Grace Lost Some Weight and I'm Really Scared!

I am just like you, highly tuned in to my cats, especially my Krissy (avatar pic) who I got the day she was born, and totally changed my life. Literally. Opened my eyes and heart up to the cat world, the homeless, the suffering, ferals, and now have a rescue group and have saved thousands. All due to her, little angel dropped down from the sky to light up my life.

I am extremely attached to her, and have to keep myself in check at times when she isn't her normal self, the smallest thing to other people and I am thinking the worst. Plus she is almost 123 mow and chubby. Quite chubby. So I worry......

While it can be paranoia, I always follow what my gut instinct says, so if you think there is something possibly going on, find out. Remember though, you are going to be over-sensitive and over-thinking things due to your recent loss, so keep that in mind.

Have an extensive blood workup on kitty, an ultrasound. If there is something there it will show up. If nothing shows up, you can relax knowing this.

WorriedSoMuch, I am just like you.  I worry all the time, drive myself crazy with it, cry myself to sleep, etc.  It doesn't help, but how do you stop being the way you are?  It's easy for people to say lighten up and don't worry....but absolutely not easy to do it.

As for the weight loss, what we did with Cindy is to weigh her every day, enter the weights in Excel, and then create a graph.  It shows you exactly what's going on and how the weight fluctuates.  But back when she first got sick with the cancer, he lost a drastic amount of weight quickly. 

I hope all is well with you and your baby 

Abby had her annual exam last week. She had lost 6-8 oz since July. I was a bit concerned on first hearing that too, but the vet came in and reviewed her chart. She was around the same weight she was last January. The vet felt she was within her normal weight range and that there were no issues. There are going to be fluctuations. :nod:

Misty8723 said:

 
As for the weight loss, what we did with Cindy is to weigh her every day, enter the weights in Excel, and then create a graph. 

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Can I ask how this helps? Why would we need to know the weight of a cat every day or see how it fluctuates? A vet will weigh a cat on it's check up and keep a note of it, like a doctor would with a child growing up. If a vet is happy with this system, why would we need to know more than a vet? I am not trying to be flippant, start an argument, I really don't see the need. And if a person is a natural worrier, surely doing things like this will be feeding that worry? 
No, it's not easy to change, but it's possible.. Been there. Worried about everything and it effected everything every day! Trick is to understand any cause, and not give in the whole time - then you realise in time that the world will not end if you stopped worrying and that even if it did, no amount of worry will change the outcome anyway.  The same applies to Worriedsomuch's cats. To worry so so very much will not stop her cat's getting sick, it will not change the outcome - they will still get sick and I have every confidence she will help them if the time ever comes.  Worrying to this level will stop her enjoying the cats (as she's admitted) and keep a vet in a comfy home when there is no need. Keep an eye out on a pet for sure is the correct way and best a pet parent can do, but not look for problems that are not there and not let it take over the enjoyment of having a pet in the first place.  That enjoyment is both ways too - a happy mum is a happy pet.

I am sorry if I have spoken out of term, I just find it hard to see someone who gets so upset when she doesn't need to be.

I think the one thing I have learned in my old age. :lol3: Or should I say experience. :bigthumb: Is that if things should go as they should when it comes to sharing our life with a pet, we will outlive them. We will have to endure loss, pain and heartache. There is no crystal ball (BOY - not sure I would want one anyway ) for any of us - human or animal. I think the hardest part of all of this "worry" relies on acceptance that we can't control everything health related with our furbabies, much as we want, and then somehow that stress/worry should lighten. It is part of life with them, accepting that things may or may not go wrong and knowing that we are doing right by them from the bottom of our hearts. :heart3: That is what gets me through now. I had a HUGE loss last summer, as some of you know. :heart3: WILBUR :heart3:. This is what I learned from losing him - accepting that I couldn't control what was coming, knowing I did the best I could for him till the end. It was painful, yes. But, I feel a bit stronger from it, I think. Oddly. Life will go on - and I think the biggest thing for me was to live in the moment, day to day, try to learn something from the journey we are on with these little creatures who are a total blessing. I have always believed in Albert Einsteins quote.... There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle I think there are lessons to be learned with almost every experience in our life, no matter how small or big. Something is there..... some special meaning.... and sometimes we have to just figure that out and believe it.

SORRY for getting mushy and I know this won't take away the worry and concern but it may help to know there are ways to deal with it and that IT IS OK. But, I think Worried will understand!!

My guess is a lot of this is connected to the idea of wanting to control everything to do with our beloved pets and also the worrying about the future. I know that this is so cliché of me to say - and I have a lot of work to do on this myself (as I have 5 senior kitties and am so worried about losing them in the next few years) - but one somehow has to learn to live in the moment for one's own sake and for the pet's sake. And one has to *not grieve* (or act in a way equivalent to grief) when the animal or loved one is still with us - the animal does not want to spend their time with us grieving them while they are still alive. Hard enough for us to stay strong for the animal when something really is wrong, but why put them through the stress of our anxiety when nothing has been diagnosed. I freely admit that I am having issues myself with this kind of thing now that my 5 beloved kitties are all seniors and I had some serious diagnoses with a few of them recently - but one has to strive to somehow sort through our own human tendencies of fear and worrying about the future relentlessly.

Feralvr said:

I think the one thing I have learned in my old age.

Or should I say experience.

Is that if things should go as they should when it comes to sharing our life with a pet, we will outlive them. We will have to endure loss, pain and heartache.

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So very very true - have to accept that is part of being a pet parent. My partner is one of those folk who cannot bear loss, he'd rather not have another pet and we did have many fights for us to get the one we have now.  It took him a year to let him into his heart, self-preservation I guess. Whereas I have lived with many pets and had to see them leave me but I wouldn't change a thing. We took rescues in all the time and I know that we gave them the best home possible and so so much care, love and hopefully fun times. They in turn gave me their companionship, fun and some of the happiest moments - how could I regret that? I am lucky! Feeling loss and heartache is part of it but it takes nothing away. I still smile and feel joy whenever I think about the pets who've moved on and that is the main thing I think of.

I really appreciate all the responses I got here. It's given me a lot to think about and consider. @Fleabags Mom I really appreciate your input and it's so nice of you to show concern for me and my excessive worry. I think you have a great attitude about your pets. I think I am more like your husband though. I'm not closing off my heart ad not giving love to my cats but I just don't deal with loss well. I have also made up my mind to never adopt another cat. I've made my commitment to the 5 I have now and this will be it.

I think I probably come off as someone who is a first time cat owner, a nervous mom. However, I have owned cats for 19 years since I was 8 years old. I lost my first one when he was a few days shy of his 13th birthday from kidney disease. He was supposedly doing well, so you can imagine my shock when I woke up in the morning, went to see him and he had passed away in his sleep. I was quite traumatized by this. Then just a few short months later, my Tito (who was indeed my soulmate) was diagnosed with HCM. I was left reeling but I did pull it together and keep him well for more years to come. I have been able to cope at times with troubling diagnoses but I think lately, it's just too much at once. Right after Tito passed, Grace starts to have bad allergies and ear problems. She begins to twitch as well, still does and I don't know why. It's not easy to deal with that "what if" with her twitching. Now she's lost weight. It's like @Misty8723 said "how do you stop being who you are?" It is also easy for people to say not to worry but it isn't easy to put it into action.

@catwoman707 I try to go with a gut instinct too but how do I trust a heart that's broken? As you said, I am going to be extra sensitive and scared so I can't say that my gut instinct would be accurate. I don't want to put Grace through unnecessary and traumatic tests, such as an ultrasound if it's not even necessary.  I mean of course if she loses any more weight, I will do whatever tests are necessary to figure out what's going on.

@AbbysMom I really appreciated your input as it gave me hope that 6-8 ounces isn't as awful as it seems and maybe Grace is indeed okay. Did Abby feel lighter to you? Did your vet request you come back to recheck her weight?

@Feralvr @Scarlett 001 @Fleabags Mom I think you all, again, have the right attitude. I do need to accept that I most likely will outlive my cats. Also, I do have to realize I can't control everything. I guess I just feel like I constantly have to be on my toes or else I might screw up again and not get help in time for my cats. My mom also tells me I need to stop grieving Grace since she is still alive. I try to tell myself that even if this is something bad, I will do what's best to keep her with me for as long as possible and as long as she's happy but it makes me want to cry just thinking of losing her.

I keep thinking she feels lighter and whenever she acts finicky, I'm completely convinced she's dying. Also, while posting here has been a blessing, it has also amped up my worry a bit too. I read SO MANY stories of cats with lymphoma and it seems rampant lately. Then I read the cat had lost just a few small ounces, had normal tests, and then a few months later a giant mass was discovered. I know I can't compare Grace to other cats but I keep doing it anyway. I know Tito had 'excellent" bloodwork when he was dying. How do I rationalize that? I stupidly thought there was no way he had cancer if his bloodwork was so great but I was wrong. Also, he never even had an official diagnosis. He was already so far gone that the vet thought he wouldn't even survive much longer. He could only say "probably lymphoma" based on his symptoms and the way his stomach felt. I'm sorry I'm rambling but I'm just stuck in my "fear cage." Grace is going for her weigh in next week so we'll see what happens.

I can't say that Abby feels lighter. I pick her up often, but would I really notice a 6-8 oz difference?

No, the vet feels everything is normal, she looks and sounds normal, is acting normal and feels there is no need for a recheck, bloodwork, etc. My vet has been in practice for over 20 years and it is a cat only practice. I trust her.

I get that you are concerned after losing your other cat. We adopted Abby about 6 weeks after losing our Molly to some unnamed illness that after numerous tests they couldn't pinpoint, but the best guess was some type of lymphoma. No matter the circumstances, when your cat dies you will question yourself. There will be "What if's?", etc. That's all there is too it. I was watching Abby's every move at first as well, but at some point you have to relax. You also have to let the cat be a cat. You need to learn from the experience and educate yourself. I am a better cat owner now and much more educated than I used to be about cat care. :nod:

WorriedSoMuch said:

. I know Tito had 'excellent" bloodwork when he was dying. How do I rationalize that? I stupidly thought there was no way he had cancer if his bloodwork was so great but I was wrong. Also, he never even had an official diagnosis. He was already so far gone that the vet thought he wouldn't even survive much longer. He could only say "probably lymphoma" based on his symptoms and the way his stomach felt. I'm sorry I'm rambling but I'm just stuck in my "fear cage." Grace is going for her weigh in next week so we'll see what happens.

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As far as I know, there is no blood test for cancer, for any of us, only symptoms. Even those can mean 100 million things too and some cancers are symptom-free for a long time.  Trust me, been there as someone who had cancer undetected for 2 years, despite going to the doctor several times. You can't rationalise cancer! Give up even trying, it's impossible! It really is just one of those things, hits randomly and out of the blue and there's nothing we can do about it, but it doesn't mean it will hit everyone, thankfully and it doesn't mean it will hit your other cats.

I didn't think you sounded like a first-time cat mum, just someone who's grief is taking over everything.  Hugs to you and I hope you find your way and some peace as a cat mum soon.

I've been following this thread, @WorriedSoMuch, but didn't know what advice to offer other than what has already been said. I do hope Grace's weight fluctuation is nothing. I'm on both sides of the fence here, and try to find a balance between enjoying the cats and worrying about them.

Fleabags Mom said:

 
Can I ask how this helps? Why would we need to know the weight of a cat every day or see how it fluctuates? A vet will weigh a cat on it's check up and keep a note of it, like a doctor would with a child growing up. If a vet is happy with this system, why would we need to know more than a vet? I am not trying to be flippant, start an argument, I really don't see the need. And if a person is a natural worrier, surely doing things like this will be feeding that worry? 
No, it's not easy to change, but it's possible.. Been there. Worried about everything and it effected everything every day! Trick is to understand any cause, and not give in the whole time - then you realise in time that the world will not end if you stopped worrying and that even if it did, no amount of worry will change the outcome anyway.  The same applies to Worriedsomuch's cats. To worry so so very much will not stop her cat's getting sick, it will not change the outcome - they will still get sick and I have every confidence she will help them if the time ever comes.  Worrying to this level will stop her enjoying the cats (as she's admitted) and keep a vet in a comfy home when there is no need. Keep an eye out on a pet for sure is the correct way and best a pet parent can do, but not look for problems that are not there and not let it take over the enjoyment of having a pet in the first place.  That enjoyment is both ways too - a happy mum is a happy pet.

I am sorry if I have spoken out of term, I just find it hard to see someone who gets so upset when she doesn't need to be.

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In our case we did it because the vet was not paying attention to our concerns about her weight issues.  Showing the steady progression downward on the graph was a lot more effective than just showing her the weights written down.  Because that was her main symptom when she had the cancer, I have been worried that it has come back.  It wasn't like it was hard on her to put her on the scale when we gave her her medicine. 

I suggested the chart to  Worriedsomuch because  it might show her that it's just a fluctuation and nothing to be concerned about. 

As for me with the worrying, I feel that if I don't prepare myself for the worst, I will get blindsided with it when the bad thing happens. I would rather expect the worst and be pleasantly surprised than the opposite.  Vets can only do so much, and Cindy lost so much weight so quickly when she had the cancer, she is now under 5 pounds when she was over all of it 8 pounds when it started, if I let it go and wait for the vet to find the weight loss, it may be too late.

Fleabags Mom said:

 
As far as I know, there is no blood test for cancer, for any of us, only symptoms. Even those can mean 100 million things too and some cancers are symptom-free for a long time.  Trust me, been there as someone who had cancer undetected for 2 years, despite going to the doctor several times. You can't rationalise cancer! Give up even trying, it's impossible! It really is just one of those things, hits randomly and out of the blue and there's nothing we can do about it, but it doesn't mean it will hit everyone, thankfully and it doesn't mean it will hit your other cats.

I didn't think you sounded like a first-time cat mum, just someone who's grief is taking over everything.  Hugs to you and I hope you find your way and some peace as a cat mum soon.

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That's true, and my vet told us that cancer in Cindy could be microscopic, so none of the biopsies or blood tests or anything would find it.  How do you deal with something like that?  I guess you just love her as much as you can for as long as you can.  DH always tells me not to mourn her before she's gone, and he's right, but sometimes it just  hits me like a ton of bricks.

Am sorry your kitty got cancer, really really sucks and am sorry you've and kitty had to go through that..

There is no single blood test that can show cancer, no matter how microscopic, even tumour markers are not 100% and they have to be checked with other methods of detection. There are really only only blood/urine tests to check how the body is in general health. Like increased white blood cells to show the body is fighting an infection, or elevated urea can indicate the kidneys are not working, etc etc. My own was a CA125 (a tumour marker) they call it, and it checks hormone levels. I had a hormonal type cancer, so it showed that there may be something wrong but there are other illnesses that can raise CA125 levels, and not just cancer.  It also doesn't always show a change in levels even it if a person does have cancer! It's not foolproof by any means but it's the best they have at the moment. On a ramble here, but I just wanted to point out that Worriedtoomuch was upset that the full bloods showed everything to be ok when it wasn't but this would only be a starting point and without other symptoms or a vet suspecting anything untoward, there was very little she could've done, it's not her fault. It's one of those things, those horrible, uncontrollable and rubbish things that happen in life. Until medicine improves, this will keep happening for sure - the alternative is to put a cat thought masses of tests, x-rays, scans for 'just in case' situations to ease our minds.  To me, it's not worth it and it's not fair on a cat because you can't explain it to them and they get scared & super-stressed going to the vets all the time. Stress will more likely make kitty sick.

And how do you deal with it? With difficulty, but deal with it somehow is what we have to do, otherwise we stay upset, worried, scared, angry & sometimes bitter for a very long time.  Your DH is a wise man and so are you with loving them for as long as you can and the energy spent on worry is much better used positively :-)

AbbysMom said:

I can't say that Abby feels lighter. I pick her up often, but would I really notice a 6-8 oz difference?

No, the vet feels everything is normal, she looks and sounds normal, is acting normal and feels there is no need for a recheck, bloodwork, etc. My vet has been in practice for over 20 years and it is a cat only practice. I trust her.

I get that you are concerned after losing your other cat. We adopted Abby about 6 weeks after losing our Molly to some unnamed illness that after numerous tests they couldn't pinpoint, but the best guess was some type of lymphoma. No matter the circumstances, when your cat dies you will question yourself. There will be "What if's?", etc. That's all there is too it. I was watching Abby's every move at first as well, but at some point you have to relax. You also have to let the cat be a cat. You need to learn from the experience and educate yourself. I am a better cat owner now and much more educated than I used to be about cat care.

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Well the vet did want to know how I even knew she lost some weight. He thought I had a cat scale at home which I don't. She just seemed lighter, so I got on my bathroom scale, got off, got on with her and did the difference. It seemed like she lost a pound on there. I must admit later though, she felt the same so I even questioned whether I should take her in to be weighed but I thought it would ease my mind. Unfortunately it just stressed me more. I try to be more educated by doing my research but unfortunately sometimes research can add to stress.

Fleabags Mom said:

 
As far as I know, there is no blood test for cancer, for any of us, only symptoms. Even those can mean 100 million things too and some cancers are symptom-free for a long time.  Trust me, been there as someone who had cancer undetected for 2 years, despite going to the doctor several times. You can't rationalise cancer! Give up even trying, it's impossible! It really is just one of those things, hits randomly and out of the blue and there's nothing we can do about it, but it doesn't mean it will hit everyone, thankfully and it doesn't mean it will hit your other cats.

I didn't think you sounded like a first-time cat mum, just someone who's grief is taking over everything.  Hugs to you and I hope you find your way and some peace as a cat mum soon.

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Thank you for the hugs and I appreciate all your input on this. I'm so sorry you had cancer. How scary! I hope you are well now You are right that cancer can't be rationalized unfortunately. Sometimes no matter how healthy you try to be or have your pet be, it can still strike.

GoHolistic said:

 
I've been following this thread, @WorriedSoMuch, but didn't know what advice to offer other than what has already been said. I do hope Grace's weight fluctuation is nothing. I'm on both sides of the fence here, and try to find a balance between enjoying the cats and worrying about them.

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I understand. I know you've been going through a lot.  I appreciate you taking the time to check in. Thanks.

Misty8723 said:

 
In our case we did it because the vet was not paying attention to our concerns about her weight issues.  Showing the steady progression downward on the graph was a lot more effective than just showing her the weights written down.  Because that was her main symptom when she had the cancer, I have been worried that it has come back.  It wasn't like it was hard on her to put her on the scale when we gave her her medicine. 

I suggested the chart to  Worriedsomuch because  it might show her that it's just a fluctuation and nothing to be concerned about. 

As for me with the worrying, I feel that if I don't prepare myself for the worst, I will get blindsided with it when the bad thing happens. I would rather expect the worst and be pleasantly surprised than the opposite.  Vets can only do so much, and Cindy lost so much weight so quickly when she had the cancer, she is now under 5 pounds when she was over all of it 8 pounds when it started, if I let it go and wait for the vet to find the weight loss, it may be too late.

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I'm so sorry about your cat. I must admit that when I searched weight loss on this site, I came across the story of your Cindy and it really got me to thinking that weight loss, even a small amount, is oftentimes serious. I guess I am this way too. I feel I need to prepare for the worst or it's better to be prepared than be blindsided. I guess also I feel if I become complacent about anything or "look away" so to speak, I'll miss something and not be able to live with the guilt. I'm not sure if it's great to live this way though. I must admit, it makes me anxious all the time and I wish sometimes I could give myself a break. It's like that saying, "a life lived in fear is a life half lived." I feel this is very true yet I can't commit to it.

Fleabags Mom said:

 On a ramble here, but I just wanted to point out that Worriedtoomuch was upset that the full bloods showed everything to be ok when it wasn't but this would only be a starting point and without other symptoms or a vet suspecting anything untoward, there was very little she could've done, it's not her fault. It's one of those things, those horrible, uncontrollable and rubbish things that happen in life. Until medicine improves, this will keep happening for sure - the alternative is to put a cat thought masses of tests, x-rays, scans for 'just in case' situations to ease our minds.  To me, it's not worth it and it's not fair on a cat because you can't explain it to them and they get scared & super-stressed going to the vets all the time. Stress will more likely make kitty sick.

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See this is what I'm afraid of too, that I'll end up on a mission of tests and bloodwork that, as the vet even said, is likely to show nothing. In addition, do I really want to put Grace through that if it's not needed? I spoke to the vet again on Friday and he again told me that cancer in a cat Grace's age is rare and he said I never should have gotten on the scale with her if it was going to scare me like that. He said in all likelihood, she's experienced weight fluctuations before and I probably never even knew it. He told me it's not even necessary to take her in to weigh her again if I don't want to but if I do, I should wait even longer like maybe until next week. He told me I'm running the risk of a "slippery slope" because he said if she didn't gain anything, or God forbid lost another small amount and it doesn't mean anything, I'll probably just go crazy with worry. I'm not sure at this point what I will do.

Grace is still acting oddly at times though. Sometimes at night, always at the same time, she acts spooked when I am feeding her. It's pretty much usually the last meal of the night. She'll tentatively come out and want to eat while hiding. For example last night, she was on the bed, then she came out to eat. She was under my kitchen table and didn't want to come out so I put her plate under there. She took a few small bites and then took off to hide behind the couch. I just don't get it It wasn't that she didn't want it. I then put it near the couch and she's peeking looking at it, like is it safe? Then I had to put the rest near the couch and she ate it all. It makes me think she doesn't feel well. After she was done though, she came out played with her string toy and then her crinkly ball. I told the vet about these developments and he seemed unconcerned. He said it could be she feels watched by me and is acting standoffish but all day long yesterday, she ate fine in front of me. He also said that even if she doesn't want to eat once a day, it's not a huge deal. I told him she eats 4-5 small meals a day and he said she's probably getting plenty of food. I just find it unnerving when she behaves this way. Then her sister, Delilah, sometimes urinates twice within 3-4 hours so that has been stressing me too.  

Well Grace is still having her weird "hiding" moments so I'm feeling down and frustrated. Yesterday, she was having a really good day, came over for some snuggles when I got in from work, watched the birds, ate her food, took a nap with me. Then this time she has another freak out earlier in the night this time. I made dinner and my former feral, Meadow, came over and wanted me to give her some chicken, like usual. Sometimes Grace will come over too and I will give her some. Sunday, for example, Grace loved the chicken I made. Well I gave them some chicken and Grace went to sit in the middle of the living room floor and was grooming herself. I then put a couple of pieces of chicken down on the floor. I finished my meal and noticed she hadn't touched the chicken and she had vanished. Finally found her hiding under the couch, so now not only is she hiding behind the couch, she is going completely under it. I was very upset. I finally got her out by shaking a treat bag but she was only out a short time before she was back under there. This coupled with the weight loss is making me more and more stressed. She did come back out again and remained out, going to sleep in her cat bed for the night. This morning I woke up and she was playing, running around like usual. I just wish I knew what gets into her lately that she behaves this way.

I do realize cats like to hide sometimes but when they start doing it in relation to food, it really puts me on high alert. It gives me very bad flashbacks to Tito and trying to get him to eat when all he wanted to do was spend hours hiding under the couch. I know I shouldn't compare Grace and Tito but I do and it's hard.

Hello again!

Grace's behaviour seems ok to me. She's hiding - sure, cat's hide, but as you've already said that she's coming out for cuddles, treats, watching the birds, well, that's a far cry from a cat who is in pain all the time. If she hid most of the time I would be concerned, but to hide some of the time, well no! 

I mean this in the nicest of ways, but I wonder if her hiding is when you get stressed and on high alert? Following cats, fussing all the time, well I know no cat who likes that - they are such independent creatures and without meaning to be rude to you - I'd hide from you too if you were like that with me!!!

Why don't you try to really control yourself, in the nicest possible way! Even if you are worried and thinking dark thoughts, do not show it to your cats. Plaster a smile on your face, do not jump up as soon as they do something different, ignore them - let them come to you. Play with her without fretting or watching every move, do not cry, do not stare at them, talk in soothing voices only... I wonder if you do this for a couple of weeks that your Grace, and even your other cats will relax more and perhaps not stress or hide when YOU are stressed. Animals know when something is not right. I would even wonder if Grace recognises your pattern, stress and feelings and thinks that she's off to the dreaded vets again because you've been that way when you've taken her before - I think you need to regain her trust otherwise you're going to go around and around in circles - the more you stress and fuss, the more your cat's will act different.

And no, it's not worth the stress to the animal to take it to the vets all the time without sure signs of illness and I mean sure signs. Weight loss, not eating chicken, hiding under sofa's occasionally, these are normal things. NORMAL! Stress will cause illness, stress is a cat's worst enemy, please don't play a part in making your cats ill because you're so worried they will be ill. You may just have a hand in fulfilling your worst fears. Please listen to your vet - he knows what he's talking about.

And please, I think you need to come to terms with losing Tito and stop blaming yourself. You've got to learn that some things are beyond your control, no matter how much you wanted to change things, tough I know but you're going to worry yourself sick as well as your cats.

Take good care you.

Fleabags Mom said:

And no, it's not worth the stress to the animal to take it to the vets all the time without sure signs of illness and I mean sure signs. Weight loss, not eating chicken, hiding under sofa's occasionally, these are normal things. NORMAL! Stress will cause illness, stress is a cat's worst enemy, please don't play a part in making your cats ill because you're so worried they will be ill. You may just have a hand in fulfilling your worst fears. Please listen to your vet - he knows what he's talking about.

And please, I think you need to come to terms with losing Tito and stop blaming yourself. You've got to learn that some things are beyond your control, no matter how much you wanted to change things, tough I know but you're going to worry yourself sick as well as your cats.

Take good care you.

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I fear I am creating a self fulfilling prophesy with my cats lately because these issues keep happening. I'm really unhappy at the moment and feeling even more guilt. Today marks 6 months since I lost Tito and I still haven't put his ashes on the mantle. They still sit in a box that was mailed to me months ago.

It almost sounds as if you could do with some work on learning something that many of us also need to learn - that one cannot control everything in life. You could get some books to work on this, or think about counselling - you really don't want your fears to stop you enjoying your loved ones while they are still with you.

Did you do anything to help you to work through your grief? I lost a cat to oral cancer 4 years ago (he was gone within months of diagnosis), and I took up scrapbooking and made a memory album in his honour - and I also planted an apple tree in his honour. I also lost a horse very suddenly too and planted a tree in the countryside in his memory. It may seem as if what good can these kinds of things do - but I am a very sensitive person and these things DO help. BTW, I have not done anything with my horse's ashes yet and that's ok. When my mind is ready to do something, I will. So I would not worry about the ashes, it is quite normal to tuck them away for a while until one is ready.

WorriedSoMuch said:

 
I fear I am creating a self fulfilling prophesy with my cats lately because these issues keep happening. I'm really unhappy at the moment and feeling even more guilt. Today marks 6 months since I lost Tito and I still haven't put his ashes on the mantle. They still sit in a box that was mailed to me months ago.

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Am sorry that today is a tough day, 6 months. I agree with Scarlett, what you do with the ashes and when isn't important, we're all different in that kind of thing and nothing is wrong. I love her tree's idea! I like to mark something too and we have a little bush for my partner's cat who died a few years ago - we've moved from where he was buried under his fav bush where he loved to hide, so we bought another just like it for our new home, seemed a nice way to keep remembering him.   I do agree tho, I would do some reading or go and talk to someone. Forgive me for thinking, but from my own past experience when I've been unhappy and fed up, I've tried to control other things around me, even bossing my partner something stupid for not doing something how I like it to be done (poor fella) and got obsessed with other things rather than deal with my own issues. It's almost like I had to have something in my life that I had control over. Does it sound like you could be going through something similar?  Anyway, here I am second-guessing a perfect stranger, sorry about that. I do hope you find your way to get some peace within soon tho, and stop fretting about your gorgeous, healthy fluffy friends!  Good luck.