties. :grphug: We all do.

Orville hasn't been here since the day he had the hurt paw.  This makes me wonder if he has a home, simply because Henryetta showed up every morning and evening, and sometimes during the day, in rain, snow, sleet, ice and sun. I know she wasn't hurt but she probably would have still come for food since she knew it was here. Unlike Delphine, Orville wasn't hurt because of me and my cat so there should be no association with any trauma.

Last night I looked out and there was a white kitten with black or gray markings eating out there.  It couldn't have been more than 4-5 months old.  It looked at me and continued to eat. Encouraged, I opened the door a little, leaving the screen between us, but the kitten ran off. I'm hoping it will come back and I can catch it, at least.

Chaucer said:

Last night I looked out and there was a white kitten with black or gray markings eating out there.  It couldn't have been more than 4-5 months old.  It looked at me and continued to eat. Encouraged, I opened the door a little, leaving the screen between us, but the kitten ran off. I'm hoping it will come back and I can catch it, at least.

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Oh good grief. :slant: I think the strays in your neighborhood will be keeping you busy for - well - forever. And soon, that kitten may have kittens.

for Orville.

Feralvr said:

Oh good grief.

I think the strays in your neighborhood will be keeping you busy for - well - forever. And soon, that kitten may have kittens.

for Orville.

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I wanted you and everyone following the new feral cat rescuer (me) that I bought a couple of Hav-a-hart traps. One is is bigger one and one is a smaller one for kittens.  I tried to trap the kitten, which when I got a second look was maybe 2-3 months old, the other night after I'd seen it there just after dark a couple of nights in a row. Unfortunately, it did not return the third night. I wasn't able to put a trap out the next night and yesterday afternoon I noticed what I think is a black/white kitten on the side of the road just down from my house.

Orville is walking better but he is still holding his paw up when he runs.  Since I have the traps, I will figure out the best time to put one out to catch him. I don't want to catch  my neighbor's cats, though, who come by about the time Orville does. They don't fight each other.  Grey Kitty comes up to the door and also tried to get in the kitten trap, so he could be trapped, but I'm unsure about him belonging to someone.

Funny that the cats who come round are male.  The neighbor' two females are spayed.

WELL - you truly have moved up to the "pro" feral cat trapper stage!! The smaller Hav-a-harts are perfect to have on hand for trapping kittens! Surely, again, it seems you have your work cut out for you. I have also trapped at one time or another, a neighbor's cat OR one that I have already TNRd. Just let it go then! Most times they don't want to get caught again and stay away then OR if they really have that laid-back personality knowing someone will come for them and just want that food, then those are the types that will consistently re-enter that trap.

At least you are seeing improvement in Orville's paw since he is at least walking on it, a good sign. MEGA vibes for trapping him AND those kittens. At least they will not be able to breed. Thanks for the updates too AND for caring about those kitties.

I think we have to, as feral cat caretakers, understand that we are not going to have any control over the cat's safety, ever. We cannot blame ourselves for this nor can we take responsibility of a tragic end of life for them, sad as it may be. I feel more strongly about continuing to do good for the cats by getting them all neutered and TNRd, that is the goal, IMO. Our hearts are on the line because we are human and we care for cats so deeply. We are going to suffer and endure sadness caring for them but I surrender to that fact and rise above it knowing that I have saved future kittens being born to that awful life by getting as many TNRd as possible. I think you are finding your path here but also realizing that it is not for the light-hearted and with experience our hearts become stronger and more able to withstand these losses.

I never assume a stray cat is neutered and I usually will trap them and take them in to be checked anyway. I really, truly know how you feel though because at times and over the years I have felt completely overwhelmed with great sadness with losing (some missing) some feral cats and the guilt sets in, it is natural and going to happen. I think you are at the crossroads part of this endeavor wondering if you really can or want to take on this huge responsibility? That's ok too. I think we all go through that part of really not wanting to do this, wondering if we are doing more harm than good (mostly to ourselves..... ) and on the fence about making a commitment to go forward with continuing on with TNR. I think with more and more experience in doing this great deed the more you are able to handle the ups and the downs that are going to come as with anything in life that is worth doing. The rewards do outweigh the defeats!

Hang in there and as you know, we are always here to PUMP YOU UP!!!!!!!! :lol3: And encourage your good hearted intentions and achievements!!!! :bigthumb:

Thank you, Lauren, for caring and for all your support. You and others here have been so kind. I appreciate it. Not trying to be maudlin here, but you see, I have no help with this where I am.  I have next-to-no family in general now and moving to my small hometown from a big city, after having been away for 30 years, so I could take care of the things after my mother died a couple of years ago has been, well, different. Most of the people I know are her friends who are in their 70's-80's.

I enjoy feeding the cats and want to continue helping them, especially since I had such success with Henryetta,  but have had issues with trapping. I suppose that is because Henryetta was so easy and things went well with her. Orville is still scared of me a little and won't let me get more than a few feet from him. By this time last year, Henryetta was trying to rub around my ankles!  The other two cats do belong to the neighbors and are spayed. They are females and in the two years I've been here, they have never been pregnant. The black tortie is very friendly and vocal but the other tortie-tortie is like Orville - skittish with me. My guess is that the neighbor's  started feeding them a few years ago and they adopted them but keep them outside, at least that is what my next-door neighbor thinks and she has lived there for several years. She also fed cats and adopted one from outside who preferred to spend most time outdoors and would only come in when it was really cold. She has another one now.

The other cats - gray kitty, Tom (the kittens' father) and white kitty don't come around much and I don't know their habits like I do Orville's.  He comes first thing in the morning between 6-6:45 and between 4-6 in the late afternoon. The trapping will have to occur in the morning so I can take him to the vet right away as I don't really have a place to keep him and once he is in the trap, if he will ever go, I won't be able to let him out somewhere and then try to get him into a carrier. He's still skittish and wild.

Chaucer said:

I enjoy feeding the cats and want to continue helping them, especially since I had such success with Henryetta, 

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Your heart is in this for the long run then!!! :heart3: Our first success trapping and even socialization give us great motivation to continue on and persevere even through the times of difficulty, and there WILL be those times. It is the most heartwarming thing on earth to me when one can take a feral cat and completely turn them around to show them a live of love, care and kindness. I feel that they all deserve that and want that even though if at first the feral cat doesn't understand. They eventually melt into their new way of life and are all the better for it thanks to people like you and others who want to make a difference even for one cat. It is such a beautiful thing.

Trapping woes are a real thing for all of us who attempt! Most times it just takes that hunger to finally win them over and in the trap they go. I usually leave a couple of traps outside with the doors tied up and feed only inside the traps for quite a few days before the actual vet appt. That way the feral cat(s) get used to going in and out of the trap. I always hate that it stresses them out so and it pains me to see them so freaked out but again, it is part of this whole difficult process BUT so worthwhile once they are done.

p.s. I will be gone for at least a week but will check in here as soon as I get back on-line and will be hoping for some happy and positive updates on your endeavors.

Thanks, Lauren. You and others on here are the ones doing the great things for cats.

Orville is a challenge.  He hisses at me sometimes if I'm too close, even when I'm holding his food, so I respect this.  I don't think he has had much or any human contact. Henryetta clearly had some because she was so quick to tame.

I wanted to add that I think I just caught sight of Delphine!  I saw a lean tortie running low to the ground, a little off-kilter or sway-backed, into my neighbor's carport which is maybe 30 feet away. She has never been a big cat and has always been lean.    The cat didn't come over in my direction but went under my neigbor's car because the two neighbor cats (different neighbor) were on my driveway.

Chaucer said:

Thanks, Lauren. You and others on here are the ones doing the great things for cats.

Orville is a challenge.  He hisses at me sometimes if I'm too close, even when I'm holding his food, so I respect this.  I don't think he has had much or any human contact. Henryetta clearly had some because she was so quick to tame.

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You, as well, are doing GREAT things and show such care and kindness to the cats in your neighborhood. We are all aligned together and it is great to have the support here on TCS for rescuing and trying to save them.

Yes - I am sure it is true that Orville is a very scared/feral kitty and only trusting at a close distance of a few humans who feed him. Feral cats will learn quickly that humans mean food and will eventually come closer and closer to their "caretaker". Eventually, the hissing will stop and the trust will slowly build. This is a VERY LONG process, I know. It took one TNRd feral barn cat almost two years before she even sniffed my reached out fingers when I fed her without hissing. And, another two years before she was allowing pets. Eventually, she became out indoor tack room/lounge kitty and actually would sit on mine and one other girl's laps. Amazing, right??!!! But, so worth the wait. :heart3:

Chaucer said:

I wanted to add that I think I just caught sight of Delphine!  I saw a lean tortie running low to the ground, a little off-kilter or sway-backed, into my neighbor's carport which is maybe 30 feet away. She has never been a big cat and has always been lean.    The cat didn't come over in my direction but went under my neigbor's car because the two neighbor cats (different neighbor) were on my driveway.

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SERIOUSLY.......... I bet it was Delphine. Oh the poor thing. It sounds like she is injured from being hit by the car and in need of some help. My goodness, it always blows my mind what these cats survive. I will hope/pray you have seen her again when you update. This kitty (Delphine or not) may need to be trapped. If you have more sightings, and she is coming for your food, then I would get her some help. When a feral cat is seriously injured beyond help, and I have known some; trapped some, then the kindest thing we can do for them is to give them a dignified release from their suffering and send them on their way to the bridge. Hard as it sounds, it is a reality and sometimes we have to be that stepping stone for them. I hope you update soon. Sorry for my delay.

Chaucer, thank you for sharing your challenges with us AND thank you Feralvr for the words of encouragement!! Chaucer, I too am from a small town and it is very difficult to get assistance for TNR. The few other people here who are willing to accept the challenge find themselves quickly overwhelmed. I, too, feel overwhelmed lately but these recent posts here make me feel a lot less isolated and much more strengthened!!! Sending prayers and vibes that Orville and Delphine become success stories very soon!

t f

catsknowme said:

 
Chaucer, thank you for sharing your challenges with us AND thank you Feralvr for the words of encouragement!! Chaucer, I too am from a small town and it is very difficult to get assistance for TNR. The few other people here who are willing to accept the challenge find themselves quickly overwhelmed. I, too, feel overwhelmed lately but these recent posts here make me feel a lot less isolated and much more strengthened!!! Sending prayers and vibes that Orville and Delphine become success stories very soon!

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Prayers and good vibes to you too!  Glad to know someone else is in a small town- mine is a population under 10,000- and trying to make a difference.  There are three vets and one low-kill shelter where I got Chaucer before I actually moved here.  While there is a leash-law it doesn't apply to cats and people still seem to think cats are meant to be outside and it is somehow mean to keep them indoors. Henryetta has no interest in returning to the great outdoors.

Feralvr said:

You, as well, are doing GREAT things and show such care and kindness to the cats in your neighborhood. We are all aligned together and it is great to have the support here on TCS for rescuing and trying to save them.

Yes - I am sure it is true that Orville is a very scared/feral kitty and only trusting at a close distance of a few humans who feed him. Feral cats will learn quickly that humans mean food and will eventually come closer and closer to their "caretaker". Eventually, the hissing will stop and the trust will slowly build. This is a VERY LONG process, I know. It took one TNRd feral barn cat almost two years before she even sniffed my reached out fingers when I fed her without hissing. And, another two years before she was allowing pets. Eventually, she became out indoor tack room/lounge kitty and actually would sit on mine and one other girl's laps. Amazing, right??!!! But, so worth the wait.

SERIOUSLY.......... I bet it was Delphine. Oh the poor thing. It sounds like she is injured from being hit by the car and in need of some help. My goodness, it always blows my mind what these cats survive. I will hope/pray you have seen her again when you update. This kitty (Delphine or not) may need to be trapped. If you have more sightings, and she is coming for your food, then I would get her some help. When a feral cat is seriously injured beyond help, and I have known some; trapped some, then the kindest thing we can do for them is to give them a dignified release from their suffering and send them on their way to the bridge. Hard as it sounds, it is a reality and sometimes we have to be that stepping stone for them. I hope you update soon. Sorry for my delay.

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I haven't seen Delphine or any other feral lately. Just Orville and my neighbor's two who I've named Olivia and Arabella.  Orville let me sit on the steps while he ate so it's a little progress. He knows his name and if I don't see him at feeding times, I'll call him and he comes a few minutes later. Orville is at that stage where he is wavering between total trust and a little skepticism. He runs towards me and then will stop a couple of feet away and meows until I put the food down.

One of my friends told me of a cat her friend had been feeding that had been abused so I have said that if the woman who is feeding it can trap the cat I will take it to the vet and see what can be done.  It's jaw was apparently broken after being thrown up in the air and hitting a ceiling. Beyond disgusting! The woman who has been feeding it can't afford much at all even for herself, so I am happy to help if I can.

Gray Kitty was here this morning.  He is huge compared to the other cats.   I am not sure I want him coming round since he seems to be more of an aggressor. He is the one Henryetta was so upset with but I found out why.   While he is unafraid of humans, coming right up to the door and doesn't hiss or growl, he does growl at all the other cats and they avoid him. Chaucer took him on through the door today and when Henryetta came up, Chaucer turned on her.  Arabella and Olivia were dining a little later when Gray Kitty came up and Olivia, who is still skittish ran off. Arabella was under the car growling at him just like Chaucer and Henryetta do. I don't know what happened with Orville earlier as he had already been here.  I had some water in a cup that I was going to throw on him from the top of the steps if he and Arabella got into it.