I am sorry for that.
We are all feeling very sad now, I think you can tell that there are lots of us here who get personally involved in others out there who post, asking for help, share their stories as you have.
I am deeply sad for Pixie, for her life before she found you, what she must have gone through, where she's been, did someone love her, why did she end up as she did, it gives me great sadness. I rescue any and all who need me, and I truly love them all, but the whole truth from my heart is, I am especially drawn to the kittys like Pixie. Cats who were once owned, and for whatever reason end up homeless and without that home they once knew, the comfort, safety, the sense of belonging and lost, empty, hungry, afraid, and unwell.
I, like yourself, feel drawn to these cats, I not only want desperately to help them, fix their lives, make them all better, and they are also the ones who are always so grateful.
In my years of rescuing, the most heartwrenching cases that I have been forced to deal with and recover from, are the ones like Pixie, who I was unable to save. It's devastating, I know.
She was so very loved, by you my friend, and you MUST know this in your heart.
Maybe not until your heart stops aching as badly as it is right now, for what could have been, but just know, she knew.
You gave her everything she was wanting and craving, you changed her last days in this world, giving her your love and compassion, your home, food, warmth, dignity, hugs and kisses, a name, the feeling she belongs somewhere, she is wanted, she is so loved.
She knew when she went to the vet with you, she knew as you cried for her, held her and begged her not to go.
You gave her the world, she was no longer alone and afraid, lost. No, she was found.
You allowed her to leave this life, and despite her failed body, her mind was still alive and knowing, she could leave with grace and dignity. Her heart and mind and soul were filled.
All of this because of you, your enormous, caring, loving, exceptional heart.
Remember my post when I wrote about even giving one day?
"
Even in cases that are out of our control, when we are unable to save the life for whatever reason, an incurable disease, whatever the case, by simply showing the animal we care, someone DOES care, allowing this cat even a day, 1 week, however much time before his/her end, a feeling of love and food and warmth, rather than to die alone, unwanted, no name or home, suffering, hungry, is worth every minute to them, always remember this.
Many people out there have the deep compassion as I do, some rescue like myself, some do not, maybe they feel they can't make a difference, they don't know how, they don't have the money or resources, space, time, whatever.
The thing is, we all can. Just as the OP on this thread does, he is a young man, no car, money is tight, does not have his own place yet even, and just by him simply seeing a cat who really needs him, taking her home, giving her love and food, showing he cares about her, giving her a name, safety, a sense of belonging in this world where she was obviously discarded, well that speaks huge volumes to me. He is truly a hero in my eyes.
People tell me often, "there's a special place in heaven for you for doing what you do", well I don't know about all that, but what I do know is, rescuing is in a way, a piece of heaven on earth to me, it fills my heart with love and gratitude they have all felt because they know I cared enough to help them.
That feeling is indescribable"
I do know what you are feeling now. I know too well those words describing your feelings, how you hate everything, grey, you just want her back, run away and escape, the pain is bigger than anything else you have ever felt, but just know you get through this time now however you need to, do whatever it takes to get through your days, today, tomorrow, the next day you will feel foggy, tired, still hurting inside, and each day it will either be the same or a tiny bit easier, day by day, and you will come to terms with what happened, how and why, think it all through over and over and over, remember her smell, her face, her little paws, the sound of her voice, sleep with her picture for awhile.
You can also have her little body buried outside of your window. If you have the money get her cremated if you want.
I wish the world had many more special people like you in it. I really mean that with all my heart.
Anytime you need to vent, or yell, or cuss (haha okay maybe not here!) or share your pain, share your feelings, you just come on here, night or day, we are always here. Big huge hugs.
We are all feeling very sad now, I think you can tell that there are lots of us here who get personally involved in others out there who post, asking for help, share their stories as you have.
I am deeply sad for Pixie, for her life before she found you, what she must have gone through, where she's been, did someone love her, why did she end up as she did, it gives me great sadness. I rescue any and all who need me, and I truly love them all, but the whole truth from my heart is, I am especially drawn to the kittys like Pixie. Cats who were once owned, and for whatever reason end up homeless and without that home they once knew, the comfort, safety, the sense of belonging and lost, empty, hungry, afraid, and unwell.
I, like yourself, feel drawn to these cats, I not only want desperately to help them, fix their lives, make them all better, and they are also the ones who are always so grateful.
In my years of rescuing, the most heartwrenching cases that I have been forced to deal with and recover from, are the ones like Pixie, who I was unable to save. It's devastating, I know.
She was so very loved, by you my friend, and you MUST know this in your heart.
Maybe not until your heart stops aching as badly as it is right now, for what could have been, but just know, she knew.
You gave her everything she was wanting and craving, you changed her last days in this world, giving her your love and compassion, your home, food, warmth, dignity, hugs and kisses, a name, the feeling she belongs somewhere, she is wanted, she is so loved.
She knew when she went to the vet with you, she knew as you cried for her, held her and begged her not to go.
You gave her the world, she was no longer alone and afraid, lost. No, she was found.
You allowed her to leave this life, and despite her failed body, her mind was still alive and knowing, she could leave with grace and dignity. Her heart and mind and soul were filled.
All of this because of you, your enormous, caring, loving, exceptional heart.
Remember my post when I wrote about even giving one day?
"
Even in cases that are out of our control, when we are unable to save the life for whatever reason, an incurable disease, whatever the case, by simply showing the animal we care, someone DOES care, allowing this cat even a day, 1 week, however much time before his/her end, a feeling of love and food and warmth, rather than to die alone, unwanted, no name or home, suffering, hungry, is worth every minute to them, always remember this.
Many people out there have the deep compassion as I do, some rescue like myself, some do not, maybe they feel they can't make a difference, they don't know how, they don't have the money or resources, space, time, whatever.
The thing is, we all can. Just as the OP on this thread does, he is a young man, no car, money is tight, does not have his own place yet even, and just by him simply seeing a cat who really needs him, taking her home, giving her love and food, showing he cares about her, giving her a name, safety, a sense of belonging in this world where she was obviously discarded, well that speaks huge volumes to me. He is truly a hero in my eyes.
People tell me often, "there's a special place in heaven for you for doing what you do", well I don't know about all that, but what I do know is, rescuing is in a way, a piece of heaven on earth to me, it fills my heart with love and gratitude they have all felt because they know I cared enough to help them.
That feeling is indescribable"
I do know what you are feeling now. I know too well those words describing your feelings, how you hate everything, grey, you just want her back, run away and escape, the pain is bigger than anything else you have ever felt, but just know you get through this time now however you need to, do whatever it takes to get through your days, today, tomorrow, the next day you will feel foggy, tired, still hurting inside, and each day it will either be the same or a tiny bit easier, day by day, and you will come to terms with what happened, how and why, think it all through over and over and over, remember her smell, her face, her little paws, the sound of her voice, sleep with her picture for awhile.
You can also have her little body buried outside of your window. If you have the money get her cremated if you want.
I wish the world had many more special people like you in it. I really mean that with all my heart.
Anytime you need to vent, or yell, or cuss (haha okay maybe not here!) or share your pain, share your feelings, you just come on here, night or day, we are always here. Big huge hugs.
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