How do you accept?

angels4mom · Feb 28, 2014

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It's been over a month since my precious angel Cocoa died. I can say he died but can't fully accept it. He was so full of mischief and energy one day, throwing up the next day then it plummeted downhill rapidly. Even while sick he walked around. My beautiful baby boy. I still see him in every room. I still feel him with me. I sleep with the fleece blanket he was bundled up in when he passed away. I often see him in it and remember part of his tiny baby tongue sticking out of his mouth. He was so weak. His small angel face and head poked through the blanket as I reminded him of what Heaven is like. How can my heart process this? I melt down every day. I miss him so much it feels like someone is kicking my gut or ripping my heart out.

andrya · Feb 28, 2014

l'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy. lt is very difficult to lose our little friends to whom we become so close.

Many hugs for you

l hope you can find solace soon that your little Cocoa always felt precious and loved.

mservant · Feb 28, 2014

I believe our cats stay with us while we need them, and Cocoa is staying with you while you need him: that is why you see him. I saw my girls regularly for months after they crossed the RB, and I would see Pal even after I brought Mouse home. Sometimes I still see my girls now and I think they are checking on me like I checked on them. You are not the only person to feel pain in your heart like this and others on this site understand your pain, and can offer you hope that your heart will heal because ours have. Cocoa will still be there in your heart and in your life but the pain will fade so you can enjoy remembering happier times. Until then know that others care about you, and treasure the other cats who need you and can share comfort with you; such care can help you heal. Thinking of you.

peaches08 · Feb 28, 2014

I'm so sorry. They sure take a chunk of our hearts with them, don't they?

angels4mom · Feb 28, 2014

Thank you very much for your kind words

angels4mom · Feb 28, 2014

Thank you. It was partially the timing of him coming to me. The sunshine he gave me during a very painful time. Not being able to hold and kiss his little head is excruciating. In his short year of life he brought so much warmth and joy.

angels4mom · Feb 28, 2014

Yes they do. A huge chunk of it.

cat nap · Feb 28, 2014

angels4mom said:
It's been over a month since my precious angel Cocoa died. I can say he died but can't fully accept it. He was so full of mischief and energy one day, throwing up the next day then it plummeted downhill rapidly. Even while sick he walked around. My beautiful baby boy. I still see him in every room. I still feel him with me. I sleep with the fleece blanket he was bundled up in when he passed away. I often see him in it and remember part of his tiny baby tongue sticking out of his mouth. He was so weak. His small angel face and head poked through the blanket as I reminded him of what Heaven is like. How can my heart process this? I melt down every day. I miss him so much it feels like someone is kicking my gut or ripping my heart out.

I don't know "when" you actually ever accept the death of your own cat? But I do know that we are never really given a choice, but to accept it. I read the stages of grief by Elisabeth Kubler Ross, and she says that when in grief, we all go through these stages of :denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and acceptance. And sometimes we just get stuck in one stage, or move to another, then go back again, and that everyone has their own process. Eventually time goes by and you just don't feel so awful and sad, but remember all the happy times with your cat. The happy times make you smile.

I think it is okay if you cry about Cocoa, but that you know that he would not want you to suffer for too long. The separation is causing you to feel awful, but Cocoa would not want you to feel bad. You said yourself that he was mischievous and full of energy, so he sounds like the kind of cat that would not give you the time to even be sad, maybe mad, but not sad.

If you have other animals, they really help to get over the loss, because they show you that they are still around and have alot of things to do.

nurseangel · Mar 2, 2014

I am so sorry. I have reached a point where I can talk about certain things without crying, but it took a long while. Everyone grieves differently. Please take the time you need and someday you will look back on the happy memories and smile. My blessing are with you.

angelinacat · Mar 2, 2014

Sweet Heart, I can't tell you how best to deal with your grief. It is very real; I know. I am in pain over the loss of my dearest Angelina to a ^*_(*^% pit-bull dog, while I was away from home.

I know that I have been sent two beautiful little boy-babies, and a clear message that I need to let my girl go. It is very hard to do.

There is a lot to my Angel/Angelina saga that I can tell, but just am not yet ready.

I will check back with you in a couple of days and see how you are doing. {{{{{HUGGSS}}}}}

blueeyes · Mar 2, 2014

angels4mom said:
http://www.thecatsite.com/content/type/61/id/202710/width/200/height/400[/IMG. I'm sorry for your loss of Cocoa. My cat Yoda died 15 years ago, I still feel him around the house. It gets better, but our beloved cats will always be with us.

It's been over a month since my precious angel Cocoa died. I can say he died but can't fully accept it. He was so full of mischief and energy one day, throwing up the next day then it plummeted downhill rapidly. Even while sick he walked around. My beautiful baby boy. I still see him in every room. I still feel him with me. I sleep with the fleece blanket he was bundled up in when he passed away. I often see him in it and remember part of his tiny baby tongue sticking out of his mouth. He was so weak. His small angel face and head poked through the blanket as I reminded him of what Heaven is like. How can my heart process this? I melt down every day. I miss him so much it feels like someone is kicking my gut or ripping my heart out.[/quote]

catwoman707 · Mar 2, 2014

I have a hard time with these threads, the pain of loss, the grief, they just sadden me beyond words. I get this huge lump in my throat, often times I sit here and just weep for the pain someone is feeling.

All I am able to say to you is I am deeply saddened and so very sorry, and I know that many, many people here know that pain so well, an unforgettable time for them as well.

May your pain lessen soon, with time, and hold the memories in a safe spot in your heart, they will always be there. You gave him love and a good life, he was a lucky kitty.

I also have to believe we all will be reunited with our fur babies someday. I need that to get through.

Big hugs to you.

di and bob · Mar 3, 2014

It's been over a year since I lost my precious Chrissy, and I still cry at times when I think of how much I miss her. A month is NOT a very long time for your heart to mend, It will take a long time before your heart heals enough to remember Cocoa with smiles instead of tears. You will never get over losing him, you just learn to live with it and adjust. There will come a time when you will honor his memory by accepting another little soul into your heart, it does help to ease the pain by making memories and loving another. You are not alone in your grief, we will all try to help you through it. It does help to talk about it with others who know what you are going through, so please keep posting your feelings. Just try to remember that none of our babies would ever want us to be so sad and full of anguish. I do believe that they try to comfort us by coming to us in our dreams and letting us feel their presence, they will not leave us entirely until we tell them we'll be all right. Take care of yourself and keep busy, try not to dwell on his death but on the wonderful love you two shared. RIP beautiful Cocoa!

snugglecat · Mar 3, 2014

I am so sorry for your loss, my heart is breaking for you. I have a hard time coming here because when I read about others losing pets I start crying for your loss and then keep crying for the loss of my pets.

Today it has been 9 months since I lost my dog Abby and the tears are flowing as if it was the day I lost her. I can say that there are times I can now think of her and not cry as much. I too have to believe they are at Rainbow Bridge, pain free and waiting to be reunited with us again. Coco was a very lucky kitty to have been loved so much in his short life. It will take time but one day you will be able to think of him and smile.

Take care of yourself and try and focus on the good times you shared with him. Hugs to you.

tjcarst · Mar 3, 2014

The three year anniversary of losing my beautiful Penske is nearing. I still cry over her loss. The pain has lessened a little, but it still hurts. As others have said, we all heal differently, take your time.

angels4mom · Mar 3, 2014

I am so sorry for your losses as well. Thank you everyone for your support. It's hard to think of good times without pain. He's no longer here to hug, kiss his sweet face or play with. One thing hard to adjust to is the things I had to do to protect him or my things I don't have to any more. He got into so much and being a kitten liked to chew on whatever he could get his mouth on. It was a job keeping him safe but I'd give anything to have to do it again. As protective as I am of Holly and Mandie they don't get into as much. He toppled over trash cans in my home, crawled under the stove, on top of shelves and on top of the freezers. Full of energy, adventure and playfulness. Like a small human child I had to hide anything and everything potentially dangerous from him. Anything dangerous that he could swallow, drink, choke on or otherwise get hurt from.

cat nap · Mar 3, 2014

angels4mom said:
I am so sorry for your losses as well. Thank you everyone for your support. It's hard to think of good times without pain. He's no longer here to hug, kiss his sweet face or play with. One thing hard to adjust to is the things I had to do to protect him or my things I don't have to any more. He got into so much and being a kitten liked to chew on whatever he could get his mouth on. It was a job keeping him safe but I'd give anything to have to do it again. As protective as I am of Holly and Mandie they don't get into as much. He toppled over trash cans in my home, crawled under the stove, on top of shelves and on top of the freezers. Full of energy, adventure and playfulness. Like a small human child I had to hide anything and everything potentially dangerous from him. Anything dangerous that he could swallow, drink, choke on or otherwise get hurt from.

That's the kind of stuff that special memories are made from. My cat who passed was the opposite, but still as a kitten would bother the older cats, especially when they were eating. I would have to intervene at times, just so no one would get too angry.

Your Cocoa, sounds alot like one of my past cats from younger days. He, barney, would chew on wires, jump on the dining room table and watch for you to try and catch him. He would climb the curtains, christmas tree....didn't do that trash can topple or hide out under stove, but if I played with him too much, he would take it to a "new, wild level", so I usually had to stop before that. I also had to have a spray bottle of water handy, just in case he was caught on tables or that wire chewing craze.

I know what you mean about "giving anything to do it again", but I think that your Cocoa and my recently passed Sparky, were only meant to be with us for a short time, and I know that you or I, would never want them back if they were at all in pain.

mservant · Mar 3, 2014

You describe my life with Mouse and I feel the pain of your love for Cocoa in your words knowing that is how I would feel if he wasn't here with me now. My thoughts are still with you.

angels4mom · Mar 3, 2014

I don't know that he got after wires or cords. He loved his da Bird toy a lot. We played a lot. I too have a spray bottle. All I have to do sometimes is pick it up and they bolt. He also pounced on his sisters. He ambushed them. He pounced on them to play and while they ate. I wouldn't want Cocoa back unhealthy. I wouldn't mind his orneriness and playful spirit even if he was hyper though. It used to bother me to see him get into trouble. Now I wouldn't mind that energy if only he were alive.

cat nap · Mar 3, 2014

angels4mom said:
..... I wouldn't mind his orneriness and playful spirit even if he was hyper though. It used to bother me to see him get into trouble. Now I wouldn't mind that energy if only he were alive.

I had to look up "orneriness"....does it mean he was stubborn or just a little bad? Did he ever just let you relax, or let his sisters just be?

My guy would cause my senior cat Spotty to have to go upstairs to sleep, far away from those hurricane like episodes of playing. I never tried da Bird, but would run with some yarn or hang a long string with those stuffed fake mice on the end, on a doorway, but I had to be the one to swing it or he would just lay there. Even ping pong would be more of him shooting the ball and me fetching.

Are your other cats acting way more affectionate now?, because my senior cat seems to stay with me more. Maybe I just notice him more.

You're right about missing that individual spirit though. Man they are characters.

How do you accept?

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