New kitten bullying established cat!!

My cat Eli is an angel-kitty.  He is so sweet and such a good boy (other than chewing on paper when he wants me to feed him).  He LOVED my 15-year-old cat Maggie who died last month. 

2 weeks later I adopted "Sammy", a 5-month old kitten.  I posted about the introductions in another thread.  It took less than a week for them to get acquainted, and 2 weeks later they were best buds, grooming each other, playing together, cuddling up napping all day together.

The problem is that Sammy has decided that he is the "alpha cat."  He is the instigator of rough play.  He nudges Eli away from his food.  He has now decided that Eli's cat tree is his.  And Eli lets him do it, because Eli is a sweet, docile, wussy-boy.

Should I just let this dynamic play out between them?  It seems that there is not much a person can do about these territory things.  Sammy is not aggressive about this, it is play-type batting and slapping, no growling or hissing is involved.  But Sammy is a very confident little cat and Eli is kind of timid, shy, and uncertain.  It's just his personality.

So do I just let them figure it out for themselves?  I hate seeing Eli not standing up for himself.

I go through the same thing at my house. It's so hard to see your good boy give in all the time. I don't interfere unless things are starting to escalate, growling, ears back and threatening postures are dealt with immediately. I can just say Casper, NO,,,, OR I"M COMING OVER THERE!!!! He knows this is not an idle threat and slinks off. He definitely doesn't want to take a time out, being confined is absolutely torture to him! It's so sad too, when I yell really loud, poor old Burt runs TOWARDS me, he knows I am saving him!  I think the problem we both have is that the meany is still too full of kittenhood, and are full of energy and high spirit, hopefully they'll calm down with age, although I haven't seen it yet! Good luck!

I have this with my whisky. He bullys blighty but he bites him. The thing is blighty lies on his back and whisky stands over him
Blighty fights back but stays there. No blood is shed.
Also the thing is they love each other so much. I'm sure whisky, who is 6 months older and here first, is showing him who's top cat but I think blighty had got the message. It's strange. Blighty will go to whisky and lie down with his head down, not in submission, but to have his head washed!!!! and whisky obliges giving him a full body wash.

They will sort it out, in my opinion. S&S, when they were kittens were dominated by Queen Sheba. Now that they are her size, or bigger, they end up not backing down. The only place where that doesn't happen is on the bed. Sheba is definitely Queen of the bed. She will chase the others off, except Silly.

Of course, in two minutes the others are all back on the bed, but Meezykins (Sheba) has done her job of showing them who is the alpha cat.

its still too early in their relationship to determine how their dynamics will play out. Eli might turn out to more dominant, but you just haven't seen it yet.

safe to say, you have to kind of let them duke it out and figure it out for themselves. intervene if you feel like things are getting too violent. 

age plays a factor into this.

as long as both cats are eating as they are supposed to, and using the litter box and not elimination outside the box to establish territories you are good. it will level out in time, once they have both established to each other what they like, and don't like. 

If you're worried about new kitty always pushing or nudging Eli away during feeding time from his food, it would be best to feed them in separate rooms for the time being. Can't imagine how stressful that  might be for Eli, poor guy trying to eat and the new kitty just nudges him away.

I had a similar issue with my two cats, except it was the existing kitty that was trying to show dominance over the new kitty. its been 3 months since they've been together, and i'll find Jet (new kitty) being a instigator now, and being dominant over Charlie (existing kitty). and then some days Charlie goes back to being the dominant one. they take turns. 

Be patient and keep an eye on both. again, as long as they are eating properly and there aren't any issues with the litter box, just let them duke it out. 

MyCatsMom said:

 
My cat Eli is an angel-kitty.  He is so sweet and such a good boy (other than chewing on paper when he wants me to feed him).  He LOVED my 15-year-old cat Maggie who died last month. 

2 weeks later I adopted "Sammy", a 5-month old kitten.  I posted about the introductions in another thread.  It took less than a week for them to get acquainted, and 2 weeks later they were best buds, grooming each other, playing together, cuddling up napping all day together.

The problem is that Sammy has decided that he is the "alpha cat."  He is the instigator of rough play.  He nudges Eli away from his food.  He has now decided that Eli's cat tree is his.  And Eli lets him do it, because Eli is a sweet, docile, wussy-boy.

Should I just let this dynamic play out between them?  It seems that there is not much a person can do about these territory things.  Sammy is not aggressive about this, it is play-type batting and slapping, no growling or hissing is involved.  But Sammy is a very confident little cat and Eli is kind of timid, shy, and uncertain.  It's just his personality.

So do I just let them figure it out for themselves?  I hate seeing Eli not standing up for himself.

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Thomas, our young tuxedo will often pester Max into playing. Max will be sitting around, minding his own business and Thomas will come out of no where and launch himself and try to tackle Max, who is quite a bit bigger than he is. Max will get into it for awhile, and when he has had enough, he will walk away. Sometimes though Thomas will persist. They are quite good buddies however, and engage in mutual grooming and sleep curled up together, but when Thomas gets a little too pushy, Max is sure to let him know.

I think in your situation, Eli is just being very patient with Sammy which is good thing. If Sammy were to get too rough, chances are good that Eli will let Sammy know it. Sammy is young, still developing and definitely feeling his oats. He will settle down eventually. If no one is screaming, then I think you can safely assume that all is well.

I am going through the same thing between Sammi and Mickey.  BUT today when they were in the bedroom napping and I was not watching, I happened to catch a time when they were sleeping together in the big bed.  It made my heart warm to them both.  They do the slapping (nails sheathed) and the jumping at each other and doing a great imitation of two football fans stomach bumping each other.  No blood has been shed but the ears do occasionally go back and they growl.  Every now and again I hear a cry when they are "playing" and I know that someone got bit, but the vet said to let them sort it out and they would get past it.  It is getting better and my only addition here is to say, I think that you are right they are kittens yet even though they are over a year old, and they really do just need to play with each other.  I guess I have to realize that what seems kind of rough to me is to them just socialization and something that they both need to do to establish their relationship.

Sometimes when Sugar and Spice are playing full-contact tag, I think they are trying to kill each other. Then I will see them snuggled together, and realize that they just play rough. A pair of 'kittens'. They weigh about 14 pounds each and are almost two and a half years old.

Another problem is that Eli seems depressed. He walks away every time I try to pet him, and I could swear that he looks at me reproachfully, as if blaming me for why his beloved Maggie is no longer here. He seems to not want any attention from me at all and it saddens me. I know I am hypersensitive and anthropomorphizing, but you have to understand that both Eli and I have had a traumatic time, with my husband's death in October and Maggie's in December. Is there anything I can do to make Eli happy again and maybe like me again?.

I am having the same problem. Chimichurri, my 3 yo male cat is shy,very sweet and loved to cuddle with me when on the couch or while sleeping. I brought home a 7 months strayed male cat named Chiquito Banano, and Chimichurri gets along with him ok most of the time, but often stays in a corner, lost the desire to play with me or the toys, because the new kitten gets in the way and grabs them while growling at him. They have separate bowls, but Chimichurri would not go to eat at the same time with the kitten unless I stay near him while eating. Also, Chimicurri does not want to be in the bedroom anymore, because Chiquito Banano has taken over the bed. I am worried that Chimichurri's depression would make him want to leave, because I have heard that happens when a new male cat is introduced into the house of a resident male cat. I was adviced to take the kitten to the shelter, but I don not want him to suffer more than what he already has on the streets. I hope that somebody could give me some advice on how to tackle this issue.

ghr73 said:

I am having the same problem. Chimichurri, my 3 yo male cat is shy,very sweet and loved to cuddle with me when on the couch or while sleeping. I brought home a 7 months strayed male cat named Chiquito Banano, and Chimichurri gets along with him ok most of the time, but often stays in a corner, lost the desire to play with me or the toys, because the new kitten gets in the way and grabs them while growling at him. They have separate bowls, but Chimichurri would not go to eat at the same time with the kitten unless I stay near him while eating. Also, Chimicurri does not want to be in the bedroom anymore, because Chiquito Banano has taken over the bed. I am worried that Chimichurri's depression would make him want to leave, because I have heard that happens when a new male cat is introduced into the house of a resident male cat. I was adviced to take the kitten to the shelter, but I don not want him to suffer more than what he already has on the streets. I hope that somebody could give me some advice on how to tackle this issue.

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you need to separate them and introduce them properly  www.thecatsite.com/a/introducing-cats-to-cats  It will take some time, but if done like the article says, there is a very high percentage of them bonding. Remember, the kitten is like a teenager. I am assuming that they are both fixed. If not, do it as soon as possible.

Welcome to TCS. Please keep us informed on the progress and include pictures of your boys.

Just an update:  I had a conversation with Eli the other day.  I kid you not.  I petted him and told him he is #1 cat in the house and that I love him and he does not have to let Sammy push him around.  Ever since then, he has been standing up for himself more, sleeping at the foot of the bed again, and he even climbed on my chest yesterday and let me hold him.  

The only problem I have now with Eli is that he chews on paper when he wants me to feed him.  He seems to have figured out that he can give as good as he gets.  He is 12 pounds of solid muscle, but his nature is to be a lover, not a fighter.

Sammy is giving me two challenges.  1)  He will never calm down enough to let me clip his claws.  2)  He seems terrified when someone comes into the house.  I don't know why, he was at a shelter...but I do know that he was a stray, who started with one group (and may have been fostered for a time), then went to the no-kill shelter where I got him.  Eli was like this at first too, perhaps thinking that someone coming in would take him away again.  But now he is friendlier to other people.  I live alone and don't have much company because I work so many hours so Sammy is no longer used to having other people around.  I am not overly worried about this, I think that if I can just find the time to have more visitors, he will come around a bit.  

One thing I learned with Sammi, when your friends come in have a treat jar by the door with his favorites in it.  Have each friend give a treat from the jar to him and he will associate company with GOOD STUFF going on.  It did not take long to get him used to company being FUN,