So sad and frustrated by all of the stray/feral cats in my area

I live in the middle of suburbia.  Lots of families have indoor/outdoor cats and I know most/all of these cats and owners.  During the past 4 years, I have rescued 5 feral/stray cats from my backyard.  Two of these cats live permanently on my deck/yard and both are now semi feral.  A third cat I brought inside the house.  A fourth cat was TNR'd and decided not to come back and the 5th was trapped and taken for vet care and had to be euthanized.  Now I have another one.  Yet again it's another unneutered male.  This cat is more feral like as it comes mostly during dawn and dusk and I can hardly catch a glimpse.  This morning I lured it onto the deck step with some tuna and sat just inside with binoculars.  When it left, it went out into the yard to some bushes, sprayed and there I saw (with binoculars) the tell tale sign of an unaltered male.  For the past 2 weeks I have been searching for lost pets, calling rescues and asking all my neighbors about this cat.  None of the shelters will take him as he is unsocial or they are past capacity.  I know that I will trap him and get him neutered, but then what?  Certainly I can continue to feed him, but I worry about my neighbors.  They all know my 2 semi ferals but I do not want to continue to grow.  How do some of you deal with so many feral/strays coming to your home?  No one else in my area wants to help.  I cannot take in any more inside my home.  I have 2 cats and 1 dog and while that may not seem like many to some, it's the most I can deal with.  I so want to do what is best for these cats and it breaks my heart to see them starving, sick and uncared for.  I guess this is just more of a vent....  I just don't have the answers. 

Wow, it seems like you're really having a hard time   

Take things one day at a time. Right now, you're in the trapping process, focus on that. Hopefully, by the time you can trap and neuter him, something helpful will come up. Space at a shelter might open up, someone might be available to help you, or maybe you'll even find out that you can take him in.

I get frustrated not being able to take in all the strays/ferals that I wish I could because I don't own my home. There's only so much we can do.

I don't know what area you live in, but try doing some research online to what is available around you. This might or might not help, but the Humane Society offers a lot of resources for each state here.

Ultimately, maybe the best you can do is a TNR.

I can certainly empathize with your plight. Our neighbors don't neuter and the momma cats have gotten very clever. It looks to me like they have their babies down or up the street and then give the babies our address. We rarely see the mothers. If I see them I try to trap them. Twice now we have had an influx of half grown kittens into our colony. Momma cat had moved on and is probably brewing another batch. Now we will need to trap, spay , neuter and feed several more cats. The newest set of kittens are practically clones of the last batch.

My advice is to try to trap the tom and have him neutered. Trap , neuter and return the cats to the area they came from after they are recovered. You don't have to home him or try to tame him but do keep feeding.

Best you for being concerned and caring for cats in your area.

Hi Shadows Rescue

I feel for your plight, especially as you have been so helpful with advice to me in mine - yes we are now up to 5 cats under our care!  But there is one possible answer, well really a bit of a hope that I'm having.  Our 3 rescue kittens our ours for sure and forever, indoor-outdoor cats who love us and we love dearly.  We TNR'd their mama (Patience) who then decided to move in with us for the terrible winter, and she is a bit of problem because she is still often aggressive to her kits (plus she took months to litter train!) but now that the weather is warming up she is increasingly staying outside and just coming in to eat and sleep, of her own choice, not because we are pushing her out.    Our other rescue from abusive neighbors, Ellie, is starting to go outside too, and I'm hoping once I get her spayed and shots (planned next week) she too will be happy  "outdoor but visiting" cat.  It is not ideal I know, but having rehabbed cats who just come to eat and come inside when the weather is bad (plus having an outdoor shelter) is more manageable than having a large number inside all the time.

So I'm thinking in your situation, maybe if you get the new male neutered, (a) he will not continue to breed more and (b) he may just come to eat when he's hungry and otherwise mind his own business?

And yes I totally emphasize with the rotten neighbors not neutering situation, that's how we've ended up with a whole family under our roof.  The upside is we love them all and they give us lots of great moments.  The downside, we can't go away for trips without huge stress of "who will look after the cats", plus of course the food and vet expenses. 

I thank you all for all of the advice.  I think my problem is like many of us "I want to save them all".  This just is not possible.  The two boys that live on my deck will never be inside cats.  They will come inside my house for very short visits and one of them has spent the night inside numerous times.  Yet they are happiest outside.  They have the most wonderful shelter built my my husband and son.  It is an outdoor tent structure and inside the tent structure is a heated cat house.  They both fit inside the heated house and have heat pad to sleep on.  It is truly a palace for them.  I have worked so hard to socialize them both and consider them to be more semi feral.  They are both excellent with me, but that is it.  If they see a neighbor in the distance or a neighbor comes into the yard, they run for the hills and do not come back for hours.  I must realize that I do not have to socialize each and every cat.  I can be content with just providing food and shelter if needed.  This new cat only eats here 2x a day.  He will occasionally hang out for an hour or so, but not for long periods.  He has ventured onto the deck and mingled a bit with my two boys and all seems well.  I do plan to TNR him possibly this week if the weather cooperates.  I am busy earlier this week, but I can get into the clinic on Thurs or Fri if I can get him trapped.  I have my own trap and each and every time I trap, my heart just sinks. 

Thank you all for letting me vent.  My love of cats and the special place each and every one of the ferals and strays holds in my hearts is just unbelievable.  No one around here gets it and most believe I am crazy.  Most tell me to just not feed or take the cat to be euthanize.  Some offer to drive it far away and of course others offer to inhumanely (shot gun) take care of the cat.  I will do my best for this cat and feel that he has a sweet disposition.  My two boys outside seem to be a good judge of character and they are ok with him. 

I will check in later this week and hope to update that he has been TNR'd!!!

Lrosewiles said:

 
Hi Shadows Rescue
 
And yes I totally emphasize with the rotten neighbors not neutering situation, that's how we've ended up with a whole family under our roof.  The upside is we love them all and they give us lots of great moments.  The downside, we can't go away for trips without huge stress of "who will look after the cats", plus of course the food and vet expenses. 

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I did want to comment especially on this...  Taking a trip or even leaving for the weekend is also a huge stress here.  My two inside boys cannot be left out alone together.  I rescued one of them last spring and he is doing so much better, but needs his own space and own room for nighttime.  Then the ferals need to be fed, but also I need the food to be picked up at night or every critter imaginable will arrive.  I used to have the most awesome neighbors who would come over whenever I needed help.  Unfortunately they moved so I am left with many unreliable neighbors.  I have tried many and each with too many problems.  Hiring a pet service has worked, but in order to come 2x a day, the cost is $40 per day!!!  Also I usually travel during holiday time so for a pet sitter during holiday time, the cost is often doubled.  I feel as though I miss out on many vacation opportunities because I cannot find someone to watch all of the cats. 

Yet, I wouldn't trade the kitties for anything.  They provide me with so much love and joy.  There are just moments when life is really hard.

It does seem like we just get squared away, then get hit with a new cat! But like you know, we can only do what we can do. Honestly, give yourself some credit for all you've done - and continue to do. TNR-ing this guy doesn't seem like a lot but no one else will do it, right. Besides, his life will be immensely improved. Thank you from all of us.

Hi Shadowsrescue,
I am quite new to all of this cat rescue thing, so I dont have any advice, but I can totally relate ! (I even have 2 cats and 1 dog like you !)
I am almost done doing tnr for "my" backyard cat, then I find out theres more kittens to be trapped, then there are the vet bills, the incomprehension from people, the worrying, it's kinda depressing.
Just wanted to say you're not alone.

It just brings the entire feral cat issue to the surface and the very sad revelation that there is only so much I can do.  I have asked a few compassionate neighbors to help, but no one steps forward.  I love the fact that TNR is an option, but there is such an issue in my area of people abandoning domestic cats which then turn feral.  The cats show up skin and bones and not a one of them neutered.  I feel so sad for the cat wondering why it was abandoned and was it abused or hurt?  I then try my best to provide good food and shelter.  Of course the cats then win their way into my hearts and the socialization process begins.  It's odd how I have yet to see a female!!  All 6 have been males. 

Thanks so much for listening to me.  I so so love my boys outside and would do anything for them.  There just becomes a time that given my neighborhood I wonder what I will do with the cats that I no longer have room for?  I am trying to find a rescue in my area that will give me suggestions other than euthanasia.

I want to cry every time I see a new, starving kitty in my neighborhood, and it happens almost constantly. I have had at least 5 neutered or spayed in the last few years and have found countless kittens new homes from these 'dumped' cats. As soon as I get one a home, another shows up. My friends keep saying," stop feeding them, they'll go away!" and I always answer, "yes, to starve to death". I don't know why people really think a tame cat can really catch enough to stay alive, it rarely happens. I've seen too many with their hip bones and ribs so visible it makes me sick. I feel for you, I know exactly how you feel! I can't even take a vacation or go anywhere, there's no one around to feed these poor semi-ferals, no one wants them! Good luck, and do what you can, everyone's right, we can't save them all, but it breaks our hearts not to be able.

ShadowsRescue said:

I did want to comment especially on this...  Taking a trip or even leaving for the weekend is also a huge stress here.  My two inside boys cannot be left out alone together.  I rescued one of them last spring and he is doing so much better, but needs his own space and own room for nighttime.  Then the ferals need to be fed, but also I need the food to be picked up at night or every critter imaginable will arrive.  I used to have the most awesome neighbors who would come over whenever I needed help.  Unfortunately they moved so I am left with many unreliable neighbors.  I have tried many and each with too many problems.  Hiring a pet service has worked, but in order to come 2x a day, the cost is $40 per day!!!  Also I usually travel during holiday time so for a pet sitter during holiday time, the cost is often doubled.  I feel as though I miss out on many vacation opportunities because I cannot find someone to watch all of the cats. 

Yet, I wouldn't trade the kitties for anything.  They provide me with so much love and joy.  There are just moments when life is really hard.

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I feel your pain on both counts - more cats always showing up AND never being able to take a vacation or leave. I have six indoor kitties and one of whom torments my princess Perla. I, too, had to pay for a cat sitter for both indoor and outdoor kitties when I rarely had to go away. It was extremely expensive as you say. But, I would not want to give them up either - even though there are fleeting moments of vacations and trips I have had to pass on because of the kitties. :heart3: It is also very hard to find a good, reliable and knowledgeable person, reasonably priced, to care for all of the cats, inside and out.

It is going to happen - more cats coming - when you are feeding your regulars. It sounds like your area has many and I am sorry for that - for you worrying about them and for the ones who need help. Such a position to be in. And, then there is the worry on HOW they will all get along - the social dynamics. So hard and you are not alone in your thoughts, feelings and needing to vent. In the end - I don't think we would have it any other way. Our hearts just can't be closed off to what we know is right - getting all of those whom come spayed/neutered. That is the right thing to do. I am lucky enough to know of two wonderful ladies who run two different feral sanctuaries and have been able to relocate one or two to them. It is so helpful and such a relief and I hope you can find someone such as that .... someday. :cross: :cross:

ShadowsRescue said:

 
I did want to comment especially on this...  Taking a trip or even leaving for the weekend is also a huge stress here.  My two inside boys cannot be left out alone together.  I rescued one of them last spring and he is doing so much better, but needs his own space and own room for nighttime.  Then the ferals need to be fed, but also I need the food to be picked up at night or every critter imaginable will arrive.  I used to have the most awesome neighbors who would come over whenever I needed help.  Unfortunately they moved so I am left with many unreliable neighbors.  I have tried many and each with too many problems.  Hiring a pet service has worked, but in order to come 2x a day, the cost is $40 per day!!!  Also I usually travel during holiday time so for a pet sitter during holiday time, the cost is often doubled.  I feel as though I miss out on many vacation opportunities because I cannot find someone to watch all of the cats. 

Yet, I wouldn't trade the kitties for anything.  They provide me with so much love and joy.  There are just moments when life is really hard.

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I'm betting many of us share this situation, and I'm wondering if maybe those of us on the site who would be willing to cat sit or visit and feed for others or know "vetted" folks who might do same could start a thread with the areas we are in?  I fear the chances are most of us are too far apart and have too many commitments already,  but you never know, someone might find a site friend right in their neighborhood that they didn't know of and a reciprocal arrangement could be made.  Or perhaps a few folks whose schedules are too full for regular trips but would allow one or two visits to a place a bit further away could volunteer so a rota could be put together.  Just a thought that we could help one another and our cats, on the principle that what goes around comes around!

We have colony cats and six inside cats. We have a neighbor that we can pay to feed and water when we take a trip. We feed kibble to the outside cats so that is easy breezy for him. But we have two colony cats that have bouts if stomatitis which makes it nearly impossible for them to eat kibble. We feed them canned food twice a day. There is in way that the neighbor is able to identify

My apologies, I was trying to correct a typo and hit the reply button.

Our two special cats would not be wiling to let a stranger isolate them to feed them. My husband and I have to monitor them to keep the other cats from taking over their special meals. The last time we took a short trip I took the two guys to be boarded. That was expensive and not a great option for cats that are used to being out and about. My special boy, Pounce, was quivering when I picked gap him up. I know they must have been very confused about why they were locked up.

Our indoor cats go with us when we travel. Last year we had four. This year there are six. My solution to our vacation dilemma this year is to take Pounce and Thai with us too. Thai is quiet and timid and while I don't expect him to enjoy it I think he will just tough it out. Pounce is outgoing and vivacious. I expect him to be very unhappy not to be allowed outside.

This is the first trip since we have both retired. We travel in a motor hone . I don't want to get a thousand miles from home and find that the two cats hate it so much that we have to abort the trip. So, we are going to plan a trip not more than a day from home as a test run. We will see how that goes before we plan a longer trip.

Please pass along any ideas that you may have to help these kitties have a fun vacation.

Lrosewiles said:

I'm betting many of us share this situation, and I'm wondering if maybe those of us on the site who would be willing to cat sit or visit and feed for others or know "vetted" folks who might do same could start a thread with the areas we are in?  I fear the chances are most of us are too far apart and have too many commitments already,  but you never know, someone might find a site friend right in their neighborhood that they didn't know of and a reciprocal arrangement could be made.  Or perhaps a few folks whose schedules are too full for regular trips but would allow one or two visits to a place a bit further away could volunteer so a rota could be put together.  Just a thought that we could help one another and our cats, on the principle that what goes around comes around!

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I do think that most of us, even in the same area, would be too far apart to do visits two times per day. OR in my case, I require three!!! :lol3: BUT, will say that I know of one member here who lives in Texas who found a cat sitter right here on TCS who only lives 20 minutes away from her. They became friends here on site first so a trusting relationship already developed. So far, I think it has worked out very well. Of course, this would all have to be done via PMs and we would not recommend anyone here on site giving out their personal information, phone numbers or addresses unless you thoroughly check the person out. One never knows.....

Hi, I know I'm over a year late to this conversation but I googled "how can I not feel so sad every time I see a stray cat" and it brought me to this post. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who posted on here because I have felt so sad since I moved into my new home and have two cats outside who need homes. One just stays by my house almost all the time and cries to come in. I have three cats now (one who I recently inherited after I was only supposed to watch him for a few weeks - it's been 6 months and no word from his former mother) and can't just take this sweet guy in. I am going to make him a room and take him to get neutered soon while I continue to search for a home for him. The other car looks like his brother. Very similar looking and same white marks. Both are tuxedos. Anyways, thanks for making me feel not alone for being so sad over these cats being outside. I'm doing the best I can and have rescued many in the past. I feel less alone. [emoji]10084[/emoji]️

PiscesCatLover said:

Hi, I know I'm over a year late to this conversation but I googled "how can I not feel so sad every time I see a stray cat" and it brought me to this post. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who posted on here because I have felt so sad since I moved into my new home and have two cats outside who need homes. One just stays by my house almost all the time and cries to come in. I have three cats now (one who I recently inherited after I was only supposed to watch him for a few weeks - it's been 6 months and no word from his former mother) and can't just take this sweet guy in. I am going to make him a room and take him to get neutered soon while I continue to search for a home for him. The other car looks like his brother. Very similar looking and same white marks. Both are tuxedos. Anyways, thanks for making me feel not alone for being so sad over these cats being outside. I'm doing the best I can and have rescued many in the past. I feel less alone. [emoji]10084[/emoji]️

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    That's wonderful - You'll find a lot of kindred spirits here.

Welcome to TCS!

You're certainly not alone. Lots of us take care of feral colonies or take in stray and abandoned cats. We're here if ever you need any advice or want to share a happy story or even if you just need to vent. Welcome aboard.

I take care of 8 tnr cats in my yard. I only had trouble with the previous neighbors who lived next door to us and also had a problem with HUD worker who sat in a low income house not doing his job just waiting to trap one of my cats. He had even called a cop and had lawyers sent me a letter saying they were destroying their fertilizer they have put in which it didn't because everything grew and came out nice. I took pics and threatened them back with a lawyer lol. I never had any problems ever since the new neighbor is a cat lover and don't mind them. But you get problems with people that are cat haters