How can I help my cat adjust to the new cat

Sorry to repeat what I said in another thread.

My sister adopted a Maine Coon Mix named Martini last weekend. Four weeks ago, her cat, Sotches was put to sleep after he suffered a saddle thrombus and went into heart failure very suddenly. Sotches and my cat, Merlin, were really good friends and Merlin appeared lonely after Sotchy died. Merlin is OK with Martini at a distancebut hisses when Martini approaches. I know cats don't become friends immediately. It only took Sotches and Merlin a week but that's rare. Merlin hasn't been overtly nasty,  more wary. We didn't throw them together, we kept them separate and allowed Merlin to get Martini's scent and for the two cats to become aware of each other slowly, as is recommended

I think there a few things that may be contributing:

1) Cats don't like change and what happened to Sotches was very sudden and now there's a new cat, it's a lot for a cat to process. Merlin may still be a bit confused.

2) Merlin sees everyone go to my sister's room to pet Martini, Merlin still gets attention but he's always been the one who got the most petting and cooing. He may feel some competition

At this point, he's just unsure. He is normally friendly. I'm thinking Merlin needs extra love and attention and special time dedicated to him so he knows this new cat isn't competition. They have just met face to face so I'm probably worrying too much.

You understand and know your cat Merlin very well. He sounds like he will get used to the changes in time with you giving him the extra attention and love. 

Well this afternoon Martini again tried to approach and Merlin didn't hiss. I played with him this evening and gave him brushing and extra attention. I'm sure he'll adjust. I feel a bit guilty about always flocking to see Martini. Merlin is and always will be by special baby. 

Update: Merlin saw Martini tonight face to face and no hissing. I've been giving him more attention and make an effort not to go fuss Martini until after I've petted and paid attention to Merlin. Good sign.

Two steps forward one step back. Merlin is still hissing an growling though not aggressively. My sister thinks Merlin can still smell Sotches in her room and it startles and confuses him to see a different cat, because he thinks it's Sotchy's room. I'm getting a bit discouraged and sad for Merlin. I don't think telling Merlin that Martini wants to be his friend is helpful, because that sounds like it's putting the onus on Merlin. I know cats take a while but I can't help question if Merlin just wasn't ready for a new furriend because he didn't get a chance to really understand it.

Hi

I would suggest you consider separating them and after a week or so trying a very gentle introduction.  Your resident cat has no no idea who this new cat is, and while you can force cats to be  introduced to each other, and in time it often works, but there is the risk that the resident cat could develop a long term dislike of the new cat if the introduction isn't managed well.  I would offer a good climbing tree for the resident cat, as in a cat's word, it isn't just about territory but vertical territory that matters, and giving your cat a chance to express his dominance by being higher than the new cat can help.

Here are two good articles on the subject:

http://www.thecatsite.com/a/introducing-cats-to-cats

and

http://www.aspca.org/pet-care/virtual-pet-behaviorist/cat-behavior/introducing-your-cat-new-cat

We did keep them seperate at first, Martini has been here for two weeks. We are not forcing them to meet, I wouldn't do that.

OK then you might want to try feliway spray or diffuser.  It's an artificial cat pheromone that can help calm aggression.  Also make sure your resident cat gets all the attention, treats etc.

http://www.feliway.com/us/

Two weeks is not long enough for some cats.  Cats have very unique personalities and are very territorial creatures.  I had to redo introductions from start to finish on my two after having them in the house together for months.  I am now going on almost one year of them living together and we still have spats here and there.  They just really do not like each other, but have learned to coexist. 

Introductions need to be done slowly and at the cats pace not the humans.  Slow down and give them time to adjust.

StephenQ said:

 
OK then you might want to try feliway spray or diffuser.  It's an artificial cat pheromone that can help calm aggression.  Also make sure your resident cat gets all the attention, treats etc.

http://www.feliway.com/us/

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I said in my posts that Merlin  is not being aggressive, just wary and unsure. I said in my posts also that Merlin gets lots of and love. Spraying him could do more harm than good.

I'm not rushing them I didn't put them together, they slowly became aware of each other.

CBowdidge said:

 
I said in my posts that Merlin  is not being aggressive, just wary and unsure. I said in my posts also that Merlin gets lots of and love. Spraying him could do more harm than good.

I'm not rushing them I didn't put them together, they slowly became aware of each other.

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Your situation sounds like my own. When I got Luna, Zoey wasn't aggressive toward her, but very unsure.

I made sure Zoey felt loved. And made sure that she wasn't even pushed out of a room because of Luna. (I did not do site swapping, always let Zoey have the run of the house)

In the end I had to leave them together (supervised) just so Zoey could see that Luna would not hurt her. That seemed to be her thing, Luna wanted to jump right in and be near Zoey, but Zoey was scared. It took my cats more than 3 weeks, but now they love to play and snuggle!

CatMomma627 said:

 
Your situation sounds like my own. When I got Luna, Zoey wasn't aggressive toward her, but very unsure.

I made sure Zoey felt loved. And made sure that she wasn't even pushed out of a room because of Luna. (I did not do site swapping, always let Zoey have the run of the house)

In the end I had to leave them together (supervised) just so Zoey could see that Luna would not hurt her. That seemed to be her thing, Luna wanted to jump right in and be near Zoey, but Zoey was scared. It took my cats more than 3 weeks, but now they love to play and snuggle!

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Merlin really doesn't have an aggressive or hostile bone in his body, I wouldn't punish Merlin for being unsure and a bit territorial that could send the wrong message, I want Merlin to adjust on his own and help him adjust. I feel bad for Merlin because Sotchy's death was so sudden, he was fine then he was in critical condition and had to be put to sleep. Now there's a new cat to get used to it's a lot to adjust to.

PS: Love your quotes. You have a black cat? Merlin is a black cat, Martini is a tabby Maine Coon Mix

CBowdidge said:

 
Two steps forward one step back. Merlin is still hissing an growling though not aggressively. My sister thinks Merlin can still smell Sotches in her room and it startles and confuses him to see a different cat, because he thinks it's Sotchy's room. I'm getting a bit discouraged and sad for Merlin. I don't think telling Merlin that Martini wants to be his friend is helpful, because that sounds like it's putting the onus on Merlin. I know cats take a while but I can't help question if Merlin just wasn't ready for a new furriend because he didn't get a chance to really understand it.

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Right but Merlin is hissing and growling and feliway is designed to reduce aggression.  I never meant for you to think that you should spray the cat with feliway, that is not its intended use.  You spray where he sleeps and sits, and spray your hands and then pet him, the presence of the pheromone helps to reduce aggression in many (not all) cases.

CBowdidge said:

Merlin really doesn't have an aggressive or hostile bone in his body, I wouldn't punish Merlin for being unsure and a bit territorial that could send the wrong message, I want Merlin to adjust on his own and help him adjust. I feel bad for Merlin because Sotchy's death was so sudden, he was fine then he was in critical condition and had to be put to sleep. Now there's a new cat to get used to it's a lot to adjust to.

PS: Love your quotes. You have a black cat? Merlin is a black cat, Martini is a tabby Maine Coon Mix

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Yes my Luna is black and my Zoey is a gray tabby

Feliway spray is not intended at all to spray the cat.  As StephenQ mentioned it is intended to help calm the cats and neutralize the space.  Feliway is available in both spray and plug ins.  You can spray the area where the cats tend to hiss/growl or you can plug in the adaptor and allow it to work 24/7. 

You can also try Composure feline calming treats.  It can be used with both cats to help calm the situation.  Hissing and growling is fine as long as it doesn't go any further.  If you do not watch the situation closely in a blink of an eye the hissing/growling can escalate. 

Start the reintroduction with scent swapping and then moving to sight swapping.  Also check out Jackson Galaxy's site on cat to cat introductions.

So, Merlin and Martini were sitting companionably regarding each other this morning. Yesterday there were almost nose to nose and Merlin only gave a slight hiss. He's almost comfortable, just slightly cautious. I give him lots of love and praise and patience.

YAY!!!!!

Funny update: Yesterday, I was playing the Red Dot Game with Martini and Merlin came TEARING in the room out of nowhere, I think he was trying to play but it startled Martini. That's Merlin, gets the crazies and runs around. No hackles or hissing when he ran in.  Crazy cat.

It's gone from "Who the heck are you?!" to "You don't seem so bad. . . " 

I agree with @StephenQ  that forcing them together would not have been a good idea. When my sister and Sotchy moved in we didn't seperate Merlin and Sotches they were just put together, and that didn't work at first, they didn't get along right away either.  It's also the first I've heard of the Felispray and thanks for clarifying about it, though it isn't necessary in this case, it sounds like something that could be handy. 

@ShadowsRescue  you're right two weeks isn't always enough, I was probably worrying too much. I should add, when I see Merlin go into Sarah's room, I'll go supervise. 

Great update!!  Sounds like things are going really well.  Your patience has paid off.  Keep playing and rewarding the cats.  Hopefully they will learn to really like each other.

ShadowsRescue said:

 
Great update!!  Sounds like things are going really well.  Your patience has paid off.  Keep playing and rewarding the cats.  Hopefully they will learn to really like each other.

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I'm sure they will. Merlin is a friendly cat and as I said he isn't at all aggressive (only time I've seen him be aggressive is when there's this cat in the yard he doesn't like). They are close. Martini wants to be friends, Merlin wasn't sure at first, but I think he's almost there. With regards to scent swapping, we're working on that using the same brush and such to get their scent on each other.  You're also right that some cats may never be friends, the cats I had growing up were roommates and that was it (didn't help that Socks sang to Patches-- and he was neutered!). Merlin and Sotchy only took a week but that's rare. It's interesting that since Martini arrived Merlin has been trying to fill in as the bossy cat, like Sotchy before he died. Trying. He isn't really the dominant cat though Martini even less so.