Devastated at my Cocoa's Passing

angels4mom

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I have been crushed since I had to have my 1 year old Cocoa put to sleep this month. We don't know what caused him to have kidney failure at such a young age but I can't help but to think I may have caused it. I'm incredibly protective of my cats even getting my medications with child proof caps on them so if they get onto my dresser and they play with a bottle they won't be able to get the caps off. If a bottle is delivered with a regular cap I put it away. I don't drive so there's no anti freeze around. I'm dumbfounded that he is gone. Some have tried to convince me he could've been born with a problem. All I do know for sure is I miss my baby booboo bear so much. I see him in every room and feel him so strongly. Several times a day I have meltdowns. I have a memorial website for my mom and added a page for Cocoa. That's been hard to do. He brought so much warmth and smiles to my life. That angel flew into my life and my heart then to Heaven. He stole my heart and it feels like he took it with him. I want him back.
 

peaches08

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I am so sorry for the loss of your dear Cocoa. Unfortunately the cause of CRF could have been many things.
 
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angels4mom

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Thank you. I know now that it's a common disease with cats. It was horrible for a week and a half before he died. It hit so fast and he went downhill so quickly it made my head spin. It was horrible watching him suffer. I tried so hard to save him. When the vet at the emergency hospital said how grave his condition was my heart shattered. I went into ICU to see him then made the choice to have him put to sleep. I didn't want to but I didn't want to see him suffer one more second. He wanted to stand up as if he was fighting to live. I can't help but to think that if I brought him home he would've made it. But like I said I didn't want him to suffer either. The vet said his kidney values were off the chart.
I was so in love with him from the start. I survived gun violence when I lived in a violent city. My neighborhood and especially the intersection I lived at often heard gunfire. When I met Cocoa he did the seemingly impossible. His humor and warmth broke through the pain of the PTSD. He was taken from his mama early so I became a surrogate mama. My home is so quiet without his playfulness. Things I had to do to protect him and my stuff ( he was very mischievious and curious) I no longer have to be as concerned about. I'm always very protective of my cats but had to be even more so with him. He was a busy boy, all kitten. Knocking over my kitchen trash can, etc. It always upset me. Now I'd give anything to have that little stinker back.
 

denice

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I am so sorry.  It's always hard to loose one but it's even harder when one is so young.  Don't torture yourself with thoughts of it being your fault.  It could've been genetic or as young as he was it could easily have been something congenital.
 

jcat

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I'm very sorry for your loss. It's natural to ask yourself whether you could have somehow prevented his death, but unfortunately some things are simply beyond our control. One year is way too short a life, which makes it all the more devastating. It does sound like he packed a lot of living into that short amount of time.

RIP, Cocoa.
 
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angels4mom

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I'm very sorry for your loss. It's natural to ask yourself whether you could have somehow prevented his death, but unfortunately some things are simply beyond our control. One year is way too short a life, which makes it all the more devastating. It does sound like he packed a lot of living into that short amount of time.

RIP, Cocoa.

Thank you. He was so much fun. A real joy. He was a furry antidepressant. Every day I not only think of him but feel him so strongly. Every day the tears gush out.
 
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di and bob

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We always try to second guess ourselves when we are in the middle of grieving, there are always those what if's and I should have done this. Sometimes no matter what we do or how hard we try, it is not enough, things happen that we have absolutely no control over. For you to lose your Cocoa at such a young age is not fair, and it is not right, but it happened and you are in no way to blame.Let yourself mourn in what ever way you need, cry and scream, talk to him and tell him how much you miss him, your heart needs to heal the huge hole that was taken when Cocoa left. Try to remember he's safe and warm now, waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge.Please try to share your burden with us and friends, it will lighten the agony you are going through right now. Know we all care and will try to help in any way we can. Take care of yourself and try to keep busy, bless you for loving so much that it hurts this bad.RIP beautiful Cocoa!
 

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Please don't blame yourself, you loved Cocoa and did everything you could to protect him.  I lost a young cat to unknown causes and understand what you are going through.  Our vet couldn't explain what happened; he didn't know.   I'm very sorry for your loss.  
 The beautiful cat with the white bib in your avatar, is that Cocoa?
 
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angels4mom

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Please don't blame yourself, you loved Cocoa and did everything you could to protect him.  I lost a young cat to unknown causes and understand what you are going through.  Our vet couldn't explain what happened; he didn't know.   I'm very sorry for your loss.  :hugs:  The beautiful cat with the white bib in your avatar, is that Cocoa?

Yes that's my angel. Just below his bib is a white area shaped like a heart.
 
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angels4mom

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More Precious Memories

Cocoa was not only a warm and loving little boy he had an incredible sense of humor. Some of these I'm sure I already shared. When he knew he was in trouble he hid behind the shower curtains. It was as if he was thinking Mommy won't find me here. But his legs and tail stuck out. Sometimes he ran to his plastic carrier. If the door was shut he'd put a paw in one of the holes, pull it open then go inside. One time he even pulled it shut from the inside. I never encouraged it. He did it on his own. Sometimes he ducked into a paper bag or his cube bed that would be right at my feet. It cracked me up every time. He used to scoop dried poops out of the litter box then play soccer with them on the floor. He got into so much mischief. He was a very busy and hyperactive boy. I'd give anything to have that back. I do see some if his playful spirit in Mandie and Holly though. Mandie is a little overweight. Sometimes she would walk down my stairs with Cocoa walking beside her looking at her as if he was encouraging her. He was my little personal training assistant. Thanks to him Mandie's lost some weight. When he was real little he had a stuffed tiger tail that was around six inches. He carried it around in his tiny mouth (lengthwise) walking around like a man on a mission.






 
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angels4mom

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That's such a pretty and unique marking.  He was truly a handsome fellow.

I often told him he was so handsome. Sometimes I found him looking into my full length mirror as if to say Oh yea. Mama was right. I am fine. I miss my little guy so much. Every day it's excruciatingly painful.
 

pushkinbirman

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So very sorry for the loss of your dear cat.  Such a shame at so young and age.

My COCO RIP

take care of yourself

Pushkin
 
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