Kinko Has Passed

My little champion...

Diagnosed with small cell lymphoma in July. He always had very sensitive kidneys.
Many ups and downs. Diagnosed with HCM, CRF, probable pancreatitis, and probably mega colon.

He fought hard - went to very visit, took every needle and probe, allowed every scan; in the end his little kidneys had finally gone.

Last night he was yowling in pain. I took him to the emergency room and he put up a little fight. The doctor gave me the news: Creatine 15, BUN - couldn't even get a reading. With the HCM fluids would be touchy. Maybe a tube through the nose to the stomach - but it would be at least a four day stay in the ER and then maybe a couple of days of feeling better or maybe not.

In the end it was the only way to help him finally be released from his pain. They made home comfortable and I brought him home for an evening of kisses and cuddles from myself and my husband. We took hundreds of photos and videos. He would flip from side to side to nuzzle us and we kissed him and touched him and smelled his wonderful head.

My vet came to my house during her lunch break. He offered no resistance and the relief came instantaneously. His little body was done and his fight was over.

I don't regret doing everything possible. The file on Kinko is nearly two inches thick. I ran every test, gave him every medication, changed his diet, changed his lifestyle. My vet said many cats succumb to just one of his diseases but he survived and fought through numerous ups and downs. And if that tube would of worked - I would have done it. But it was a risk that would of caused him pain and he would be back in the same amount of hurt and kidney failure.

I kept in my emotions as he went. I thanked him and told him I love him. His eyes were fixated on me and I pet his head and held his big paw in my hand. I was the last thing he saw and I'm so glad. His passing was peaceful and the pain in his face went away; he looked like a sweet sleeping baby.

My heart is so broken but I believe I made the right choice. I brought him home nearly 13 years ago and he quickly created a special place in our hearts. There will never be another Kinko but I am so blessed to have had him as long as I did.

Of course you made the right choice.  You fought, and so did Kinko.  But it was his time.  He knew it and so did you.  You all did it together.  

I'm so sorry.   Please know you're not alone.  So many of us have been where you are right now and nothing can make it easier.  

RIP little Kinko.

DragulescuGirl, how very sad, I am so sorry for the loss of your Kinko - being there with him holding his paw when he passed I'm sure made his transition easier, seeing and feeling your love...  RIP little Kinko 

I'm so sorry for your loss.   What a beautiful and heartwarming tribute to your little Kinko you have written - he spent 13 precious years snuggling his way into your hearts. He will rest now, over the Rainbow Bridge.

RIP precious Kinko. 

Bless his little heart, l'm so sorry.  What a precious little boy Kinko sounds to be

Have fun at the bridge baby boy 

Bless you both for sharing such a love, and fighting so hard to help him feel better. It tears our hearts in two when they have to leave us, but the one he loved more then anything in the world held his paw and comforted him when he needed it. I'm so happy he could die with dignity and be surrounded by love at home, I would wish this for all of our loved ones. Know he will be waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge no matter how long it takes. Please accept my condolences on your loss of such a wonderful little soul. RIP beautiful Kinko!

Thank you all for your kind words. They are helping me so much in this difficult time. 

Yesterday was far harder than I expected. We had put Kinko on "hospice" care six months ago from the other cats and our master bedroom had become his domain. He loved getting Mommy and Daddy to himself every night. We opted to sleep in the guest room last night because it would have been too difficult. 

Before he passed I wanted to create a calming atmosphere in the room so I put some small scented candles in front of him. He picked the "Buttercream" sent which makes sense considering his sweet tooth. We burned the candle for him as he passed and it did seem to add a bit of calm to the room. Later in the day we went out and purchased a large jar version as the scent will forever remind me of him. 

I'm preparing a memory box for him. We had to have him shaved as he couldn't groom himself anymore (the lymphoma wouldn't allow the hariballs to pass through and he had two surgeries to remove blocks). I had kept his fur so I have that and his outfits he liked to wear, his leash, his favorite catnip toy, the remnants of the candle, the pillowcase he was sleeping on, his papers, the keychain that looked like him (I bought it after a tough visit), and in a week his ashes and paw print. I'm thinking to make a small photo album of his life as well for the box. 

Kinko was the most generous, intelligent, loving, and empathetic cat I have ever met. His eyes expressed love and compassion and in the end a considerable amount of trust. I've yet to meet another one like him and I feel so blessed to have this little boy in my life. 

I'm so sorry. CRF gets our best ones.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Your tribute and sentiments made me tear up. It's so difficult to go through this after 13 years of love and memories.

I am so very sorry for your loss.  The ones with a lot of health problems and they continue to be sweet and loving through it all are the ones that are extra special.

I'm so sorry you've lost Kinko. You get so close during those days of hospice care that their absence is all the more strongly felt.

RIP, Kinko.

My heart goes out to you for your loss.  I am so sorry. It sounds like Kinko and your family had a great love,  May your sweet Kinko RIP 

I woke up with a sense of calm today.

Not to delve into people's personal opinions of religion and spirituality but...

Last night I dreamed I was being led to a place. And we stepped outside and it was a beautiful field with soft rolling hills and cats everywhere running around and playing. There was such a feeling of happiness and it was a perfect, warm sunny day.

The guide told me to call out his name and I did. Off in the distance I saw one cat break free and run towards me. I knelt down and he gave me his head butt and a chuffle. I looked into his eyes and he was the healthiest I had ever seen him. Without speaking I could feel him say "I'm ok. I'll see you soon. But I really want to go play."

I pet him on the head and he ran back to the group.

As I said, I woke up feeling assured that he is happy and finally free of the weakness he had been experiencing. I'm going to hold onto that dream for a long time and make it my last memory of him.

That dream is wonderful. I had a similar experience when my Skittles died--she came to me in a dream and let me know it was okay. I wrote the dream down and then whenever I felt sad about her, I would read it to remind myself that everything was okay with my baby girl.

Many hugs and love coming your way!  He had a wonderful family, and was able to have that family by his side to the end. So sorry for your loss, and remember we are all here for you!

Thank you again! I'm slowly moving on - the dream helped. 

It's raining this weekend so I will clean up his hospice area in the bedroom and make a photo album to be printed.

I think that will be a good part to the healing process. 

I'm so sorry.