Just Lost Leo

aimsfaust

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Last Monday, my husband and I took Leo, our 16 and a half year old cat to the vet, as we had noticed him becoming finicky with food and at times drooling.  Although he was still running, playing, and eating, we wanted to make sure everything was okay.  We didn't think it would be anything much as we had just done a senior check-up months ago with a clean bill of health. 

Leo is an active cat, and has been just an amazing part of our family.  I bought him right out of college from the humane society.  He lived with me in MN and then I moved to CA-drove him with me.  I lived in CA throughout my twenties and in 6 different apartments with a slew of roommates that he got used to.  He was my rock, my forever friend.  Apartments, friends, boyfriends, and jobs came and went, but Leo was always there waiting for me to get home from work.   We even had cat language that of course drove one of my roommates crazy.  Then, I got married on 8-6-07.  Hubby moved in with me and in turn was his first pet roomie.  It wasn't easy at first, but they grew to love each other.  We were now a family of three.  We moved back to MN (drove back with Leo in the back seat) in 2009, lived in a few more apartments and finally settled into our new home which Leo loved.  He especially loved the warm summer sun and would sit on the deck with us napping.  He loved to run up and down the stairs, play chase and hide-and-go-seek.  It was always hours of fun!  This cat throughout all his moves never went outside of his litter box.   He adjusted so well to new places and was fine travelling cross-country. 

However, one of his least favorite places was the vet's office.  So last Monday was not fun.  The doctor thought it could be cancer or possibly an abrasion.  What?  One was way worse than the other.  To determine this, she did a biopsy.  We left him there and returned a few hours later.  He wasn't happy, but I was happy to have him back at home.  That left 3-5 days to wait for the results.  Those days killed me.  We got the call on Thursday-squamous cell carcinoma.  Why do cats need to get this cancer?  How long did we have left?  So many unanswered questions.  That's when I found this site and started to read others' stories about how they knew when it was time as we opted not to do cancer treatments.  Our ultimate goal was to keep him free from pain.  This leads up to today, Tuesday, March 25 at 3:30.  The vet and vet tech arrived at our home.  It wasn't easy, one of the hardest things I've ever done.  His howls and growls and screams will haunt me all my days, but in the end it was the right thing to do and the right time as he couldn't eat and was losing weight rapidly.  It wasn't the same Leo as we knew before.  We chose to do it at our home as we didn't want his last moments to be a drive to the place he hated most.  We're both glad it went this way and I wouldn't have known about this option unless I had read others' stories.  So thank you for the comfort.  May Leo run free until we meet again.  Forever family, forever a friend, and forever with me.  I love that cat!
 

peaches08

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I am so sorry.  Losing a cat to cancer is so hard.  RIP Leo!
 

owest

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I am so sorry for your loss and understand most of what you went through with squamous cell carcinoma. About 10 years ago I adopted a sweet kitty that someone left behind at an Apt complex, we named her Porkcop and had only a few years with her before the same signs appeared, I looked into all the options and she was a young kitty and being I will do anything for my cats Opted to have them try and remove the effected area, a regret I will never forget since the doctor tried to remove some of the area thinking it would help her and only made things worse, her weight was down and energy was low, yet she was sharp as normal.  I had to hand feed her for weeks before we said she is suffering and decided it was best to end her pain and suffering. She was such a good sweet girl and I felt the world had cheated her!! I still look back at her pictures and remember her great spirit for the time we had with her.

Again I am so sorry for your loss

OW
 

di and bob

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It's normal to have regrets after something as traumatic as what you went through. I know it hurt so very bad to be with him when he passed, but it meant the world to him. And I'm sure it was much less traumatic at home. One of the most effective ways to help your grief move along is to express it to others who understand what you are going through, like at this site. We understand, and will try to lighten your burden by sharing your pain. I could see how much he meant to you and how much you loved him by the beautiful tribute you wrote. It moved me to tears to think of you going through so much and what a terrific loss you and the whole world is experiencing with the passing of such a wonderful friend and companion. Please know I'll be thinking of you and keep you both in my prayers. Rip beautiful Leo!
 

jcat

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I'm very sorry for your loss of Leo, who sounds like he was a wonderful companion. It's never easy to say goodbye, but doing it in the familiar surroundings of your home certainly must have made Leo's crossing easier for him. RIP, Leo.:rbheart:
 

toddc612

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I'm so sorry.  Please know that I feel your pain.  I, too, lost my 16 year-old cat, Miles, just two weeks ago.  In fact, Leo reminds me of Miles -- they both lived in MN and are tabbys (Leo looks to be a Mackeral, while Miles was a Classic).

I spent almost half my life with Miles, so it's quite the adjustment to life without him.  It has been very, very difficult for me the past two weeks.  But it does get a little better.  The hardest thing for me is in the morning -- losing the routine and rituals of feeding him and cleaning the litterbox.   As well, I keep expecting him to come running around the corner when I set something down that he would normally want to play with (small crumpled bits of paper, whatever).  I also miss his gifting -- he would take clothes from the floor of our bedroom and drag them down to the living room and form a pile.  I would arrive home to a pile of clothes in my living room, no doubt a tough catch for our old boy!  I miss him so.

When I get really sad, it helps me to look at old photos of him.  I've collected a library of all the old digital photos I've collected over the years.  These go back about ten years or so.  I'll look at them and slowly the tears turn into smiles (and even laughter) as I remember the things he used to do.  

Please know that others, such as myself, have and are experiencing what you are going through.   My condolences to you and wonderful Leo -- he was a lovely boy.  Hang in there.

-Todd
 
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aimsfaust

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Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts.  I never imagined the coming days would be as hard, if not harder than this past week.  The ritual of going to bed has been very tough, as that's where I would make sure there was a bowl filled with cold water in the sink and a bowl filled with pebbles would be.  Then, Leo would jump into bed for the next 8 hours with me. I didn't even need an alarm in the morning.  Now, it's hard for me to fall asleep and wake up.  I keep imaging him being here, meowing, and running up the stairs to find me.  I hope I'm not going crazy. Has anyone else experienced this as well? 
 

cat nap

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Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts.  I never imagined the coming days would be as hard, if not harder than this past week.  The ritual of going to bed has been very tough, as that's where I would make sure there was a bowl filled with cold water in the sink and a bowl filled with pebbles would be.  Then, Leo would jump into bed for the next 8 hours with me. I didn't even need an alarm in the morning.  Now, it's hard for me to fall asleep and wake up.  I keep imaging him being here, meowing, and running up the stairs to find me.  I hope I'm not going crazy. Has anyone else experienced this as well? 
No, you are not going crazy.  That is going to be with you for awhile, because of the separation.  It like our minds try to visualize to give comfort, but it backfires, and causes pain, I think.  For me, it came and went, and still after 2 months, I see him around the corner, or in his favorite spots (but I know its just my imagination)

worst is like you said, the sleeping....then waking and thinking it did not really happen.  then reality sets in, and you may feel bad for awhile, until you remember some other happy memory from his past, and not from the recent past, in his illness.

You will be up and down.

and its okay to cry, but just know that he would not want you to be sad, ever.
 
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owest

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Your not alone, people are under the idea of cats being under a routine and after my Gracie past last last weekend, I find it was a two way street !!  Like you I always had things to do before bed, like laying out a fresh towel on the bed over her heated cat mat and brushing her down with a few chin rubs before i went to sleep. In the AM I was so used to her jumping on my bed and waiting for me to open my eye before the 1st meow of the day and a guide cat leading me to the food bowls to feed her and the other cats and then waiting out side the bathroom door till i opened it so she could jump up on the sink and watch me get ready for work, then carry her over to my bed while I got dressed and play with her by rolling her around the bed, she loved that..

I still find myself opening the bathroom door for her and hoping by some strange mistake it was just some nightmare and she would pop her head in and jump up on the sink, but no luck and the sadness hits, but what I have been telling my self is she was suffering and no matter how much I wanted her to be with me, that's not a price I wanted her to pay for me. So my best suggestion is focus on the good times and the memories you have of Leo and thank Leo for choosing you and love he gave you and like me knowing he/she is not suffering anymore.

ow
 
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