Heartbreak & Guilt after losing my baby to CRF

I lost my beautiful cat on thursday night, and my heart is broken into a million pieces.

She stayed with my parents while I live away for college and I missed her last moments. It is strange, I knew she wasn't doing well so I was checking in with my parents often to see how she was. I called my mom on thursday evening, and within minutes she took her last breath.  I told her I loved her and begged her not to go through the phone. It was fast and seemingly painless, which I am grateful for.

I have had her since I was a little girl and can not believe she is gone. She had hyperthyroidism and CRF, but her blood work levels have remained at just outside the normal range for years. She took medication for hyperthyroidism. A few months ago she did have high blood pressure but my parents decided to not medicate her, which i now feel horrific about. About a week before she passed she stopped eating and seemed very lethargic. My parents brought her to the vet, and she was very dehydrated and her kidney had shrunk a lot. They gave her an antibiotic and Sub Q fluids.

When I went home for christmas, she had lost a significant amount of weight in the 3 months I had been away. I was home for about a month and had her eating well again, even jumping and playing with a laser toy like she was a kitten. And now, exactly one month later, she is gone. I feel responsible for her death. My parents loved her and she loved her home, but I was the best at taking care of her. I dont know how to describe it, I just knew what she needed and kept her healthy in a way my parents coulden't. I don't understand how it happened so quickly.  

I dont know how to cope with so many unanswered questions, and how to deal with the guilt. If anyone has a similar story of a cat with CRF, I would love to hear your experience. I know I can't bring her back, which is the hardest part.

My heart goes out to any of you who are dealing with a loss of your own!   

They can go very quickly once they start failing.  My 17-1/2 year old kitty was holding her own with CRF for over a year.  But once her kidneys were going, it didn't take long--just a few weeks-before she succumbed.  We gave her subq fluids, syringe fed her--we did everything we could have done--but we couldn't save her.  It was her time.  I know you and your parents did everything you could, too--it's not your fault! 

I'm very glad your parents were there for her and she was in a home she loved and knew.  And she got to hear your voice.  

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby.  I know how devastating it is and I wish I had the words to help you feel better.  Please know you're not alone--many of us have been where you are now.  

I am so sorry for your loss.  Kitties with chronic illness will have periods where they rally and seem to be healthy again and then they start failing again.  That is characteristic of many chronic illnesses.  You have nothing to feel guilty about.

I lost my soul kitty Grey on December 5th, 2011 to CRF. She and I both fought as hard as we could, but after a year of CRF she was tired. Sometimes there's just nothing left that we can do.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your kitty. I hope you find peace soon.

thanks so much, everyone. this really helps!

I'm very sorry for your loss. As hard as we try, at some point all the care in the world can't save a chronically ill pet, so there's absolutely no reason for you to feel guilt.

May she rest in peace.

It's perfectly natural to have these feelings of guilt, we all go through the 'should have's and would have's' when facing the death of a loved one. She lived a wonderful long life loved by you, and I know she would not want you to dwell so on her passing but to remember the love you two shared. Her spirit may have left, but she lives on forever in your heart. It takes a long time to heal that broken heart, but it will eventually, and you will smile at her memory instead of feeling pain so intense it takes your breathe away. I cry for your pain, I'll pray for her safe deliverance to the care of the Rainbow Bridge, where she'll be waiting for your reunion. Bless you for loving her so much that you feel so much pain. Take care of yourself. RIP beautiful little girl!

I'm so sorry for your loss. Rest in peace, baby girl.  

You did nothing wrong, so you have no reason to feel guilt. We do all we can and sometimes, it just is not enough. The time comes and it is always hard to lose them. Your parents gave your cat much love and tender care as you did too. I hope you will find peace and your guilt will go away. May your memories be sweet.

I'll echo what everyone has said, you did nothing wrong. It still doesn't take away the hurt though, but know that your angel is safe at the bridge now 

I'm very sorry for your loss.