Scared fosters going back WEdnesday - need advice and a shoulder :(

Our latest two fosters - Tom and Jerry - go back to the shelter Wednesday morning. I'm so sad...and frustrated...this is the first two ever of over 100 fosters that I was unable to find a home for straight form our house, thus avoiding spending time back in the shelter.

I brought them home to foster when I saw them in the shelter - they were cowering together in a corner of a cage. They were huddled so tight I couldn't see where one orange tiger furball stopped and the other began. Just shivering and panicked. So I brought them home to socialize them 4 weeks ago (they were 12 weeks old then). Shock of shocks - we're attached (but can't keep them - we already have 5 indoor guys - plus countless TNR kitties outside). I was so hoping I'd get them alot more comfortable - and with the two of us (me and my DH) they're sweeties. Not "pick me up and cart me around" kittens, but playful, totally bonded sweeties that purr from the minute we enter the room....purr the whole time they eat and play...and then they always climb onto my legs or shoulder or lap and purr and sleep while I sit down with them and work on my laptop.

I did my usual - made fliers for them and posted them on FB, sent out to a good 200 people, etc. - but only one inquiry. And even though I'd explained their sweet little demeanor like I did above - emphasizing that they're still shy with strangers (and that they're not yet - and possibly never will be - pick us up kittens), she came over hoping to take both. But then when they didn't immediately want to be snuggled, she changed her mind. Then I found out something that really upset me.....

The two kittens were in the local city paper - a cute photo (I put it below) along with their story, in a little ad I do for the shelter every week. At the shelter they knew that anyone interested in them that called the shelter could come over to our house to meet the guys. After it running in the paper for almost a week now,. I was shocked to get not a sinlge call about any interest on them. So today I ran into the shelter to take picture of incoming kitties for the web site/Petfinder. Imagine my shock when I heard a call come in for them - only to hear the shelter manager say "Oh - they're really scared, totally skittish. They'll probably eventually come around, but unless you're willing to take something like that on, you'd probably be better off looking at another kitten Theses guys may end up having to be barn kittens.' I was STUNNED! I was so shocked, I didn't even have time to come to my senses and ask to talk to the person.

Then she dashed out (time for the shelter to close) and I still was flailing mentally like an idiot. 

I think I need to go in and talk to her and the other shelter workers, don't I? Explain more how these boys are? That to tell people they're "scared, skittish,etc" makes people write them off befoer they meet them, right? I just don't knwo why anyone at a shelter would ever discourage someone from at least coming in to meet the cats? I've worked at a shelter front desk twice before. and I rarely pushed someone off meeting an animal unless I could tell quickly over the phone it'd never work. These guys deserve to at least meet people! And there's a way to explain it wihout making them sound like hermit kitties that will never love an adopter, right?

We had a friend come over this afternoon - and while she never really tried to pick them up, they played like crazy with her from minute one, and within a half hour. both were curled on her lap and her legss, sleeping and purring. THat doesn't sound like barn cats, does it?

The manager isn't great with people, and can be intimidaiting, so I'm dreading this talk. I have to talk with her though don't I??? As of Wednesday morning - once they return from neutering, they'll be under her care (i'm sure I'll be in there plenty, checking on them, worry, loving them). 

So thoughts on what I can tell her to say? Thoughts on helping the poor kitten boys?

I feel like I've failed these poor two sweethearts. I'm wondering if I can ever foster again!!!!!!!

Their picture's below (a few are). Tom's the dark one - Jerry's the light. They love to sleep in that teeny rubbermaid container. I'm crying alraedy and it's only Monday  View media item 206090

Yes, you need to talk to the shelter manager! If you want to keep it light and non-confrontational, you could go in and cheerfully give her an update about the two sweet boys. Tell her their progress and the story about how they played with and napped on your friend. You could emphasize that they just need a chance to meet potential adopters and that you're confident they are great house cats. It's good to let people know they are a little shy and will come to you on their own terms for a snuggle, but there's no reason not to meet them. If you're really nervous, bring a friend along for moral support. Heck, bring the friend who played with them for a first hand account if you can!

You did not fail these boys! You did everything right. They are lucky to have you as a foster mom. The shelter failed you and the boys by not asking for progress reports and discouraging people from meeting them.

Hang in there! Don't give up! And here's a virtual hug for you: *hug*

I can't offer much as far as advice but I am so sorry you are dealing with this.  I would definitely talk with the manager.  Maybe you could keep the kittens a bit longer and see if they come around more making them more adoptable.  Yet, by then they won't be cute little kittens any more. 

We are all here for support and virtual hugs.

So sorry to hear about this. 

It sounds like your shelter manager is being really unsupportive.

Couldn't you keep Tom and Jerry a little bit longer yourself? Tell the shelter manager what great progress they are making and suggest that she put any interested callers straight through to you so that you could explain their situation? 

It would be such a shame if they have to go back to the shelter and get scared again after all the hard work you've put in

Thanks all - so much  My husband and I have talked and talked about keeping them a few weeks longer (bringing them back after their neuters) but the big thing I worry about, that I see firsthand since I'm in the shelter alot now taking photos, is that people want kittens. Kittens kittens kittens. They're - at almost 5 months - getting almost out of "cute kitten" stage. And I know they'll just get passed by and not even given a shot by most people once they're at that point. So we're wresting. I think that they'll probably always be "stranger shy" to a certain extent - we all know some guys are just like that! They'll be fine if someone just understands they need some settle time.

I think I'm going to go to the shelter today to talk to the manage - do some "damage control" and talk about how good they were with my friend. And I think I'll take my husband - moral support is a good idea! The shelter women are a little intimidating! I'm so frustrated that the time for Tom and Jerry in the paper was wasted because of me opening my mouth and telling the shelter manager they were still shy. 

If they were just a little smaller, we'd definitely kep them here a little longer. Tom's just looking so cat-like already!!!!

Can you get on the radio during one of those 'swap shop' segments where they sell and give away items? I've had terrific luck finding homes on these and it sure wouldn't hurt. Sometimes there are some really kindhearted people listening to these and you may touch someone's heart with your story. Good luck, please keep us posted on how they are doing! You are doing terrific, don't give up, all the scared little kittens need you as their champion.

I would say you need to talk to the shelter manager but it might not do any good.  Some people are just like that, in a job they don't like or aren't suited for.  You know from fostering that we get attached to our kitties but the only way they will find a good home is to let them go unless you can keep them.  I know how hard this is as I have fostered two kittens from 2 weeks old and still have both of them.  But if you take these two to the shelter and people can come and meet them, they will find their owners and everything will be fine.  You have to trust that they will be taken care of in God's gentle hands.  You did an awesome job of getting them socialized and the right purrrson will find them despite the idiot manager.  On to your next foster my dear.  You gave them everything you could.  Now it's up to them to find their humans.

I know first hand what you are going through with this situation!

I have a non profit cat rescue group, and deal with the local high kill shelter on a regular basis. 

I have found that a few of the workers seem to be hand picked for their lack of compassion........it may be just their personalities, it may be due to the job, over time, has made them become hardened, I don't know.

But just the same it infuriates me, and I have had it out more than I can count with a couple of them, believe it!! haha

I've also learned over time, getting to know other workers there that many are on anti-depressants, due to the stress of the job, having to euthanize day in and day out. I remember years ago while having a conversation with one of the workers, my reaction to learning that they actually were one of them who kills the animals. I was by no means, nice about it.

But that was when I didn't reeeally get it, how things are, how hard it truly is for many of them in that job, and I do 'get' that, despite how I could never dream in a million lifetimes, ever being capable of that job. Unthinkable...

Anyway, what I'm getting at is, there are several top people running the shelters, and while the mgr is the person who literally blew it for the 2 sibs, you don't have to deal with her. There has been many times I went to a different person when I got nowhere with Ms. Coldheart. 

I think your voice will not be heard by her. While it can't hurt to have a lighthearted short talk with her, be careful not to offend her with bringing up her actions in a way that she will be more against you than with you on this. It's a real pain in the you-know-what, but may help rather than hurt.

Simply let her know that you appreciate her not wanting them to get placed in the wrong home, that these 2 very quickly get over their shyness and are quick to come around, give a couple examples for her.

Let her know that you would be grateful if she would divert any calls to you so that you can give some insight to their behavior.

I know all too well about the harder to place kittens, watching them get bigger and bigger, then new baby kittens coming in, which gets them overlooked even more.

Blacks and shy are the slow ones to find homes. I know.

I've tamed endless kittens, the younger ones at the time I rescued them turn out very social and fine, and are quickly adopted out. The ones who I got at 8 weeks old and over, always keep some amount of shyness, always, to strangers I mean. They adapt fine to their new families, but take patience, and most adoptors are looking for immediate companionship.

My suggestion here? As you know, we are all bracing for kitten season, as it's right around the corner. NOW is the time to get these kids a home. Why not find a rescue group near you and self foster them? I do this for public cats who need rehoming, you just sign up and take them to their adoptions every weekend. You create excellent, creative bios for them, talk about how awesome orange boys are, and don't make too big a fuss about the shyness, maybe towards the end of the bios say something light like "we are not sure where we belong and have been bounced around a bit, so we might seem timid at first but we are worth the short wait, and very soon will be everything you could ever ask for in a pair of handsome boys like we are". "Give us a chance, we will show you!", "we are very good boys, use our litterbox faithfully, while our bodies are growing fast, we are still very kitten like and playful."  Gosh I could go on and on.....can you tell I've written a few bios? haha!

I find that bois written as if from the cat's mouths/thinking go really well.

Catwoman (and all) ----your suggestions/thoughts were so "on the money." I should note that, despite being a "graphic designer by day," I have done this woman's job at two other local shelters (intake, the unpleasant phone calls, help euthanize - which was beyond awful, clean, etc.) so I really, really do get (from experience!) that her job can be mind-numbingly awful. That - although caring for the cats (and in my case in one of the shelters,-  dogs too) is so rewarding, dealing with the amazing number of heartless, cruel, rude, you-name-it, people on the phone and in person is really hard and depressing. It caused me to go from working in shelters, fostering, being on boards, to pulling out of it completely for 5 years. It's SO hard. 

And you're right - unfortunately - so many of the people who work at shelters that I've encountered are truly "animal people only" - with really rotten people skills. And unfortunately so many shelters have to keep those people as workers because not many people want the job. (obviously I couldn't hack it!!!)

And in addition to dealing with the frustration on our two latest foster boys - I'm dealing with trying to decide whether to be on the board of this no-kill feline shelter. Because I see how much improvement could be made for the cats' sakes. I'll have to start a thread soon on my dilemmas with this shelter. It does wonderful work in SO many ways --- and everyone really, truly cares deeply about the cats- - but there are also so many problems with the staff's interaction with the public (no greetings, not picking up the phone alot, etc) and the presentation of the shelter and the cats (a number of dirty ears, eye gunk, and walls and floors that desperately need weekly scrubs due to the wonderful basically cage-free atmosphere that unfortunately means spraying, etc. that builds up in adoption rooms, etc. and really turns people off). But I digress

Two things ...... Catwoman707 - I had to show my flier (here below) that  I created a few weeks ago for these guys - I think you'll crack up since it basically is exactly what you described - great minds huh?  I'm definitely nabbing your wording for the end next time I foster shy guys! That was perfectly stated.

But part two is the BEST PART - see my thread I started yesterday called "An amazing, happy ending for our very shy fosters!"  I think it'll make you smile!

I just realized that by posting that flyer, everyone on here now has my phone number and email. Perhpas not the smartest. Glad it's a pretty darn good group on this site or I'd be in trouble

You can bet I am smiling this great big grin!! Oh how I LOVE the flyer!! You're right, great minds right?! Awesome~

I can't wait to go read your other thread, part 2.....I'm so hoping it's the perfect ending to their story!!  

The flyer is wonderful - if you made flyers for all the shelters in the US, I'm sure that a lot more kitties would get adopted so much more quickly   I read the new thread and I am SO happy for you and these beautiful boys (how could anyone resist taking them home?). They really deserved a great home and you helped make it all happen. Thank you!   

kittychick said:

I just realized that by posting that flyer, everyone on here now has my phone number and email. Perhpas not the smartest. Glad it's a pretty darn good group on this site or I'd be in trouble

Click to expand...

My heart goes out to you, hun !!!!!!!!!!!!! :heart3: The flier is just darling too. FYI - I flagged the flier post to see if a Mod can take your phone number and email out - black it out :dk: ?? You are not in any trouble :lol3: BUT we wouldn't want anyone to get your personal phone number for many reasons. IF someone here is interested in adopting them (and I hope that comes true :cross, they can PM you for your information. Hope you don't mind that I flagged!!

Mega, giant vibes for Tom and Jerry. They are really beautiful boys and I hope they find that FURever home together very, very soon. Bless you!!! :heart3:

kittychick said:

I just realized that by posting that flyer, everyone on here now has my phone number and email. Perhpas not the smartest. Glad it's a pretty darn good group on this site or I'd be in trouble

Click to expand...

I took care of it.

AbbysMom said:

I took care of it.

Click to expand...

:bigthumb:

THanks SO much for looking out for me everyone! I'll be alot more careful next time - that's what I get for being so excited about Tom and Jerry!!!

(tonight tom's new mom reported he's slipping up to sleep on her husband's pillow (when he's unaware of it) and then wehn he's "caught" he races down to sleep at Mom's feet. Such a little sneak! But already beyond warming up. Better than I ever would have dreamed!!!!!!!!!!!!

kittychick said:

(tonight tom's new mom reported he's slipping up to sleep on her husband's pillow (when he's unaware of it) and then wehn he's "caught" he races down to sleep at Mom's feet. Such a little sneak! But already beyond warming up. Better than I ever would have dreamed!!!!!!!!!!!!

Click to expand...

How is Jerry doing?

OH MY !!!!!!!!!! I did not see your other thread - the one that explains the wonderful story of Tom and Jerry's new forever home. SO HAPPY!!! Congratulations and yes, a very, very happy ending.