How do you accept?

jodiethierry64 · Apr 8, 2014

angels4mom said:
Last night I didn't want to put it into the ground. This morning I thought of it as a bed for him but if I put a blanket in the vets box it should be okay. My friend said either one is ok with him.

Have you thought about cremating him and putting his ashes in the box?

I had one baby 26 yrs ago buried at the pet cemetery and I regret it. Since then I've had my babies cremated( all 5 felines, 2 bunnies and 2 guinea pigs) and I'm so glad. I can kiss them and love them and touch them. I keep my felines out in the living room, where I can see them all the time.

I'm not telling you, you should. Just an idea and it has really helped me. I talk to their kitty urn all the time and if I ever should move, they go with me.

angels4mom · Apr 8, 2014

JodieThierry64 said:
Have you thought about cremating him and putting his ashes in the box?

I had one baby 26 yrs ago buried at the pet cemetery and I regret it. Since then I've had my babies cremated( all 5 felines, 2 bunnies and 2 guinea pigs) and I'm so glad. I can kiss them and love them and touch them. I keep my felines out in the living room, where I can see them all the time.

I'm not telling you, you should. Just an idea and it has really helped me. I talk to their kitty urn all the time and if I ever should move, they go with me.

I decided not to. He was so beautiful I couldn't bear the thought of it. If I keep the box I'm sure I'll kiss him good nite as I would an urn. I talk to him while I'm sitting or laying down as well as other places in my home.

jodiethierry64 · Apr 8, 2014

angels4mom said:
I decided not to. He was so beautiful I couldn't bear the thought of it. If I keep the box I'm sure I'll kiss him good nite as I would an urn. I talk to him while I'm sitting or laying down as well as other places in my

home.

We all have to do what works for us. Our babies who have crossed over are always with us whether they are in an urn or buried. I personally wanted them with me.

You have a wonderful friend who sure did a beautiful job on Cocoa's box. I would put all his things he loved in there.

angels4mom · Apr 8, 2014

name="JodieThierry64" url="/t/273596/how-do-you-accept/180#post_3532790"]
We all have to do what works for us. Our babies who have crossed over are always with us whether they are in an urn or buried. I personally wanted them with me.

You have a wonderful friend who sure did a beautiful job on Cocoa's box. I would put all his things he loved in there.

I may do that. I was thinking of putting his toys in with him but maybe I'll put them in his new box instead. Thank you

jodiethierry64 · Apr 8, 2014

O

angels4mom said:
name="JodieThierry64" url="/t/273596/how-do-you-accept/180#post_3532790"]
We all have to do what works for us. Our babies who have crossed over are always with us whether they are in an urn or buried. I personally wanted them with me.

You have a wonderful friend who sure did a beautiful job on Cocoa's box. I would put all his things he loved in there.

I may do that. I was thinking of putting his toys in with him but maybe I'll put them in his new box instead. Thank you

Click to expand...

You're welcome, Cocoa was so fortunate to have someone ,in his short life, to love him as much as you
do.

angels4mom · Apr 10, 2014

While anticipating burying my guy on the 24th it's hard to think of putting him in the ground and thinking of my beautiful little boy's body and what it'll look like a few days after. I have to think of him as alive right now or I'll lose it. I know he's alive in spirit. I know he's not physically alive. It's just the idea of burial.

jodiethierry64 · Apr 10, 2014

angels4mom said:
While anticipating burying my guy on the 24th it's hard to think of putting him in the ground and thinking of my beautiful little boy's body and what it'll look like a few days after. I have to think of him as alive right now or I'll lose it. I know he's alive in spirit. I know he's not physically alive. It's just the idea of burial.

I was wandering if this was going to be tough for you as you have had Cocoa's body for a while. I know it would be for me. I was fortunate enough to not have had my babies body for long. It was still hard turning them over for cremation. The place I go to has a chapel and a room that is private, where you can sir and say your goodbye.

Take your time. Take as long as you need. The reality really sets in at this time. You're in my prayers!

cbowdidge · Apr 10, 2014

Hard to believe it was five weeks ago that my sister's beloved cat, Sotches, had to be put to sleep. He was from a saddle thrombus and heart failure (best guess as he wasn't strong enough for tests). Two weeks ago, she adopted a beautiful Maine Coon mix named Martini, and what a love bug he is. He cuddles into her and purrs like a jet engine and loves being petted anywhere. He's a bit still, but has made progress. Merlin has warmed up but still not quite there yet. He and Sotches were best buddies, I'm sure Merlin misses him and part of him wants Sotchy back. Martini has been the perfect (or purrfect) medicine for my sister and for all of us, who were all heartbroken by Sotchy's sudden passing. But Thursdays are less painful and the pain has eased with the new cat.

After Sotchy died, for days, I wondered if I could have missed something, going back to the previous days in my mind. My dad still feels guilt over what happened he thinks because he was home all the time he should have seen something but there was no warning signs. I also thought things like "What if that was Merlin?" Or "What if Mom wasn't home and we didn't have a car?"

jodiethierry64 · Apr 10, 2014

CBowdidge said:
Hard to believe it was five weeks ago that my sister's beloved cat, Sotches, had to be put to sleep. He was from a saddle thrombus and heart failure (best guess as he wasn't strong enough for tests). Two weeks ago, she adopted a beautiful Maine Coon mix named Martini, and what a love bug he is. He cuddles into her and purrs like a jet engine and loves being petted anywhere. He's a bit still, but has made progress. Merlin has warmed up but still not quite there yet. He and Sotches were best buddies, I'm sure Merlin misses him and part of him wants Sotchy back. Martini has been the perfect (or purrfect) medicine for my sister and for all of us, who were all heartbroken by Sotchy's sudden passing. But Thursdays are less painful and the pain has eased with the new cat.

After Sotchy died, for days, I wondered if I could have missed something, going back to the previous days in my mind. My dad still feels guilt over what happened he thinks because he was home all the time he should have seen something but there was no warning signs. I also thought things like "What if that was Merlin?" Or "What if Mom wasn't home and we didn't have a car?"

I love the name. I'm glad things are working out. I know when my baby died suddenly I felt horrible. Felines have a way of not showing they're ill until they're very ill.

Yes it took my baby time to heal but I also adopted soon after and it helped me and my kitty Petie. It does seem that they will be just fine.

cat nap · Apr 10, 2014

angels4mom said:
While anticipating burying my guy on the 24th it's hard to think of putting him in the ground and thinking of my beautiful little boy's body and what it'll look like a few days after. I have to think of him as alive right now or I'll lose it. I know he's alive in spirit. I know he's not physically alive. It's just the idea of burial.

Hi @angels4mom...the thing with burial or cremation, is that you are honoring the body of the cat. The body is just a shell, and the real essence of Cocoa is already gone. All you'd be doing is laying his body to rest in the ground so it becomes a part of nature again. That cycle of nature continues, and you have to believe that his body becomes part of that for flowers, soil, earth, plants, and even other living organisms.

Maybe its the ending that you think is final? but its not. Its just part of a bigger picture.

But it really matters on how you feel about it.

So which part of the burial bothers you?

Is it the goodbye, or like you said the thought of his body changing?

angels4mom · Apr 11, 2014

cat nap said:
Hi @angels4mom
...the thing with burial or cremation, is that you are honoring the body of the cat. The body is just a shell, and the real essence of Cocoa is already gone. All you'd be doing is laying his body to rest in the ground so it becomes a part of nature again. That cycle of nature continues, and you have to believe that his body becomes part of that for flowers, soil, earth, plants, and even other living organisms.

Maybe its the ending that you think is final? but its not. Its just part of a bigger picture.

But it really matters on how you feel about it.
So which part of the burial bothers you?
Is it the goodbye, or like you said the thought of his body changing?

It's his body changing

angels4mom · Apr 11, 2014

CBowdidge said:
Hard to believe it was five weeks ago that my sister's beloved cat, Sotches, had to be put to sleep. He was from a saddle thrombus and heart failure (best guess as he wasn't strong enough for tests). Two weeks ago, she adopted a beautiful Maine Coon mix named Martini, and what a love bug he is. He cuddles into her and purrs like a jet engine and loves being petted anywhere. He's a bit still, but has made progress. Merlin has warmed up but still not quite there yet. He and Sotches were best buddies, I'm sure Merlin misses him and part of him wants Sotchy back. Martini has been the perfect (or purrfect) medicine for my sister and for all of us, who were all heartbroken by Sotchy's sudden passing. But Thursdays are less painful and the pain has eased with the new cat.

After Sotchy died, for days, I wondered if I could have missed something, going back to the previous days in my mind. My dad still feels guilt over what happened he thinks because he was home all the time he should have seen something but there was no warning signs. I also thought things like "What if that was Merlin?" Or "What if Mom wasn't home and we didn't have a car?"

I'm sorry. I know that horrible guilt. It's heart wrenching.

cat nap · Apr 11, 2014

angels4mom said:
cat nap said:

But it really matters on how you feel about it.
So which part of the burial bothers you?
Is it the goodbye, or like you said the thought of his body changing?

Click to expand...

It's his body changing

That's a hard one then, because it has to change over time. Even by being frozen or in "cryogenic form...like walt disney"...the body's cells are altered.

It can't stay the same, but you don't have to focus on that. (but I get it, when my uncle died I just wanted to get him back)

Because you are so in grief, your thoughts naturally jump to the worst visuals. Mine do to, but I remind myself, that they are just thoughts, and that Sparky is pain free and off somewhere else.

angels4mom · Apr 11, 2014

Sometimes I "hear" him cry out "mommy?!" Like he's crying for my help. It eats me up inside.

cat nap · Apr 11, 2014

CBowdidge said:
Hard to believe it was five weeks ago that my sister's beloved cat, Sotches, had to be put to sleep. He was from a saddle thrombus and heart failure (best guess as he wasn't strong enough for tests). Two weeks ago, she adopted a beautiful Maine Coon mix named Martini, and what a love bug he is. He cuddles into her and purrs like a jet engine and loves being petted anywhere. He's a bit still, but has made progress. Merlin has warmed up but still not quite there yet. He and Sotches were best buddies, I'm sure Merlin misses him and part of him wants Sotchy back. Martini has been the perfect (or purrfect) medicine for my sister and for all of us, who were all heartbroken by Sotchy's sudden passing. But Thursdays are less painful and the pain has eased with the new cat.

After Sotchy died, for days, I wondered if I could have missed something, going back to the previous days in my mind. My dad still feels guilt over what happened he thinks because he was home all the time he should have seen something but there was no warning signs. I also thought things like "What if that was Merlin?" Or "What if Mom wasn't home and we didn't have a car?"

Those thoughts always have to bug us for awhile. @CBowdidge . Its like we don't feel bad enough, so more guilt is piled on. For me also, I think its because I feel I failed my cat, too, in not being observant or pro active enough. As time passes, though, I don't think my cat Sparky, would want these guilty thoughts in my head, so I just try to let them go, do something else and get on with daily tasks. The guilt does return, and then I have to remind myself that my cat always made me smile.

cat nap · Apr 11, 2014

angels4mom said:
Sometimes I "hear" him cry out "mommy?!" Like he's crying for my help. It eats me up inside.

That's just your brain making you feel bad. He would probably be crying out, "mom, what's for dinner?" or something.

But some cats actually do say "mommy" in meowing, so he may not be saying "help" at all, may be just don't forget to feed the other cats. Or mom, I miss you too, but don't be sad.

cat nap · Apr 11, 2014

angels4mom said:
Sometimes I "hear" him cry out "mommy?!" Like he's crying for my help. It eats me up inside

If you wrote how you feel down in a journal, do you think it would help, too? When I write on paper, it is long and I ramble, but I get a lot of emotions out. I cry, and then I go and do some other stuff, like clean, laundry, mostly physical things, since my brain is drained by that point.

angels4mom · Apr 11, 2014

cat nap said:
That's just your brain making you feel bad. He would probably be crying out, "mom, what's for dinner?" or something.
But some cats actually do say "mommy" in meowing, so he may not be saying "help" at all, may be just don't forget to feed the other cats. Or mom, I miss you too, but don't be sad.

Between seizures he once looked at me as if to beg me to help. I sometimes see that in my head. It's torture! I wish I could get those horrible images from when he was dying out of my head. I feel like he felt rejected. Like I didn't love him.

cat nap · Apr 11, 2014

angels4mom said:
Between seizures he once looked at me as if to beg me to help. I sometimes see that in my head. It's torture! I wish I could get those horrible images from when he was dying out of my head. I feel like he felt rejected. Like I didn't love him.

It's just you worrying about something that is not true. He would not of felt rejected or unloved. And yeah, when having a seizure, he probably was so confused. His body was trying to correct itself.

I would not even know what to do during a seizure, but grab a towel and wait. Nothing you could really do.

You're just beating yourself up now, cause the pain of separation is so strong. You know like others said, Cocoa was lucky to have you, even if he had a short life, and you are lucky that you had him too.

cat nap · Apr 11, 2014

To get the images out, you have to focus on something positive. They'll sneak in again, and just let them, but then re focus on something good, funny, again. Let the images come up, but don't follow them, just re focus on something else.

How do you accept?

TCS Member

TCS Member

Thread starter

TCS Member

TCS Member

Thread starter

TCS Member

TCS Member

Thread starter

TCS Member

TCS Member

TCS Member

stand with ukraine

TCS Member

Thread starter

TCS Member

Thread starter

stand with ukraine

TCS Member

Thread starter

stand with ukraine

stand with ukraine

stand with ukraine

TCS Member

Thread starter

stand with ukraine

stand with ukraine