advice for non-interactive rescue cat

Hi, everybody-

I've brought a cat home from the humane society.  Her story is that she was an outdoor cat, living with her sister and mother, fed by humans.  Then for some reason she got moved here to the far side of the next state over, and definitely failed to thrive, so she came to the shelter.  She basically just hid in her cage there- BUT she loves to be petted and will raise her hind end and purr and roll around under any volunteer's hand.  She's not fussy over who touches her.

So, she came home with me and still hides in her bed all the time.  The vet figured out she had crystals in her urine- all cleared up with diet now.  And her teeth were a hideous mess of missing, rotten and broken.  That just got taken care of yesterday, so she's still healing up (and getting pain meds) from that, but I believe she's happier already.  She loves petting even more now.

But her main character remains- hiding all day in her bed, and only using the litter box after I'm asleep.  She prefers to eat after bedtime, too, but will eat for me when I stroke her back for a while.  SO- we've cleared up the physical problems (with more healing time needed for her mouth), but she still crouches low to the ground on the rare occasions she has to move while I'm around, and she just doesn't want to interact with the world.  Ideally, I'd like to adopt her out when she's all better, but if I can get her loving life only at my place, that would be good enough.  

Most of the pertinent advice I'm reading here seems to say- give her time, find things she loves, stay low to the ground around her.  Makes sense.  I guess I'm confused by her mixed message of  "Love me, love me, don't expect me to be anything other than a pillow."  Does anybody have any thoughts on what might help this funny little girl adjust to living on this planet?  BTW- 5 to 8 yo, spayed, great blood work.

Feliway?   Relaxing classical music?   I shall think on you and your protege.

Good luck!

Oh, poor old girl has gone through so much, no wonder its taking her a while to adjust.  You are an angel to help her.

But what you suggested is correct - slow, steady, routine is exactly what she needs.  She may never be a lap cat but her enjoying the petting is a good sign.  She apparently does enjoy human companionship, so start with that.  Anytime she asks, pet her as much as she wants.  Speak to her softly, no fast moves, just allow her to be who she is.

It may take months - we have had a former feral inside who is eight and she has just discovered she likes being brushed.  Before that, I could barely touch her.

So take advantage of her overtures and enjoy!

All8now, yes I second give her time. 

It is much harder with older rescues than kittens, I think they remember the previous hardships and abuse and thus it is much more difficult for them to trust. Over 2 months in we are still working very slowly with our latest rescue Ellie to get her socialized, and it took adult cat Mama Patience 4 months or more to move from "hide in basement" to "sleep on bed".  It's a difficult transition, but do please be patient.  The mixed messages reflect the opposing instincts "I want to be loved" vs " I'm scared you will hurt me", understandable in abused animals (or people come to that).  My best advice in addition to that already given is to just "be there" for her, and accept whatever overtures she makes without forcing the issue.  Bear in mind too the pain and problems with her teeth.  She didn't know why her teeth hurt, she just reacted to pain by retreating, especially if eating (the main route to acceptance by feral kitties) hurt her.  Now the pain is gone, she should slowly start coming out more.

One thing I have learned in socializing (wow I'm up to five now!) is that every cat is different, every situation is different, but the common thread is patience in building trust.

So, keep up the great work, bless you for caring.

As my recovering kitty feels better and better, I've figured out one piece to the puzzle- in case this helps anyone else working with a cat like this one.  She's nocturnal!  So the best time to interact (short of staying up all night) is late in the evening or early in the morning.  She appreciates contact a lot more when it's not in the middle of her night (duh!).  She's starting to move around the room a bit in my presence, too, even though she's flying to get out of my way when I come in to do something other than stroke her.  I think I'll move a cat tree in there for her, and see how she responds.  That will give her something to climb at night, at least.  It's nowhere near what I'm hoping for yet, but progress is progress!  Thanks, everyone, for your advice and support.

I think most cats are nocturnal - only the ones used to being with humans are active during the day (which of course, means most housecats).  But even those are up and about at night.  Lots of the time, ours play at night, which is a pain in the neck but ...

I think as she gets used to your routine (meals during the day, etc.), her clock will adjust.

That was a good insight, though.  Helps you figure out she isn't actually mad at you!  (She's not, although it may seem that way sometimes!)

I hope it's more steps forward than back!  I went sunshine mad the other day and dragged my little semi-feral out of her safe spot to see the sun on the window sill.  Bad, bad move.  I'm not fully forgiven yet.  Before that she had started being awake a bit during the day, even eating some in daylight.  She came forward about 12 inches toward me once to get some treats.  Then I lost a big chunk of trust in one dumb move.  So, okay, kitty- I'm not perfect.  Get used to it.

But last night something (small and) wonderful happened.  She was awake and I was fading rapidly.  I was lying on the floor in front of her in her bed, and stroking her.  She was loving it.  Then she turned around, purring loudly all the while, and put her paws against my fingers.  She started kneading my hand (fine because the vet had trimmed her claws).  That's the first time she's touched me, so I guess I'm not all bad.

Tiny changes- how precious they are!

Oh, how sweet.  You are right, small steps are sometimes more precious than big ones.  They are sometimes so afraid, even a small step is a big deal!

Oh yeah, I get that.  I just had a similar experience with Ellie.  Encouraged the last few nights by her coming to explore upstairs and staying a while I closed the door to her "safe spot" in the basement until she requested to go back,  I tried this routine again last night.  Disaster - she got spooked by our cats and tried to run downstairs, freaked out because the door was closed, and tried to claw her way through it.  Only a few moments before I opened it to let her escape, but I'm still in the doghouse with her!  Like seriously "I hate you, don't touch me, I'm hissing and biting to prove it .. just feed me and get lost"!

Not to worry, much of this is trial and error.  Love that you got a kneading, a most precious thing and clearly you are forgiven for your well-intentioned lapse.  I'm still waiting to be forgiven and stop being hissed at, I'd love to be kneaded!  These rescues are so fragile, remembering past abuse and terribly ready to read "bad intentions" into even the best of our efforts.  Their past hurt is not just their burden but also ours to somehow remedy.  It's tough, we so want them to warm up to us and be affectionate, but there is so much baggage to get by.  I get fed up with being hissed at and scratched, but every small step is a celebration!

LRose- I have such a huge advantage, because it was under my watch that my little Ping got major mouth pain fixed- which had probably been around for years, absolutely destroying her quality of life.  Her oral surgery was only 8 days ago, and the changes since then are micro and immense.  I know everyone here knows exactly what I mean by that.

But Ping doesn't hiss or scratch.  She just puts up her invisibility shield and pretends she doesn't exist.  That one doesn't draw blood but it sure breaks my heart.  It's almost to the hour now when her schedule overlaps mine, and I can feed her and really love on her.  I try to cuddle my jealous cats in between times!

An update, in hopes that some of what has been working here might help others:  Ping has started to play with me, every day, with a feather wand.  She also loves to be stroked with the wand, so there's back and forth of playing and stroking.  Another thing she loves is brushing with a rubber-toothed brush, the kind you can use to get fur off your furniture and clothes.  She likes to be stroked by hand as well, though the wand and the brush are always accepted.

She has been living in a cat tower in my only bathroom- which has some obvious drawbacks for me, but forces regular interaction any time I'm home.  She still almost never leaves the box in the tower unless I'm asleep, but there are some indications even that may be changing soon.

She's on a special diet for urinary crystals, so I can't feed her a lot of tempting goodies.  But I still give her something special every day- maybe some hairball treats, or a tiny bit of tuna.

I talk to her all the time when I'm around her.  I can tell she's not only starting to trust, but also to love me.  I try to bring other really good cat people into her space as well, and leave out random neighbors, etc.

The primary advice everyone here gave me, of giving her time, is very sound.  It's time and encouragement to trust- the gentle voice, the regular timing of meals, a special treat every day, and just allowing her to do what she needs to do to feel secure- that's what's making progress happen.  It looks like micro-progress from the outside, but for anyone who knows semi-ferals, it's remarkable how far we've come in 3 months.

Thanks so much to everyone who offered advice and support when things were looking bleak!

This is so great! Than you so much for the update. It does seem like time goes slowly when they are learning to trust you but it is so worth it. Our former feral, Chester, still has difficulty getting petted - after eight years inside. But when he allows me to scratch his chin, my heart soars.

I just love reading happy updates!!  I used to set very small goals when I worked with my feral boy Shadow.  At first my goals were way too lofty and I started smaller.  I would always tell him about the goal I had in mind and assured him we would take it slowly.  I started with coming within a few feet of me, coming right up to me, learning to play, light touch, petting, brushing, lifting off the ground and sitting on my lap.  After having him for almost 4 years now he has done remarkable well.  It has just taken lots of patience and dedication and time.

Way to go and thanks for the update.