or Connect
TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › Let the Discussion Begin
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Let the Discussion Begin

post #1 of 34
Thread Starter 
I have been sitting on my hands for 3 days now and my fingers are beginning to get wrinkled. So.... in my never ending quest to understand human nature, I am posting this little story and asking for your reaction and feelings on the matter. I want to hear from both the men and the ladies on this.

Yesterday, I stopped in the nearby quickie mart for a bottle of milk. Got my stuff, proceeded to counter, and the clerk just takes one look at me and says, "Beautiful. Your hair is beautiful, your sunglasses are beautiful. Everything about you is just beautiful." Let me just say I'm in a crappy old pair of jeans and a t-shirt. The hair is a windblown mess. I'm no Pamela Anderson Lee strutting in there.

I'm thinking, "My change? Could you just fork over my change?", but politely saying "Thank you". As I exit the fine establishment, he's telling me to drive slowly and carefully, as I am too beautiful to risk losing. Needless to say I lay rubber in the parking lot.

Now I have never laid eyes on this human being before.

My questions are this: Ladies, how does this make you feel? Flattered? Happy? A little lift for the day? I'll tell you how it made me feel: uncomfortable.

Gentlemen: Why do representatives of your gender do this type of thing? It reminds me of one time I was dancing with a stranger who asked in a club. Three seconds later, he's touching my face!

Comments from any and all are welcome. I'm trying to figure out if I'm in the mainstream here or floating off in some eddy. No need to comment on the validity of the remarks. I've been looking at this face every day for a long, long time.
post #2 of 34
And I would probably be to embarassed to say anything back, but I doubt I would go there again for awhile. There are a lot of creeps these days (unfortunate but true) He was probably quite sincere, but it would still make me laugh if it had been me.
post #3 of 34
Hi Deb!

I'd have to say that it would make me feel very uncomfortable and probably nervous. Living in a big city, you always have to be a bit careful. If that happened to me, I'd probably be looking over my shoulder for a few days and making sure my doors were all locked. I've read that women need to follow their instincts on these types of things because they're usually correct. If a situation or person makes you uncomfortable, there's usually a reason.

And just so the men know, this is not usually a good way to pick up a woman!

Now, I have had the checker at the quickie mart make my WEEK, simply by carding me when I was buying beer (only miss the legal age by more than a decade). That I took as flattery, plain and simple.

I'll be interested to hear the mens' comments on this one.
post #4 of 34
It would have made me very uncomfortable too Deb. And I agree with Dawn that women should trust their instints on things like that. But who knows Deb, maybe he just likes the windblown effect.
post #5 of 34
I would have been uncomfortable, too. I think men sometimes do this as a power thing. They know we feel uncomfortable, and it doesn't ocncern them. He could have been sincere, but did not choose the best way to express his admiration.

I, too, get a lift from getting carded or from a compliment about something I'm wearing. I used to work with someone who was constantly hitting on me, and I tried to avoid him when possible. This was before sexual harassment laws.

But I also worked with another man who co-workers told me had a crush on me, and we're still together after 11 years. He was so sweet and nice, and still is, I couldn't resist. So men, pay us sincere compliments or none at all.
post #6 of 34
Listen to your gut girlfriend! He went a little overboard for my taste. Just reading this made me feel uncomfortable for you!
post #7 of 34
I was just going to say exactly that Debra!! It made me feel uncomfortable just reading it!! I don't know how I would've replied, actually I probably wouldn't have said anything, just looked away with a wierd "Im trying not to let this freak me out" smile on my face!!

:paranoid3 :indiffere :laughing2
post #8 of 34
I would be suspicious, too. That is too many compliments for a stranger. Unless you heard him talk this way to every woman customer, I would avoid this place.:paranoid2
post #9 of 34
Thread Starter 
Men? Men? Where are you with some input here?

It's actually a relief to know that others feel as I do. I thought I was just being the insensitive bi...uh...witch I get accused of being all the time. I also thought that perhaps it was a cultural thing, as he was, I believe, Hispanic. No ehtnic or racial barbs being thrown here. I just do note obvious differences among different cultures.

For my money, the guy would have furthered his own agenda, whatever that was, by simply striking up some "small talk" conversation with a smile, as opposed to acting like he recognized last month's centerfold.
post #10 of 34
Put me in the 'Ick' category

I did my time going to the dance clubs & had guys getting too friendly. One time I had on pants that where a little loose in the waste & the guy who was grinding on me (THAT in itself bothered me, but it was the kind place where that is what everyone does) and he tried to slide his hand down the front of my pants. I gave him a shocked look & got lost in the crowd. That stuff makes my stomach turn.

I agree that sometimes it's a cultural thing. the times I've been in a situation where it's extremely over the top it's usually from someone who isn't from here & thinks that they are being flattering to me. (excluding the drunks) I think it's just a misunderstanding. American women are very strong, opinionated and liberal (compared to some of our counterparts from thier country) and I think that men who are used to dealing with women from the more subservant cultures think that is how to get our attention.
post #11 of 34
I vote for "ick".

A friend of mine had a coworker who wouldn't leave her alone when she was pregnant. He kept telling her how beautiful pregnant women were and rubbing her tummy without permission. She had their supervisor give him a talking to, but he still kept staring at her in a weird way. She decided to stay home with the baby permanently. A few months later that creepy guy got arrested for menacing his neighbor. The police called my friend because creepy guy said she was his girlfriend and could give him an alibi.
post #12 of 34
Thread Starter 
Ew! Ew! Ew!

That reminds me! What about the whole touching a pregnant woman's abdomen, male or female? I hated that, even if it was a woman! People, strangers, acquaintances, the whole world treats you like you're a melon in the supermarket. You have to erect barbed wire to keep their hands off. Too close! Too close! Get away!

And how about the whole delivery room thing? One of my ex-husband's friends came to the hospital while I was in labor. He wanted the guy to come in. I told him that medical personnel aside, if you weren't at the conception, you weren't invited to the delivery. But I know people who have the whole family present and video tape for posterity. I guess they see the whole "miracle of life" thing a little more clearly than I do. I'm thinking "Could you possibly get a worse shot of me on film?"
post #13 of 34
Alexnell what I creeepy story!
I'm on the ick side too - I'd definitely feel embarassed and uncomfortable if I were in your shoes Deb.
Well my huble opinion is that you're a beautiful woman but it's harldy pleasent to be complimented in this way exactly. Creeepy rather.
MEn seldom seem to know the way to a woman's heart don't you think??
And just to be on the safe side I'd add that we women are really difficult to understand
post #14 of 34
Thread Starter 
Originally posted by Billie

Well my huble opinion is that you're a beautiful woman but it's harldy pleasent to be complimented in this way exactly. Creeepy rather.
You've got me laughing with that one, Billie! If that wasn't the red carpet of diplomacy, I don't know what is! I'm not cracking any mirrors, but I think the term is A-V-E-R-A-G-E. Plus, I was NOT scantilly dressed, which always seems negate what's going on above the neck, anyway. Sorry, men, just calling it by the ground rules you laid out.
post #15 of 34

Boy some guys really know how to lay it on thick! That reminds me of a story....

My former friend and I were in a club sitting there mind our own business having a drink. Now, keep in mind, my former friend had looks to DIE for. Along comes this geek, huge bald spot, pinky ring (my mama always warned me about guys who wear pinky rings or too much jewelry), shirt unbuttoned with hair of a gorilla and chains that would blind you. He says to my friend, "I was standing over there and noticed you from across the room, would you like to dance??" She just about spit out her drink. He then looks at me and says, "See that guy over there???? (pointing to an even more repulsive guy) Well, he thinks you're cute. And since he defended your country I think the least you could do is dance with him." BARF!!!!! I ran into the ladies room. The weirdo ended up following me and waited outside for me to come out. I waited till he finally left (after about 20 minutes). Talk about PUKE!!!!!!!!!!

We also had another time when we were down in Virginia Beach. We went to a club. We both danced with the same sailor (no offense Ken). Come to find out, he fed us BOTH the same line.

So you see ladies, there are some guys out there who haven't a clue.
You can't fault them for trying.

post #16 of 34
Deb; Yes, I would have felt "icky" and would not have reacted at all. I agree with those who said it would make them very "cautious". I do think, as AP said, that sometimes me from other cultures go a little too far becuse they think American or Western Women expect it. . . . They get the wrong ideas from TV etc.

I have been "hit on" many times by men from primarily Eastern cultures who were in awe of the fact that I am 6'4". Once a very sincere Japaneese businessman asked me if "I was REALLY that tall?" I wanted to laugh. Did he think it was an illusion I was doing with "smoke and mirrors"? I finally answered him this way; "No, I am actually very average, but in my "profession" (let him believe whatever he wants it to be) it helps to be tall; so, I have had surgical extentions put in my thighs." He bought that answer, and just walked away nodding like he understood. . . .
post #17 of 34
Thread Starter 
A friend of mine told me this story the other night. She met a guy out recently who was very nice, a real gentleman, etc. They talked and got to know each other for the evening. He told her all the ins and outs of his job as head chef at an exclusive country club in a rich section of Atlanta.

Two nights later, she's in a dump of a pizza place, and he's the guy who is supposed to bring the salads to the table! Did he recognize her? And how! They never got their salads! She is a pretty aware woman and had fallen for this b.s. story hook, line, and sinker.

For a brief moment she and her girlfriend discussed the possibility that the guy has a 2nd job, kind of to give the benefit of the doubt before stamping him with the "creep" label, but then concluded that there was NO WAY the head chef at La Snooty Club would be off on a Friday night!

I can only imagine this guy on the net. He must be President of the Free World, or something.
post #18 of 34

that story was hilarous! :laughing:

very amusing. thank you for sharing.

yours too 3LK!
post #19 of 34
Thread Starter 

I am rolling on the floor with that one! And reformulating a whole new image of you in the Wonder Bed.

"smoke and mirrors" :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
post #20 of 34
Deb25; Don't forget, the "Wonder Bed" is extra long and "on wheels" ABRA KA DABRA Not to mention the "holiday lights" It's a regular VEGAS ACT over here. . . .

*-*-*_V_*-*-* :splitter::pinky:
post #21 of 34
Deb and 3LK.....your stories were so funny! I needed a good laugh after work!! :laughing:
Deb....if the guy who made all those comments to you in the checkout lane, had said them to me....If he was young, and goodlooking...I would have been flattered....but suspecting he was on drugs..and if he was not at all handsome, I would have been irritated. Just my take.
post #22 of 34
Women complain about a guy who has no social graces and is a bit "wierd". They always fall for the guy who is smooth and confident. How do you think he got that way? As soon as you turn your back he's giving the same smooth rap to another girl. You should be flattered. It probably took alot of guts for this guy to tell you that. Yes, guys even like "average" women. Sounds like a case of "I wouldn't be with the type of guy who finds me attractive" syndrome.

A guys point of view.

post #23 of 34
NiteC......oooooooo are you gonna get it for that one!!!!! KIDDING

Seriously tho...women are confusing creatures to us poor guys. Sometimes it's like we're gonna be wrong no matter what,so we just avoid all the work and sit there expecting to get hollered at.

Maybe this guy had just had some good news just before you came along and was just feeling that the world was a great place. A few weeks back I saw a young trucker who was miles from home. He called for news of his expecting wife and was told that he was a new dad. This guy was literally hugging everyone he was so damn happy and relieved. Of course one old sourpuss had to make a fuss but the waitress put her in her place smartly.

So in the case in question..or similar ones a simple smile and "thanks" would have been appropriate. Then leave. Not everyone in the world is a freak. Most are just average people. Touchy-feely is of course another matter.
post #24 of 34
Hey KF and NiteC, thanks for the male viewpoint. I think one of the problems is that we humans, or at least we women, don't know how to take a compliment. We get so used to criticism that we feel awkward when we do hear how great we are, even from friends.

I think women tend to give less direct compliments, especially in convenience stores. If we say anything extreme, it's usually to our friends, although possibly loud enough for the man to hear. :tounge2:
post #25 of 34
Believe me,I appreciate how wary women have to be these days. It's a damn shame. But we can all get overcautious at times too. The first time I ran to NYC I was nervous as all get out. Surprise,I met some real nice people there. I met some very dangerous ones too but I seem to get along with them pretty well. Only had one serious armed confrontation with an attempted mugger...he lost.

I have seen many bad places and many good ones and met people in both kinds that I consider friends.

But I tend to consider people as friendly until they prove otherwise. I guess that's a Canadian trait. Everywhere we go we're the Nice,Polite folks.

I invite you folks to view my little attempt at poetry in the Paws and Reflect forum titled a Trucker's Lament for a little glimpse of ol KF's mind.
post #26 of 34
Thread Starter 
Ooooooo, nc, Kittyfoot is soooo right!

I'm glad to hear the male point of view. But I still think it's a little bold for an opening remark. Smooth doesn't impress me. Sincerity does. Even first a "Hi. How are you doing?" and maybe dropping a pretty comment at the end (You have nice hair, or You are very pretty) would have set me less on edge about the incident. But the way it went down, I immediately smiled and said "Thank you." Then he went on and on. That was what really got me.

A case of "wouldn't go for someone who thinks I'm attractive"? How thin is the air out there in Colorado? What woman does not want to feel attractive, especially to somebody she is potentially interested in?

Maybe those of us who aren't putting in 2 hours a day on hair, make-up, and outfit simply don't usually attract that type of compliment. It caught me off-guard, that's all.

I have now been sufficiently put in my place. Thanks guys. I'll shut up now.
post #27 of 34
Gee Deb...you have such pretty hair!!!!!!!
post #28 of 34
Thread Starter 
(This is no longer "cringe" guy. This is now "I said I was shutting up" guy).

--->(whispering) For the record, the hair in the recently retired avatar was "done" as I was in a wedding that day.
post #29 of 34
Funny, when I read your post Deb, my first thought was a 2 parter
1. Deb is a very naturally attractive woman, why not tell her?
2. maybe the guy was just in a good mood and wanted to spread it around?

I wouldve been a bit uncomfortable too, but it seems harmless enough, so just say "thanks", toss your windblown hair back, and strut outta there grinning! (oh, and theres a small smudge on your Ray-Bans!)

(joke, it was a joke!)

post #30 of 34
Thread Starter 
No offense taken. BTW, they're Oakleys. Maybe that was what he was most attracted to because his actual words were "Your Oakleys are beautiful".

I was not rude to the guy. I did feel on the spot, though.

Only one way to find out: back to the quickie mart!
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: The Cat Lounge
TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › Let the Discussion Begin