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My Granny Died

post #1 of 30
Thread Starter 
My granny had been ill for a few weeks, and last weekend she died.
A few years ago, she had something I don´t know what is called in english, something with blood in the brain, which caused her to be paralizd on her right side, but otherwise fine, always with her kindness and good sense of humor. Then a few weeks ago, she had another one of those blood things in her brain, and after that she slowly go more ill, lost more movements ability and spech, untill she could not eat anymore, had IV, and then later that wasn´t working for her, so she only had some morfin for painkilling for some days.

Anyway, she was such a warm harted and kind woman, and I really miss her, and find this so sad, allthough I know this was for the best for her at this time in her illness.
I was always special to her, partly since we had the exact same name, both given and last name. Since we generally don´t have family names, our last name is the first name of our father or mother or both and then the word "daughter" or "son" is added to it. My granny named my dad after her dad, so our dads had the same name, and then my parents named me after my granny, which makes us have the same name.

Anyway, we allready have had one ceremony where the coffin is open, just with the closest relatives, and then tomorrow is the funeral. That is what is stressing me so very much. Because my phobias, sitting in a place among many people, like is a church or a movie, is extremely hard, and I have to sit in the back and in the end of the row. I knew I would not be able to sit in the back at my grannies funeral, but sitting in the end of the row, away from the middle isle would help, then I could sneak out the side isle if I had to. But it has been dicided that the grandchildren will be holding the coffin out from the church, and as much as I really "can not" do it, since I will have to sit in very front, and walk slowly out with everyone looking at me, I feel I cannot say no, since I am the oldest of my sisters and have my grannies name. I am so stressed by this, I really don´t know what to do. Funeral alone is enough, but holding the coffin out, I find, is just to much.
post #2 of 30
Oh, I am sooo sorry to hear this news. Now she can rest better and not be on drugs and hooked up like that. I'm really sorry to hear that you have to do that with the coffin thing. That is your decision though, maybe you should explain to the others your ordeal. I'm the same way about being too close to people like that, I have to take a step back and be mainly by myself. I do hope all in all, in the end, it works out for the best for you. (((hugs)))
post #3 of 30
I know the loss, and I am sorry you are experiencing such pain. Please take care of yourself, and I do not believe it matters where you sit, just that you are there.

Hugs ((((((()))))))))))
post #4 of 30
I'm sorry about your Grandmother. If it is going to make it uncomfortable for you to hold the coffin, then I would explain the situation to my family, if I were you. I don't think your Grandmother would want you to suffer, like that. I understand phobia's like that, as I often have them myself.
post #5 of 30
I am so very sorry of your loss ((((HUGS)))) .
Just sid where you comfi with , the rest is not important .
post #6 of 30
I am sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is to deal with. I loss my father oct 6 so the pain is still new for me. hugs and prayers for you and your family.
post #7 of 30
I'm so sorry for the loss of your granny. I know it's not easy - I lost mine last Oct. 29th.

In my case, I don't do viewings or funerals, I just can't bring myself to. I'd rather remember my gram from when she was alive. But luckily for me, my family understands this, so I was able to stay at the house until those events were over.

If you're not comfortable holding the coffin, but are okay being there in general, just do that. No one should decide for you how you grieve - do what you're most comfortable with.
post #8 of 30
I'm so sorry! You do her such an honor by speaking so wonderfully of her and by missing her so much. I don't know your family, but mine raised me to believe that it never hurts to ask. So tell your family how you feel. I'm sure your grandma would understand - and I'm sure she would be deeply moved by your very clear and deep love for her. That's what matters.

post #9 of 30
I am so dreadfully sorry for your loss. It is a very painful time for you but try to explain your feelings to your family. We all grieve in different ways and for some of them it may help them to carry the coffin. However they should understand that this is not for you. I hope they do understand and make a sad occasion at least more bearable for you.
post #10 of 30
Most likely what happened to your Grama is called a "Stroke".

I'm so sorry for your loss and for your phobia. I, personally, would feel uncomfortable holding the coffin of a beloved too, and I don't have a phobia. Is it your place in the family to do so? I'm sure they would understand if you didn't. We're here for you.
Good luck!
post #11 of 30
Oh I am so sorry you lost your Granny. I hope you will be OK, and I know in time with the support of friends and family you will. As for the coffin, I think that your family should understand and that you shouldnt be forced to do this. You're hurt enough.
Let us know how you are doing and remember we are all here for you too. Prayers and peace vibes heading your way.
post #12 of 30
I am so sorry to hear the you lost your "Granny". I do know how you feel since my sister(Kittywarden) and my brother(Spideycat) and I lost our Dad on October 6.

If it is any consulation, which I know is hard, but it is better for her to go on to a place free from pain than it is to see her suffer. We had to make the decision to take everything off of Dad. The Doctor keep him free from pain in his final hours with Morphine.

Sending my sincerest sentiments to you and your family If you need to talk please feel free to PM me.
post #13 of 30
I am so sorry about the loss of your grandma, and my thoughts are with you and your family.

P.S. It sounds like she had a stroke to me too.
post #14 of 30
I'm so sorry Hon! Many hugs to you & your family!

post #15 of 30
I am so sorry Sesselja about your granny. May she rest in peace amongst the angels.

Mega hugs to you at such a difficult time.
post #16 of 30
Thread Starter 
Thank you all for all your support! It really means a lot!

Originally posted by LDG
I don't know your family, but mine raised me to believe that it never hurts to ask. So tell your family how you feel.
In most ways my family is also into always ask, otherwise you never know. But sometimes they are such a "you must tough it out" people. That has been their attitude towards my phobias through the years, allthough they have gotten more understanding lately, maybe because I have put my foot down and told them this is how I feel, it´s not because I´m a chicken or anything, and it´s not their to decide what I am up to doing and what not. But that is just my closest family. The rest of my relatives don´t know about my phobias, I don´t feel comfortable if people know of this.
In this funeral I would not have to tell those relatives anything about my phobias, not feeling up to carrying the coffin for no other reason than emotions is quite enough, and would be understood.
I just talked to my dad, and told him I was thinking about backing out of this. It turned out that I could have a spot in carrying the coffin from the car and to the grave, where my granny´s children and 2 brothers will be, and there must also be one grandchild to fill up the 8 people.
My dad was very understanding about me backing out, but I sensed how very important that was for him, and I know my granny would be proud of my carrying her out of the church, I would even most likely be in the front, because of our name and our special connection.
I realized, that backing out was available, but I would be dissapointed in myself, and to the same level proud of my going through with this. And this is the last time I can actually do something for my Granny. So I told my dad I would still do this, take 2 anxiety pills... After I hang up I got so stressed, but I guess I have to try...
post #17 of 30
Sesselja, my sincerest condolences on your great loss. Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry that you have to endure further trauma at the funeral, *hugs* of support for you.
post #18 of 30
I am so sorry to hear about your grandma! My thoughts and prayers are with you! *hugs*
post #19 of 30
I'm so very sorry to hear about your granny. You'll be in my thoughts.
post #20 of 30
I'm so sorry to hear about your granny. ((((HUGS)))) You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. It's so wonderful of you to do that for her on the day of the funeral. I know she'll be watching over you and giving you strength.
post #21 of 30
Oh Hun That's so sad! I'm so sorry!

post #22 of 30
Im so sorry to hear about that
post #23 of 30
Thread Starter 
I guess it´s time for the update
The funeral went very well, if that is something appropriate to say about a funeral
I did hold the coffin, there were 8 of us, and I was in the front, and it all went so smoothly and well. I was very surprized myself how relaxed I was, and I actually felt really bad about not beeing more sad and upset. I blamed it on the anti anxiety pill, but I found myself smiling in my mind when the priest was talking about my granny´s life and achievements. But looking around, I saw that people that felt really bad when we had a small ceremony at the nursery home just after she died, and at the viewing, were just as relaxed as I was, at the funeral. This was just so beautyful and mild ceremony. Maybe Granny was there giving us extra strengh, at least I had some extra strength from somewhere.

Thank you all for all your support and good thoughts and prayers! I really ment a lot! You guys are so great!
post #24 of 30
I am so happy for you that everything went well for you . I am sure your garny was there giving you strengh ((((HUGS)))) .
post #25 of 30
I am so sorry to hear about your grandma, but I'm glad you made it through the funeral ok.
post #26 of 30
I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my great-grandfather a few years ago from a stroke as well. I'll keep you and family in my thoughts and prayers.
post #27 of 30
I'm glad you made it through the funeral. It is a time for reflecting on the good times - hold onto those memories and your Grandma will always be with you. When my father died a few years ago, after the funeral a few people came back to the house etc. We had a happy time talking about him and laughing together - thats what i will remember most - the joy he gave to so many. So too will you remember this in your Grandma.
with love..
post #28 of 30
I'm glad the funeral went ok. You felt she gave you strenght...well remember she will always be there watching over you to be here for you when you need someone.
post #29 of 30
I am so sorry for your loss. {{{hugs}}}
post #30 of 30
My thoughts and prayers are with you! I lost my granny almost 5 months ago
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