New to caring for a stray/feral and second-guessing myself and need some encouragement and support

Progress update on Chaucer and Henryetta:

Chaucer said:

Progress update on Chaucer and Henryetta:

Chaucer and Henryetta.jpg

• chaucer
• Oct 21, 2014

Chaucer and Henryetta 1.jpg

• chaucer
• Oct 21, 2014

Chaucer and Henryetta 2.jpg

• chaucer
• Oct 21, 2014

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OH MY GOODNESS !!!!!!!! This IS TOTALLY like dating. Hilarious and so darn cute to see the pictures. I have boxes all over my house. They make for good, cheap entertainment for cats. Thank you so much for sharing. I love this after all of this time to see the fruits of your labor. :heart3: :heart2:

Do I hear Story Number Two in the works???!!! Delphine :rub: Well, if she is a tortie then definitely she IS a she. :nod: Maybe contact the vet about another possible spay. See, it never ends. They just keep coming around. When one leaves the territory, hence Henryetta, another is willing to take the place. Good luck with Delphine! :cross:

Just my update for those still interested:

Chaucer is definitely the dominant of the pair. He's now realized she is here to stay and is asserting his dominance.  Henryetta has slept on the afghan on the family room sofa since she was given 24/7 house privileges a few weeks ago. As of the past couple of days, he has taken over that afghan. Last night I checked on her and she was sleeping on the living room sofa on the antique mink throw. Spoiled?  He has started to bite her neck when she is lying on the bed if I'm in the room. She gets that "glazed over" look and then realizes its not....ummmm...that   kind of biting when he lands on her. Oh dear.

Henryetta is getting pretty heavy.  She's at least as heavy as she was when she was about to give birth. She wants to eat everything in sight but I realize that it is because she has that mindset of "I don't know where my next meal is coming from" even though she has had pretty much unlimited food since April 1st. Chaucer, on the other hand, is a lean, muscular cat with the longest legs I've ever seen on a cat,  who doesn't eat in excess.  Both love to play and Henryetta will now chase him and swat him. Sometimes they pass each other, sniff and then swat with claws sheathed. it reminds me of a high-five.

If I could only get Henryetta to stop coming in my bedroom at night and grooming my hair!  I don't like having my hair pulled and my scalp nibbled. Is this a female cat thing?  My previous cat, Sophie the Himalayan, did that when I first brought her home from the shelter. After two nights, she stopped. Miss Honeychurch does this to my friend every morning at 4:30.  I have had to shut the bedroom door so that neither of my cats can sleep on the bed with me and that is something Chaucer is displeased about since he has slept on my bed for two years.

Delphine has not been around since Halloween. She knows her name, or at least my voice and the sound of my front door opening/closing. I'm a little concerned but for the past year there have been times she's not been around but one of those times was when Henryetta was still outside and would run her of.   I still put food out and my neighbor's obviously well-fed cats have been eating some of it. I suppose it is possible that Delphine belongs to someone and stays in the house some times. It was very cold Halloween night and the night after that.

Might it be that Henryetta decided that your antique Mink throw better suited her comfort level rather than that afghan? :lol3: Sounds to me like a very typical, loving kitty friendship and I am so happy to hear how well things are going between them. Some cats, I think, are just more food driven than other's and seem to have the need to munch all day long.. I have two piggies that constantly beg for food all day long and half the time I give in hence their extra pouches. I schedule feed my cats now for multiple reasons and one of them is because the piggies would gorge themselves all day long.

I have a head groomer too and had one in the past. Both boys though. I just hiss, growl and push him away when he begins to do that in the middle of the night. In the beginning, I kept an air can sprayer (SSScat brand) near the bed and just dispersed enough of the air to make the hissing noise. It works really, really well and only had to use it a few times before Presley got the picture. I have since put the can away and he will come and try rarely now. Hopefully you can find something to annoy Henryetta when she starts head grooming so the cats can enjoy nighttime in bed with you.

Delphine may be getting food from another source too since she comes and goes as you say. Hopefully she is spayed! :cross:

Nice to see the update!

Thanks!  I hadn't thought about Delphine dining elsewhere or even that she may a home and is let outside.  I will put food out when I see her in the area instead of just leaving food out.

Chaucer has been exerting his dominance a little too much these days and acting jealous.  Yesterday, though, I'd put down some catnip and while both were sniffing it, Henryetta nipped a couple of times at Chaucer's ear.  I don't want a real fight because she has "street cred" and he doesn't. Her skin is tough as leather so when he bites her and holds her down she doesn't get hurt. He, however, has skin like a kitten and she could really hurt him.

Chaucer said:

Chaucer has been exerting his dominance a little too much these days and acting jealous.  Yesterday, though, I'd put down some catnip and while both were sniffing it, Henryetta nipped a couple of times at Chaucer's ear.  I don't want a real fight because she has "street cred" and he doesn't. Her skin is tough as leather so when he bites her and holds her down she doesn't get hurt. He, however, has skin like a kitten and she could really hurt him.

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I am going to blame it on the catnip. :rofl: Catnip starts all sorts of silly confrontations with a couple of my cats too. Oddly, catnip does not effect some cats at all. I have two like that. I think these little shows of dominance are not really what they appear to be according to cat speak. To us, it appears as that but to them, it is completely normal cat behavior and very healthy. My cat, Pipsqueak, will grab a mouthful of hair/skin on Perkins neck and hold him still. Perkins doesn't move nor fight it. :lol3: Pip does exert his authority that way with the ones he can get away with doing so. Silly kitties. ENJOY the silly antics between your two goofballs. Hopefully they are past any stage of getting seriously into it. The only issue that really wrecks havoc on indoor cats is when another stray cat comes around the windows outside the house or something really scares them outside and then you have that oh-so-fun transferred aggression onto the nearest warm body. :slant: Usually, though, those upsets are short lived.

Like Pipsqueak and Perkins, that is what is happening with Chaucer and Henryetta. If he is really hurting her, I would think she would screech and turn on him with claws flying.  It's funny that he is the dominate one since she is street smart, but maybe that's why she is more submissive. She's been in fights before. Frankly, I think he acts this way because of jealousy.  It seems he becomes more aggressive when I'm with them or I've been petting him (not her).  I had a Chow-Chow years ago who had grown up with the resident cat.  He would miss her if she went outside and would "go find kitty" in the fenced yard when it was time for her to come inside.  He would sit beside her, sleep in the room with her and let her swat his nose if he poked it over the edge of whatever she was on. However, if I caught them sitting beside each other, he would sit on her.  So I figure it's the same with Chaucer and Henryetta.

You are right that he gets aggressive with her when he sees the neighbors' cats outside.

I glimpsed Delphine the other night and put food out when I thought I saw her the next day. However, one of my neighbor's piggies at the food.  This morning, I saw Delphine in my front yard and went out to put some food on the driveway. As soon as I called her name and "kitty, kitty" so she saw me put the food down, I turned to walk away and saw the two piggies coming over the fence and strolling along towards the driveway. So what did I do?  I stood outside in the cold at the back of my driveway shooing them back home while Delphine was eating.  Do you know as soon as I started to go inside, here they strolled back. I had to shoo one out of the bushes where she'd crept closer to the food. Delphine came back but when I finally had to go inside, I looked out the window and there was Delphine in the Halloween stance with her tail puffed, so out I went again.

Anyway, Delphine looks pretty good and not as skinny.  I hope this is because she is getting fed and has a place to stay and is not pregnant.

Argh. That is always a dilemma when trying to feed a particular outdoor cat and there are the other more piggy and pushy cats that take over. It really is very difficult to manage because no matter where you put the food the piggies will come for it. My only option was to have two or three spots for feeding when I had that same dilemma. I ended up trapping the skittish cat though and took her in and eventually relocated her to a friend's indoor/outdoor feral cat sanctuary. She is a blessing on this earth (my friend) and I am grateful she had helped me with multiple feral cats over the years. ANyway - this story is moot because you don't have that option with Delphine. Well - I certainly do hope that she is not pregnant too. :shame: And, that she is someone's pet cat. So hard to make that call in situations like these. Do you trap and take in (find a rescue?) or just stop feeding altogether or just keep on doing what you are doing and hope for the best. For me, I always prefer to do something rather than just keep feeding, but that is just me.

As far as the other two piggies, :slant: there is not much you can do to prevent them from coming when you put food out other than not announcing that you are. Still, they may come anyway. Hopefully, Delphine is already spayed, has a home and just roams the neighborhood looking for other food sources other than the one at her house since she comes around so irregularly. IF she were to be hanging around all day/night, then I would for sure take some action. GOOD LUCK, as always.

p.s. Your Chow Chow sounded like an awesomely sweet kitty friend. :heart3:

I prefer to do something, too.  I have not seen Delphine since I wrote the last entry.  It's very cold here so I am hoping she really is someone's cat, or at least someone takes care of her in some fashion.  I still put food out late in the day and in the morning, it's gone, but it could be eaten by raccoons for all I know. They used to come to my carport/patio when I fed Henryetta out there.

Currently, Chaucer and Henryetta have entered into a 50 Shades of Grey Kitty relationship. I really can call him Mr. Grey, since he is. He still jumps her and bites her neck like he wants to mate. She will sometimes screech but others nothing and when he stops biting will waddle after him. He has also taken to swatting her behind as he walks past her. The other day I caught them both on my bed, he was holding her tail in his paws and she was lying there just looking at him.

Delphine is a feral. This morning at 7:15 when it was 19 degrees Fahrenheit, I went and put food out. I called her by name and went inside. A few minutes later I looked out the window and saw her coming from the vacant house across the street where Henryetta used to be.  She is not thin-thin, but I don't know if it is because she is getting more regular food or is pregnant. There is a grey tabby with some white that has been coming round to eat sometimes and I don't know if it is a male or female or has a home.  I have not seen the male cats that used to come round before Henryetta was spayed.

:lol3: 50 shades of Mr. Grey. Sounds like love to me, for sure. I am still so happy to read your updates and how those two are getting along. Quite cute, I think.

On Delphine. I would assume that she has no home. She may have other kind people that put food out. Some of these cat's do have different food sources, still the winter's are extremely hard on them. The vacant house is a perfect set-up and home base for feral/stray cats. I guess I would see about maybe getting a couple of traps and see about getting them TNR. I know, it never ends. Usually, though, if you TNR the ones you are seeing, return them and just continue to feed them, they will keep other cat's from coming into their territory. When we TNR/remove or relocate these cat's, then more seem to move in and take over their old territory. A pattern that will never, ever end unless cat owners begin to spay/neuter their pet cats. My dream come true in this life. Ain't ever gonna happen. :shame:

You are being very observant and caring though and I guess, do what you can handle for those stray cat's. I had recently brought in a female stray that was roaming the neighborhood - she was very friendly. I took her into my vet and she in fact did have a microchip much to my surprise. I was able to get in touch with the owner's that live a couple of blocks away. At least, I know the cat IS spayed and has a home. They say she comes in at night and were a bit taken back by what I did. I just explained myself, what I do as a cat lover and feral advocate, and they then were very kind and thankful that I cared enough to take on such a responsibility. I don't see it that way - it is all for the cat's and not really a burden. It just comes naturally to me. It is a tough spot to be in when you see cat's roaming, and not know IF they are a pet or not. Usually, a feral cat, truly feral, I don't give it a second thought and do the TNR anyway.

BEST of luck in whatever you decide and just know so far that you have done so much for Henryetta and those kittens. You certainly have experience now, though. :bigthumb:

Feralvr said:

50 shades of Mr. Grey. Sounds like love to me, for sure. I am still so happy to read your updates and how those two are getting along. Quite cute, I think.



You are being very observant and caring though and I guess, do what you can handle for those stray cat's. I had recently brought in a female stray that was roaming the neighborhood - she was very friendly. I took her into my vet and she in fact did have a microchip much to my surprise. I was able to get in touch with the owner's that live a couple of blocks away. At least, I know the cat IS spayed and has a home. They say she comes in at night and were a bit taken back by what I did. I just explained myself, what I do as a cat lover and feral advocate, and they then were very kind and thankful that I cared enough to take on such a responsibility. I don't see it that way - it is all for the cat's and not really a burden. It just comes naturally to me. It is a tough spot to be in when you see cat's roaming, and not know IF they are a pet or not. Usually, a feral cat, truly feral, I don't give it a second thought and do the TNR anyway.

 

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I have just had a similar discussion with my cousin about this very thing. She had a female tabby show up at her back door a week or so ago.  The cat had a pink collar and was pawing to get in the house.  Unfortunately, my cousin is allergic to cats and could not do so but decided to feed the cat so of course it is still staying on their back porch Since the cat has a collar and is friendly, I suggested she take her to the vet and check for a microchip.  Microchipping needs to be explained better to people.  It's not like a car where you can really just go online and go "Oh, that's where my cat is," although I'm sure there may be something out there now to be able to do that. My cousin thought that a regular microchip could do this and that the people just didn't care.  Anyway, she has ordered an outside house for the cat and her teenage children and husband want to keep the cat and have named her.  I have explained to her that an indoor cat (and this cat has very soft, thin skin like Chaucer and not that tough skin of a feral/outdoor cat that Henryetta has) is not going to adjust all that well to being outside in the winter, even down south where it does get cold, snow and ice. They have a basement but it does not have heat so it isn't ideal. My advice was that unless they are willing to take this cat in the house, then they should ask the vet about foster care until a new home can be found for the cat.

Hopefully, those people whose cat you took to the vet will think about letting their cat roam around. My neighbors still let those big torties run around, even after I told them they come into my yard and eat food for the strays. I wonder what they thought when one of them didn't come home the night it was accidentally locked in my storage room. 

Chaucer is still jumping on Henryetta and biting her in various spots. It may be a jealousy thing with him as it seems to happen when I'm nearby.  I do not like the attempts to mount her. That bothers me. He used to play with Miss Honeychurch the same way, without the mounting thing, and Miss Honeychurch would just play with him and jump on him. Henryetta does not like him to do this with her.  Oh, and Miss Honeychurch is a ball of fire, it seems.

A sad update:

Yesterday, Delphine was hit by a car. It was my fault in that Henryetta got out through the front door when I was opening it to go out and see if Delphine would let me get closer to her.  My front door has one of those glass/grill doors and in order not to be locked out, I have to open it a little and unclick the lock on the frame of the door and turn the handle on the outside to be sure it is unlocked. I do this all the time with no trouble. I had shooed Henryetta back just before but as soon as I opened the door enough for me to start to go out, she rushed out and chased Delphine off. Although Henryetta did not chase her into the street, Delphine ran into the street and I saw the car bump her. She continued to run, although I could see her leg was hurt.  Henryetta ran off somewhere outside. 

It was a harrowing couple of hours because Henryetta would not come when called. I caught a glimpse of her in that door but all she could see was a shadow and didn't know it was me and so ran off again.  Logically, I knew that Henryetta would return but as it was getting late in the afternoon I was afraid she would be out in the night, would come back and I would not be there to let her in if it was late and so she would think she was abandoned again.  I worried most about Delphine I suppose.  I went across the street to the vacant house that is now being restored and couldn't find her. I had seen her about 10 minutes after the accident running across the field between two houses and I heard what I thought was a loud meow then. I have cried and cried, blaming myself for this.  I don't know what to do.  I don't think she will come back and if she does, trapping her is going to be difficult, especially since she was chased off. Henryetta chased her off when both were outside diners and I didn't see the cat again for months and months.

The thing is, I have seen her nearly get hit before on the street. She is the only one who regularly goes back and forth across the street. The others diners seem to stay on this side, which makes me wonder if they do belong to someone. I'm sorry to be rambling but I am so very sad and it being my fault makes it all the worse.

I should add that Henryetta appeared in the absentee neighbor's back yard later on. I opened my back door because it has one of those verbal alarm systems "Back Door" if the door is opened and she is familiar with that sound as it was a sign when she was outside and in the storage room  that I was coming out to feed her. I was surprised she could still fit in the place under the fence she used to use to go back and forth between the yards.

I am having a little trouble with her this morning, but it is my problem because when I see her, I now see Delphine getting hit by the car. I know it was instinctive for her to chase off another cat but it's just hard to be around her today as it reminds me of how I caused all of this.

OH no. hno: I am so, so, so very sorry to hear of this traumatic unfolding of events a few days ago. Just seeing this now. My heart is breaking for you as I completely understand how distraught you must be over this. You are not to blame nor is Henryetta. These things just happen, sad and tragic as it is. We just can't control these things. As you said, Delphine was crossing the street constantly and sad (very sad :shame to say that it was bound to happen, her getting hit by a car. OH my. I can only imagine the torture you are putting yourself through over this and that vision in your mind. There have been others who have posted about such tragic events too and surprisingly the cats end up being alright. We will pray for that for Delphine. :cross:

IS Henryetta back inside now? I wasn't sure if so from your post above. I sure hope so and if not, she surely knows her way back to you. :nod:

side note: Chaucer and Henryetta's relationship will go through some changes and you will see new behaviors and play gestures as time goes on. Not to worry in the least. They are great, great friends and all friends play hard and even sometimes get into a little tiff. I mean, we are talking cats now, and we all know how kitties can be. :bigwink:

Keep us posted on Delphine. I hope you have a sighting of her soon and that she will be alright. Please do not beat yourself up over this!!!!!!!! But, I know, hard not to do with the chain of events. Again, sadly, it was bound to happen, the car accident. I just hope that she will be alright and YOU will be alright over this too. Keep updating when you can.

Thank you. I felt so awful and I do feel it was my fault. I thought maybe she would let me stand outside the door while she ate.

Henryetta came home about an hour or so later.  I saw her in my absentee neighbor's yard where she used to hang out before I took her in. I went out and called her when I saw her and she came home. I was really glad it was Henryetta who ran out instead of Chaucer. He doesn't have any outdoor experience and wouldn't have an easy time of it.

There is a little hope for Delphine. The other day I went across the street and talked to the contractor who is doing the renovations on that vacant house. He was so nice and told me he knew which one she was and where she might be. He took me round to the back and showed me the opening to the crawlspace under the house. It was a clean dirt floor and surrounded by concrete. He took a quick look in the entrance but, of course, couldn't see much since she could be anywhere under there if she even is there.  He told me that he'd seen about 10 cats  since he'd been working there and described some of them. One was the father of Henryetta's kittens.  He told he had a live trap at home and would bring it to see if we can catch her (or any of them, I guess).  At least I feel I have done what I can for Delphine by trying to trap her. I will gladly pay for her medical services should we catch her. A friend has offered to help me pay for any spaying/neutering if we trap any of them but I have a feeling they are pretty smart.

From what I can tell now, Henryetta was never the pet of the people who abandoned the house. She was feral but probably had been a kitten they fed which would explain her wandering around over there with them. She most likely lived under the house with the other cats and maybe they fed them and I've given them a bad rap for abandoning their cats. 

I have another cat I've been feeding and believe him to be Henryetta's litter mate now. He's a gray tabby with four white feet and has the same black mark on the same back leg as Henryetta.  I've named him Orville. He appears to be well-fed and clean, but very skittish. He is clearly nearby each morning because I go out and call for Delphine (still), Orville and Tom (who never comes but is the kittens' father) and Orville shows up just as soon as I go in the house. I think he waits in the shrubbery near the front door but not where I can see him.

Very kind and caring of that contractor to offer to help trap cat's and hopefully, one of whom, will be Delphine. :cross: Plus -it must give you great comfort and hope in having such a great caring friend to offer help. :nod: You are doing what you can, just know that their safety and security is completely out of your control and getting those cats trapped and neutered will at least stop any more litters from being born. There is such a need, everywhere, I sadly say. It never ends and there are always more cats needing to be TNRd. My thoughts are with you and I commend yours and others efforts to help those cats.

p.s. Glad that Henryetta returned so quickly. She certainly doesn't want to return to that other way of living.

Any updates on Delphine?

Ruaryx said:

 
Any updates on Delphine?

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Thank you for asking.  No, nothing.  The men renovating the house across the street have not found her and no cats have been trapped.   I am hoping that she made it to the other place she must eat since there must be one because I sometimes went for months without seeing her.  I still hope and pray she is healing somewhere.  Since the house across the street is under renovation, the cats don't come around there much anymore. 

I am currently feeding a gray tabby with white feet and a black mark on his back leg.  His name is Orville at the moment.  He, at least I think he's a he, is a healthy-looking, stocky, big guy with a little meow.  He's skittish but is slowly coming round.  He comes from the area behind my house so he may or may not belong to a neighbor right behind me. .  One neighbor back there has two spayed cats who dine here. One is friendly and the other one is skittish. Both are torties, so with Orville being a tabby, I'm wondering if he isn't Henryetta's litter mate, or maybe father since they both have the same black mark on the same back leg.  I can't take in another cat, but if he gets friendlier and stays around here after he eats, I'll try to catch him. I've thought of getting one of those insulated kitty houses - Kitty Tube? but I want to make sure I'm not taking someone's cat first.